Not if, When

Affirmation:  I know life will present many challenges and I have a tool box filled with lots of helpful equipment.

 

The conversation was about the chaotic state of my home because of a renovation.  Oh, I fully recognized the blessing of being able to perform a renovation but the project had now been going on for months and was running much longer than had been estimated.

I was tired.  Way too much energy was being expended on this, not to mention money and I wanted to put my home back in order.  The homeowner I was speaking with had just completed building a house, not on her own but she was responsible for all of the decisions and it was a beautiful home, the most stunning home I could ever remember being in.  She explained to me that one shouldn't be asking themselves about the "ifs" one might experience during the building process but one should recognize that there would be "whens" and the real question was how was one going to deal with them?  What did one need to do to be prepared when issues would come along?

 

I am an optimist by choice.  When someone tells me something is going to go well and work out, I choose to believe them.  It's not always the truth.  Stuff still happens but I haven't focused on what might go wrong. I am that person who creates positive affirmations.  I am that person who expects things to go right. 

 

The Buddhists say one should imagine the glass broken.  The Christians refer to the "practice of faith" and the yogi studies a Klesha called raga which refers to an attachment to pleasure.  Whatever faith you look at they all have one very important feature in common; they recognize that life is not a bowl of cherries.  Life has pits and we should be aware of that teaching.

 

The question that arises is how does one prepare oneself for the difficulties life will present? Certainly going around waiting for the next shoe to drop or for the clouds to appear is not a very joyful way to live one's life but we all know stuff will come along, little things and difficult things with which we will have to deal.

 

I am someone who is all about maintenance.  I was a great Girl Scout.  I try to always be prepared.  If there is some step I can take to hopefully make life easier or smoother, I will usually take it.  I am that person who gets her flu shot every year.  I take my vitamins, especially that calcium and fish oil and now extra vitamin D.  I brush and floss my teeth twice a day.  God forbid they should rot away and fall out.  I exercise daily to keep everything in good working order and to hopefully avoid becoming immobile and decrepit. I am the person who buys travel insurance.  I'm not worried about any of these things.  I just feel like if I can take steps to insure my life goes along smoothly, I should.  I have many friends who do not think like me.  I have one friend who has never gotten a flu shot and as of this writing, has never gotten the flu.  Thank heavens!  I also have a friend who never does any maintenance on her home.  I am always looking around my house and trying to spiff it up before something drastic happens, like an exploding hot water heater or an ant infestation or, well you can probably add your own stuff to that list.

 

I have a huge red tool box.  I mean I need all those different type of screw drivers just in case the screw is a Phillips or a Flat-head or it's big or very tiny.  I know many of you completely understand but my friend, she never does anything to her home until it becomes some sort of an issue for her.  She cannot for the life of her understand why I am always doing my best to forestall something in the home from becoming a major investment.  I believe that if I take care of it now, it'll be a little problem rather than a huge one.  We just don't agree but that's ok.  We love one another anyway.  Unfortunately, the results of my maintenance approach to life really doesn't seem to make my life that much easier than her life is for her.  Things I never even dreamed would occur, occur.  So, the question is, "How can I best prepare for the whens of life?  What tools do I have in life's tool box for when a screw comes loose or falls out and everything it's been holding together, falls apart?"

 

Pray, it's my first defense.  I believe in answered prayer.  I don't understand how it works but I fully trust that it does.

Journal, I write. It centers me and helps me see things more clearly.  It makes me calmer.

Exercise, it is known to increase endorphins and reduce stress.  It doesn't matter if you go to your mat to do yoga or take a walk or go play golf.  It takes you out of your routine and helps calm you.

Talk to a friend or find a counselor.  Pick up the phone or go visit a friend.  Don't try to go it alone.  Most people like to be helpful and most of us need help to get through life's challenges, sometimes even the little ones.

Watch something funny, laugh.

Give or get a hug or two and finally, remember to Breathe.  Take a few deep breaths every so often and don't hesitate to sigh them out.  Even if you haven't fixed the entire problem with that deep breath, you've at least released it for that moment and life really is about living one moment at a time. 

And Then the Wind Chime Rang

Affirmation:  When I practice an attitude of gratitude, I let go of regret and disappointment.

My energy was really low.  The house was in the middle of a renovation.  We were leaving for a trip that morning and I had received three calls from family members the day before, each regarding a different issue and each presenting a fairly serious, if not life threatening problem.  I'd had a terrible night's sleep.  It had taken a long time to fall asleep and by 4 AM I was wide awake.  I'd lain there and said the Rosary and all the memorized prayers I knew and I think I dozed on and off but by 6 AM I was wide awake.  I silently slipped out of bed because my husband was still resting peacefully, grabbed my daily meditation book and my journal.  I put on my slippers and a cover-up and made a cup of tea and headed downstairs to the sun room but it looked like a beautiful warm morning and so I chose instead to sit on the patio. 

At the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat the month before this particular day, we were led in a guided mediation by TJ Martin, one of our dedicated founding yoga teachers. Our intention for our yoga-off-the-mat was to help the participants find their heart space, that place where they felt safe and calm.  Once they were able to visualize it they were then encouraged to draw it and finally to paint it.  Irene Talton, our yoga-off-the-mat facilitator and TJ Martin showed us how to use the water colors to achieve our goals, or at least to come close to them for those of us who didn't have a clue how to paint.  The guided meditation led me to my back yard patio.  It wasn't the first time I was stunned by the place mediation had taken me.

One time many years ago I had been invited by a doctor friend to come to his home and to do some "imaging."  Once I was in a relaxed state he too had me imagine a safe place.  Whoosh!  There I was sitting on a bench in front of the Eseeola Lodge in Linville, NC.  We had visited there many times with very dear friends but I had never considered it a safe or sacred place.  I was so surprised to "be" there that I gave a small gasp.  I can still remember that session with Dr. Telfer.  It was in 1999 but every time I recall it, it's as clear to me now as it was then.

 

Now I was "on" my patio.  We had lived in this particular house for a little over six years.  It isn't my dream house but it's a good house.  It's spacious and I've had it painted lots of bright colors, yellow being the primary one.  We've spent a lot of time and treasure spiffing it up and making it the way we'd like it to be but I still missed the house I had left, my former dream home.  It was not an attitude of gratitude and I knew it but I was still lacking in thankfulness.  Now here I was at the retreat visualizing my sacred space; it could be anywhere in the world or anywhere in my imagination and where was I, I was on my patio!

As I sat down this morning with my tea and my journal I felt blessed to actually be in my sacred space.  It was coolish but I had my hot tea and my cover-up so I was comfortable.  I opened the journal and began to write.  I noted I wasn't well rested and then a stiff breeze blew and the wind chime in the tree rang out.  The sound went right into my chest, my heart and reverberated up and out all of my limbs.  I was stunned by the feeling.  I stopped writing and listened.  There's a small waterfall off to the side of the patio and it was rippling joyfully.  The birds were waking up and their chirping was lyrical.  Then I heard the young children who live behind me talking with their parents.  They were giggling.  Tears sprang to my eyes.  Thank you I wrote.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

The day before this epiphany I had walked the local lake with a neighbor friend.  I always wondered why she didn't always understand what I said to her.  I had decided it was my NY accent and her foreign ears but this morning she shared with me that she had been very ill as a young woman and had lost half of her hearing.  It hadn't slowed her down and she went onto a very blessed life but as I sat there on my patio this morning, I was even more aware of the gift of my hearing. I have continued the practice of listing each morning three joys from the day before.  On this morning I listed the joys I had discovered at sunrise.  The joy of waking to a new day.  The joy of having a sacred space I could actually walk onto.  The joy of being married to a man who supports me and my dreams, no matter how daunting they may seem.  The joy of taking time in the morning to pray and write.  The joy of being the person her family turns to when they need support.  I know that's more than three joys.  Most mornings there are way more than three.  This morning I also listed the joy of the gift of my hearing.   My attitude of gratitude had finally overtaken my thanklessness and that sound of the wind chime had pierced not just my chest and my heart but it had pierced and healed my soul.

Let Go of Worry

Affirmation:  I let go of worry.

She just announced she's going to Cuba.  It's not her first trip.  She's gone there before.  My first thought is "She is so brave."  My second thought is "I hope she has a safe trip."  My third thought goes to my greatest fear, "I hope she's not abducted by a band of rebel guerrillas and made to traipse through the jungle where she gets all wrinkled and dies ugly."  Worry.  I'm already worrying about her safety and for that matter, my safety and I'm not even going.  

My mediation reading this morning was about worry.  It said worrying about something was akin to having a headache and banging your head against a wall to get rid of it.  I can be an active headbanger but I have decided to stop worrying.  I have decided to give up worry for Lent. Do you think that's possible?  

The famous comedienne George Burns once did a whole routine about worry.  He said he gave up worry when he realized how futile it was.  "It serves no purpose to worry about something you can't do anything about and if you're worried about something you can do something about, well just go do it!"  

My paternal grandmother developed Alzheimer's at a very young age.  She died at the age of 72.  I believe they first started to notice a change in behavior at the age of 55.  I now bring communion for my church to an Alzheimer's unit.  Most of the residents are women.  I began worrying about getting Alzheimer's when I first heard it could be hereditary.  I was in my early 30's.  I even considered getting some sort of long term care health insurance.  I shared my concern with my young teenage daughter.  Her response, "Oh, Mom, that's so silly.  By the time your that age, they'll have a cure for it."  I stopped worrying.  She was wrong, but it didn't matter.  I was able to let it go.

Worry can permeate our lives like a cancer, slowly growing without our ever recognizing the detrimental affect it is having.  Not only does it undermine our sense of peace but physically it causes the body’s sympathetic nervous system to release stress hormones such as cortisol. It is natural to be concerned about our lives but there is a difference between concern and obsession.  Once we become obsessed with a concern we are in a place that won't allow us to clearly view our situation, we become muddled.  It truly is a useless exercise, waisting so much of our precious energy. Sometimes, however, all the positive thinking in the world will not decrease your anxiety.  There is a condition known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it is treatable with medication and cognitive behavioral therapy.  It's not always just in our mind, sometimes it's chemical and in order to turn things around, one may need some additional assistance.  

 

Last week a meteor, the size of a school bus, 10,000 tons with the power of an atomic bomb, landed in Russia.  A number of people died. There were numerous videos of it streaking across the early morning skies.  It appears all the cars in Russia have cameras on them to record any accident that takes place.  The cameras are designed to act as a third, impartial witness.  I couldn't help wonder how many people that day were worrying about an asteroid landing on them? In my husband's book, Humanity at Work, he tells the story of the fish and the pelican. There's the fish swimming along watching out for the barracuda or some other predator when along comes a pelican and swoops it up, a creature from another universe totally foreign to the fish's world.  We have no idea what life is going to present us with, a meteor or perhaps a pelican. I felt like a meteor landed on my life when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999.  I know I speak for many when I say that many of the physical diagnosis we receive come as total shocks.  Sometimes they are conditions we have never even heard about.  We may not even be able to pronounce them or perhaps we have heard about them but never considered they would affect us.  Truly, if we really wanted to worry all the time, I'm sure we could make up lots of stuff.  Actually, most of our worries are fantasy driven because we can never know what the future will bring, we can only guess. Let go of your concerns for the future, focus on the now.  

This is one of the wonderful side effects of prayer and mediation.  When we have a practice that brings us back to the present, we can use it in times of concern to recognize we have jumped off into the unknown and to bring ourselves back to the here and now.  Prayer and the belief in a benevolent God can bring great peace.

In Conversation with God, Father Francis Fernandez addresses the passage from Matt 6:34, Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day. He goes on to say, “What matters is today. Worry magnifies the difficulties and diminishes our ability to fulfill the duty of the present moment. We can live only in the present. Anxieties almost always arise because we fail to put all our effort into the here and now.” If we believe we will be given the graces we need in order to contend with anything that crops up. We will be victorious! 

Perhaps with continued practice, I will let go of worry.  Perhaps I will even be able to celebrate in my friend's trip to Cuba and instead of feeling anxious about it, send her along with heartfelt blessings and a vision of a wonderful adventure.   

Answered Prayer

Affirmation:  I believe in answered prayer.

Faith, what does that look like to you?  My husband says it’s “trust on steroids.”  It has also been said the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty.  I am not certain.  I have listened to others talk about their faith and their relationship with God or for Christians like myself, with Jesus.  I have heard the stories of the “born again.”  Many times I am filled with envy and always I am filled with quite a few questions.  My faith journey has been slow and steady, climbing up, slipping down, ever hopeful that I don’t slip below my last starting place.

I have not found it easy to be faith filled.  I have to work at it every day.  I appreciate being told, “It’s the work of a lifetime.”  I hope, too, that my lifetime is long enough to get me to a place where I can fully trust in God’s love and care for me and for my loved ones.

I love to read and hear the sermons about God’s bountiful love and care for us, His or Her children.  There are many preachers who see God as this entity that only wants what’s best for us.  And, they lead me to believe that His/Her best is also my best.  There is where the difficulty lies. I keep wondering where martyrs fit in this picture of divine love and care.  On February 22, 2011 a group of four Americans were captured and killed off the coast of Somali.  They were sailing around the world since December 2004, on the yacht of Jean and Scott Adams.  The Quest was their home, this couple from California.  The two other Americans on board were Phyllis Macay and Bob Riggle of Seattle, Washington.  When I first heard about Jean and Scott, they had been captured by pirates and were being held hostage.  They were then surrounded by the US navy and other helping vessels but, before they could be rescued, they were shot dead.

I was truly inspired by their adventurous spirit when I first heard the story of their mission.  I know there must be many people who have the same spirit and I just haven’t heard about all of them.  But, Jean and Scott were in their 70s and they were sailing to remote parts of the world to share the word of God.  Yes, I know a lot of people are missionaries and I am usually in awe of anyone who lives a life so far out of most people’s comfort zone.  They were not what I consider young and here they were so far from their support systems.  What would they have done if they got sick, or injured, or needed a dentist or as a friend commented to me, "If Jean needed a massage, or a facial?"  Obviously, their mindset was very different than most people.

But, if they died doing God’s work, as have so many martyrs, why should I believe that Jesus will take care of me?  Oh, yes, I would like to believe that.  We don’t get everything we ask for, sometimes it seems like someone isn’t’ even out there.  Thankfully, sometimes we get something even better than we could have imagined.  I can recall several specific times in my life when I was praying in general for one thing and something so much better came along.  It can take my breath away.  When my oldest daughter, Melissa, was a single parent we, her father and I, prayed daily for her well-being.  We didn’t know exactly what that would look like but we knew we didn’t want her and her children to endure undue hardship.  We were there for them in every way we could be but we wanted her to be able to care for herself and her children.  We wanted her to be independent and self-sufficient in every way possible.  Our prayers were answered beyond our wildest expectations when she met Larry.  Not only did she find someone amazing to share her life with but along with him came two wonderful new grandsons.

One day I was overcome with worry about my mom.  I was at a loss about how to help her and she was not capable of helping herself.  I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility that I simply turned it over to God.  I prayed, “Lord, I do not know what to do.  Please send help.”  Then, I waited.  It wasn’t long before the phone rang and right after that my family arrived, called and accompanied me to my mom’s home.  A new “on call” physician arrived and before I knew it, mom was feeling better.  I hadn’t even had time to stop and thank God for His/Her response.  As I reflected later, I began to see the blessings that had been sent and then I had to choose.  Was it just the universe stepping into support us?  Would it have happened even if I didn’t say a prayer?  Maybe, but I did pray and it gave me great comfort to believe the help we received was answered prayer.  I want to believe in answered prayer.  I know I will never understand it but I believe with every fiber of my being that prayer makes a difference.  If I can tap into the belief that my prayers are always answered, in a way that only benefits me, think of the peace that can be mine.  It has been promised, you know, Mathew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

I believe God never leaves me, if I ask Him/Her to be with me.  It is I who comes and goes.  I believe that through my faith, I will be able to deal with whatever life throws at me.  And, that whatever that is, through faith, it will be miraculously transformed into something good, maybe something great, something beyond my wildest imagination. I need to believe.  I have chosen to believe.  I have chosen the theology and doctrine that I grew up with.  It’s not perfect but it enables me to live life with less fear and anxiety than I could without it.  I believe it because I want to believe.  That’s what most of my affirmations revolve around, what I want to believe.   Yes, a loving caring God.  I know this question has been asked and examined many times around topics even more horrendous than what Jean and Scott endured.  Topics like:  war, famine, child abuse, cancer and other life threatening or debilitating diseases.  Perhaps, it’s not what happens to us, no matter how difficult; perhaps it’s how we perceive what happens to us?  Perhaps if we practice trusting God, we can go to our death with dignity and grace regardless of the circumstances, knowing that this life is temporary and because of our faith, because of my faith in Jesus Christ, I will share in the glory of heaven.  My faith and trust in Him, will secure me life everlasting, with Him and all the Saints and Angels.  That’s why I believe and why I am still working on it.