God's Garmin

Affirmation: I am in awe of the guidance God sends me, through people as I travel down a new and difficult path.

What is needed in order to navigate through new territory?  Lewis and Clark, Columbus and Magellan and Dr. Livingston are a few examples of pioneers who headed out into the world without any foreknowledge of what lied ahead and created trails for others to follow.  There are now maps for most anywhere one wants to go.  There is even Google Earth, where we can examine almost every square foot of our planet without leaving our home. 

When my daughter, Ellen, moved to London I desperately wanted to see where she would be living but flying over there was not in our plans.  She sent me a video from Google Earth with her apartment circled in red.  I could then move the cursor around on the page and see everything she could see from her front window.  It was miraculous.  Since then I have occasionally gone to the site to see the areas where I resided when I was younger.  It was fascinating to see how the areas had changed and to share the photos of the neighborhood with my children or with my friends.

Yes, it seems as if the whole world is mapped out and we aren't in need of pioneers any longer.  Even the moon and Mars have "rovers" with cameras on them.  Of course there is the rest of the Universe "where no man has ever gone before."  I don't believe many of us will be faced with an adventure into outer space.  In addition to outer space, however, there are also the Olympics.  Right now, the 2014 Winter Olympics are taking place in Sochi Russia.  No one needed a map to get to Sochi and no one is following a geographical path that hasn't been carefully laid out but these gifted, dedicated and determined young people are definitely blazing new trails.  The new gold medal winner for the Men's Snow Boarding Half Pipe, Iouri Podladtchikov, not only performed an almost flawless run, he created and executed a new maneuver called the YOLO.  The men and women skiers and skaters broke all time speed records, and the Russian figure skating pairs gold medalists Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov, the 2013 world champions, broke at least four world records with their performances.  There were also many other records set.  All the athletes needed guidance to reach the peak of their skill.  They went higher and further along the path of their craft than anyone had gone before.  Their coaches and families helped them lay out the map for their successes.

I've always loved a map.  Maybe it's because it's a little like a puzzle, a maze which can help get you to your set destination.  I've usually been the navigator when my husband and I traveled.  My expertise wasn't always in evidence.  For example, from my reading of the map, I once insisted we were are on the right road to reach the main highway when it dead-ended in someone's driveway.  At one time, I used to contact AAA for little map booklets that had a different section of the road on each page to lay out our path.  I'm sure they don't have them anymore. Now, my husband and I don't use maps at all.  First we graduated to Map-quest and would have sheets of paper listing the twists and turns and the distances and the estimated arrival time.   We even used Map-quest for one of our European trips.  It was a lot easier than trying to read maps in a foreign language.  Then we went to a Nuvi or a Garmin and we had audible turn by turn instructions.  I must say in the beginning it would seem to me the device would sometimes take me to my final destination by way of another continent.  Now, we have the smart phone. The technology now seems to be much more accurate and I can rely on it anywhere I travel.  I've also become so used to having a computer map on my dashboard that I feel "lost" when I'm in a car without one even if I'm going around my neighborhood. Recently, however, I have had to chart a new path. 

There wasn't a map or a Garmin for this journey.  My 91 year old mother left the hospital after her first two surgeries ever, a hip replacement and a pacemaker and was admitted to a rehab unit.  I needed a map or an audio guide.  I needed any direction and guidance that was available and there was very little "out there."  I did do some research on the web to determine the best facility in the area and I did make the necessary phone calls to make sure that's where she was admitted but after that I felt like I had just landed on an alien planet, not country, but a planet beyond our solar system.  I have never been so intimately involved in the care of a seriously ill individual, and to be honest my mom has led a very independent lifestyle up until her fall.  I wish someone wise and experienced had taken my hand and led me step by step down this road. 

I wish I knew in the beginning of this journey what I know now.  I've prayed for years for dignity for my mom and mother in law in their old age.  Now, I'm seeing what dignity can look like and may not look like.  After entering the rehab, mom contracted C.diff.  One more thing I knew nothing about, another huge detour on the road.  I've reached out to God and to everyone I know.  I actually sent an email to several of my communities that was titled "Help!"  Help has come and hopefully will keep coming.  Help not just for my mom but for me, the main caregiver.  Yes, I am seeing the blessings.  Some of the best help has been what I now consider to be "God's Garmin’s."  They are all those people in the know who have taken the time and effort to share with me what I need to be doing and in what direction I should be going. 

When Sandy and I traveled to Ireland several years ago, we found the most joyful part of the trip was getting lost because we would stop and ask an always delightful, friendly Irish man or woman for directions.  We stopped once on a back road and were invited in for tea!  That's been my experience here with my mom and her illness, the people who have reached out to me explaining the path best chosen have brought clarity and joy to a very frightening and strange road.  I've decided there is very seldom an easy way through chronic illness or the dying process but like all our adversities there are blessings to be found and usually, they come in the form of loving, caring people who take our hands and our hearts and lead us along the path of what we call life.  I like to think of them as God's Garmin, audibly directing us down the road to our final destination, Peace.

Blessed are the Balanced

Affirmation:  I am fully aware of the importance of maintaining a healthy balance.

Balance is another gift of yoga.  There are the obvious asanas that offer the yogi the opportunity to practice balancing: head stand, dancer's pose, warrior III and the classic tree pose to name a few but unless one is lying on his or her back or stomach, balance is always involved in a pose, just like in life.  We then have the opportunity of taking our balancing practice with us out into our day and into our world.  What does it mean to balance?  Is one ever balanced or is there only the practice of balancing? 

Recently, I have taken on caring for a loved one.  The care requires much more effort than was required or desired in the past.  I've spent a great deal of time at the hospital, the rehab and on the phone or the email connecting with caretakers, family and friends.  I'm happy to do it.  I love her and am pleased to have the opportunity to do whatever is necessary to be of service but life has been extremely full.  I now have the additional activities required for this care-taking and my normal full life.  When I was guided to do tree pose in a recent yoga class, I immediately placed all my weight on my right foot, the soul of my left foot against my inner thigh and chose one spot on which to focus.  I then put my hands over my head and became a tree.  I've done this hundreds, maybe thousands of times.  I was then guided to switch sides.  I couldn't do it.  My left leg would not hold my weight on its own.  I needed help.  I went to the wall in order to maintain my balance.  The imbalance of my life at the present time was reflected in my yoga practice.  I was stunned that the imbalance in my daily life was so glaringly presented to me in my pose.  I didn't feel too worried about it because I recognized that while I was out of balance at the moment, I was now fully aware of it and I needed to attend to whatever it would take to help me level out.

There are all kinds of balance: work and play, self-care and community service, calories in versus calories out, time alone and time with others, spending and saving money, exercise and rest.  The list can go on and on.  I'm sure you can think of a few, perhaps some on which you've been working.  One challenging part of achieving balance is it's so personal. What is good for one person may not be true for another.  Like any life skill one is trying to improve upon, the very first step is awareness, actually recognizing when you're out of sync.  Another factor is the time frame it's placed within.  Are we looking to be in balance every moment, every day, once a week or are we content to look over the whole year and think something like, "I worked hard for most of the year and now I'm going to take it easy for the end of the year."?  

The truth is it's no different than dieting.  First we need a focus point, perhaps that's a specific weight we are trying to maintain.  Every day we make choices and each choice will lead to a better balanced life.  When we are watching our calories you can have a heavier day one day and a lighter one the next day to balance out your intake or perhaps you are fairly conscientious during the week and that allows you to eat a little heavier on the weekend.  If we take it one step further, perhaps you're fairly restrictive most of the year but let yourself relax while you're on vacation or at a celebration.  As long as you can maintain your healthy weight, it doesn't matter how you do it but you're going to have to balance out those calories or your weight will either climb up, or get too low.  It's no different with anything else to which you want to bring balance. 

Many years ago a very spiritual woman told me a story about her volunteer work.  She was determined to become more faithful and with that she decided to spend more time at her church and then that became even more time.  Finally, she was at the church all the time and her family and her work were falling apart.  She couldn't figure out what was wrong, if anything, because she was sure she was following the better path to God.  Before her world came crashing down upon her, the parish priest counseled her to look at the imbalance of her life.  She examined her priorities, made several changes and saved herself. The path to holiness requires that we attend not to just the spirit but to the mind and to the body.  That means the path to holiness requires balance or at least an ongoing attempt at balancing. 

In order to walk the tight rope of life, we must be vigilant and place one foot gingerly and mindfully in front of the other.  It takes practice.  It takes the lessons from the yoga mat and from wherever and from whomever we can learn them.  Perhaps with enough practice one will even be able to stand on one's head.  If not, perhaps at least on one foot at a time, or even just both feet without toppling over.  The following week I took some extra "me" time and when I returned to class I once again was able to become a tree, on the right side and, on the left side.

Searching for Service

Affirmation:  I pray daily for those who most need God's mercy and open myself to be of service to whomever She sends me. 

Pope Francis, Jorge Mario Bergoglio, has inspired the world.  He was elected pope in April of this year following the historic resignation of Pope Benedict XVI.  He didn't want to be Pope.  He didn't expect to become the Pope.  He had already purchased his return ticket for Argentina.  Immediately after his election all sorts of tales began appearing in the news.  It appears he is a very newsworthy person.  One of the first stories was about him paying the bill for his hotel room, himself and then taking a taxi back to where he needed to be.  Now, I've done those things many times in my life as I'm sure you may have, but no one ever thought it was of so much interest that they announced it in the media!  The behavior and words of Pope Francis have since been announced and scrutinized.  He is both applauded and criticized.  He is unlike most world leaders and yet he is subject to the same scrutiny as all of them.  He comes up short for some but it appears as of this date, he is mostly being hailed as a man of humility and wisdom, two qualities we all should strive to possess but which if possessed by our leaders make for a kinder, more compassionate society. 

This month Pope Francis was named Person of the Year by Time Magazine.  It appears the criteria for this acknowledgement is who Time believes has had the greatest impact on society during the year.  It is not always someone who has had a positive effect on our world. The opposite is true for Pope Francis.  They named him because of his philosophy or a better word would be theology.  His mission is to provide care and dignity for all human beings.  Mother Teresa also had that mission. It's what Jesus Christ's mission was when He walked on this earth and according to our Catholic tradition Pope Francis is His representative here, today.  He is the 266th pope and so far he has shown himself to be quite unique in his role as Pope.  There's been a photo circulating on the internet that shows Pope Francis in one half and Pope Benedict XVI in the other.  It says "Can you see the differences?"  Unlike the Sunday cartoon quiz which makes it difficult to pick out the different character, this "quiz" is very easy.  Pope Francis has abandoned the fancy trappings used by the pope's of the past.

The latest picture being circulated is of Pope Francis kissing the head of a severely disfigured man.  There's a rumor that he goes out into the slums of Italy and provides solace for the populace.  It is a fact that he did this when he was in Argentina, so it's not too farfetched to believe he's continued this practice.  His first encyclical addressed the distribution of wealth throughout the world.  He doesn't believe the system most countries, including ours works to the benefit of the neediest.  Conservatives who only focus on economics aren't very happy with the Pope's message but the Pope isn't concerned with their opinion.  He is only concerned with how society will respond to the needs of the most poor and the most suffering of us. Yes, I said us. 

In my daily reading Spiritual Insights the focus for the month of December is unity.  Each day I am reminded that we are all one.  Once you begin to believe that, you will recognize that if one of us is suffering we are responsible to find a way to alleviate that suffering and the world is suffering of this there is no doubt.  It takes very little awareness to recognize the distress of this world.  Sometimes when I hear some of the stories, I am completely overwhelmed by what's going on.  I am horrified by the cruelty.  I fully recognize that I don't even have a clue of the horrors that are taking place in our world even as I write this and to be honest, I really don't want to know the details.  I only know they exist and as the year has passed I have found myself called to step up and to be more aware of the poor and suffering and to reach out in a way that alleviates their suffering, perhaps even brings them joy and peace. 

It's the message I have been receiving these last few months.  It began before Pope Francis was even elected.  It has been here all along as all important messages are but I wasn't ready to fully embrace it.  I mean what can I do to help those most in need?  The second part of that question is, what will I be called on to do and am I ready and willing?  The clearest message came from Albert Haase's book Catching Fire Becoming Flame.  He says that focusing on Christ  "leads us right into the heart of a suffering, needy world where we are sent to respond lovingly to the unmet need or required duty of the present moment."  It is our mission in life.  It is our reason for existing, to make the world a kinder more compassionate place.

As my friend and I walked around the lake we talked about how we can help change the world.  It was a good walk!  What can we possibly do to aid in the conversion of hearts to bring them to a place of love and peace?  We can begin with ourselves.  The first place where the transformation must begin is within our own hearts.  Luke 1:68-79 says "Let there be peace on hearth and let it begin with me."  After that the soul is open to the flame of transformation.  If you take some time every day to connect to the Divine, you will be led to opportunities to ease the suffering of another, of others.  The opportunity is there.  There are so many ways to be of service if one is asking to receive them. 

A friend of mine once stopped to talk to a man who looked quite deranged and was obviously homeless.  She asked him how he was doing and engaged him in a very nice discussion.  The rest of us had walked past, quickly.  Afterwards I asked her why she had done that.  She told me she asked God every day to send people to her who were in need and to whom she could respond.  She told me she never knew where they would appear and she couldn't take the chance of passing someone by that might be an answer to her prayers.  Do you think her kind words made any difference?

A study that took place in NYC had two groups of people passing by pedestrians on a busy sidewalk.  One group would nod and smile at the stranger passing by them.  The other group would ignore the stranger.  The researchers then asked the stranger a few questions about how they were feeling.  (How they got someone in NYC to stop and chat with them was amazing to me but they did.) The people who were smiled at had a higher level of contentment than those who were ignored.  If just a simple smile from a stranger can add to the joy of this world, what a difference we can make if we are making an effort to ease the suffering and pain of whomever we meet and hopefully, whomever we are holding in our prayers. 

Trust me, just like my friend, once you ask God to allow you to be of service, opportunities will present themselves and once you open yourself up to caring about the marginalized and suffering of this world, not only will you make a difference in other's lives, you will make a difference in your life.  Your heart and this world will be transformed.

Hugging for Health

Affirmation:  I gather ten hugs a day.

My mother is of English-Scottish decent and my father was an only child whose father was Swiss-German.  I don't know if that's why we didn't do a lot of hugging but we didn't.  My husband's family is pure Italian.  Some are from Naples and others are from Sicily but both his mother and his father's family immigrated from Italy.  When Sandy took me to his house to meet his family the front door flew open and his mother, all five feet of her, threw open her arms and hugged me with all her might.  I was home.  I think I had waited my whole young life to be embraced with such ardor.  This was where I belonged.

I read many years ago that we are supposed to gather ten hugs a day.  I know some people don't like being touched.  I know it's not appropriate to go around hugging everyone but oh, how I love to give and get a hug.  I've found it fascinating that once you tell someone about the ten hug a day quota, or at least the people I see regularly, they are excited about sharing a hug.  I have adopted Yolanda's warm greeting with almost everyone who comes to our home.  I feel my hug says "Welcome!  I'm so glad you're here!  Come in and share the warmth and safety of our home." 

Most of the groups I belong to greet each other with a hug.  Touch is an essential part of staying healthy.  During World War II psychologists noted that orphaned infants who were not cuddled suffered stunted growth both physically and mentally and in some instances actually died. Now we have all sorts of programs that insure babies will be held and even massaged to promote their healthy development.  We all need to be touched.  Massage has been shown to be an amazing tool in the arsenal for staying healthy.  The elderly need touch.  When I did my MSW at Chapel Hill, NC I focused on gerontology. One of the topics discussed was how as we age many people don't get enough affection.  Now, whenever I visit the assisted living or the Alzheimer's unit I make sure to hold hands or touch their arms or shoulders.  If they seem agreeable to a hug, I freely give one.  

There are so many ways to greet people and so much of it is determined by the culture in which we reside.  Of course it's also determined by the relationship we have with a person.  In most cases we greet a complete stranger with a nod, perhaps a smile or a handshake.  I've been in European countries where I was kissed on both cheeks by someone I'd just met.  When I was at Kripalu studying Yoga, we had one full day of silence.  It was not the first time I'd been in a silent mode at a retreat but this time the teacher instructed us to not even make eye contact.  She explained that even that type of communication required energy and the purpose of this exercise was to completely focus within.  It was the first time I was so aware of how much effort I put into my casual contacts.  I can remember walking the quad in college and making an effort to acknowledge everyone I passed that I knew or that even looked familiar.  I still do that.  My walks around Apex Lake here in North Carolina contain many nods, smiles and greetings.  It seems so natural to me.  I am always perplexed by those who have on their ear pieces and don't even look my way as they pass by, perplexed but I do not judge them.  Perhaps this is their "silent retreat" time. 

My husband, Sandy, believes the Italians invented hugging but my daughter-in-law is from Ecuador and they too are great huggers.  She has taught even us how to greet every family member.  You get up from wherever you are and you go to the person who has just arrived and you give them a warm hug and maybe even a kiss.  Her greetings say, "I love you and you are important in my life."  It's been another gift she has brought to our family.

There are many different types of hugs.  There is the one arm hug, the wrap your arms around someone and hold them tenderly hug, there is the bear hug, there is the spoon while lying down hug and there is the heart to heart hug.  If you rest your left cheek on the other's left cheek and shift your weight to the right, your heart will rest on top of theirs and you'll feel the heart's rhythm.

How do you greet people?  What comes naturally?  Do you think you can learn to hug if it doesn't come naturally?  Once I was with a friend in a department store and I went and asked a sales person a question.  The sales associate had on a name tag and I called her by her name.  My friend was shocked that I would use someone's name to whom I had never been introduced.  I love a name tag.  I make every effort I can to read a service person's tag and to call them by name.  For me, it's another type of a hug, a verbal hug.  It's the same message we each send when we greet someone warmly, "I care about you. You are important." 

Ten hugs a day keeps the doctor away.  Yesterday I walked into the choir room at St.  Michael the Archangel to sing for a funeral.  I am a member of the Resurrection choir.  The room was packed with people because our former pastor was being buried and the regular choir from two churches were singing.  I was immediately embraced by several people.  I found myself counting, "one, two, three, four, five."  Five hugs plus Sandy's early morning hug, "six."  "Only four more to go," I thought, "this will be an easy goal today."  Ten hugs a day keeps us healthy and keeps those healthy with whom we share them.  A simple heart felt hug can brighten your life and the lives of all those you care about.  Can you gather ten hugs today?  Be careful, it's a random act of sharing joy and affection.  Once you begin you might have to hold back with that stranger walking past you.