Just Pick Up the Phone

Affirmation:  When I quickly and directly resolve an issue, I feel less stressed and more peaceful.

This is the age of electronic communications.  On Longmire, one of my favorite TV shows, Longmire's deputy checked the victim's phone for text messages rather than for phone calls.  And, that was the correct method for finding out about the victim's activity.  It's so very easy to send a text, an email or a tweet but it isn't necessarily the quickest way to communicate with someone.  One day my grandson texted me from another room in our home to ask me a question.  I thought he'd left without telling me and I panicked but he hadn't.  He's 13 at this writing.  If he continues along this path, he may not make it to 14.

Recently, I've had several situations that were making me a little anxious.  In all cases I had emailed the person or the company and had either not received an answer or I didn't get the answer I wanted.  The first issue was with amazon.com. I had bought a faucet for our kitchen.  The kitchen was being remodeled and by the time the plumbers were ready to install the faucet, my return date had passed.  The faucet didn't fit.  When I went online to return it, I got the pop-up that it was too late to send it back.  I was quite annoyed and then I thought, "Just pick up the phone."  I had a quick conversation with a very nice person and he waved the return date so I could send it back.  It was easy but if I hadn't made the phone call, I'd still own that faucet.

I was on a roll now.  I've become my Mom's financial caretaker.  She's always done an amazing job with her resources but it had become too much for her.  Her credit card bill came and I put it on the shelf.  For the first time in her life, her next credit card bill came with a service charge on it.  Oh my!  I was in trouble!  It was quite a penalty for a very small overdue balance.  I picked up the phone and spoke with a very nice young woman.  I guessed she could immediately see the bill had never been late before and she immediately took off the penalty fee.  Whew!

It seems this is the lesson I needed to learn at this time.  Once I began looking at different situations with an eye towards finding easier, quicker resolutions, more and more opportunities kept presenting themselves.  I found with each episode that came up if I acted immediately and directly rather than just mulling over what to do, I was less stressed and more peaceful.

The faucet wasn't the only remodeling snafu.  We had hired a very nice young man to be our contractor and he seemed quite efficient.  At the beginning of the project he put together some sort of computer notification system than showed us the exact time of each part of the job and the exact cost of every single step.  Over the next few weeks that program would pop up almost daily with some sort of time change or even worse, some sort of price increase.  Needless to say I was becoming more and more anxious every time I'd see an email with his company's name on it.  At first I found my stomach would knot up and my head would begin to ache but then I changed my approach and when something was changed, I'd call him and many times he'd relieve my anxiety with a detailed explanation or he'd remove the extra fee because he'd made a mistake.  (I chose to believe it was an error.) With that phone call came the ability for me to take deeper breaths and relax about whatever was being presented.

Even with my family I've noticed how often we now text or email one another rather than calling, although not as readily as my grandson.  All too often I wasn't getting an answer to my questions or they were wondering why I hadn't replied to their queries.  Usually it was because the emails got lost in the ether somewhere.  But, with a simple phone call, whatever question we had would be resolved, immediately.

 

Since this was my lesson for now, I began to wonder if I shouldn't apply it to my prayer life too.  How often did I obsess over some life issue that needed to be let go of and turned over to God?  What if I took my new lesson and rather than letting the issue weigh me down, I immediately "picked up the phone" and shared it with The Lord?  What would that look like?  What number would I dial?  I closed my eyes and sat quietly and envisioned the phone.  It wasn't a cell phone.  Interestingly, it was an old fashioned phone like the one in Dr. Strangelove with Peter Sellers and it was red.  Of course it was because in the movie the red phone was a direct line to the President.  I didn't need a phone number at all.  I just needed to pick up that old fashioned red phone and God would be on the other end.  God is always on the other end, waiting for me to call.  Once I've taken the time and made the effort to connect, I am connected.  No, the situation may not be resolved as quickly as it was at amazon.com or LL Bean although it might be, but I quickly realized I felt better about my concerns.  By taking the time to "call" God, I felt less stressed and I felt more peaceful.

What Was I Thinking?

Affirmation:  I carefully choose my thoughts. 

 

This year's 2013 Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat has just ended.  It was our 9th retreat.  You can gather more information about it from the web site, www.PinkRibbonYoga.org or you can find us on Facebook.  The retreat provides women breast cancer survivors with support, coping skills, and relaxation.  It is designed to be both nurturing and empowering.   What happens over four days and three nights?  Miracles happen. 

 

 

This year 29 people attended the retreat. We always take an intention to guide our planning and this year our intention for this year's retreat was "On Wings of Joy."  We borrowed a thousand paper cranes from the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program and hung them from the rafts and Nancy Soho, one of our committee members, created mobiles for everyone.  She hand folded 5 paper cranes for each one and then added a hand cut card from which they hung.  Along with Irene Talton, our gifted yoga-off-the-mat instructor, they crafted inspirational words on the top of each mobile.

 

We have a very specific format that the retreat follows.  It's proven to be extremely beneficial for creating a healing environment for each individual and for the group as a whole.  Over the years we've discovered that if we provide a single meaningful word for each person they are more comfortable speaking in our opening circle.  This year we used the words on the mobiles to initiate sharing.  We then left the mobiles hanging on the back of the chairs and reused them for our closing circle.  I think only one person got the same word for both circles and that was me.  It was "healing."

 

Healing is one of the miracles that take place during these four days.  I know because I always come away feeling healed.  I like to hope that it's a complete healing from all my ailments: mind, body and spirit but I don't know that for sure.  There certainly could be some rebellious cells floating around inside, although I hope not.  I do know, however, that I come away feeling rested, valued, calmer, centered, nurtured and empowered.  I know too that all those positive emotions can lead me, my body to a place of better physical health and even if I am not cured of all my ailments, I know I am healed.  There is a difference and I know I am not alone.  I know it because over the last nine years the women, who have participated in the retreat, have told me so.  It is true.

 

 

 

The very first thing we do when the retreat starts is to provide an atmosphere of safety.  We encourage everyone to respect the confidentiality of any sharing that takes place.  We ask that only one person speak at a time and that everyone else simply listen.  We ask that each person use the word "I", not the third person "you" or "we."  We let everyone know that sharing is optional and that silence is not only accepted but valued.  Before the next person begins speaking, the last person must declare that they are "complete." 

We tell everyone that this is their time, all four days and three nights.  We have all sorts of wonderful offerings but their first responsibly is to take care of themselves and so if they need to take a walk or a nap or to just have some quiet time, then that's what they should do.  Of course, if they want to do yoga on the beach, try creating a water color of spirit, participate in yoga dance, eat ice cream with the group, try the meditation sessions or experience laughing yoga, they are welcome to join in.  One other thing that quickly becomes apparent is the lack of judgment that permeates the event.  For at least a short while no one has to hide whatever might cause one to be embarrassed in the outside world.  With that, the women can simply be.  There is no striving, no pretending.  It's liberating.  It's another modality that promotes healing.

 

One of our traditions is to jump into the ocean after the early morning yoga.  There's something very magical about floating on the warm waves early in the day with a group of friends.  One morning I was quite tired and I thought maybe I'd skip the swim and just head back to breakfast but I wore my swimsuit just in case.  The yoga ended and several ladies headed towards the water.  I joined them.  As I floated over and through the gentle waves, I couldn't imagine what I had been thinking that would have kept me from this amazing experience and then I realized, I often find myself in really neat situations that I was initially hesitant to join.  Sometimes they involve big steps, like when I joined my daughter-in-law and traveled with her to Ecuador and other times, they're small steps, like jumping into the ocean.  Each time, however, I find myself wondering, "What was I thinking?"

 

Perhaps, if we paid close attention we'd discover that most of the time we're not very clear about what we really want or what will make us really happy or perhaps what our best choice is.  An example would be when we choose to have that second helping of something that tasted really good but which is not good for us.  How often have any of us done that and then shortly afterwards wondered, "What was I thinking?"  It would be wonderful to always be clear about our decisions, to always be mindful but it's a practice, a life-long practice.  We can only stay alert and be aware.

 

 

After the retreat is over I find myself asking that same question about having this idea of a yoga-beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors, "What was I thinking?"  What made me think it would become a reality?  Did I believe that it would turn into such a powerful, healing experience for so many people?  Where would the money come from so everyone could afford to attend?  Where would we find a place to stay?  Who would volunteer to be our teachers?  How would we advertise?  There were dozens of questions and challenges to making this a reality.  "What was I thinking?"  I was thinking this was a good idea and if I moved forward and it didn't happen, well at least I tried.  It's better to try and fail than to never try at all but it didn't fail.  It happened.  It happened and it has provided comfort and healing, support and respite to more people than I had ever imagined.  "What was I thinking?"  I don't really know what I was thinking but I do know I'm really glad and actually very proud that I was thinking at all. I'm thrilled that the retreat exists and that because of the work of so many wonderful people, we achieved the creation of such an amazing, awesome experience.  As of today it's been over a week since the retreat began and I am pleased to say I am still floating on the "wings of joy."

What Do You Live For?

Affirmation: Every day I invite God into my life.

In Rediscover Catholicism, Matthew Kelly asks many interesting questions and he presents many topics for contemplation.  One of the questions is "What do you live for?" He tells the story of Abraham Lincoln calling in a soldier and asking the soldier to deliver an important message.  The soldier tells Lincoln, "Sir, I would die for our cause."  Lincoln says, "Son, I have thousands of men who will die for our cause.  What I need is one man who will live for it."  I love that story.  It made me question myself.  What do I live for?  Where do I spend my time, talent and treasure? 

Rediscover Catholicism is a three hundred page book which is distributed for free.  I received it at my church in Cary N.C., St Michael the Archangel.  I think we were encouraged to give it to someone who has "fallen away" from the church but I felt I could use something to reenergize my faith and so I brought it home and promptly put it on my shelf.  There it sat for several months along with a whole stack of other "mean to read" books.  Do you have any like that? 

One day a fairly new friend and I were discussing the Church and she began to tell me about Matthew Kelly and his book, The Dynamic Catholic.  She's seems more sure of our Church than I and I was interested in what she had to share and quite taken with her enthusiasm for this author and his passion.  I then realized his book was sitting right there with us.  It felt like I was being directed by Spirit, by God, to read this book.  I began using it as a prelude to my journaling in the morning, as I like to do with different reading material.  My intention is to read something inspirational at night, I have recently been focusing on the New Testament, and something motivational in the morning.  For the last few weeks, I've been reading Rediscover Catholicism.

It's very easy to focus on the faults of the Catholic Church.  It's no different than focusing on the faults of the world, the government, any organization, friends or family.  It's very easy to sink to the level of non constructive criticism.  It's easier to go to a negative place than to a positive one and the Church is a magnet for that criticism.  It has had many serious problems as an organization, devastating behavior that cannot be justified. When I refer to the Church, I am referring to the hierarchy.  The patriarchal leaders who determine the philosophy and tenor of Catholicism. Even with all its blemishes the Catholic faith has provided me with the tools to help me deepen my faith and to grow in my relationship with God.  Matthew Kelly's book has helped me, my Small Christian Community study group, another study group called the Women of Grace and recently a few new friends.

One of the concepts presented in the book The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield is that there are no coincidences; everything that happens is "supposed" to happen.  We are always in exactly the place and time within which we are created to be.  The choice of what we do and how we choose to perceive the situation, however, at that moment is completely ours.  One  of my daily prayers is "Come Holy Spirit fill the heart of Your faithful.  Enkindle in me the fire of Your love." It warms my soul to say that prayer.  It truly is the desire of my heart.  I want to live a Christ centered life of love and forgiveness and service and when I say that prayer and invite God to fill me with Divine Presence, I feel hopeful.  "Ask and you shall receive, knock and it will be opened."  In my quest to unite my will to the will of God I have been drawn to activities and people who are guiding me, inspiring me.  I once had a friend who always seemed to be running into people, even strangers, who needed her help.  I asked her about her propensity towards this mission and she told me she asked God everyday to send her people she could help.  It seems so simple, doesn't it, if we can just remember to ask?  I'm a great believer in answered prayer.

My faith is growing.  My relationship with my God is becoming stronger.  Thank heavens because it makes my life richer and more peaceful.  I find more and more opportunities to learn about my faith and to sink deeper and deeper into its comfort.  Looking back on the last year alone, I can see several invitations I've said "yes" to which have led me to a more appreciative attitude towards Catholicism.  The strongest influence has been the newer friends who have entered my life and have chosen to reach out to me and include me in their lives.  It's been a tremendous joy, an honor and a privilege to become their friend.  Each presents their faith in a different but vibrant, loving way and I am inspired by it.  Recently, one of the women said, "I love my Church."  I love my Church!  It was wonderful to hear someone say that.  I too am guilty of focusing on the faults and not the beauty of my faith.  "I love my Church."  I'm not there yet but perhaps with my daily prayer the Holy Spirit will lead me to fall in love with it too.  I know I've fallen in love with the men and women of my church who are in my life and who with each encounter lead me into that rich, deep relationship with God I so desperately desire. 

   

Why Be Vulnerable

Affirmation:  By going outside of my comfort zone I empower myself.

When I first moved to North Carolina in 1986 my young neighbor invited me to walk with her.  I'd always been physically active.  I skated as a child, both ice and roller.  I climbed trees, jumped rope, played ball and rode a bike to name just a few activities.  As a young adult I played tennis but I had never exercised for the sake of exercising.  This invitation was inviting me to try something new.  She also wanted me to walk with her three mornings a week at 5 AM.  I love the mornings and I've always risen at a fairly early hour but to get up when it was still dark and to be dressed and out the door and walking the streets was for me quite a challenge.  We were to walk several miles and initially I was not physically prepared.  I needed to ice my shins after each walk because of shin splints, sharp pains in the front of my calves.  But, after a couple of weeks, the shin splints disappeared and I started to look forward to our chats.  After a short time, a few of the other neighbors joined us and now we were not only exercising our bodies but building our community.  I moved from that neighborhood in 1990 but walking has become an essential part of my quest to be optimally healthy. I do not, however, walk at 5:30 AM.  I now have the luxury of heading out after the sun has risen. The decision to say "yes" to my young neighbor's invitation was a life-changing experience.  It not only opened my world to the importance of exercise but it empowered me by allowing myself to see what I could accomplish if I decided to unite my mind and my body. 

I had stepped outside of my comfort zone.  It may seem like a small step but for me, it was a giant leap.  It was the beginning of a lifetime pursuit of staying strong and healthy.  It certainly wasn't the first time I had been outside my comfort zone.  When I arrived here in NC I was already 40 years old.  I'd moved many times, had 3 children and had taught for several years but somehow this was different.  Accepting and meeting this challenge was life changing.  Perhaps, I didn't think I could make such a commitment, but I did and once I allowed myself to be proud of this feat, I found myself wondering what else I was capable of.  I guess, looking back on it, it was one of the most empowering decisions of my life.     

Every day we are faced with decisions, small and large, important and trivial but each decision shapes our lives and shapes our future.  Certainly, I can look back on my life and see how some choices enhanced my life and I can see how if I had chosen differently how very different my life would be today.  Right now I'm reading The Time In Between by Duenas.  It's a marvelous example of how choice colors our life.  We are not only charged with making choices that will enhance our lives; we are then charged with making a conscious choice to mentally frame that choice in a positive light, to make sure that the consequences of that decision enhances our lives.  It's easy if it was a choice that easily led to some perceived blessing but when the decision led to a struggle or perhaps even a disaster, reframing it can prove to be extremely difficult but with practice, it can be done even if it's simply to use the experience as a lesson which empowers us going forward.

The second focus of Brene Brown's Daring Greatly is vulnerability.  (The first focus was about shame and I wrote about it in the blog, Shame on You!) When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we open ourselves up to making mistakes but we also open ourselves up to opportunity and growth.  One must walk the fine line between humility and foolishness if one is to embrace the quality of vulnerability.  What Brene Brown is talking about is the opportunity to live a full, rich life because we are not afraid to try something that makes us uncomfortable, to try something at which we might fail.  That behavior not only takes us outside of our comfort zone but it encourages the virtue of humility. 

What would one try if one wasn't afraid to fail, if one was willing to be vulnerable?  It's not only what one might learn but who one might become.  I have some of the most amazing friends.  People who are not just willing to try something new but look for opportunities to do so.  My only concern is that sometimes they don't see what remarkable things they are doing.  They don't or won't take credit for their awesome spirits.  Sure, there are historical accounts of people whose humility changed the world, people like Abraham Lincoln and Mahatma Gandhi.  I, however, love to look at those heroes who are in my immediate life and relish their virtues.  There are so very many. 

There are the writers who open up their lives to others.  The painters who display their work.  There are those who start their own businesses.  I have friends who have done mission trips to all different parts of the world.  How about those friends who begin a new career in their retirement years?  Some of the most remarkable women I've ever met are the ones who attend the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat every year especially the ones who come knowing no one and without a clue of where they are going or what they'll be doing.  I'm sure you can think of many people in your life who step outside of their comfort zones.  They may not initially think they can but that doesn't stop them; they do it anyway.  They know they might fail but they also know they might succeed.  It doesn't matter one way or the other because just by saying "yes", simply by being willing to be vulnerable, to be humble, their lives will be richer and more rewarding.

Yes, it was a small step to agree to walk at 5 AM three mornings a week.  We need not take huge steps to initiate change in our lives.  The little "yeses" are the beginning which empowers us to one day take a giant step and maybe not only change our world but The world. 

Shame On You!

Affirmation:  I release myself from shame.

"Shame on you!"  This phrase can sometimes be accompanied by an accuser wagging his or her index finger at you while they are saying it.  "Shame on you!"  Does anyone use that phrase anymore?  I hope not but whether it's said or not, many people carry around a deep sense of shame even if they don't understand its meaning.  My study group is in the process of reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and one of her main topics is shame.

Is shame different than guilt?  Can it possibly be a useful emotion, one that might help someone become healthier and more productive?  Could it possibly help someone at least become kind and compassionate?  No, I don't believe it helps  

 in anyway.  In fact when I Googled it one of the phrases used to describe shame was an "unhealthy emotion."  I think when someone is pointing their finger at you and saying, "Shame on you." It's no different than them cursing you and telling you to, "Go to Hell!"  There is no redeeming value in their condemnation. They are condemning you as a person; they are not condemning your behavior and that's where the difference comes in between shame and guilt.  

Shame is when you feel like you are unworthy because you believe there is something inherently wrong with you; you are a bad person.  Guilt is when your behavior is faulty and because of it, because of your humanity, you've made a mistake, you've done something wrong.  Unfortunately, it doesn't have to be someone other than ourselves pointing that finger.  Many of us are very adept at saying, "Shame on me!"  That too is not doing anything to help you create a better life.  One needs to fully comprehend the difference between believing they are inherently evil and that they have done an evil thing and can make amends and go onto change their behavior. 

I believe many people suffer from shame because of what they were told as a child by some authority figure, either a parent, teacher or some other misguided authority figure or even worse, something that was done to them as a child.  Those who make it to adulthood and don't suffer from the malady of shame are either completely skewed or had some wonderful people in their lives who with their affirmations diffused those who attempted to harm them.They gave them the gift of discernment.  I've had many people tell me their religion made them feel worthless and shameful.  I can see how that might happen but at some point don't you think you have to shuck off that mantle and decide what empowers you and what is hurting you, instead of blaming it on something in your past?  How is that done?

That's why I started this site.  To give people the opportunity to think about their beliefs and whether or not those beliefs are enhancing their lives or diminishing their lives.  When discussing this specific topic with a friend she told me SHAME was an acronym for "should have already mastered everything."  I don't think she was talking about our hobbies, although I believe how we approach our hobbies is a reflection of how we feel about the more important aspects of our lives, like our faith and our relationships.  Perfection is the birthplace of shame.  We may have a belief system that has led us to a point where we expect so very much from ourselves.  There seems to be a fine line between expecting to do something perfectly and setting the bar so low that we never excel at anything.  If you follow this blog, you know that I have recently raised the bar on both my golf game and my fiddle playing.  There's no way to keep score for fiddle improvement so since I've been practicing almost daily, I'll give myself credit for improving.  Golf, however, is very different.  Each swing no matter how big or small, near or far counts equally.  Gauging my improvement or lack thereof is very easy.  

Soon after writing the Never Give Up blog, but after some additional practice and a lesson I headed out to play with "the big girls."  What a lesson in life for me.  I was abysmal!  Notice the phrase carefully.  I didn't write, "My game was abysmal."  I fully felt like there was something inherently wrong with me.  When describing my experience to a dear friend and life-long golfer I was hoping for some great insight to dispel how embarrassed and actually ashamed I was by my performance.  In retrospect I am so grateful to have had this experience.  It was non-threatening, even trivial in some way but because I've been studying Daring Greatly, it gave me a great opportunity to see how I can point that finger of shame at myself and suffer that unhealthy emotion.

My friend and her husband said all the right things.  There they are, the people we all need in our lives to lift us up and affirm our personhood.  I wasn't being silly.  "It was easy to beat ourselves up over our performances."  They had had exactly the same experiences.  With their encouragement and a few more lessons from my coach and number one fan, my husband, Sandy, I took the lessons of golf and life that I had just learned and headed out to play once again.  I headed out with a whole new attitude.  I would do my very best and no matter what, I would have fun.  I would enjoy my time.  I would not beat myself up.  I felt differently heading out and I think that alone helped me play better.  A life lesson for me.  Do my best and choose to enjoy whatever I'm involved with.  And, when I'm shamed either by myself or another, take it to those who love me and let them help lift me back up to a place of light and joy.

Shame is a disease of the spirit, not the mind.  This is probably why religion has been so successful at using shame as a tool to control their flocks.  We don't really need to be reminded of our sinful nature, most of us are very aware of our imperfections.  What we really need is encouragement and healing.  That too is available through most faiths.  Unfortunately, we must sift through the fire and brimstone to find it but it is there.  That's where the healing is too.  It's in the attention to spirit.  In fact, I firmly believe once we ask for healing, the Universe will gather all its forces to begin the process and will come to us in ways in which we never even dreamed.  

I am a great believer in the Holy Spirit.  Oh I am sure there are many many names given  the Holy Spirit by all those that believe there is a power greater than anything of which we have an inkling.  Give it any name you like.  It's that life force that penetrates the very core of every living thing.  It's available to all of us but most of us are simply too busy or too thick to notice it.  When we sit in silence and invite Divine Energy into our lives and our beings, miracles occur, healing occurs.  This is the antidote to shame.  We invite God into every cell of our beings.  We are part of the Divine.  It is our birthright to share in the holiness and glory of God.  Once we acknowledge our connection and our heritage to God's Divine gifts, healing begins.  

The Demise of Cursive Writing

Affirmation:  I am a life-long learner.

The conversation with my children was about writing.  It wasn't about creative writing, it was about penmanship.  Well there's an old fashioned word.  I didn't know how outdated it was until we had this discussion.  I was informed by my adult daughter, Melissa, that cursive writing was no longer part of the core curriculum in the North Carolina school system.  After the third grade, children are not taught how to write long-hand.  I'm still in shock.  I've been writing three pages of long-hand in my journal every morning for over fifteen years.  My adult son, Joey, went onto say that he almost never uses a pen or a pencil.  When he does, he finds them awkward to use.  His writing method is almost always a keyboard.  Penmanship is no longer considered an essential life skill.

That certainly wasn't true when I was in school.  The cursive alphabet was on long strips of black paper resting above the black board.  Yes, the board was black, not white and we used chalk not erasable magic markers.  There were several lines on the paper and each one was a height that determined where a loop, a "t", an "i" or a capital letter was to land on the page.  We were handed blank lined pages and the students tried to copy the letters onto the paper from the form above the boards.  We used number 2 pencils with erasers.  I loved it!  I liked the form and the lines for guidance and the feel of the pencil on the paper and I loved seeing the letters take shape and appear on the page.  I became a math teacher later in life.  I was never much for coloring outside the lines so it seems fairly understandable why I liked the rigid format that was used to learn cursive. 

I've always been fascinated by hand writing.  Some is so legible and others completely illegible.  Some is neat and clean and others are sloppy.  Some is flowery and others are straight up and down.  People have made a living "reading" hand writing.  They are supposed to be able to figure out a person's personality from what their hand writing looks like.  Not anymore!  Did you ever watch a detective show where the sleuth looked at a type written note and determined whether someone was right handed or left handed because of how some of the letters appeared darker; they had been hit harder by the dominant hand?  Not anymore!  I went to summer school to learn how to type.  My mother told me it was an invaluable life skill.  She was right!  The key board I use today is laid out exactly the same as the one that was on my manual typewriter.  If you don't know what a typewriter looks like, Google it. But, they don't teach typing in school anymore either.  I think it comes already hard wired in the brains of anyone born after 1990.  I've seen two year olds working a computer key board. 

Reading, writing and arithmetic were the three "Rs" that we were told were the core skills we would need for life.  The question about why we needed to learn mathematics when most people would never use it once they were out of school is decades old.  As a math teacher, I sometimes wondered the same thing but I knew the value of making the brain work in different ways and for me there was always a great satisfaction in solving a problem correctly.  I loved solving the "puzzle." But, it's true; most people didn't have any use for Algebra or Geometry or Trig. once they have finished with the class.  Now, most people don't even need to know the basics of math.  There's a calculator on every phone.  It appears to be one more life skill we no longer need. 

So, that leaves reading as the last core skill we were told we needed.  I can't imagine not reading. I love a good book.  Recently I had cataract surgery and the lenses that were implanted were determined by whether or not I read books and papers regularly or if I read from a computer.  Can you imagine not being able to read?  There are organizations dedicated to teaching adults how to read.  It seems it still is an essential life skill.  But, I wonder will that always be true?  Recently, I downloaded an app called OverDrive.  It allows me to connect to my library and to download audio books onto my phone or iPad.  I can then listen to the book wherever and whenever I want.  I know there have been audio books for decades but now they are prolific and free; for many it's their preferred way to "read" a book.  What does this foretell?

If we don't need to learn the three "Rs" any longer, what do we need to learn or even more important, what do we need to be teaching?  What are the schools focusing on that is preparing our young people to live meaningful, productive lives?  We have several people in the family who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.  I know it is more commonly diagnosed today than ever before.  I'm not sure if it's because more people struggle with it or because we're more knowledgeable about it.  My youngest grandson was really struggling in his traditional middle school because of ADD.  We were fortunate to find a small private local school that had a different, more hands-on approach to learning.  Once there he blossomed both mentally and emotionally.  His learning "style" needed a place with a different environment in order for it to take root.  What is he learning at his new school that is different from the other one?  He's learning how to learn. 

Let's face it all the information we need or want to learn  is available to us in one form or another.  Today it's even more readily available because of our access to the Internet.  I am in awe of the range of information available online.  There are lessons on everything!  There are lessons about things I probably don't want know anything about.  I have, however, looked up music lessons and how to fix different things.  My son uses the Internet to renovate equipment, like boats, cars, engines and all sorts of electronic equipment.  The other day our refrigerator broke down and the first thing we did, after throwing away the perishables was to go online to see if we could diagnose it and fix it ourselves.  Owen is always telling me about different places he's never been to or about scientific data he's looked up.  It's beyond exciting!  Back in March of 2013 he pretended to be a reporter and interviewed Galileo about his theories.  My husband, Sandy, played the role of the famous scientist.  It was for Owen's science project.  Everyone learned something and it was fun. 

I'd like to think that our educational system is closely examining what our young people need to learn in order to be productive healthy citizens.  What do you think the new core skills should be?  It seems to me one of the most important ones would be to learn how to learn.  Owen is an experiential learner.  Once he discovered that, he found he can learn whatever he wants.  I am mainly an auditory learner.  If I had known that earlier on, learning would have come a lot easier to me.  Some of us are visual; others need a variety of approaches. Once we've learned how to gather the information, the rest is just doing it.  But what other core skills do we want our children to master?  What are the essential life skills?  If it's true we learn all we need to know in Kindergarten, what are we doing with the rest of our years of schooling?  How about focusing on the Golden Rule?  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  How about the Ten Commandments?  What about relationship skills: how to resolve conflict, how to create community, how to get your needs met without hurting another?  What if the three "Rs" morphed into the three "Cs": compassion, communication and cooperation? 

Yes, we still need to know how to read and write, if not in cursive than at least we need to know how to compose a grammatically correct sentence.  But, the key to all of this is it's not so much what we learn but that we do learn and not just while we're in school but for as long as we're alive.  Expand your knowledge.  Go out there and learn about life, learn about living, learn whatever it is that makes you feel fully alive.  Then perhaps you'll write about it.  Perhaps you'll share it with the world.  Who knows maybe someday someone will download it and listen to it. 

Never Give Up

Affirmation:  Because of visualization and dedication, I am a remarkable golfer and a terrific fiddler.

Once again I am learning about who I am and how I approach life by two of the more challenging hobbies I have chosen to pursue for these many years.  I hate to quit at something I've made up my mind to learn.  My learning style is more about being slow and steady.  I have discovered that as long as I don't give up, sooner or later I can become fairly proficient at what I want to do.  I do have a tendency to think of myself as a "jack of all trades, a master of none."  That's not a very positive affirmation, is it?  In some ways it has served me well because I will attempt to do something regardless of my knowledge or skill level.  I don't think I have to be perfect.  I don't expect perfection so why not give it a shot.  Unfortunately for me, however, I have a tendency to focus on those things at which I am not exceptional and not claim those skills at which I am very accomplished.  There are things I do very well.  There are skills and talents of which I have pursued and worked hard and feel good about but there are those of which I have told myself I will never be masterful.  I've often thought there are just some things where I reach my level of mediocrity and can't seem to break through it or chose not to break through it.  Golf and fiddling are two of those things. I thought I'd made peace with that.  I thought I was just fine still plugging along and not seeing any great improvement until my chiropractor, Joanne Noel, took some time to help me reframe my intentions. 

I mentioned my playing golf during my visit to her.  I'm sure I didn't sound too excited.  "Really" I tell myself and sometimes others, "I just play to keep my husband company and to be with my son and daughter-in-law.  If I don't keep score, I'm a really good golfer. I am!"  But, I don't know how to not keep score.  Even when I don't write it down, I find myself counting each stroke in my head.  At the end of 18 holes I always know how many times I have swung the club and it's always a lot of times.  I really don't understand it.  I have a few flubs now and then but if you were watching me I think you'd see that I hit the ball fairly far, I have a nice short game and I've become a pretty good putter but when I add all that up, it's always a lot.  How does one determine if a score represents a lot of swings?  It's determined by one's handicap and my handicap is the highest a woman can have.  This after playing this sport as of this year for 46 years!  

There is not a numerical handicap to determine one's fiddling skill.  As of this writing I  haven't been playing the fiddle for 46 years.  I really wish I had been.  I imagine I'd be much more skilled.  Although, if my golfing skills are an indication of how long it would take before I became a master, it might not make much of a difference but I do imagine, I actually dream that if I'd learned to play as a child and had practiced and played all these many years, I would play with abandonment and I'd make this wonderful sound and perhaps I could even play by ear.  I'd be able to join any jam session and when the song began there I'd be fiddling along either picking up the tune or adding to the beat with my knowledge and skill.  It's a dream.  It's good to have dreams but you can sit around forever wishing something to be true and if it involves learning and practice, it will never happen. Never! Never! Never! 

My music teacher, Mara Shea sent me the link to this You-tube video: Never Give Up.  If you have anything in your life you're working at improving, I highly recommend watching it.  It's not about golfing or fiddling.  It's the heroic story of a Gulf War veteran who was left severely handicapped after his time of service.  He was told he would never be able to walk on his own again.  It took quite a while but he decided they were wrong and he found a teacher and began practicing yoga.  It documents his journey.  With dedication and persistence he completely changed his life.  I wasn't sure if Mara sent it to me because I am a Yoga teacher and she knew I'd love it or because she wanted me to know that if I continue to practice and not give up, someday my dream of being a terrific fiddler will finally come true.  Regardless of her reason, I found it to be moving and motivational. 

My chiropractor, Joanne Noel responded to my comments about my golf game by telling me the story of a patient of hers who after years of being a sub par golfer one day decided to become a scratch golfer.  That's someone with a zero handicap.  Joanne shared that her patient hadn't yet reached her goal and maybe she never would but that her patient now had a remarkable golf game.  Remarkable!  Right then and there I knew I would one day have a remarkable golf game.  Mara Shea encourages me to become the best fiddler I can possibly be.  She'd love to see my dream of being a terrific fiddler come true.  Michelangelo said, "The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it."  I have been aiming too low.  But now, I am not going to simply sit around and wish that I become a remarkable golfer and a terrific fiddler, I have a new affirmation and I've already seen the beginnings of its power.  I have a vision and I am ready to work. 

What are your visions?  What dreams do you have that you are willing to work at?  I could continue writing this blog.  It's such a powerful concept, the concept of visualizing our lives and then stepping up our efforts to bring our visualization into reality but, I have to go practice the fiddle and later today, I will be practicing my golf swing.  I took a lesson this week and I need to relearn the way I hit my clubs.  I can already see that if I practice this new technique my swing will be more consistent and the ball will go further.  I can see that handicap score lowering any day now and I can hear that jam session calling me.  I'm getting ready!