A Safer World

Affirmation:  The world is safer than we believe it to be.

She didn’t phrase the affirmation in the positive, so I had to re-wright it.  She actually said, “The world is not as dangerous as we imagine it to be.”  She was backpacking through So. Africa.  She was crossing the border from Zimbabwe into Botswana.  She was all alone, no travel buddy along and she would be spending the night in a camp site, somewhere about which she knew very little.  “Will you be in a tent?” I asked.  She didn’t know.  She appeared to be in her early thirties and while I was dressed to be sure the mosquitos didn’t find a free square inch on me, she was in a tank top and shorts.  Her name was Anya.  I told her she was one of my newest heroines.  I have many but she was definitely the latest and I was so pleased to meet her, to share a little time with her and to learn from her.  “The world is not as dangerous as we imagine it to be.”  I felt like someone had opened a door in a stuffy, small room,  Yes, I was in So. Africa too.  I had only been here a few days when we were traveled to Chobe to cruise the river and ride through the jungle to see lions and giraffes and elephants and whatever other exotic creatures chose to show themselves.  I, however was with a buddy, Susan Auman and we had hired a guide to help facilitate the transfer across the border.  I was in awe of Anya.  

This was towards the end of our trip.  

It can be hard to imagine the world as safe.  The news is so gruesome most days.  It is the focus of the media and it leaves many feeling anxious and afraid.  Fear can be useful.  We are genetically wired to use fear as a warning system but when we always are in a “flight or fight” response, it becomes debilitating, cortisol levels rise and our systems are overloaded.  

Susan and I had already visited Cairo.  We had seen the pyramids, the Sphinx and visited mosques and several holy sites where the Holy Family had lived, according to the legends told.  We had also sailed the Nile and visited temples as old as three thousand plus years old.  (We had used some toilets that we were sure were just as old. Toilette paper was handed out by the sheet and that only with the payment of a dollar or more.) We had danced and hiked and rode in a hot air balloon over the desert but I still wasn’t sure if the world was more or less dangerous than I imagined but I was beginning to see the world differently, more like Anya.  

We were traveling during Lent and finishing our Egypt segment at the end of Holy Week.  Egypt is 80 percent Muslim and I was feeling very unsure about our journey.  I always wear a small cross necklace and I just wasn’t sure how advisable that was.  I took the cross off for a few days but I felt very uncomfortable without it and so, I put it back on.  I once read a story about a man who decided to wear a large (I don’t know how large.) wooden cross around his neck for Lent.  He was fairly sure people would react to his new pendant, he just didn't know how they would react.  Imagine his surprise when no one reacted at all.  His decision to wear the cross was a very brave statement.  The only thing that mattered was how it made him feel.  That’s how I felt about wearing my little necklace.  The good news is no one reacted to it, positively or negatively but it was very important to me to openly claim my faith.  I felt very brave. 

So. Africa was a very different environment than Egypt.  I fell in love with the people.  We arrived and were eventually met by Sindy.  He was definitely one of the highlights of our travel.  Actually, for me, meeting the people wherever we went was the most fun.  Whoever we met, we were greeted warmly and courteously.  Susan and I did always present with a smile and I think that’s a universal language.  Very seldom was there not a response in kind.  

We had both prayed that God would send his angels ahead to pave the path with grace, ease, compassion and love and I must say, we were in awe of how well our travels went.  When met by our last tour representative we knew our prayers had definitely been answered.  His name was Blessing.  The names of the people we met in Victoria Falls were inspiring.  One of our waiters was named Tadiwa. He told us it meant, “We are loved.”  I asked him if it were true and he said, “yes” he was loved.  Sindy’s wife’s name is Simangaliso.  Her name means, “Great wonder” and according to Sindy, she is.  

Sindy had stories galore for us.  His enthusiasm for the falls was contagious.  As we walked the path to the Danger Point and the Devil’s Pool, he quoted Livingston.  “These are signs so wonderful that the angels must have gazed upon them in their flight.”  As we were leaving, this unassuming, gentle man he told us one last tale about being invited to speak in 2015 at the “Be the Change Conference” in Atlanta, GA.  It was his first time to fly and when he arrived, he spoke to five thousand people about helping women develop their own businesses because they are the mothers who nurture our future. 

The quality of the So. African people I found most striking was how they looked you right in the eye.  When you asked them how they were, they would always smile and engage you in a way that I found to be endearing and unusual.  

“The world is not as dangerous a place as we imagine it to be.” I am so grateful to my friend, Susan, for inviting me to join her on this pilgrimage.  Her desire to see and experience the world and her willingness to share it with me, dragged me out of fear and into love.  It’s not the first time she has led me this way.  It was she who led me to walk the Camino in 2017.  I can fall into fear very easily but she reminds me that “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”  We said our prayers and then stepped out into a whole new world.  She would tell me periodically that “You knew you weren’t in Kansas any longer,” when you had warthogs on the front lawn, elephants crossing the road, baboons climbing out of inn windows and monkeys waiting to steal your breakfast.  We were in a different world and I had conquered my fears, again.  It’s a gift I gave myself. It’s keeping me excited and enthusiastic about life, about the future, about our future.  It’s a reminder of a phrase I heard while at the Haden Institute, “God loves me exactly as I am but She loves me too much to leave me there.”  Thank you, God!  Thank you, Susan.  

Have Courage and Be Kind

Affirmation: I live a Christ centered life of love, hope, peace, gratitude and compassion. 

Louise Penny, the author of the crime novels about Three Pines, Canada and Inspector Gamache came to Meredith College in September of this year, 2015 to promote her newest book, The Nature of the Beast.  It's her twelfth book in this series.  The auditorium was full.  I guessed there to be about 300 people there.  I became a fan a few years back when one of the women in my book group, Anne Brill, recommended Mrs. Penny's work.  My husband, Sandy and I like to listen to a good book if we have an extended drive and I purchased The Beautiful Mystery for us several years ago.  We were immediately hooked.  We can't wait for our next long trip to delve into the newest novel and to be reunited with the inspector and the rest of our new "friends."

Louise didn't really speak about her books because she said she might give away some of the story line which she felt would interfere with her reader's enjoyment.  Instead she spoke about her journey to becoming a successful writer.  It wasn't an unusual story.  It took her a long time and required quite a bit of stamina and also a few serendipitous events.  One event revolved around a fundraiser in a foreign country where she met her publisher, the only person with whom she had an encounter during the whole night.  Her whole story was interesting but the message with which I came away was about "kindness."

She said she modeled the inspector after her husband.  If you've read any of her work you will know the inspector is a wonderful man.  He is a family man, he cares deeply about his coworkers and he rises above the call of duty to a place of kindness and compassion.  What a gift to have someone in your life like that, and especially the person with whom you've chosen to spend your life.  I know it's a gift because I too have a husband like that.  When she spoke about the qualities these men exemplify she focused on kindness.  It was a short sentence but it emphasized to me the power of words.  "It is easier to be mean than it is to be kind."  Well, I thought, isn't that the truth!

Don't you love it when the same message repeats itself in your life?  Why, I wonder am I hearing this concept on a regular basis.  What is God or simply the Universe trying to tell me?  What more am I to learn?  Over the last two weeks the phrase, "have courage and be kind" has appeared two more times.  I bet you didn't know that those were Cinderella's mother's last words to Ella.  Disney's latest adaptation of the famous fairytale added that phrase.  In this edition, Cinderella wasn't simply saved by the handsome prince, they chose to empower her with qualities that enabled her to change her life and still be compassionate.  Thank heavens!   

It seems to me it's so much easier for people to be spiteful, to be right, to be "all about me and not about you."  We all recognize when we are being treating kindly.  Are we called to be kind to everyone?  It seems we are.  We are even called to be kind to our enemies.  What does that look like?  Does it take more energy to be kind than mean or indifferent?  Maybe it just takes a different kind of energy.  I believe it certainly takes a more conscientious effort to rise to the higher good than to sink to the lowest common denominator. 

Kindness is a close relative of compassion.  Many of the messages I've received lately in several of my readings have revolved around my responsibility to show compassion for the marginalized and suffering of the world.  Compassion is kindness put into action. I believe as I age that responsibility becomes even greater.  This is a time in my life when I have the luxury of having more time and how I use that time is very important.  I want to leave this world a better place than I found it.  I must confess there are many days when I look around and can't even imagine what steps I can take to help the world.  It helps for me to recognize that I support several projects that reach out beyond my normal sphere of influence to the benefit of those who need exceptional help.  I really can't help the whole world but I can do some things that makes a difference or can I? 

Do you know the story about the boy who is throwing starfish into the ocean?  A man comes along and asks him what he's doing and he explains he's saving lives.  The man laughs and tells him he's wasting his time; he can't possible save all the starfish.  It's not making a difference.  The boy picks up another starfish and throws it into the ocean and says, "Well, I made a difference to that one."  My sister, Gloria Hafner, was a specialized reading teacher in NY.  She took one or two students at a time and helped them learn to read at or above age level.  She always told anyone who would listen about her work and that she had, "made a difference to that one."

At the time of this entry Pope Francis is about to come to the United States.  There has been a lot of publicity revolving around his visit.  His approach to the world is causing quite a stir.  He seems to me to be filled with love and compassion.  He wants us all to fill ourselves with these intentions and then to put them into action.  He doesn't want to hear excuses and he doesn't want or be our judge or jury.  He is encouraging everyone to hear the message of Jesus and to go forward to make the world a better place.  I personally find his message and his example to be refreshing, inspirational and challenging. 

One of my efforts revolves around my belief in the power of prayer.   I pray the Rosary daily for those "who most need God's mercy."  I am trusting that my prayers seep out into the universe and relieve someone's pain and suffering.  It seems to me there is so much anguish.  Perhaps the world is always like it is now and we simply see it more clearly because of the media but what is taking place especially at this time with the refugees from Syria and Africa is beyond tragic. 

One of the conversations I've had recently revolved around energy and our ability to influence it.  The scientist I spoke with didn't believe there was such a thing and that the only reason there was any sort of change was due to a placebo effect.  I didn't feel qualified to argue with him but I left feeling very sad.  He didn't believe in mystery.  He only believed in "mastery."  He only seemed to believe in what he could see and touch and prove.  I am sure he is not alone but I need "mystery."  I need to believe that there is more to this life than what I perceive. 

I don't believe there will ever be any definite proof that our thoughts and prayers change the world but I truly believe they do.  I actually embrace the mystery and imagine one day when I am no longer physically part of this world, being shown how the time and effort I made to send help to others through prayer manifested itself.  It'll be my judgment day.  I'll see where I failed to rise to the level of a higher plane and where I truly made a difference because I cared and was willing to take the time and make an effort to pray.    

Maybe that's why lately the words, "courage" and "kind” are appearing together.  It may be harder to be kind than mean and kindness is a very important quality to practice but it takes courage to be compassionate.  It takes the ability to "suffer with" another and that is very hard.  It's so much easier to turn off the TV or to turn away from the homeless and hungry.  Pope Francis and now even Disney are calling all of us to step outside of our comfort zone and find a way to help those in need.  Perhaps it will be with prayer.  Perhaps it will be only to reach out to one person, someone for whom we can claim, "it made a difference to that one."

Claiming Courage

Affirmations:  I am courageous.

"I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not the one who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." Nelson Mandela

It seems lately the topic of conversation has often turned to the concept of courage.  Partly because my Women of Faith study group is reading The Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To by Anthony DeStephano. One of the prayers is, "God grant me courage."  I loved the chapter of this topic.  I thought his presentation was clear and comprehensive and for me, just what I needed to "hear" at this time.

I know I have at least two positive affirmations that have bolstered my confidence over the years.  They are, I am a bold adventuress and I am audacious.  I say, "yes I can."  They have worked quite well for me.  Many times I've jumped into situations, well OK maybe I simply walked into them, which I was not sure about.  I'd usually come out the other side excited about what had taken place and exhilarated that I'd overcome my fear and anxiety.  It was always a very empowering experience. 

While those affirmations have been good, most of my days are fairly uneventful or at least not adventurous and yet I can carry with me a sense of concern; concern about my finances, my health or that of my loved ones, my relationships and especially about the future. 

Part of Anthony's premise was that we need to practice being courageous.  We need to pick up the quality, the gift every day.  At first we should start with small things and as our strength grows and our courage muscle becomes stronger, we will be able to be courageous at more challenging times.  They are a coming!  Or, perhaps they are already here.  The words were for me, filling a need.  His advice was exactly what I seemed to need at this particular time in my life.

I believe I am still grieving the death of my mother and her blessed but very difficult last several years of her life.  I know I will heal but for now the memory lingers and weighs on me and leaves me wondering about my future, my old age and my death. 

Think about the brave people you know?  Think about the brave people you have read about?  The first group that always comes to my mind are our service people.  I know for some they discovered courage in situations they never imagined they could endure.  Our veterans are some of our most remarkable heroes.  Then, our fire fighters come to mind.  My dad, Frank Grolimund, was a captain with the New York City volunteer fire fighters.  I vividly remember being with him as he ran into a burning building to help with whatever was necessary.  I believe he was very brave, if not a little crazy.  I think too of all the fire fighters who ran towards the dangers of the World Trade Center on 911. The memory still brings tears to my eyes. Then, there are all those people fighting cancer or some other life threatening illness.  I am here to tell you it takes an enormous amount of courage to continue that fight and sometimes even more, to allow yourself or a loved one, to let go.

The greatest example of courage for me, however, is that of Jesus Christ.  When I mediate on his time in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46) I cannot imagine the courage it must have taken for him to give himself completely over to His Father and get up and walk out to what he knew, he knew in every excruciating detail what he was to experience!  He must have asked His Father for courage that evening and it was obviously granted. 

Now, I have learned that God will also grant me courage if I only ask.  It will be one more answered prayer and I don't have to wait, I can claim it now.  I can claim it daily in all things, small and with practice, large.  "God grant me courage."  I am asking and I believe in answered prayer and with that comes a new affirmation, I am courageous.

How about you? Want to overcome fear and become brave?  Want more courage?  Join me.  Ask!

The Movie of My Life

Affirmation:  I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, joy, gratitude and compassion.

 

 

Jason Becker, Not Dead Yet, is the name of the movie we were invited to view.  It was the premier and it was being held to benefit Jason Becker and the ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, aka Lou Gehrig's Disease) Foundation.  We were guests of Cytokinetics which is a drug development group doing research to aid in the treatment and cure of these types of diseases. We didn't know Jason. We knew nothing about his story but the invitation was for a group of us to travel to a club, Bimbo's, in San Francisco and have dinner and watch the film.  We were already in California at the time so it was an appealing invitation.  We entered the club, got a beverage and then went to meet Jason.  He was in a motorized wheel chair and there was a line to meet him.  He could no longer move any part of his body other than his eyes and some facial muscles.  He was surrounded by what I assumed to be family members and caregivers. 

 

 

My first impression of him was how handsome he was.  We had been told a little about Jason's story before we arrived.  He was a guitar virtuoso from the time he was five years old until he was eighteen when he was diagnosed with ALS.  The disease progressed very quickly and while he was able to record a lot of his work before his upper body deserted him, he had to drop out of the David Roth world tour. He had been recruited as Van Halen's replacement. He was now 41. His father had developed a system of communication that allowed Jason to "talk" with his eyes.  It was a matrix system and it depended on how many times he blinked and what direction he rolled his eyes.  His parents and caregivers could spell out the words Jason was indicting and then they would share his comments with the visitor.  We were next in line to meet him.

I'd never met anyone with ALS and I've never really tried to have a conversation with a paraplegic.  But, he had his interpreters with him so I wasn't too concerned.  We approached and I confessed to him that I was new to his story but I was looking forward to becoming one of his newest fans.  He made a few eye movements and his father told us he had just responded, "awesome."  Awesome was exactly what I was thinking and after we watched the film, awesome was exactly the word I would use to describe this young man's talent, the dedication of his amazing family and friends and his undaunted courage.

 

A diagnosis of ALS is considered a terminal diagnosis.  There is no cure.  There is no treatment.  There is no hope.  Normally, one would die within a few years of the diagnosis.  As of this date, Jason has been alive for 23 years after the diagnosis; he's "not dead yet."  Not only is he still alive but he's still composing music.  His father has come up with another way to help Jason compose the music he can still hear, the music he's still creating in his mind.  My husband, Sandy and I were inspired by Jason story.  We are inspired by Jason himself and by the love and support he has gathered around him.

 

 

The next morning I sat with another event attendee and we began to discuss all we had learned from the night before.  We shared our newfound appreciation for Jason and his family.  I then shared that after last night's experience I found myself asking the question, if someone was to make a movie of my life, what would be in it?  Jason is only 41.  Most of the movie revolved around his first eighteen years and the accomplishments he had already made.  It appeared he was on his way to becoming one of the all-time great guitarists.  He was on his way to becoming a legend.  I'm not a guitar aficionado but even I recognized several of the names of the people in the movie who spoke about him.  He had already commanded such respect as an artist and as a human being by the age of eighteen that twenty-three years later, these famous musicians were still giving testimony to him and his talent.

 

I don't know about you but I must admit that if my life's reputation had to depend on what I'd accomplished up until my eighteenth year, it would be very lacking in accomplishments.  I'm sixty-seven as of this writing and I would hope that I have finally achieved some measure of respect for a lifetime of loving effort.  What would a movie of my life include?  What would a movie of your life look like?  When discussing this with my friend, we found ourselves focusing on the virtues of kindness and love.  As long as our movie focused on promoting those two qualities, we decided it would be a good film.

 

I once saw a really scary movie with Robin Williams about an internal camera device that was implanted in everyone at their birth and was extracted when they died.  His profession was to put together their obituary in film form from their camera.  He was supposed to be one of the best because he could edit the film of even the most cruel, horrendous behavior and make the obituary a glowing commendation of the deceased.  It was so disturbing that I shut it off almost at the beginning but the concept left me with a lot to think about.

 

The day will come when someone will be piecing my life together to help others remember me.  It's inevitable.  What will my "movie" say about me?  Will I need a professional editor?  Will it be a comedy or a drama and what will it be rated? Have you heard the advice about writing out your own obituary so you can decide before you die how you want to be remembered and then take the steps necessary to paint that picture?  I know no matter how we craft our lives not everyone will appreciate what we've attempted to do no matter how kind and caring we have acted.  If it happens so be it but I shouldn't expect to be recognized for my good works.  Really, the most important part of all this is if I did my best, my utmost to live a life worthy of my own respect and that of my God.  Kindness, forgiveness and love are the three qualities I'd like the movie of my life to revolve around.  Hopefully, I have a few more years left to make sure the ending of my movie is as close to my ideal as it possibly can be.