Not if, When

Affirmation:  I know life will present many challenges and I have a tool box filled with lots of helpful equipment.

 

The conversation was about the chaotic state of my home because of a renovation.  Oh, I fully recognized the blessing of being able to perform a renovation but the project had now been going on for months and was running much longer than had been estimated.

I was tired.  Way too much energy was being expended on this, not to mention money and I wanted to put my home back in order.  The homeowner I was speaking with had just completed building a house, not on her own but she was responsible for all of the decisions and it was a beautiful home, the most stunning home I could ever remember being in.  She explained to me that one shouldn't be asking themselves about the "ifs" one might experience during the building process but one should recognize that there would be "whens" and the real question was how was one going to deal with them?  What did one need to do to be prepared when issues would come along?

 

I am an optimist by choice.  When someone tells me something is going to go well and work out, I choose to believe them.  It's not always the truth.  Stuff still happens but I haven't focused on what might go wrong. I am that person who creates positive affirmations.  I am that person who expects things to go right. 

 

The Buddhists say one should imagine the glass broken.  The Christians refer to the "practice of faith" and the yogi studies a Klesha called raga which refers to an attachment to pleasure.  Whatever faith you look at they all have one very important feature in common; they recognize that life is not a bowl of cherries.  Life has pits and we should be aware of that teaching.

 

The question that arises is how does one prepare oneself for the difficulties life will present? Certainly going around waiting for the next shoe to drop or for the clouds to appear is not a very joyful way to live one's life but we all know stuff will come along, little things and difficult things with which we will have to deal.

 

I am someone who is all about maintenance.  I was a great Girl Scout.  I try to always be prepared.  If there is some step I can take to hopefully make life easier or smoother, I will usually take it.  I am that person who gets her flu shot every year.  I take my vitamins, especially that calcium and fish oil and now extra vitamin D.  I brush and floss my teeth twice a day.  God forbid they should rot away and fall out.  I exercise daily to keep everything in good working order and to hopefully avoid becoming immobile and decrepit. I am the person who buys travel insurance.  I'm not worried about any of these things.  I just feel like if I can take steps to insure my life goes along smoothly, I should.  I have many friends who do not think like me.  I have one friend who has never gotten a flu shot and as of this writing, has never gotten the flu.  Thank heavens!  I also have a friend who never does any maintenance on her home.  I am always looking around my house and trying to spiff it up before something drastic happens, like an exploding hot water heater or an ant infestation or, well you can probably add your own stuff to that list.

 

I have a huge red tool box.  I mean I need all those different type of screw drivers just in case the screw is a Phillips or a Flat-head or it's big or very tiny.  I know many of you completely understand but my friend, she never does anything to her home until it becomes some sort of an issue for her.  She cannot for the life of her understand why I am always doing my best to forestall something in the home from becoming a major investment.  I believe that if I take care of it now, it'll be a little problem rather than a huge one.  We just don't agree but that's ok.  We love one another anyway.  Unfortunately, the results of my maintenance approach to life really doesn't seem to make my life that much easier than her life is for her.  Things I never even dreamed would occur, occur.  So, the question is, "How can I best prepare for the whens of life?  What tools do I have in life's tool box for when a screw comes loose or falls out and everything it's been holding together, falls apart?"

 

Pray, it's my first defense.  I believe in answered prayer.  I don't understand how it works but I fully trust that it does.

Journal, I write. It centers me and helps me see things more clearly.  It makes me calmer.

Exercise, it is known to increase endorphins and reduce stress.  It doesn't matter if you go to your mat to do yoga or take a walk or go play golf.  It takes you out of your routine and helps calm you.

Talk to a friend or find a counselor.  Pick up the phone or go visit a friend.  Don't try to go it alone.  Most people like to be helpful and most of us need help to get through life's challenges, sometimes even the little ones.

Watch something funny, laugh.

Give or get a hug or two and finally, remember to Breathe.  Take a few deep breaths every so often and don't hesitate to sigh them out.  Even if you haven't fixed the entire problem with that deep breath, you've at least released it for that moment and life really is about living one moment at a time. 

Attachment-The Third Klesha

Affirmation:  I love unconditionally, non-judgmentally and without attachment.

The homily was from John 12:20-33, “(25) whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life.”  I must say I was a little worried by this scripture.  I love my life.  Does that mean I am destined to eternal hell?  I’ve worked really hard to reach a place where I can claim that.  I haven’t always felt that way and personally, it feels great.  According to the priest I was in deep trouble.  I really wanted to put my hand up and say, “Father, I don’t believe that.  Can we discuss this a little further?  I have a few ideas and I’d like to open this whole concept up for more discussion.”  Unfortunately, or perhaps, fortunately, that is not an option that I’ve ever seen claimed in the middle of mass.  Oh, I’ve seen people get up and walk out when they disagreed with what was being said but I’ve never (and I’ve been going to church for well over half a century) seen anyone ask for clarification during a sermon. But, that gave me the opportunity to look at this closer and to examine what I think Christ was telling us.  Most of His message is about one thing, Love.  So, how would this scripture be interpreted in the light of love? 

Have you noticed that we are creatures of habit?  Speaking of church, have you noticed that people always tend to sit in the same section, some in the same pew and others only in one specific seat?  Someone sat behind me one day and I heard her say in exasperation, “Someone is in my seat.”  Now, I’m not familiar with all the places of worship in the world but in the churches and synagogues I’ve been in, I’ve never seen a nameplate on the seat of a bench.  I am fascinated by this desire for certainty.  The gym I belong to has several types of fitness classes and there too people seem to need to be in the same place every time they attend a class.  One day, I watched a gentleman set up his equipment in an area he wasn’t aware “belonged” to another lady.  She came into the class and went over to him to tell him he was in her spot.  I was dumbfounded and I must confess I judged harshly even though it had nothing to do with me.  I was curious how this interaction would go and was charmed when the usurper apologized for not paying closer attention, thanked her for informing him and picked up his stuff and moved over.  I’ve also been in a similar situation in a dance class and couldn’t figure out why this woman who came in late kept stepping on my toes as we bounced across the gym floor until I finally realized I was in her spot. 

My main concern with this type of attachment is for my own well-being.  I’m afraid if I stay in the same place whenever I’m in a familiar locale, my mind will stop expanding, my neurotransmitters will get smaller and smaller and so will my whole world.  I know the importance of stepping outside of my comfort zone.  If I’m aware of my desire for routine, even small ones, like eating at the same place in the kitchen every morning or choosing the same food for lunch every day, and choose differently periodically, I know that adjusting to larger challenges will be easier and not only will my mind not shrink but my world won’t shrink.  I don’t want to live in a small world;  I’m all into keeping “green.”

There is a tale about a Buddhist monk who was being threatened by a civilian soldier.  The soldier shouted at him, “Don’t you know who I am?  Don’t you know I can take your life?”  The monk looked at him calmly and said, “Don’t you know who I am?  Don’t you know that I don’t care?” and then he slowly walked away.  That is not being attached.

Patanjali, the grandfather of Yoga claimed that by practicing the eight limbs of yoga one would be helped with conquering the five human afflictions that cause suffering (kleshas):  ignorance, egoism, attachment, aversion and possessiveness.  The third klesha, raga, attraction, creates in us a pattern of acquisition: we began to pursue human relationships, knowledge, wealth, status, power-anything which might be capable of enlarging and protecting our fragile individualized existence. But because change is the nature of creation, all objects within it are impermanent, and thus subject to loss at any moment.   (http://www.physics.udel.edu/~bnikolic/klesa.html)


In the March 1993 issue of Guideposts Magazine there was a short article by Catherine Marshall called Prayer of Relinquishment.  In it, she tells the story of Mrs. Nathanial Hawthorne, wife of the famous American author. Mrs. Hawthorne wrestled in prayer in the city of Rome one day in 1860.  Their oldest daughter, Una was dying.  As she urgently prayed for thier daughter’s healing a strange thought arose in her, she decided to let her go.  She prayed to God to take Una, if that was best. “I give her to Him.  No, I won’t fight against Him anymore.” According to the story, an even stranger thing then happened, minutes later she went back to their daughter’s bedside and found the girl sleeping naturally, without temperature or restlessness.  She was healed.

When I begin my yoga practice, I do three sun salutations.  In the first one I thank God, out loud, “for the beautiful new day” and as I reach for the ground, (uttanassana) I say “and I relinquish it to You.”  In the second one, I thank God for “this amazing life and I relinquish it to You” and in the third salutation I pray, “Thank You, Lord Jesus for this amazing, healthy, healing body and I relinquish it to You.”  Oh, yes I take it back over and over during the day but each morning I begin anew. 

This is the message I believe Christ was sharing with us.  We must die to self.  We must let go of all the stuff that we think we possess, because in reality it possesses us.  We are being called upon to believe in the goodness and ultimate care of a loving God, someone whom we can trust will care for all of our needs.  We don’t need to be in charge.  We don’t need to hold on tight.  We are being called upon to recognize that everything in our life, except God, is temporary and we are being told that when we can recognize and accept that principle, life will be more meaningful, we will be lighter and freer.