Discovering Miracles

Affirmation: When I focus my attention on Jesus Christ, peace reigns in my whole being.

 “I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians:4, 6-7 

In Maria Shriver’s weekly newsletter, “Sunday Paper” on November 7th, 2021, she took the opportunity of her birthday to reflect on her life-lessons. She entitled the edition, Let’s Light the Way. I read it several times. I sent it to my children and to several of my friends. I read it out loud to my hubby, Sandy. I then copied it and stored a copy of it in my Pages documents.

I guess you can figure out that I loved it; actually loved it. I found it meaningful, it filled my heart with all the good things I like to feel, hope, faith, joy, strength, gratitude and compassion, not just for myself but for humankind. One of the many wisdoms she shared was that she daily calls on “God, Mother Mary and her Guardian Angels for guidance.” I too ask for daily guidance from my Holy Family and always say “thank you” to my Guardian Angel for all the hard work she has had to do to keep me on God’s path or to get me back to it. 

 I haven’t written a blog in a long time. I keep getting muddled by my feelings around our “war on Covid.” I have met people who claim this virus has not had any effect on the way they live their lives. I believe, however, that they are the exception. It seems to me that most people, myself included are still struggling to find solid ground after having the rug pulled out from under us. I’m such a proponent of choosing our perception of our experiences but I think there are some events we need to fully experience, both the good and the hard, before we can view it from the sunny side. For me, this pandemic fits that category. 

 In speaking with a few dear friends about Covid, I have found myself sharing the blessings we’ve experienced but always adding an apology for sharing the upside of what we have found during this time, especially when we have had so many deaths and so much more suffering through this pandemic. Yes, there have been struggles for me too, loss even but I still find myself focusing on the blessings. 

 I have a young neighbor who is dealing with metastatic lung cancer. She’s been on this journey now for almost three years. Her husband provides us with updates and always includes a scripture quote with them. They are a very faith-filled family. Phillipians:4, 6-7 was one of the first ones they shared with us. It’s also one of the first I ever memorized. When I read it I knew that’s how I wanted to feel when I asked Jesus to help me or my loved ones and friends. I wanted to let go of the anxiety and feel “the peace that transcends all understanding.” One of the updates we received from our friend's husband was that she had recently shared with him that “this had been the best two years of her life.” She wanted him to tell us how meaningful it had been for her to be so cared for and about. 

 I’ve recently taken up a new prayer, “Merciful Father, in the name of our loving Jesus and our Holy Mother, all our angels and saints, I ask you to set me on fire with the spirit of your love and to give me the grace to deeply love you.” Truly, I don’t know if it’s my age and because I know my days before me are far less than my days past or if I’ve been given this gift of time to continue to work on my relationship with Christ, but lately there has been a shift and I am grateful. 

 I’ve carried my faith around in my head now for decades. I’ve prayed for years that it would overtake my heart. The examples of faith-filled friends and acquaintances have helped me with my intention, like that of my young neighbor. I know well the practice of “turning ‘it’ over to God” and I know that for me, I usually have to do that over and over and even then it may not happen. I still feel I need to be in control but what if, what if I could really and truly let go of my concerns and even in the middle of a dreadful diagnosis, think that because of my Lord and Savior I am still having the best time of my life? I want that. I crave that. The older I become, the more I feel I need that. 

 Because of this desire, my studies have become even more faith focused. I have always been a fan of good inspirational material and have for my whole adult life, focused on material that inspire and uplift. It’s still true but I am steadily choosing information that reaffirms my desire to believe my God is not a god of history and instead is a living God, here and now present in this world. I began reading, Miracles Today by Craig S. Keener.”

 It enthralled me. I knew extraordinary miracles (Is that an oxymoron?) happen in places like Lourdes and Fatima and even unofficial places like Medjugorje but I have never heard of the miracles reported and confirmed like the ones in this book. I have visited one church in Quebec, St. Joseph’s Oratory of Mount Royal where crutches line the entry but I thought that was ancient history. I now find out, miracles are happening daily and I don’t mean the miracles of the sun rising or the leaves turning color. I mean the type of miracles where the blind see, the deaf hear, the crippled and maimed, are made whole; mind boggling events! I needed to hear this news. I needed to know there was concrete evidence of Jesus’ continued presence in this world today. Yes, all the miracles in “Miracles Today” happen in the name of Jesus. Not everyone healed is a Christian or even a person of faith but everyone healed is healed because of prayers to Jesus Christ. I have never actually asked for healing for someone in Jesus’ name. I have prayed for so many for their well-being, for their health, for remission, strength, hope. I have, however, never asked for a miracle and I’m not sure my prayer would affect that change but I have decided to give it my best. “In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask that you be fully healed.” It’s a prayer I’ve taken into my heart. I know it may not happen but I do believe that Jesus is alive today and perhaps my heart-felt prayer may happen and even create another miracle that Craig Keener can add to his list in his book. Now, that would be an amazing way to see a serious challenge turn into a blessing.

Christmas Miracles

Affirmation: I possess the Christmas spirit all year long.  

Miracle on 34th Street was released in May of 1947.  It originally had the word Christmas in the title but because of the release date it was removed.  How do I know this?  My husband, Sandy and I went to visit his mom, Yolanda, this last weekend.  She lives in Savannah, GA and they were having a fund raiser at the local original Savannah theatre showing Miracle on 34th Street.  We had all seen it many times and we knew it was delightful but we went simply to share the afternoon together and to support the Humans Society.  Once again, I was wrong!  Watching this classic, corny movie in the midst of a crowded theatre was a remarkably different experience than watching it at home alone or in a small group.  We laughed, sighed, applauded and shared all the clever and tender moments that has kept this film so meaningful.  

It's definitely a secular film.  There is no mention of a God or Christ, other than in the frequently used word "Christmas" but what I consider to be the spirit of Christmas permeates every scene.  Kris Kringle, The real Santa Claus only cares about making others feel valued, loved and important.  It's not about the physical gifts he's been told to promote, it's what they represent to the child or adult that is asking for them.  He brings people together for their betterment and the betterment of all.  He spreads his charm and good will like a net over everyone with whom he comes into contact.  He converts the unbelieving, skeptical Maureen O'Hara and her disenchanted child, Natalie Wood into people with imagination and faith.  He even converts the USPS.  

I saw a cartoon this second week of December, 2014 in the USA Today where two children were standing in front of Santa and asking for world peace and good will towards men.  He asked them if they'd consider an Xbox instead.  The news this week was so sad and tragic that I couldn't listen.  It only took a glance at the headlines to see the horror that we are perpetuating on our fellow human being.  Has the devil won?  Has "Satan" truly become the ruler of this world?  It would be so easy to believe we are at the end of times but it is Christmas.  It's a time to promote hope, peace and love for everyone whether one is or is not labeled "Christian."  We know what He came to do.  He came to show the world that we were put here to love and to serve and that I believe, is the one true truth.  He was here to raise our level of awareness to a higher purpose.  He wasn't concerned with the rules and regulations.  He was only concerned with the person and their well-being.  He was here to bring comfort to those who most needed it and to make uncomfortable those who are able to be of comfort.

I know there are many believers who believe theirs is the only way.  There's the joke about the Catholic, Baptists, Mormon, you choose, who arrive in heaven and ask St. Peter why he whispers every time he gets close to this huge wall that is there.  Why is there a wall at all?  He tells them that the Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, you choose, are on the other side of the wall and "they believe they are the only ones up here."  Oh, to be so sure.  To know that because you are right, you are saved and the rest of the world is damned and how truly sad.  I read a wonderful quote recently, "You can be right or you can love."   

One of my greatest strengths is my gift of perseverance.  I believe it's the reason I have accomplished most things in my life.  I truly believe if I simply "hang in there" I will learn or finish whatever it is I'm working upon.  The other side of perseverance is stubbornness and I am as guilty of that as I am proud of my determination.  Just ask my hubby.  This summer, for example, I wanted to walk a new path around Bass Lake in the NC mountains.  We headed out and after an hour we hadn't reached the lake yet.  Sandy reasonably wanted to turn around.  Turn around!  I couldn't even imagine it.  We hadn't even seen the lake yet.  Finally, a few minutes later we arrived.  I knew we were close.  I was right!  Now he reasonably wanted to go back the way we had come.  Go back the same way!  No no no!  We needed to follow the path and head up the other way.  I had been told it was the same distance.  I knew I was right!  He agreed and we got lost and four hours later, we finally found our way to our starting point.  

Sandy not only didn't leave me, he barely scolded me.  He lives a life of love, not right.  It wasn't the first time he's had to put up with my set thinking and I am here to confess he is not the only person in my life with whom I've exhibited this trait.  It's one of those personality shadows that interferes with the quality of my relationships and which I have only recently begun to understand.  Perhaps, this is why I've been granted these sixty eight years of life so I can continue to recognize how flawed I truly am.  What was Pope Francis' first message?  "I am a sinner, pray for me."  Oh, yes, we are all flawed but as long as we don't believe we are above or beyond anyone else, we can embrace our humanness and know that God created us just as we are.  She/He created the the miracles of this universe and we are, each one of us, one of those miracles.

Christmas is not an easy holiday for many many people but perhaps it's because the true meaning has been lost.  Christ is coming, God.  He comes again and again every year and I believe he remains with all those who choose to love, care and be of service to the world.  The Christ, the Savior is here in the hearts of all who know the importance of spreading the net of compassion and love over everyone whose lives they touch.  That miracle on 34th street is the miracle that can be ours should we choose to open our minds and our hearts to The Christ.

May you have a Blessed Holiday Season and a life filled with the awareness of God's love.

  

What Was I Thinking?

Affirmation:  I carefully choose my thoughts. 

 

This year's 2013 Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat has just ended.  It was our 9th retreat.  You can gather more information about it from the web site, www.PinkRibbonYoga.org or you can find us on Facebook.  The retreat provides women breast cancer survivors with support, coping skills, and relaxation.  It is designed to be both nurturing and empowering.   What happens over four days and three nights?  Miracles happen. 

 

 

This year 29 people attended the retreat. We always take an intention to guide our planning and this year our intention for this year's retreat was "On Wings of Joy."  We borrowed a thousand paper cranes from the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program and hung them from the rafts and Nancy Soho, one of our committee members, created mobiles for everyone.  She hand folded 5 paper cranes for each one and then added a hand cut card from which they hung.  Along with Irene Talton, our gifted yoga-off-the-mat instructor, they crafted inspirational words on the top of each mobile.

 

We have a very specific format that the retreat follows.  It's proven to be extremely beneficial for creating a healing environment for each individual and for the group as a whole.  Over the years we've discovered that if we provide a single meaningful word for each person they are more comfortable speaking in our opening circle.  This year we used the words on the mobiles to initiate sharing.  We then left the mobiles hanging on the back of the chairs and reused them for our closing circle.  I think only one person got the same word for both circles and that was me.  It was "healing."

 

Healing is one of the miracles that take place during these four days.  I know because I always come away feeling healed.  I like to hope that it's a complete healing from all my ailments: mind, body and spirit but I don't know that for sure.  There certainly could be some rebellious cells floating around inside, although I hope not.  I do know, however, that I come away feeling rested, valued, calmer, centered, nurtured and empowered.  I know too that all those positive emotions can lead me, my body to a place of better physical health and even if I am not cured of all my ailments, I know I am healed.  There is a difference and I know I am not alone.  I know it because over the last nine years the women, who have participated in the retreat, have told me so.  It is true.

 

 

 

The very first thing we do when the retreat starts is to provide an atmosphere of safety.  We encourage everyone to respect the confidentiality of any sharing that takes place.  We ask that only one person speak at a time and that everyone else simply listen.  We ask that each person use the word "I", not the third person "you" or "we."  We let everyone know that sharing is optional and that silence is not only accepted but valued.  Before the next person begins speaking, the last person must declare that they are "complete." 

We tell everyone that this is their time, all four days and three nights.  We have all sorts of wonderful offerings but their first responsibly is to take care of themselves and so if they need to take a walk or a nap or to just have some quiet time, then that's what they should do.  Of course, if they want to do yoga on the beach, try creating a water color of spirit, participate in yoga dance, eat ice cream with the group, try the meditation sessions or experience laughing yoga, they are welcome to join in.  One other thing that quickly becomes apparent is the lack of judgment that permeates the event.  For at least a short while no one has to hide whatever might cause one to be embarrassed in the outside world.  With that, the women can simply be.  There is no striving, no pretending.  It's liberating.  It's another modality that promotes healing.

 

One of our traditions is to jump into the ocean after the early morning yoga.  There's something very magical about floating on the warm waves early in the day with a group of friends.  One morning I was quite tired and I thought maybe I'd skip the swim and just head back to breakfast but I wore my swimsuit just in case.  The yoga ended and several ladies headed towards the water.  I joined them.  As I floated over and through the gentle waves, I couldn't imagine what I had been thinking that would have kept me from this amazing experience and then I realized, I often find myself in really neat situations that I was initially hesitant to join.  Sometimes they involve big steps, like when I joined my daughter-in-law and traveled with her to Ecuador and other times, they're small steps, like jumping into the ocean.  Each time, however, I find myself wondering, "What was I thinking?"

 

Perhaps, if we paid close attention we'd discover that most of the time we're not very clear about what we really want or what will make us really happy or perhaps what our best choice is.  An example would be when we choose to have that second helping of something that tasted really good but which is not good for us.  How often have any of us done that and then shortly afterwards wondered, "What was I thinking?"  It would be wonderful to always be clear about our decisions, to always be mindful but it's a practice, a life-long practice.  We can only stay alert and be aware.

 

 

After the retreat is over I find myself asking that same question about having this idea of a yoga-beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors, "What was I thinking?"  What made me think it would become a reality?  Did I believe that it would turn into such a powerful, healing experience for so many people?  Where would the money come from so everyone could afford to attend?  Where would we find a place to stay?  Who would volunteer to be our teachers?  How would we advertise?  There were dozens of questions and challenges to making this a reality.  "What was I thinking?"  I was thinking this was a good idea and if I moved forward and it didn't happen, well at least I tried.  It's better to try and fail than to never try at all but it didn't fail.  It happened.  It happened and it has provided comfort and healing, support and respite to more people than I had ever imagined.  "What was I thinking?"  I don't really know what I was thinking but I do know I'm really glad and actually very proud that I was thinking at all. I'm thrilled that the retreat exists and that because of the work of so many wonderful people, we achieved the creation of such an amazing, awesome experience.  As of today it's been over a week since the retreat began and I am pleased to say I am still floating on the "wings of joy."

Miraculous Happenings

Affirmation: My life is Joy filled, Miracles occur, Love surrounds me and permeates every aspect of my existence.

We all know that in the classic Alice in Wonderland, Alice jumps down a rabbit hole into a whole other unknown, full of adventure, self-examining world.  Sometimes we are pushed down that hole and sometimes we choose to jump but either way, we get to decide what we'll learn and what we'll take away from our experiences.

After being treated for breast cancer in 1999, I was left feeling very unsure of what I should be doing for myself.  During the intense treatment, which for me lasted almost a year, I was well cared for and in constant contact with my doctors and other caregivers.  Then the day came when I was "released." I had had my last radiation treatment.  We, the family and I, actually threw an "end of radiation celebration." Sure, I was scheduled for follow up mammograms and yearly checkups but other than that I was on my own.  Yes, in many ways we are always "on our own" as we go through cancer but for me, being released, while a reason for celebration, was also very scary.  I began looking for those things that might help me feel supported, educated and uplifted.

As a long time yoga practitioner, I turned to the yoga world to see what might be out there.  It was in 2000 that I made my first trip to Kripalu Yoga Center in The Berkshires of Massachusetts.  It was there that I had the thought about creating a yoga retreat for breast cancer survivors.  I envisioned several days at the beach, yogaing, resting, swimming, talking, and breathing!  In 2005 the first Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat for women breast cancer survivors became a reality.   My jump down the rabbit hole had taken me to one of the most amazing, fulfilling adventures of my life.

As of this writing here in 2012, a few hundred women have experienced all the things I envisioned and so much more than I ever imagined.  This retreat has been Spirit Driven and Divinely Blessed since its inception.  Have you ever been involved in something like this, something that takes on a life of its own, something that comes together and blossoms with a miraculous aura?

I have never approached an individual or an organization that has not generously agreed to help us in whatever way they could.  The first person to say yes was Rhonda Bailey, a yoga instructor and friend.  She set the standard for everyone else.  After that, with the support of The Duke Cancer Patient Support program, we were ready to go.  Our teachers generously volunteer their time and talent.  Our friends and family come forward every year to help defray the costs and to provide scholarships for those who are unable to pay. One woman took it upon herself to buy cushy beach towels for everyone.  We had homemade biscotti and pound cake.  A local ice-cream shop donated sundaes for everyone and one of our committee members made the supreme effort to go taste several of the flavors beforehand.  Every year we raise enough money with the efforts of my husband, Sandy, to help pay for anyone who wants to come on scholarship.  It’s phenomenal how it all comes together and it’s obvious to all of us there that the success of this event is beyond anything most of us have ever experienced.  It has to have the hand of God in it.

Who comes to a retreat like this?  Well, obviously, women who have experienced breast cancer.  (Although we have many people who want to come but don’t want to qualify to come.) But, really what type of individual attends an event like this?  I am here to tell you, they are amazing individuals.  They come from all over the country.  Most of the women have heard something about what goes on but it really is an unknown entity.  Many have never practiced yoga; many come without knowing anyone else.  Some are in the middle of treatment others have been out of treatment for years.  They don’t know what the accommodations are like, who their roommate may be or what the food is like but they come anyway.  They are the type of person who isn’t afraid to jump down the rabbit hole.  They are amazing, brave, adventurous human beings and when we gather we get to share the adventure.

The focus of the retreat, believe it or not, is not breast cancer.  Yes, we all have that in common and yes, the subject comes up and people share experiences and more often than not, they share what worked for them.  The focus of the retreat is living life to the fullest.  Each year, as in most yoga practices, we take an intention.  The first year the intention was that “it was a joyful experience for Everyone involved.”  One year we focused on an “Open Heart.”  We also took the intention to “Stay in the Moment.”  In 2008, our intention was to “Marvel in the Mystery.”

The retreat provides multiple healing modalities.  Besides yoga, which in itself is multi-dimensional; there’s the ocean, art-therapy, massage therapy, silent walks and Yoga Dance.  Some people relate to some and not to other modalities.  Other people need a little bit of all of them but either way they all lead to an increased sense of well-being and support. 

We begin and end the retreat with a Sharing Circle.  I’m sure there are many such rituals involved with other gatherings but I was introduced to this ritual at Kripalu.  There are many guidelines.  The first, of course, is confidentiality.  We go on to talk about using the “I” word, not the community “we.”  Only one person is allowed to speak at a time and it’s highly recommended that everyone actively listen and not plan what they might want to say.  In between each speaker we take a collective in breath and sigh it out.  We imagine clearing the psychic white board in the middle of the circle.  There are other suggestions but these are the main ones.  What happens during the circles? What happens during the four days?  Miracles occur.

Miracles, you say?  What is miraculous about ice-cream and beach towels and homemade goodies?  Well, for one thing they simply appear, like the manna in the dessert.  We never ask for these treasures.  But, what is really miraculous is what happens to the mind, body and spirit of each of the ladies and our one man (He’s the breast cancer counselor for the DCPSP.)  by the end of the four days.  A light comes on in each person.  There has been healing; there’s been a renewed sense of hope.  The women have found camaraderie and acceptance.  We have laughed, cried, played, swam, created, danced and done yoga.  We have found power, the power in each of us and as a group.  The event is laced with miracles especially the overwhelming feeling of love that permeates each person including me, as the retreat comes to a close.
 

If you’re interested in attending, you can look us up on PinkRibbonYoga.org.

Opening to Miracles

Affirmation:  I know by meditating on Jesus throughout my day, I am in union with the Divine; miracles are created and without struggle my life is transformed in ways beyond my imagination. 

My mom has always been a very self-sufficient, independent woman.  Truly, her spirit was the reason I went to college.  I was the first generation in my family to attend and graduate from a university.  No one encouraged me to go on after high school.  It was 1960 and I was a girl from the blue collar working class.  My future according to societal norms and my dad was to develop good clerical skills, marry and raise children.  But, my mom, a very smart lady, had tasted the life of financial independence and knew there were larger opportunities and would nudge me every so often to check them out.  I guess it didn't take more than a little nudge, especially since I was at St. Agnes Academic High School for girls and was with all these brilliant young women who were planning their futures and their first step was college.

My mom, Margaret (never Maggie, Peg or Peggy) moved to North Carolina when she was 75.  She made the move with little help from the family and started to create a new life almost immediately. She volunteered at The Food Bank, took a part-time clerical position with a non-profit, became an officer in the Cary Senior Association and became a Raleigh Ambassador, touring the city and assisting at dozens of special events, including the Special Olympics.  She was one of the first people to join the Cary Senior Center and instrumental in bringing line dancing to the facility.  (She always loved to dance.)

She went from living in a condo, to a senior apartment complex and then to an independent senior complex with some services.  Then at 89 1/2 her body seemed to start to shut down.  We did everything in our power, everything, to make her comfortable, to make sure she maintained her dignity.

The calls for help came more and more frequently and they were filled with more and more panic.  My heart ached.  Part of me wished she would be spared the dying process and just go to sleep and not wake up. We've had several friends and relatives who died in their sleep.  Ann Landers once said her life goal was "to die healthy." I want that too.  I want that for my mom, for all of us but, that's not the usual, is it?  When we took mom to the cardiologist to make sure her heart was ok, he said "I only hope I have a heart like hers at age 89." So, I wasn't holding much hope for her for a quick, easy death.

The decision I was faced with after the last panic filled phone call was, “How can mom be best cared for and who can help me decide this?" Certainly, I was so emotionally involved I wasn't very clear-sighted.  I called both her doctors, compassionate, kind women and they did what good doctors do best, they listened and guided me.  Then, I called my family.  But, I must say I had been calling my Lord, the Blessed Mother, all our Angels and Guides for many years and especially for these last few weeks, asking for them to pave the way, to smooth the path and to light the dark road of my mother's care.  And, on that day of the most recent panic phone call all the forces of nature and God came together.  For any of you that have dealt with this kind of situation, you will recognize the hand of God.

Within the next six hours mom was living in an assisted living facility.  Her new apartment was completely decorated and fully operational, even cable TV.  My husband had immediately come home from work.  By the time we arrived at mom's home, my daughter had spoken with the administrators of her facility and had secured mom a place in the assisted living facility.  Her doctors came within the hour and signed all the forms.  My son brought in lunch and my daughter-in-law took mom to another room in the building and shared lunch with her and kept her entertained while we dismantled her apartment and moved everything to her new space.  My brother who lives in another state  "just happened" to have a meeting close by and was already on his way towards us when I called him.  His wife and daughter were also on their way.

When my daughter-in-law wheeled mom into her new home, the look on her face said it all,  even mom's drapes were installed.  She said "This is amazing!" It was amazing.  It was a miracle!  And, I fully realize I can only see the tip of the miracle.  All the forces that had come to support us may never be revealed.  My prayers, the prayers of our family and friends had all been answered.

What if I lived my whole life believing God, the Universe, had only miracles in store for me?  Think of the power I could rely on.  Think of the calm that would permeate my mind, body and spirit.  Think of the joy that would fill my heart!  To truly believe that God wants only my best and it's up to me to be completely open and trusting in order to receive the blessings.  Yes, my job is to stay fully connected to God, to allow Her to do the work She wants to do.  For me, that means praying incessantly; a deep breath, sighing the name of Jesus and opening my heart to the miracles of life.