Living an Intentional Life

Affirmation:  Everyday I get to choose how I want to perceive my life experience.

Mo Martin won the Women's British Open at Royal Birkdale in England this July, 2014.  When she was interviewed she mentioned her "intention" was to win the tournament.  At the time she was ranked 99th on the tour and it appeared no one had her listed as a potential champion.  She ended her win and her final hole with an eagle, which means she had three shots on a hole on which a good golfer would normally have five shots. 

As of this writing, I am lucky enough to be in the mountains of North Carolina and once again I find myself playing golf.  If you follow this blog you know that golf is not one of my gifts.  It's something at which I have to work very hard in order to play somewhat decently and to tell the truth, I only work on it for the few weeks I'm up in the mountains.  I do, however, love the sport.  I share the time with my husband, Sandy.  He's an amazing golfer and many times my son, Joey, is with us.  Sometimes his beautiful wife, Belen, comes along.  It's beautiful up here and the course we get to play on looks like a post card.  It's so exhilarating when I actually hit that little ball and it soars away down the fairway towards the pin.  I love it when I putt the ball and it rolls along and plops in the hole.  I actually love to watch someone else make a long difficult putt. It almost seems surreal to me to finally have that tiny ball fall into that tiny spot on this huge expanse of lawn.  I think a big part of the excitement for me is that I'm so surprised and delighted when things actually go better than I even imagined.  I don't intend to have a low expectation of my performance but after years of playing I have come to recognize that I will probably remain a below average player unless I decide to play more than just the month of July.  However, I always set an intention to do well, for me, and to enjoy the day.   

The first time I heard the phase "take an intention" was at a yoga class many years ago.  The teacher did not provide any other guidance.  She simply told us to "take an intention for your practice" and then left us to figure it out.  I remember it clearly.  The word "gratitude" popped into my mind and so I embraced it and let it sit with me for the hour.  Interestingly it didn't leave me at the end.  I found it was with me as I went into the day and here I sit many years later still embracing gratitude, every day.  When I teach I always follow that same example.  I encourage everyone to chant an "ohm" and to bring their palm together in front of their heart and with their thumbs touching their heart I say "Take an intention for this time you're giving yourself.   Any word that comes to mind is fine."  And then at the end of our practice, we repeat the chant and I remind the participants to recall the intention they took at the beginning of class and encourage them to take it with them into their day, and perhaps into their lives. 

That simple instruction so many years ago has had a very powerful impact on my life.  I found myself taking an intention each morning for the day.  As I journal and pray in the morning, I wait to see what word or words come to my awareness and I let them sit with me as I finish my quiet time and then bring them with me into my day.  It's very seldom that something doesn't come to the surface.  If not, I just let go for the day.  I decided also that I might as well take an intention for each year.  I only began this two years ago but it's been a wonderful gift to give myself.  You may remember that my intention for 2014 is to, "connect to the Divine."  It's been quite a journey so far and I'm looking forward to what the rest of the year will present. 

When I listened to Mo Martin's interview, I found her expression of intent to be of interest.  I assume she's a yogini.  Maybe yes, maybe no, but yogini or not, she has a remarkable attitude.  She "took an intention" to win!  Yeah, Mo!  Go girl!  Why not?  She set herself up for success.  She knew it was possible she wouldn't win but once she set that intention, she recognized that she could very well achieve her goal.  She also said even when she wasn't playing well, when she wasn't winning, she still woke up everyday with a smile and a sense of excitement about being able to play. 

By living an intentional life it means you've given thought to what you want your life to look like.  I would imagine if you're reading this you already are someone who is choosing how to live your life but don't assume that's how most of the world lives.  Unfortunately, many people are faced with such dire challenges they don't have the energy to focus on choice. Others simply have chosen not to choose but to let life and fate just play itself out. Once you begin "taking an intention" you may find your day and therefore you life takes on a richness that makes you feel like a winner no matter what challenge life presents or at the very least, you wake up each morning, like Mo, with a smile on your face and a sense of excitement about being able to play, the game of life.

Living Life Intentionally – How To Improve Your Life with Intentional Choices

Host Lea Strickland talks with Jean Costa breast cancer survivor, mother, wife and author of the new book Creating Positive Affirmations, Living an Intentional Life.

http://leastrickland.com/living-life-intentionally-show-30/#.U78MoiMEF-w.email

Saving the World

Affirmation: I believe that my prayer to help someone in need is always answered and is supported by God in amazing ways that I cannot even imagine.

In the book The End of Life Book Club by Will Shwalbe, he tells the story of his mother's life.  The story revolves around her battle with Pancreatic cancer and their journey through her treatment and as you can figure out from the title, her death.  They are a two person book club with either the advantage or disadvantage depending upon your view, of not having to provide food for the attendees.  There is a long list of books they read and discuss over the two year period of her treatment.  It appears they have always been a two person book club but didn't "officially" establish it until they were sharing her final challenge.  It's cleverly written in that with each book read, he not only writes about the book but about his mother's life.  I've made a list of each of the books with the intention of reading some of the ones they shared. Some of them I've already read.  I already know, however, that I'll be skipping some of his recommendations.  They are way too disturbing for my taste.  Just listening to the struggles of the protagonists on their reading list was enough to remind me of how cruel the world and fate can be.  He is a publisher at the beginning of the book.  His mother is an activist and a heroine.  She's in her seventies at the time of her diagnosis and has been a "first" for women in many fields and areas. For example, she was the founding director of the Women's Refugee Commission. 

She was an advocate for women and children refugees all over the world and she'd traveled to many of those areas. You can Google her or read the book if you'd like more information.  Her final project was to build a library in Afghanistan and she wasn't going to die until that was accomplished.  It was built.  I guess she was a lot like Angelina Jolie, just not a famous celebrity.  I also have the impression she didn't have the protection, guidance or ease of travel given to a famous movie star.  She was in the trenches with those who most needed help.  Mary Anne Schwalbe was a courageous and compassionate woman.  Her whole life regardless of the danger of difficulty, revolved around being of service to others.

This has been a good book for me.  I live a blessed life of comfort and the older I get the more I seem to gravitate towards being comfortable.  That includes an element of safety.  I have not traveled to "dangerous" places, at least as far as I believe.  I know sometimes going around the block can sometimes be dangerous.  I have, however, been working at seeing the broader, worldwide picture of those in need.  I know there are people suffering in ways I cannot even imagine and don't want to imagine.  My husband, Sandy and I sponsor several children in different programs around the world. We've always contributed to our church's appeals and those of nations who suffered natural disasters and we make every effort to reach out whenever we are directly faced with a need we can assist.   

Our church, St. Michael the Archangel, has a sister parish in Honduras and we support that and more recently we reached out to a charity in Tanzania presented to us by St. Bernadette Church in Linville, NC.  We've also supported Oie Ostercamp's Share Fish organization which does work with the poor in Honduras. Last year, after I read Fr. Albert Haas' Catching Fire, Becoming Flame in order to do something more, I added praying the Rosary for those "most in need of God's mercy."  It allowed me to stay safely in my comfort zone and yet to become more sensitive and aware of the world's plight.   I'm sharing these examples to illustrate that I've really tried to be more "world conscious."  I try to stay informed but not overly concerned because I feel I only have so much energy and some days just caring for myself and my family is all I feel I can do.  Let's face it, the world is a very big place and here I sit, one of billions of beings.  What kind of a difference can I make? Yet, when I read about people like Mary Anne Schwalbe, I wonder what more can I do?  What else can I add to my efforts that might bring comfort, peace, hope and even joy to those suffering on this planet?

Then recently, one of my study groups began Anthony DeStefano's, Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To.  One of the first prayers he offers is, "Please use me to help someone in need."  I hesitated.  My initial reaction was to back away.  I fully recognized this was a prayer God would not deny but what would be required of me in order to follow Her will?  Would I be asked to travel to a third world country undergoing revolution or that had just experienced a devastating weather event?  Would I be asked to give up all I now have, like the young man in the New Testament and follow God to poverty and perhaps martyrdom?  Perhaps even worse would be if more and more was added to my already full plate and in an effort to do be of greater service to the world, I became neglectful of where my true service lies, my family and my community.  I could immediately see all the pitfalls of such a prayer and yet, I felt ready to step out in faith.  I said the prayer.  I've been saying it now for several weeks and as I've journaled I found myself relaxing in the prayer, relaxing in my belief that if I'm called to do God's work, to be of more service to those in need, that God will provide the support to do just that.  I am stepping out in faith.  I believe that through prayer not only will I be of greater service but that I will be given the discernment to know which requests are from God and which are of my ego.  Deep breaths, quiet time and prayers from the depth of my heart will lead me where I am most needed.  Yes, it could be to some third world country.  I trust God will come with me there too.  It could also be to a place I haven't yet examined, a place within, which takes me to a marvelous place not so far from where I am now but enables me to see it in a different light, a light of service right here and right now. 

 

What do you think?  Are you willing to step out in faith?  Go ahead, say it, "God, please use me to help someone in need."  I hope you'll let me know what you discover.

10 Hugs a Day

Affirmation:  I gather ten hugs a day.

My mother is of English-Scottish decent and my father was an only child whose father was Swiss-German.  I don't know if that's why we didn't do a lot of hugging but we didn't.  My husband's family is pure Italian.  Some are from Naples and others are from Sicily but both his mother and his father's family immigrated from Italy.  When Sandy took me to his house to meet his family the front door flew open and his mother, all five feet of her, threw open her arms and hugged me with all her might.  I was home.  I think I had waited my whole young life to be embraced with such ardor.  This was where I belonged.

I read many years ago that we are supposed to gather ten hugs a day.  I know some people don't like being touched.  I know it's not appropriate to go around hugging everyone but oh, how I love to give and get a hug.  I've found it fascinating that once you tell someone about the ten hug a day quota, or at least the people I see regularly, they are excited about sharing a hug.  I have adopted Yolanda's warm greeting with almost everyone who comes to our home.  I feel my hug says "Welcome!  I'm so glad you're here!  Come in and share the warmth and safety of our home." 

Most of the groups I belong to greet each other with a hug.  Touch is an essential part of staying healthy.  During World War II psychologists noted that orphaned infants who were not cuddled suffered stunted growth both physically and mentally and in some instances actually died. Now we have all sorts of programs that insure babies will be held and even massaged to promote their healthy development.  We all need to be touched.  Massage has been shown to be an amazing tool in the arsenal for staying healthy.  The elderly need touch.  When I did my MSW at Chapel Hill, NC I focused on gerontology. One of the topics discussed was how as we age many people don't get enough affection.  Now, whenever I visit the assisted living or the Alzheimer's unit I make sure to hold hands or touch their arms or shoulders.  If they seem agreeable to a hug, I freely give one.  

There are so many ways to greet people and so much of it is determined by the culture in which we reside.  Of course it's also determined by the relationship we have with a person.  In most cases we greet a complete stranger with a nod, perhaps a smile or a handshake.  I've been in European countries where I was kissed on both cheeks by someone I'd just met.  When I was at Kripalu studying Yoga, we had one full day of silence.  It was not the first time I'd been in a silent mode at a retreat but this time the teacher instructed us to not even make eye contact.  She explained that even that type of communication required energy and the purpose of this exercise was to completely focus within.  It was the first time I was so aware of how much effort I put into my casual contacts.  I can remember walking the quad in college and making an effort to acknowledge everyone I passed that I knew or that even looked familiar.  I still do that.  My walks around Apex Lake here in North Carolina contain many nods, smiles and greetings.  It seems so natural to me.  I am always perplexed by those who have on their ear pieces and don't even look my way as they pass by, perplexed but I do not judge them.  Perhaps this is their "silent retreat" time. 

My husband, Sandy, believes the Italians invented hugging but my daughter-in-law is from Ecuador and they too are great huggers.  She has taught even us how to greet every family member.  You get up from wherever you are and you go to the person who has just arrived and you give them a warm hug and maybe even a kiss.  Her greetings say, "I love you and you are important in my life."  It's been another gift she has brought to our family.

There are many different types of hugs.  There is the one arm hug, the wrap your arms around someone and hold them tenderly hug, there is the bear hug, there is the spoon while lying down hug and there is the heart to heart hug.  If you rest your left cheek on the other's left cheek and shift your weight to the right, your heart will rest on top of theirs and you'll feel the heart's rhythm.

How do you greet people?  What comes naturally?  Do you think you can learn to hug if it doesn't come naturally?  Once I was with a friend in a department store and I went and asked a sales person a question.  The sales associate had on a name tag and I called her by her name.  My friend was shocked that I would use someone's name to whom I had never been introduced.  I love a name tag.  I make every effort I can to read a service person's tag and to call them by name.  For me, it's another type of a hug, a verbal hug.  It's the same message we each send when we greet someone warmly, "I care about you. You are important." 

Ten hugs a day keeps the doctor away.  Yesterday I walked into the choir room at St.  Michael the Archangel to sing for a funeral.  I am a member of the Resurrection choir.  The room was packed with people because our former pastor was being buried and the regular choir from two churches were singing.  I was immediately embraced by several people.  I found myself counting, "one, two, three, four, five."  Five hugs plus Sandy's early morning hug, "six."  "Only four more to go," I thought, "this will be an easy goal today."  Ten hugs a day keeps us healthy and keeps those healthy with whom we share them.  A simple heart felt hug can brighten your life and the lives of all those you care about.  Can you gather ten hugs today?  Be careful, it's a random act of sharing joy and affection.  Once you begin you might have to hold back with that stranger walking past you. 

Carpe Diem

Affirmation: This is the day The Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

 Benjamin Franklin said, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes."  I'm sure there are those who hope to avoid taxes; I would imagine most get caught. Willie Nelson and Al Capon are two who come to mind. Some others, however, don't make enough money to have to pay taxes and that seems very sad to me.  When it comes to death, however, no one, I repeat, no one gets out of it.  There is no avoiding it, we are all caught in the end. 

It seems to me that many people especially here in the west believe if you don't think about death, it won't happen.  Certainly it's one of our greatest fears.  I've read that's because it's the greatest unknown.  Those who have a faith have reasons to believe in an afterlife and that can bring a great deal of comfort.  I myself have chosen that belief but I haven't met anyone who has returned from the great unknown.  I do know one or two people who have had near-death experiences and from what I've read that is usually a very positive experience but other than the tales I've read about people who claim to have had life-after-death events, I can't claim any personal experience.  I guess part of the good news is those who have those experiences report something, not a total void, not completed nothingness.  In the Naked Now, Richard Rohr shares his belief that our spiritual development here on earth will determine our after death experience.  He says that the relationship we've developed with God here on earth will be the relationship we have after death.  I once had a dear friend tell me she thought Christians would be met by Christ, Muslims by Allah and Buddhists (even though they don't believe in an afterlife) Buddha.  Does that mean an atheist is met by no one? 

Death has been very prominent in my life during the first half of 2014.  I lost my mom in March and that was difficult but much of my life's work revolves around supporting people in crisis.  The two Duke advisory boards I sit on are both for cancer programs.  The DCPSP is for the patients and families of cancer patients and the other is the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Advisory Board.  My passion for the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat brings me in contact with many people challenged by breast cancer and I sing for my church's Resurrection Choir during the funerals and belong to two prayer groups.  I don't know if you know this but most prayers on a prayer list are not prayers of praise and thanksgiving, they are prayers for the healing, peace and comfort of the afflicted.  Lately, I've been inundated with requests for prayers for a lot of people who are faced with some very serious life-threatening challenges.

Even though I have practiced yoga for over 40 years I had never given too much thought to the final resting pose, savasana or in English, Corpse Pose.  When I attended the Raleigh Yoga Fest, one teacher, Jill Stockman, told us that Corpse Pose is called that to bring death to our attention.  At the end of our practice she instructed us to imagine we were dying, to imagine letting go of Everything.  She presented it as an opportunity for growth and awareness.  It was a very powerful exercise for me.  It made the rolling over to one side into a fetal position before coming to a seated position, even more meaningful.  My practice is taking me from death into rebirth.  I'm beginning again, a new start and that's what I believe death is.  It's a new beginning, hopefully for me with Christ as has been promised.  However, even if I'm practicing, I'm not ready.  What has happened, however, with all of the news I've been receiving lately, is I'm even more aware of how precious every day is.

Let's admit it; we may be only one breath away from this life and the next.  I cannot tell you how many people have come into my life in the last two weeks who have had a prognosis of less than a month to live.  These people were not ill.  They just started feeling yucky, finally went to get it checked out and boom, they were given the news that they were terminal!  It's really scary.  It didn't help that I then picked up the book, The End of Life Book Club which came highly recommended by several friends.  What was I thinking?  I know we have no way of knowing when our final day will occur.  Sometimes there's absolutely no warning.  I heard a tale about a man who went to market in Samaria and returned ashen.  When he was asked what was wrong, he shared that he had had a brush with death.  He asked a friend if he could borrow his horse so he could get away and go to Bagdad.  His friend obliged him and then went to the market to see what was going on.  When he arrived he ran into Death and asked him why he was looking for his friend.  Death said that he wasn't looking for the friend and was simply surprised to see him in Samaria because he had an appointment to meet him tomorrow in Bagdad. 

Ever since my dad died in 1980 when I was only 34, I've tried not to waste a day.  I became very aware of the preciousness of each and every day.  Its mediation, however, and I'm not always present to it.  But, after these last few months and especially these last few weeks, I've been even more aware of enjoying every day to the fullest.  I even ate MacDonald's french fries one day for lunch which for me is very daring. This is it!  Seize it! Live it! Be joyful in it, count the blessings, and be grateful for what is and what is not.  Do not utter a complaint or a criticism.  Look around, recognize what truly is a problem and what are "ha ha" problems; those problems most of the world wishes they had and then give praise and thanksgiving. Go ahead, eat dessert first and even more important, and tell your loved ones how you feel. Don't let the day slip away without living it and sharing it to the fullest.