Who Are These People?

Affirmation:  I am a Bold Adventuress!

When Geraldine Lucas was 58 years old she became the first woman to climb the Grand Teton.  She retired as a teacher in the east and packed herself up and established a homestead in Wyoming in what is now the Grand Tetons National Park.  In the beginning she didn't even have electricity or running water!  It appears from the stories I was told while traveling through the area that women were very influential in the development of this state and in its governing. 

 

The brave, adventurous spirit must continue to thrive in this part of the world because wherever Sandy and I traveled in Wyoming we found people with an amazing sense of adventure. 

 

Pink's name tag had "Taiwan" printed under her name.  She was a waitress in Yellowstone National Park.  I was in awe.  She was there just for the summer.  "You are so brave." I commented.  "No" she said in very broken English "I came here with my classmate." "How many?" I asked.  "One." she answered.  Wherever we went the name tags told us from where the seasonal employees came.  They were from faraway places like China, Ecuador, Russia, and of course, they were also from different parts of the United States.  I wanted to know if they were enjoying their experience and almost all of them told me they were having a wonderful time.  One young woman said she couldn't believe someone was paying her to show people the beauty of Yellowstone.  This same young woman had spent a few of her free days hiking and tenting in the park with another gal, just them and their bear spray!  Another young man said it was his 4th summer.  "What's not to like?  I'm getting paid and in my free time I get to hike and fish all summer." 

 

When my husband and I talk about the opportunities presented to us as young people we recognize that we simply had no knowledge of the kind of experiences that might have been available then, that are available to people today, all people.

 

We met some of the coolest adults while traveling through the National Parks.  Did you know people of all ages work as seasonal workers in the parks?  And, the most fascinating part, for me, is everyone I spoke with was having a wonderful time.  It was the 14th year of service for one of the seasonal rangers we met. The first time I met an older adult who worked in the parks was in Yosemite.  Sandy and I went to a Sunday service in the tiny church in the park.  At one point we were encouraged to greet the other people attending the service and to chat with each other.  One woman we greeted told us she and her husband were seasonal workers.  They had sold their home and all of its contents, bought an RV and each year since, they had chosen a different park to work in during the summer.  My eyes were as big as quarters as I listened.  My husband looked shocked.  I think he was afraid I was going to head home and begin the process of becoming a National Park gypsy. 

 

One of our guides shared with us the story of how he met his wife.  It was July in Alaska and he was doing research, out in the wild all by himself.  He was a professor of geology at one of the universities up there and in the summers he trekked through the wilderness for weeks on end collecting samples.  The weather turned unusually cold and it began to snow. He was concerned about getting back to civilization when he heard voices off in the distance.  He could see through his binoculars that three people were huddled around a fire with a raft pulled up onto the shore.  As he was looking through his binoculars, one of the women on the river trip was looking through her binoculars; their eyes met and it was love at first sight.  They had been married 14 years at the time of his story.  He said his friends were right when they told him it would be "a snowy day in July" before he met someone who would marry him. He went onto say she saved him in more ways than one.  He wasn't sure he would have made it out of the wilderness if he hadn't met up with them and their raft.  His wife to be and two friends had been dropped off at the top of a seldom traveled river with a pickup date and time scheduled for two weeks later.  It was quite a daring thing to do but it wasn't her first trek into the unknown.  As a young single mother she had gone to live with friends, saved all her money and had taken her 12 year old son on a 2 year trek around the world in a van.

 

Who are these people?  It's all I can think to ask when I meet these adventurous spirits.  It's all I can think to ask when I read and hear about the pioneers of the past.  I believe there's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.  Sometimes I think the only way to know which side of the line one is on, is afterwards, by the results of one's actions.  If you enter into a dangerous situation and you come through unscathed or stronger for it, you might be considered brave.  If you don't come through, you'll probably be considered stupid.  But, don't all pioneers begin their journeys on paths unknown and untested?  Where would we be without people willing to step way outside of their comfort zones?

 

In the Grand Tetons we also had the opportunity to watch several para-gliders come off one of the mountains and soar above us as they came to land at our feet.  It was mesmerizing to watch.  I was ready to give it a try, next time, but once again, the question arose, "Who are these people?" Who was the first one to step off the mountain with a parachute attached to them?  Were they brave or were they dumb?  Does it matter? If no one is willing to go out and see and try that which is new, there would be no growth.  Think of all we would be missing today?

 

I for one am grateful for the spirit that takes people to places unknown.  I am grateful for those in our society who are willing to challenge themselves so that those of us who are not as adventurous or as spirited, get to follow in their footsteps, get to see and enjoy and experience things we might never have had the opportunity to experience except that they paved the way for us. They are our forefathers and our foremothers and they are those who are still with us, the students and seasonal workers of our parks and perhaps those amazing people within our circles who also help us broaden our horizons because of their bravery and courage.

 

This, for me, is the blessing of travel.  I get to see the world differently than I would have had I stayed home in my cozy little world.  I get to meet people and hear stories I'd never have met or heard if I were afraid to venture outside of my comfort zone.  It's true, I wasn't the to first step off the mountain and try to soar; I am not the one living in a tent and listening for bears; I'm not the one rafting down an unknown river or even taking a new job in an unfamiliar location but I am the one enjoying the fruits of all these pioneers because I am the one, perhaps a lot like you, that did travel to unknown places both out in the world and then, even more importantly, inside to within, to my heart and to my spirit to discover that maybe there have been at least a few times in my life and maybe more, when I could answer, "I am one of those people." 

Younger Next Year

Affirmation: The Best is yet to come.

What age would you tell someone you are if you didn’t know what age you are?  Stephen Levine asked this question at a seminar on Death and Dying that he was presenting many years ago.  Sometimes, I find myself asking myself that question.  When I’m on a golf course, I feel about 25.  Not because I’m a good golfer but because I always feel like a newbie even though I have played on and off for over 40 years.  After I was treated for cancer, I aged about ten years, in one year.  Before cancer I would have answered that I was about 35, after cancer I felt like 45.  I guess that was ok since at the time I was treated I was 52.  I haven’t “aged” much over the last two decades which makes me wonder if that shows a lack of maturity, a lack of self-awareness or complete denial about the passing of time. 

My first visit to Canyon Ranch in Arizona was over a decade ago.  I was looking for a way to learn about how to best take care of my health and I had read a lot about the resort and decided to give it a try.  It’s a wonderful place, very holistic and almost surreal.  It met all my expectations.  While there the founder and owner, Mel Zuckerman did an early morning presentation about the beginning of the ranch and why he started it.  He was very dynamic and I found his story to be quite inspirational.  He said when he first arrived in Arizona he was not in good health.  One of the first tests he took determined his “age” based on his physical condition.  He was about 55 at the time and the test came back that he was in his 70s. Now, he was in his 70s and after years of training and healthy food and other practices, his “age” tested at 55.  At the time that seemed like a radical concept, becoming "younger" as one ages but now there is a lot of information about getting stronger and healthier as we age.  One of my personal favorites is Younger Next Year by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge, M.D.

A friend told me “Growing old is not for the weak of heart.”  I know the number one determining factor about how we age is our genes.  It’s also the number one factor determining if we age, but the second most influential factor is how and what we think about the aging process.  In the Omega Institute’s first Conscious Aging conference one speaker shared his research into the number one factor concerning the age at which we will die.  After years of research, he found it was determined mostly by when we thought we would die. 

As of this writing my mother’s best friend is 96.  Many mornings when I am entering the gym at 9 or 9:30, she is on her way out.  She has already finished her workout.  She peddles the bike for 15 minutes, she uses the rowing machine for 15 minutes and then she does the weight machine circuit.  She drives herself there and then she heads to Trader Joe’s for her daily shopping expedition.  She is one of my heroines.  She had a broken tibia when she was 94 and was in rehab for almost 9 months.  I was sure that was “it” for her.  I couldn’t imagine her recovering from such a break at such an advanced age.  It’s good I didn’t share that with her because she never doubted she was going to heal and return to living in her own home on her own and back to a full, rich life and so she did!

Have you listened to what people say about their health?  Have you had the opportunity to hear people speak about their memories, their backs, their knees, eyes, hearing, stomachs, etc?  It seems a day never passes when someone isn’t claiming that age is the reason for some ailment with which they are dealing.  People seem to be looking for a reason why they are deteriorating and it’s so easy to claim it’s age related. 

Dr. Andrew Weil had a PBS special on how to live a healthier older life.  He recognized that the body does change.  We are always changing and that we might need to make adjustments as we go along.  Most of us seem to fall into that category and then there are the people who are in their 80's or 90's and are still running marathons.  What works for one simply may not work for another.  We need to create a personal life plan for each individual.

My cousin’s mother was almost 100 when she was diagnosed with dementia.  Of course, they were told, it was a normal condition for someone her age.  Another physician asked the family if their mother had been tested for a thyroid problem.  No, she had not been tested.  A few days after beginning the proper medication, she was back to her normal self. 

Do yourself a favor, don’t claim your ailments.  Certainly, they can be a part of your life but let them be just that, a part of your life.  Don’t let them determine who you are.  Don’t identify with them.  Even a serious diagnosis does not have to determine your identity.  I have met more people who introduce themselves to me by telling me about their physical challenges.  Sometimes, it’s the first thing they tell me after their name.  I want to shout “Get behind me Satan!  Don’t do that!  You are greater than whatever ailment you’re dealing with.  Find another way to view yourself, to view your problem.”  Truly, it’s not a lack of compassion on my part.  It’s actually very compassionate.  I want to tell them they are injuring themselves even further by focusing on their diagnosis.  Put it aside, put it on a shelf and go do something fun or better yet, go do something for someone else. 

You have the power to heal yourself!  It is within all of us.  Claim it!  Yes, it may mean making some changes, getting help.  It may mean medication, surgery, a change in diet or exercise but listen closely and you will know what you need to do to help yourself.  But, the first thing you need to do is to not identify with your diagnosis.  You need to find a way to make peace, to just allow it to be and to move away and forward.  You’ve seen them and you’ve met them, people who don’t only refuse to allow their ailments and disabilities interfere with their lives but who thrive in spite of them.  It is possible for all of us. 

What do you think the Olympic Athletes tell themselves?  Do you think they focus on their aches, pains or ailments?  What about Oscar Pistorius, the "fastest man on no legs." He's had a double below the knee amputation and runs on two artificial limbs.  He competed in the 2012 London Olympics.  How hard do you think that was? 

Rachel Naomi Remen in Kitchen Table Wisdom speaks about healing.  She says that sometimes we will not be cured but we can always be healed.  What we think about, we bring about.  You might be dealing with a serious illness but if you choose your thoughts carefully, you will know you are a glorious creature of God.  You are beautiful!  You are amazing!  You still have a life to live and love to bestow!  We need to hold onto the belief that the Best is yet to come and that we get to choose whether or not to believe it and whether or not we will create it.

Once again, we get to choose.  We decided day to day, moment to moment how we perceive ourselves; how we perceive our abilities; how we perceive our bodies.  It's our greatest power.  It's the one thing we have total (at most times) control over.  Claim your health!  Claim your strength!  Whatever it is that is interfering with your optimal health needs to be reframed, adjusted.  You may not have to put on two artificial limbs, thank God, but maybe you need to put on an artificial aid, a new thought process to enable you to compete in the race of life.

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are.”

― Rachel Naomi Remen

Dancing for Life

Affirmation:  I smile early, laugh daily, dance often.

In most cultures dance is an integral part of life.  Here in the United States one must make a greater effort to find the opportunity to dance.  Lately in the media there’s more about dance than in the last fifty years. There’s Dancing with the Stars and there’s So You Think You Can Dance.  Even the 2012 Olympic Gold Medal winner, Ryan Lochte is interested in dancing.  When he was interviewed on Good Morning America he said he would like the opportunity to compete on Dancing with the Stars.  And, too, Hope Solo, the 2012 goalie of the Gold Medal Olympic soccer team competed in 2011 on Dancing with the Stars.  And, the Olympic Gold Medalist Apolo Ohno speed skating champion, danced his way to the Mirror Ball Trophy.

Now too, we have all sorts of dance exercise.  The gym I go to, Rex Wellness of Cary has had a Latin dance class for many years and of course there’s aerobics which usually has some sort of upbeat tunes.  As of this writing, Zumba has become very popular.  And, most yoga classes have music in the background.

Yoga is not normally thought of as a form of dance exercise but I have always felt the vibrations and the rhythm of the music as I practiced the asanas.  When I trained at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Healing we had several wonderful classes that included live drum music. The Dance Yoga concept (formerly Dance Kinetics) was actually developed at Kripalu. At the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat Saturday evenings are celebrated with Yoga Dance.

TJ Martin, one of our gifted yoga teachers and a founding member of the retreat, has led us in Yoga Dance for the last eight years.  Of course, there are many different reactions to our dance event.  Some, like myself, can’t wait.

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron asks you to imagine what you would like to do if you had several other lives.  It’s a fun exercise to see what you might be missing that you could actually do in this life.  I would have loved to be more actively involved in the world of dance.  There have been times in my life when the music led me to total abandonment.  I love going shopping with my granddaughter, Isabelle, because she’ll just smile if she sees me dancing about in the store, unlike my children, who I am sure were mortified by their mother’s lack of decorum. 

Many of the women who come to the retreat have been there before but everyone has had that initial introduction to our evening of Yoga Dance.   TJ does a marvelous job of explaining how the session is structured.  She explains that each of the songs are designed to open one of the seven chakras, energy centers of the body.  A yoga practice with or without dance can aid in opening the energy centers. The seven chakras begin at the base of the spine, the Root Chakra and run through the body to the top of the head, the Crown Chakra.  Envision a stream of energy or light, moving up through your body, flowing freely, keeping everything open and clean and soft.  Ancient yoga tradition teaches when the chakras are opened and aligned, we are balanced and in a state that encourages optimal health.

TJ brings some props too.  She brings feather boas and mesh scarves.  Some of the women bring coin skirts.  At our last retreat two of the returning ladies came to the evening session a little late.  They attempted to come in quietly so as to not disturb the group, the only issue was they had on their coin skirts and had added bell bracelets and anklets.  They also were in full flowing skirts and had silk flowers in their hair.  The fun had begun!

TJ begins our evening by inviting us to sit on our mats.  We move slowly at first.  One of the songs for the 1st chakra is Breathe.  Then she invites us to stand up and we move to songs like Feeling Good by Michael Buble. Then the energy begins to increase and for the 3rd chakra we get to dance to Shake Your Body and New Attitude for example.  The next set of songs include songs like We Are Family, Walk of Life, You Raise Me Up and Loka Samasta. Can you hear it?  Can you feel it?  Finally, we’re ready to wind down and we do that to songs like The Empty Sky.

Yoga dance is one of the healing modalities we offer for the retreat.  One year one of the participants did not seem to connect with anyone or anything that was being offered.  We would find her sitting in the living room watching TV while everyone else was chatting.  She wasn’t very interested in the art projects and her favorite yoga pose was savasana.  And, then during Yoga Dance we reached the songs for the 3rd chakra.    I happened to be directly across from her when the music began and it was one of the most astonishing things I have ever seen.  A grin came to her face, she lit up from within and she began to dance with total abandonment.  She didn’t stop until we were ready to lie down.  Her enthusiasm and love of music took her to a place during the retreat that nothing else was able to accomplish.  From then on, she was an integral part of the group.  People took the time to tell her how much they enjoyed watching her and dancing with her.

There have also been women who refused to dance.  I try not to judge but I wasn’t always successful.  But if they return, sooner or later (sometimes years later) something happens and I will look up and there they will be moving and smiling, and many times laughing.  It is so very joyful.  It is so very healing.

I believe we can enhance our health by sometimes tricking our bodies to think we are feeling good.  I once read a story about a man who played the music for silent films.  He was asked if it was hard to play music that went with the feelings of the scenes.  He answered he didn’t concern himself with that.  The music he chose created the emotions the viewers experienced.

If you’re sad and you don’t want to be, smile.  If you’re feeling blue and you don’t want to be, laugh.  And, if you want to fully embrace life and go a little crazy, turn on the music and dance.

“Dance as though no one is watching you,

Love as though you have never been hurt before,

Sing as though no one can hear you,

Live as though heaven is on earth.”  Dr. William W. Purkey

Miraculous Happenings

Affirmation: My life is Joy filled, Miracles occur, Love surrounds me and permeates every aspect of my existence.

We all know that in the classic Alice in Wonderland, Alice jumps down a rabbit hole into a whole other unknown, full of adventure, self-examining world.  Sometimes we are pushed down that hole and sometimes we choose to jump but either way, we get to decide what we'll learn and what we'll take away from our experiences.

After being treated for breast cancer in 1999, I was left feeling very unsure of what I should be doing for myself.  During the intense treatment, which for me lasted almost a year, I was well cared for and in constant contact with my doctors and other caregivers.  Then the day came when I was "released." I had had my last radiation treatment.  We, the family and I, actually threw an "end of radiation celebration." Sure, I was scheduled for follow up mammograms and yearly checkups but other than that I was on my own.  Yes, in many ways we are always "on our own" as we go through cancer but for me, being released, while a reason for celebration, was also very scary.  I began looking for those things that might help me feel supported, educated and uplifted.

As a long time yoga practitioner, I turned to the yoga world to see what might be out there.  It was in 2000 that I made my first trip to Kripalu Yoga Center in The Berkshires of Massachusetts.  It was there that I had the thought about creating a yoga retreat for breast cancer survivors.  I envisioned several days at the beach, yogaing, resting, swimming, talking, and breathing!  In 2005 the first Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat for women breast cancer survivors became a reality.   My jump down the rabbit hole had taken me to one of the most amazing, fulfilling adventures of my life.

As of this writing here in 2012, a few hundred women have experienced all the things I envisioned and so much more than I ever imagined.  This retreat has been Spirit Driven and Divinely Blessed since its inception.  Have you ever been involved in something like this, something that takes on a life of its own, something that comes together and blossoms with a miraculous aura?

I have never approached an individual or an organization that has not generously agreed to help us in whatever way they could.  The first person to say yes was Rhonda Bailey, a yoga instructor and friend.  She set the standard for everyone else.  After that, with the support of The Duke Cancer Patient Support program, we were ready to go.  Our teachers generously volunteer their time and talent.  Our friends and family come forward every year to help defray the costs and to provide scholarships for those who are unable to pay. One woman took it upon herself to buy cushy beach towels for everyone.  We had homemade biscotti and pound cake.  A local ice-cream shop donated sundaes for everyone and one of our committee members made the supreme effort to go taste several of the flavors beforehand.  Every year we raise enough money with the efforts of my husband, Sandy, to help pay for anyone who wants to come on scholarship.  It’s phenomenal how it all comes together and it’s obvious to all of us there that the success of this event is beyond anything most of us have ever experienced.  It has to have the hand of God in it.

Who comes to a retreat like this?  Well, obviously, women who have experienced breast cancer.  (Although we have many people who want to come but don’t want to qualify to come.) But, really what type of individual attends an event like this?  I am here to tell you, they are amazing individuals.  They come from all over the country.  Most of the women have heard something about what goes on but it really is an unknown entity.  Many have never practiced yoga; many come without knowing anyone else.  Some are in the middle of treatment others have been out of treatment for years.  They don’t know what the accommodations are like, who their roommate may be or what the food is like but they come anyway.  They are the type of person who isn’t afraid to jump down the rabbit hole.  They are amazing, brave, adventurous human beings and when we gather we get to share the adventure.

The focus of the retreat, believe it or not, is not breast cancer.  Yes, we all have that in common and yes, the subject comes up and people share experiences and more often than not, they share what worked for them.  The focus of the retreat is living life to the fullest.  Each year, as in most yoga practices, we take an intention.  The first year the intention was that “it was a joyful experience for Everyone involved.”  One year we focused on an “Open Heart.”  We also took the intention to “Stay in the Moment.”  In 2008, our intention was to “Marvel in the Mystery.”

The retreat provides multiple healing modalities.  Besides yoga, which in itself is multi-dimensional; there’s the ocean, art-therapy, massage therapy, silent walks and Yoga Dance.  Some people relate to some and not to other modalities.  Other people need a little bit of all of them but either way they all lead to an increased sense of well-being and support. 

We begin and end the retreat with a Sharing Circle.  I’m sure there are many such rituals involved with other gatherings but I was introduced to this ritual at Kripalu.  There are many guidelines.  The first, of course, is confidentiality.  We go on to talk about using the “I” word, not the community “we.”  Only one person is allowed to speak at a time and it’s highly recommended that everyone actively listen and not plan what they might want to say.  In between each speaker we take a collective in breath and sigh it out.  We imagine clearing the psychic white board in the middle of the circle.  There are other suggestions but these are the main ones.  What happens during the circles? What happens during the four days?  Miracles occur.

Miracles, you say?  What is miraculous about ice-cream and beach towels and homemade goodies?  Well, for one thing they simply appear, like the manna in the dessert.  We never ask for these treasures.  But, what is really miraculous is what happens to the mind, body and spirit of each of the ladies and our one man (He’s the breast cancer counselor for the DCPSP.)  by the end of the four days.  A light comes on in each person.  There has been healing; there’s been a renewed sense of hope.  The women have found camaraderie and acceptance.  We have laughed, cried, played, swam, created, danced and done yoga.  We have found power, the power in each of us and as a group.  The event is laced with miracles especially the overwhelming feeling of love that permeates each person including me, as the retreat comes to a close.
 

If you’re interested in attending, you can look us up on PinkRibbonYoga.org.

Imaginary Conversations

Affirmation:  I release myself from imaginary conversations and fully trust in God’s loving care.

This affirmation was created during a visit to our mountain retreat place.  It’s a small two bedroom condo in the North Carolina mountains, in a community called Hound Ears.  It’s called that because the two mountains it lies between look like doggie ears, or so I am told.  The condo looks out over the hills, a few ponds and a pristine golf course.  I journal in the morning sitting on the porch.  Many mornings I watch the mist rising from the hills as the sun begins its ascent.  One morning there was a heron flying through the mist.  I put up a couple of potted plants containing Petunias so that there is food for the humming bird who visits.  We have one dear friend who calls it Shangri-La.  Shangri-La being a fictional place described in the 1933 novel Lost Horizon by British author James Hilton. Hilton describes Shangri-La as a mystical, harmonious valley. Shangri-La has become synonymous with any earthly paradise but particularly a mythical Himalayan utopia — a permanently happy land, isolated from the outside world. In the novel Lost Horizon, the people who live at Shangri-La are almost immortal, living years beyond the normal lifespan and only very slowly aging in appearance. (www.wikipedia.org)  Hound Ears is our Shangri-La and if you saw the number of healthy, hearty octogenarians and nonagenarians who reside here, you might think so too.

When I am in Hound Ears, I never want to leave but unlike many of the residents who are retired and can come for six months, we are lucky if we get to stay for a few weeks.  Most years we have a lot of family and friends come visit and we enjoy many moments of sharing time and making memories.  Then, towards the end of our vacation we have some quiet time.  It’s a nice balance and gives me time to reflect, write and pray. As the time to leave gets closer and closer, I have to use all my tools to help me to not go home “early.”  I have to do all in my power to stay in the moment and to relish the present so that I don’t leave this healing place before the actual time.  Truly, it is a mediation, a moment to moment meditation.  As soon as I let go, my thoughts jump to home.  Home, some years, can mean I am returning to what are for me, some challenging situations. 

I’ve been guilty of having many imaginary conversations with many people.  Why do I say guilty?  Well, I am usually thinking about what I can say, or what I would say or what I should have said or how about, what I could have said!  What words would have been more effective.  Will I have the right words?  Are there any words?  Do I have the power to help someone else “see the light” or the power to make someone else go from being sad and anxious to happy and calm?  Can I say anything to improve and lighten another person’s load?  Have you ever been here?  Have you ever had a continuous, one way conversation over and over?  The essence of suffering is wanting things to be different than they are and that’s what I’m doing.  I am creating my own suffering  because I want to change the way another is perceiving something.  Certainly, there are communication tools that can sometimes achieve this desired result but it can’t happen if I only have the conversation in my mind.  Writing, journaling helps me but this kind of self-talk usually leads me to a very unsettled feeling.  How can it not?  There is no resolution.  It never really ends. It’s like a recording on repeat.  But, it serves no purpose, does it?  It takes one away from the moment.  It takes me into my imagination and unless I choose to paint it, sculpt it or as now, write about it, it has no closure. 

According to the Myers-Briggs personality test all of us fall either into the “introvert” or “extrovert” category.  There is a range in each section so one’s score can be high or low on the scale.  What the authors of this test are referring to when they use the words introvert and extrovert are not how you relate to people but more, how you get your energy.  An extreme introvert might need to be alone most of the time while an extreme extrovert might need to be out with people all the time.  The category also refers to how one may communicate.  One type of personality says exactly what they’re thinking when they’re thinking it.  The other personality type ruminates on what they want to say, sometimes over and over depending on the degree of introversion before they say anything.  Just ask yourself if you have to “practice” what you want to say before you make a phone call, especially a call involving something that requires a resolution.  Your answer will give you some indication of whether you’re an “E” or an “I.”  I am a weak “I.”  I practice and depending on the situation, I can find myself practicing way too much.

Mind you, I’m not practicing for the best.  I am usually practicing for what I think will be an uncomfortable conversation.  One of my other affirmations is “The best is yet to come.” but when I’m facing some potential confrontation, it’s really hard for me to call that one into existence. 

When I began creating the affirmation about “imaginary conversations”, I found myself using the phrase “obsessive thoughts.”  I release myself from “obsessive thoughts.”  But, the longer I worked on it, the more I realized it was more than that, it was the whole motion picture I was developing or perhaps even a mini-series.  Wow, I was really good at writing this story.  I found that what I really wanted to accomplish was to stop writing fiction, at least with regard to the issues I was facing when I would return home.  I began writing, “I release myself from imaginary conversations and fully trust in God’s loving care.”  I know I am much better off letting God write the story. 

After several days of writing the affirmation in my morning pages, I began to feel my body relax.  All the tension would seep away.  What else did my new thought call to me?  Mornings of journaling as I watch the mist rise from the hills, joy from the presence of the hummingbird as it flit around my planters and an invitation to share my yoga practice with a friend who’s looking for some calming tools.  As I prepared for the session, I renewed several of my own peace giving practices; daily breathing rituals, guided mediations, gratitude and release sun salutations and regular deep breaths. 

My new affirmation brought peace, contentment and a sated feeling.  This is a perfect moment.  I am blessed and resting in God’s loving care.  As the pastor at St. Bernadette’s in Linville, NC said in his homily, “People, we have it all.  We want for nothing.”  That’s it.  I want for nothing, that is my meditation, at least for this moment and truly, isn’t that all we have?

Living a Compassionate Life

Affirmation: I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, hope, gratitude and compassion.

One of the most compassionate people I know is my mother-in-law, Yolanda. She's always been one of my heroines and an amazing role model.  I have never heard her criticize anyone.  And, I've known her now for well over 43 years. 

Compassion is defined as co-suffering but that's not enough.  For one to be truly compassionate you must try to do something to alleviate another's suffering.

One night we were watching the TV show The Amazing Race.  I was visiting Yolanda to help her prepare for her move to Savannah.  (She had lived in the same house for over 56 years and now, at the age of 90 she was moving to an independent living facility in Georgia.  This was her choice.  She made the decision herself.  I keep hoping that when and if, I'm 90 I'll get to choose some adventure on which I want to embark and not have the adventure chosen for me.)  This episode of The Amazing Race had a young unmarried couple who were racing from country to country.  They were doing fairly well and were leading the race when this episode began.  When the episode ended they were in last place.  They lost because one of the challenges was to go down a huge water slide through some sharks and into a pool.  The young woman of the team was terrified of heights and sharks.  With two of her greatest fears combined, she chose not to finish the race.  I was amazed and felt very impatient.  "For heaven's sake" I thought, "just get on the slide and get it over with!" Really, it would have been over in 3 minutes.  And, then there was Yolanda, "Oh, the poor thing!  What are they doing?  Why don't they just let her walk down?  I can't stand to see her suffering so much." I think if Yolanda had been there, she would have jumped on that slide and gone down it in place of the young woman, even though she too is afraid of water.  Me?  I'm sad to tell you I would have suggested to her partner to just pick her up, put her on his lap and go for it.  It really was a wonderful lesson for me to sit there and share this experience with my mother-in-law.  I don't think I would have seen it any differently if I hadn't been exposed to her point of view.  Then, the final lesson came when the emcee interviewed them and asked her boyfriend how he felt about the whole episode.  I thought, "Here it comes!  He's going to be so angry!" instead, he was as compassionate about it as Yolanda had been. 

In Al-Anon, one of the suggestions given is to learn to take care of yourself.  It's not an easy concept, especially for someone who has been caring for a loved one with an addiction.  A lot of the time, many people who attend Al-Anon are enablers.  One of their chief skills is taking care of others, sometimes with total disregard for themselves.  In the book, The Courage to Change, One Day at a Time, one of the readings tells a story about a woman who had recently become an Al-Anon member.  Every night when she went to bed, she found her drunken husband fallen out of bed and lying on the floor.  She'd help him back in bed, cover him up and then finally get to go to bed too.  After her Al-Anon session, she decided she'd just step over him and go straight to bed. When she shared her new approach at a meeting, they gently told her she had gone to the other extreme. So, the next night she used a different approach.  She gently placed a blanket on him, stepped over him and went to bed.  She managed to find a place where she could both be compassionate and take care of herself.

My friend works out with a trainer.  I knew this personal trainer when he was having terrible back pain and when I saw him again I asked him how his back was doing.  He said it was fine.  Then he told me he was pleased he'd had the bad back experience because it made him a better trainer.  It made him more compassionate.

I know many people take tragic experiences and use them to better the lives of others.  There is story after story of people who chose to use their tragedy as a stepping stone not only for their own recovery but for anyone else who is looking for help with the same type of situation.  I am sure it wouldn't take much for you to recall some of the more well known examples.  How about the Amber Alert program?  I regularly see the signs for missing children on the freeways.

Twenty five years ago Rachel and Saul Schanberg lost their young daughter Linda to cancer.  Before Linda died she asked her mom to make a difference in the Duke Cancer Center.  She asked her to help people feel cared for and not just cared about.  Rachel began the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program with herself and four volunteers in an office the size of a closet.  Today her efforts have created a program world renown for their care of cancer patients and their loved ones.  It's all free.  Most hospitals wouldn't consider supporting a program that doesn't bring in any revenue but because of Rachel's passion and compassion, we have over 300 volunteers and the most amazing services you can imagine.  The impact the program has made on the new Duke Cancer Center can be seen in the center's warm, inviting atmosphere.

Our challenging life experiences offer us two choices.  We can become more caring, gentle and compassionate or we can become bitter, hard and reclusive.  My intention to be a more compassionate person, to be more Yolanda like, is a quality I always want to be developing.  Recently, I read a book to help me better understand and care for an aging parent.  The main lesson in the book encourages the reader, the caretaker, to try to see life as their parent may see it.  When they rephrased some of the concerns of the parent using language based on the author's years of experienced, it brought me a greater understanding of that which my parent is concerned.  And, with understanding I felt a deeper sense of compassion. 

I am an ardent believer in the power of prayer.  I don't know how it works but I believe it does.  I keep a list in the front of my journal of all the people for whom I am currently praying.  I always add “And, especially for those who most need Your mercy.”  Since practicing compassion requires one to “do” something along with experiencing feelings of empathy, I can pray.  If there is no other way for me to bring help and solace to those I am concerned about, it gives me great comfort to know I can offer them up in prayer and to believe that God is blessing them in ways beyond my comprehension.  Truly, that's how I want to see myself; that's the person I want to be.  If when I die my obituary refers to me as compassionate, I will rest with the satisfaction of a life well lived.

Field of Dreams

Affirmation: “If I can imagine it, I can achieve it; if I can dream it, I can become it.”

“If you build it, they will come.”  Do you remember that phrase?  It was used in the movie Field of Dreams with Kevin Costner.  He was a farmer in Iowa who kept seeing the spirits of old baseball players in his corn field.  He decided to mow down his crop and build a baseball field for his spiritual visitors.  Most people thought he was crazy but he went ahead anyway and at the end of the movie, they show lines of cars coming to his farm to see, well, I guess they’re hoping to see what Kevin was seeing, the late, great baseball players.

Over the years, I’ve been fascinated by people who decide to build a field of dreams somewhere hoping, sometimes expecting, people to come.  One example of this is my fiddle teacher.  She's a marvelous teacher and a wonderful person. A few years back, she decided she’d sponsor a fiddle class at our local Senior Center.  Now, how many older adults do you think there are who want to learn to play the fiddle?  It didn’t seem to matter to Mara.  The center told her she needed to have at least 4 people for the class to happen.  Four people signed up.  Some weeks only one person was there and that didn’t matter to Mara.  She was always there.  It’s been about four years now that she’s been having her Thursday morning class.  Four years and every year there are more students attending.  This year, we are up to six fiddlers.  And, there’s little doubt that every year, there will be more and more of us.  

Another example of this is the water aerobics class at my mountain community.  We “lost” our instructor four years back.  So, one of our members offered to facilitate the class.  She’d never taught before but she’d taken a lot of water classes and it was her main form of exercise.  She has an issue or two with her back and she’s never injured herself in the water.  She’s been sponsoring this class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning during the summer months for a few years now.  If no one comes, she exercises alone.  Initially, there were about six of us.  We couldn’t figure out why everyone wasn't there; it’s such a wonderful experience.  She's a marvelous teacher.  Now, three years later about fifteen people are attending.  She built the “field” in the water and people are definitely interested.

I know it’s true that people may not come to what you think is a good idea even if you’re willing to dedicate yourself to it.  At one point in our lives, my daughter and I opened a stationery store.  We had it for five years.  We were there every day except Sunday and we were knowledgeable and very responsive to our customer’s needs but during those five years, the popularity of the internet blossomed.  We found we were a great place in which people could actually see and touch the product that interested them but then they’d go home and buy it online from a large distributor.  Sometimes they actually brought it back to us if they weren’t satisfied or if they had made a mistake in ordering.  There was nothing we could do except to encourage them to order it from us.  We guaranteed all our work.  The internet sold our products for less retail than we could buy them wholesale.  By the time we closed the store, we had days when we wondered if we had forgotten to take down the “closed” sign.  But, if we hadn’t tried at all, we would have never known and we would have missed out on an experience that for the most part we really enjoyed.

When I decided to have a beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors (PinkRibbonYogaRetreat.org) I wasn’t sure anyone would come.  I had no idea if anyone else would be interested or if I could find people that would want to help.  At our first meeting a dozen people showed up and volunteered to help.  Our first year we had brochures and flyers that we distributed anywhere we could.  We had about 23 women attend.  In our eighth year we merely opened registration up online and we had 35 women register almost immediately.  That’s our maximum number, 35.  I wish we could take anyone who wants to come and so far that’s what we’ve been doing but this year, we had to close registration.  It made me sad but just like the fiddle class and the water aerobics, we had built our “field of dreams” and people are coming.  

Do you think that most successes are determined by sheer dedication and determination?  I often think of Thomas Alva Edison and the fact that it took him 12 years and 1000 tries to develop the light bulb.  How about Pistol Pete Maravich, one of the greatest basketball players of all time.  He never put the basketball down.  He slept with it.  He could spin it on his hand for over an hour without stopping.  Sister Mary Margaret of A Place for Women to Gather had a dream.  She was the first in her community to create a place for women to share their insight and knowledge.  As of 2012 A Place has been opened for ten years, serving hundreds of women in their quest for personal and spiritual growth.

My husband is one of my heroes.  His dedication and determination has led him to professional and personal success beyond that of most people.  We often find ourselves looking around at our life and being awed by the blessings we’ve reaped.  Blessings that came from hard work and integrity and a close connection with our God.  Sandy is now on his 3rd or 4th career.  I’ve lost count.  He’s become a motivational speaker.  He wrote a book called Humanity at Work; encouraging spirit, achievement and truth to flourish in the workplace.  And then he began building his “field.”  I was fascinated to watch him go about creating and pursuing his dream.  There is little doubt in my mind that the day will come when people will be lining up to hire him for their inspiration and education.  (You can find him at: www. SantoCosta.com.)  In fact, many people have already discovered him.

I am sure you too can think of many examples of “true dreams.”  Some may be of famous people, some may be those of friends and family. “If you build it, they will come.”  What about you?  What have you thought about creating?  What have you already created?  Do you have a dream you’re willing to commit to?   “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” (William Arthur Ward)