Throwing Away the Trash

Affirmation: I freely forgive myself and others.

The topic of the NPR story was about the abolition of the death penalty. What type of response do you have to the phrase "death penalty?" You must have given it some thought. The Old Testament promotes, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot." (Exodus 21:24) Then, Jesus came along and promoted a whole new concept, forgiveness. Even at the end when He had been unjustly toured and crucified He prayed for His executioners, for all of us, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:24)

I think of this quote often. Someone once commented to me that He did not say, "Father, I forgive them for they know not what they do" or even "Father, I forgive them even if they know what they are doing." I'm sure there are many biblical scholars who have dissected these last words of Christ that are much more qualified to fully explain all the implications of His petition; I am not one of them. I am simply trying to absorb the lesson that even after Our Lord was put to death because some people did not approve of Him healing the sick, raising the dead, and protecting and promoting the care of those who most needed love and care; He refused to hold onto the burning coal of hatred. In His final moments He was teaching us His greatest lesson.

As I drove along that day the story being discussed on the radio was about the death penalty in China and the tradition that allows a family member of the victim to actively participate in the execution of the offender by removing the support from under the person who is to be hung. The narrator told of a young man who had been stabbed to death by another young man and the mother of the victim had chosen to perform the execution. She approached the condemned, reached up and slapped him and then reached out and helped him down from his perch. She then went over and took the hand of the mother of the condemned man. The story resonated throughout China and now it was being shared with the rest of the world. Because of her action, the Chinese authorities were reconsidering their tradition. Because of her act of forgiveness, some of the world's conscience was being awakened.

Why do most of us find it so difficult to forgive, me included? I am not normally angry. I'll get hurt before I respond with anger. Perhaps that's just another form of anger. Sometimes, however, I'm angry at institutions, authorities or systems. Sometimes I'm angry with individuals. I can be angry with strangers, friends and worst of all, with people I love. Some small injurious word or behavior and I can feel the resentment building. Most of the time just when I think I'm "over" something that has happened, I don't even realize I haven't let go of the perceived injury or intentional slight or harm but then some reminder comes along and I'm back with my sad response. I can recall events from decades ago that still cause my body to tighten up but most times I don't even recognize the emotion. Sometimes when the anger arrives the feeling puzzles me because it is so rare for me to respond in an angry manner. The point is, however, whether or not anger or hurt feelings come quickly or slowly, responding appropriately and then releasing it is not only to your benefit, but to the world's.

The question that sometimes comes to my mind is, "What do I know to be true; what do I believe absolutely with all of my mind and my heart?" "The only important thing in life is to love and to forgive." This is a quote from a wise older woman who was from my Small Christian Community. I believe with all my mind, body and soul that the above statement is absolutely true. Richard Rohr, one of my favorite spiritual teachers explains the Beatitudes in this way, "Jesus seems to be saying, our inner attitudes and states are the real sources of our problems. How we live in our hearts is our real truth." When I can carry only love in my heart and my body and when I can release myself from any resentment, my life is rich and rewarding and peaceful. My life is then filled with hope and joy and I am able to take those emotions, those qualities with me out into the world.

One of my morning meditations took me into a subway station. What am I doing here, I pondered? On the station were 6 briefcases evenly spaced along the edge. The train came and five people picked up a case and boarded. I went over to the sixth case and looked down. It had my name on it and so I opened it. It was filled with trash. It was filled with the resentments of yesterday, perhaps of my whole life? I carried it up out of the subway, found a trash can and threw it away. Perhaps like most of the garbage in my life, I need to gather those resentments up periodically and toss them out. Perhaps with practice, I can throw away all those resentments and other junk that interfere with the love and joy with which I want my life to be surrounded.

The Chinese woman in the story was changing the world because of her ability to forgive. I believe we are called upon to do the same and that with the softening of our hearts; we too will change the world.

Trusting in Christ

Affirmation:  I dedicate this year of 2015 to trusting in Christ.

It’s January 1st, 2015 and that can be a time for reflection and retrospection.  I know many people make some sort of New Year’s resolution.  It can be a very common topic during the first few days of January; “Have you set any New Year’s resolutions?”  We all know how they usually go.  Most people are lucky if they hold onto those resolutions for more than a day.  You know the usuals: lose weight, stop smoking, begin exercising, eat healthy, spend more time in prayer and or mediation, etc. and then life takes over.  The holidays are finished and most of us head back to work or to our normal routine and that routine doesn’t include those good intentions.  There is however, ways to make permanent changes in our life.  Some changes we choose, those can be a gift we give ourselves.  Other changes are thrust upon us, and depending upon how we approach those, they can also be a gift we give ourselves.  

I’m very excited about this New Year.  I must admit coming out of Christmas and looking towards the New Year, I didn’t feel excited.  I felt anxious but I’ve been consistently journaling and reading as much inspirational and motivational writings as are available to me and I’ve decided that this is my year to simply go with the flow, to let go of the struggle and the challenges that I’ve always created for myself.  My study group, The Seekers, is presently reading Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star.  I really had a difficult time relating to the beginning of the book but midway through it took on new meaning.  The section we are presently studying is about The Change Cycle.  Change, one of those elements that every human being experiences and experiences all the time.  Sometimes we are aware of the changes, they are dramatic and potent but most change is subtle and insidious.  We go through life not paying much attention to it.  It hasn’t really commanded our attention but it’s always there and how we deal with small changes is a precursor to how we deal with large changes. 

My Enneagram type, Type 7, is prone to anticipation.  It’s part two of Martha Beck’s Change Cycle.  That may sound exciting but the truth is it can be exhausting and it takes me “out of the moment,” out of the experience of the present.  I miss too much by not paying attention to the Now.  Between Martha and the information about my personality type in the Enneagram, I decided not to live like that this year.  This year my intention is to allow life to unfold.  I want to live in the movement of the spirit.  I can’t tell you what that will look like and I will tell you I have prayed that I am not called to be a martyr but I’m still going to go with it. 

I owe this year’s intention to one of my dear friends and study group traveler.  She gifted me with the book, One Word That Will Change Your Life by Jon Gordon and she has shared with me over the year the impact of focusing on one word, like taking a mantra.  I know my intention is more than one word but the word I’ve chosen to focus on is Trust.  It’s been here now for a few years, floating in and out of my consciousness and my affirmations.  A while back I developed the RTR principle: I fully Rest in God’s care, I Trust in God’s love and I Release myself from any struggle.  It was helpful but it was a little like a resolution; I didn’t hold onto it for very long.  I have discovered that when I take an intention for the year, miraculous things, subtle and not so subtle take place and without a lot of effort my life takes on new meaning and color. 

This is the third year of taking an intention, declaring the year a “year of.”  This last year you might recall was “The year of connecting to the Divine.”  It’s been a wild roller coaster ride with the publishing of my book in February, the death of my mother, Margaret Grolimund in March and the marriage of my daughter, Ellen, to Adam O’Sullivan in May but through it all there’s been a peace and a sense of being in the presence of a greater power.  Each morning my journal had the year’s intention written at the top of the page and even though I mostly left the thought as I went throughout my day, I still carried it with me in my inner being.  As with all affirmations I believe they first enter your consciousness, then our subconsciousness and then they permeate our cellular being and we are different, different in ways we might never even imagined but different in ways that enhance our lives. 

I’m ready!  I’m excited about this year’s intention.  I am expecting amazing, miraculous things.  I know life will still hold all the challenges life normally holds and maybe a few I can’t even imagine and for which I would never ask but I’ll be good.  I’ll let this new intention seep deep within me and whatever the world throws at me, I’ll be breathing deeply and knowing that since I’ve made a conscious choice, every day to trust in Christ, I’ll look back on this year, just as I did on 2014 and see the miracles and the blessings in all the hills and the valleys that is the ride of my life. 

Choosing Your Words, Creating Your Thoughts

Affirmation:  The words I choose affect every aspect of my life.  I choose mindfully.

The question I've been asking myself while preparing for the September 9, 2014 Barnes and Noble signing has been, "What makes you think you're someone who can inspire or motivate another to live an intentional life?"

Truth to tell, I am simply another human being probably a lot like you who is trying to live a rich, giving, compassionate life.  My mission statement for my life is, "I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, joy, hope, gratitude and compassion."  And, everyday I have to remind myself of it and of how I want to live.  I've written before of my desire to be loving, forgiving, nonjudgmental, non-grasping and compassionate.  It's a meditation.  It's something I have to keep in mind everyday, sometimes every moment.  Do I?  Of course I don't. 

I know I'm not an expert on human behavior.  I have studied it for many years and I've worked with a lot of people in many different capacities.  One of my first loves is a study group.  I facilitated my first study group at Barnes and Noble in Cary, NC around 20 years ago with another MSW, Jane Cook.  We presented the book The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  We had around 35 people participate for the twelve-week session.  I've either facilitated or participated in hundreds of groups since then.  From my observation I would propose that most people are trying to find a way to live a more fulfilled life.  What that takes is of course different for different people so I don't claim that I can offer everyone that opportunity but there are some basic skills available to most of us and using our words to shape our thoughts and therefore our lives, is a very powerful one.

I recently had a women ask me if I'd read Ten Percent Happier.  I have not.  She explained to me that the author's secret to a happier life was meditation and he shared that approach in his book.  He felt he became at least 10% happier because of his practice.  I believe it.  He therefore, felt a desire to help others find this same sense of well being.  I think we can definitely improve the quality of our lives by meditating but while it's simple, it's not easy.  It's takes practice.  It takes discipline.  It's no different than exercising the body.  It's exercising the mind.  In fact it's easier to exercise the body than it is to quiet the mind.  What I am proposing, however, is something that almost anyone can easily put into practice.  I don't mean for it to be a substitute for meditation, certainly not a substitute for prayer, but another tool to be utilized in the search for a better existence.

We are all talking to each other and ourselves all the time. With just a little effort we can start carefully choosing the worlds we use.  You know what I'm saying.  In fact, it's probably easier to shape the words we use to describe events and others than it is to shape those we use for ourselves.  We can be our own worst enemies.  I have a long list that I've collected of negative self-talk phrases.  Things I've heard people say to themselves or perhaps I read somewhere.  For example:  "I am so stupid!"  "I am such a klutz!"   "I just never seem to get it right."  "I just can't make any friends."  "I never have enough money, time, energy, etc."  "My right leg, arm, hip, etc. is my bad one."  The list I've compiled has about one hundred negative phrases.  Two others that don't sound negative but have that effect are, "I am right!" and "I can do that better."  Those two statements may be vey true but I'm here to tell you (and I know I'm right!) most people don't want to be around someone who has all the answers and who willingly will tell them how to do something better, even if they've been asked. 

So, I'm not here to give you any answers.  I am here to propose questions and to tell you what has worked for me with the same hope as the author of Ten Percent Happier.  I want to share the practice and the words that have made my life better, not perfect, but definitely better.  The positive affirmations I have created for myself and that I write about here and in my book, Creating Positive Affirmations, Living An Intentional Life, have improved the quality of my relationships, my health, my work and perhaps, most importantly, my faith.  They aren't designed to improve your life.  They simply serve as an example of what has worked for me and in case your searching, what may work for you.

My dear friend, Joanne Dawe shared her wisdom with me many years ago when we spoke about using positive affirmations.  "They have to work," she said, "I've been using negative affirmations for years and they've always worked."

Living Life Intentionally – How To Improve Your Life with Intentional Choices

Host Lea Strickland talks with Jean Costa breast cancer survivor, mother, wife and author of the new book Creating Positive Affirmations, Living an Intentional Life.

http://leastrickland.com/living-life-intentionally-show-30/#.U78MoiMEF-w.email

Carpe Diem

Affirmation: This is the day The Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

 Benjamin Franklin said, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes."  I'm sure there are those who hope to avoid taxes; I would imagine most get caught. Willie Nelson and Al Capon are two who come to mind. Some others, however, don't make enough money to have to pay taxes and that seems very sad to me.  When it comes to death, however, no one, I repeat, no one gets out of it.  There is no avoiding it, we are all caught in the end. 

It seems to me that many people especially here in the west believe if you don't think about death, it won't happen.  Certainly it's one of our greatest fears.  I've read that's because it's the greatest unknown.  Those who have a faith have reasons to believe in an afterlife and that can bring a great deal of comfort.  I myself have chosen that belief but I haven't met anyone who has returned from the great unknown.  I do know one or two people who have had near-death experiences and from what I've read that is usually a very positive experience but other than the tales I've read about people who claim to have had life-after-death events, I can't claim any personal experience.  I guess part of the good news is those who have those experiences report something, not a total void, not completed nothingness.  In the Naked Now, Richard Rohr shares his belief that our spiritual development here on earth will determine our after death experience.  He says that the relationship we've developed with God here on earth will be the relationship we have after death.  I once had a dear friend tell me she thought Christians would be met by Christ, Muslims by Allah and Buddhists (even though they don't believe in an afterlife) Buddha.  Does that mean an atheist is met by no one? 

Death has been very prominent in my life during the first half of 2014.  I lost my mom in March and that was difficult but much of my life's work revolves around supporting people in crisis.  The two Duke advisory boards I sit on are both for cancer programs.  The DCPSP is for the patients and families of cancer patients and the other is the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Advisory Board.  My passion for the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat brings me in contact with many people challenged by breast cancer and I sing for my church's Resurrection Choir during the funerals and belong to two prayer groups.  I don't know if you know this but most prayers on a prayer list are not prayers of praise and thanksgiving, they are prayers for the healing, peace and comfort of the afflicted.  Lately, I've been inundated with requests for prayers for a lot of people who are faced with some very serious life-threatening challenges.

Even though I have practiced yoga for over 40 years I had never given too much thought to the final resting pose, savasana or in English, Corpse Pose.  When I attended the Raleigh Yoga Fest, one teacher, Jill Stockman, told us that Corpse Pose is called that to bring death to our attention.  At the end of our practice she instructed us to imagine we were dying, to imagine letting go of Everything.  She presented it as an opportunity for growth and awareness.  It was a very powerful exercise for me.  It made the rolling over to one side into a fetal position before coming to a seated position, even more meaningful.  My practice is taking me from death into rebirth.  I'm beginning again, a new start and that's what I believe death is.  It's a new beginning, hopefully for me with Christ as has been promised.  However, even if I'm practicing, I'm not ready.  What has happened, however, with all of the news I've been receiving lately, is I'm even more aware of how precious every day is.

Let's admit it; we may be only one breath away from this life and the next.  I cannot tell you how many people have come into my life in the last two weeks who have had a prognosis of less than a month to live.  These people were not ill.  They just started feeling yucky, finally went to get it checked out and boom, they were given the news that they were terminal!  It's really scary.  It didn't help that I then picked up the book, The End of Life Book Club which came highly recommended by several friends.  What was I thinking?  I know we have no way of knowing when our final day will occur.  Sometimes there's absolutely no warning.  I heard a tale about a man who went to market in Samaria and returned ashen.  When he was asked what was wrong, he shared that he had had a brush with death.  He asked a friend if he could borrow his horse so he could get away and go to Bagdad.  His friend obliged him and then went to the market to see what was going on.  When he arrived he ran into Death and asked him why he was looking for his friend.  Death said that he wasn't looking for the friend and was simply surprised to see him in Samaria because he had an appointment to meet him tomorrow in Bagdad. 

Ever since my dad died in 1980 when I was only 34, I've tried not to waste a day.  I became very aware of the preciousness of each and every day.  Its mediation, however, and I'm not always present to it.  But, after these last few months and especially these last few weeks, I've been even more aware of enjoying every day to the fullest.  I even ate MacDonald's french fries one day for lunch which for me is very daring. This is it!  Seize it! Live it! Be joyful in it, count the blessings, and be grateful for what is and what is not.  Do not utter a complaint or a criticism.  Look around, recognize what truly is a problem and what are "ha ha" problems; those problems most of the world wishes they had and then give praise and thanksgiving. Go ahead, eat dessert first and even more important, and tell your loved ones how you feel. Don't let the day slip away without living it and sharing it to the fullest.