A Secret Ingredient

Affirmation: Even when I am doing little things of service, I include a large amount of love.

What's your favorite food?  Everyone has a favorite.  It's a great question to start a conversation or to open a group discussion because it seems as if most people have an immediate answer.  My favorite food has always been my mother's chocolate chip cookies.  Her cookies were probably the reason I could never lose those extra five pounds I've always wanted to lose.  She's told me it's simply the recipe on the back of the Toll House Chocolate Chip package but I don't believe her.  I think there's a secret ingredient, perhaps one of which she's not even aware.  It's a mystery!  I'm not the only one who loved her chocolate chip cookies.  They were a favorite for the whole family, especially my son Joey.  For years she baked him a special batch.  "Those are only for Joey."  I think he was one of her favorite grandsons.  Recently, I've had other people tell me she baked special batches of cookies for them too.  "She told me, these were only for me."

I have many friends who like to bake.  It's a gift to be a baker.  It runs in our family.  My mother passed on her love and skill to both my youngest daughter, Ellen, my sister's daughter, Samantha and to my brother's daughter, Stacy.  The food doesn't just taste good but it looks yummy. I was stunned when during one of my visits to Ellen; she asked me if I'd like to see her journal.  I couldn't even imagine where this offer was leading.  Was she going to confess some deep dark secret or worse yet have one of those mother-daughter "come to Jesus" conversations?  Then she pulled out her baking journal.  It was beautiful. She had all the recipes she'd been trying and the adjustments recorded to make them more to her liking and photos of the cookies and cakes.  I was honored to have her share her passion with me. 

It seems to me the thing about baking is that most bakers want to share their treats with their friends, family and whomever they think would enjoy them.  I watched my mom and I've watched other bakers go about giving away their cookies to whomever they wanted to grace. It didn't need to be a special occasion.  It might just be because someone needed a pick-me-up or perhaps it was a way to say "thank you."  My mom would give her yummy cookies to the hair dresser, the auto mechanic, the nurse and doctors she frequented, to an ailing friend or perhaps to her friend's caregiver.  They were always warmly and graciously received.  Many times our Christmas presents to her were fancy "cookie" boxes with her initials on them or several cookie tins with varying designs.  She even began saving some of the small used plastic containers from the grocery so she could package up just two or three cookies and present them.  I envy people who like to bake.  I too would like to be seen as a warm, generous person who says "thank you" with a tangible yummy treat but, I don't like to bake, especially cookies.  So, I wondered what I could share in a similar manner.

I've decided there is no substitute.  There is nothing as heartwarming as a homemade treat.  Let's face it even if you're not eating sugar or can't eat sugar, the gift still warms your heart.  You know someone really cares and they've taken the time and the energy necessary to let you know.  Perhaps sharing food in any way brings those same warm feelings.  I've been to many events where people showed up with food as a form of love and support.  My experience of living in the Midwest and now here in the South affirms that belief.  If someone has a tragedy or is going through a difficult time, people bring meals.  During my many months of cancer treatment we were supported with some of the best meals I've ever eaten and on the flip side, I've dropped off meals whenever the opportunity presented itself.  I usually make dinner and include some sort of chocolate candy.  I don't bake.  I do, however, make every effort to be affable and caring on a daily basis. 

As I go through my day, I readily share a smile.  I have found it uplifts not only my spirits but usually the recipient too.  I'm an avid hugger.  I learned that skill from my husband, Sandy and my mother-in-law, Yolanda.  I know not everyone wants to be hugged.  If I'm not sure I open my arms and hesitate.  It's usually fairly obvious if it's not welcomed.  That doesn't happen very often.  I love to send snail-mail birthday cards with a blessing over them and a few loving words inside.  I know these small gestures do not hold a candle to a good chocolate chip cookie but it's my way of letting people know they are loved; they are an important part of my life.  I value them and their relationship. 

My mom, Margaret Grolimund, passed away this week.  We included in her obituary the fact that she was famous for her chocolate chip cookies.  When I spoke to the presided of her Requiem Mass, Father Doug Reed, I shared her notoriety and he wanted to know her recipe.  I told him what she said that it was simply the recipe on the back of the Toll House Chocolate Chip package.  I, however, knew she was not sharing the secret ingredient.  Now, I know why.  I don't think she was aware of it.  It was magical!  Her secret ingredient was her love.  She made those cookies, cakes and pies with a heart filled with love.  We all show love in different ways.  This was my Mom's way and she did it marvelously. Love is the secret ingredient in every special gift we share with another.  It's that one thing that tells someone, "These are only for you." I love you.

Hugging for Health

Affirmation:  I gather ten hugs a day.

My mother is of English-Scottish decent and my father was an only child whose father was Swiss-German.  I don't know if that's why we didn't do a lot of hugging but we didn't.  My husband's family is pure Italian.  Some are from Naples and others are from Sicily but both his mother and his father's family immigrated from Italy.  When Sandy took me to his house to meet his family the front door flew open and his mother, all five feet of her, threw open her arms and hugged me with all her might.  I was home.  I think I had waited my whole young life to be embraced with such ardor.  This was where I belonged.

I read many years ago that we are supposed to gather ten hugs a day.  I know some people don't like being touched.  I know it's not appropriate to go around hugging everyone but oh, how I love to give and get a hug.  I've found it fascinating that once you tell someone about the ten hug a day quota, or at least the people I see regularly, they are excited about sharing a hug.  I have adopted Yolanda's warm greeting with almost everyone who comes to our home.  I feel my hug says "Welcome!  I'm so glad you're here!  Come in and share the warmth and safety of our home." 

Most of the groups I belong to greet each other with a hug.  Touch is an essential part of staying healthy.  During World War II psychologists noted that orphaned infants who were not cuddled suffered stunted growth both physically and mentally and in some instances actually died. Now we have all sorts of programs that insure babies will be held and even massaged to promote their healthy development.  We all need to be touched.  Massage has been shown to be an amazing tool in the arsenal for staying healthy.  The elderly need touch.  When I did my MSW at Chapel Hill, NC I focused on gerontology. One of the topics discussed was how as we age many people don't get enough affection.  Now, whenever I visit the assisted living or the Alzheimer's unit I make sure to hold hands or touch their arms or shoulders.  If they seem agreeable to a hug, I freely give one.  

There are so many ways to greet people and so much of it is determined by the culture in which we reside.  Of course it's also determined by the relationship we have with a person.  In most cases we greet a complete stranger with a nod, perhaps a smile or a handshake.  I've been in European countries where I was kissed on both cheeks by someone I'd just met.  When I was at Kripalu studying Yoga, we had one full day of silence.  It was not the first time I'd been in a silent mode at a retreat but this time the teacher instructed us to not even make eye contact.  She explained that even that type of communication required energy and the purpose of this exercise was to completely focus within.  It was the first time I was so aware of how much effort I put into my casual contacts.  I can remember walking the quad in college and making an effort to acknowledge everyone I passed that I knew or that even looked familiar.  I still do that.  My walks around Apex Lake here in North Carolina contain many nods, smiles and greetings.  It seems so natural to me.  I am always perplexed by those who have on their ear pieces and don't even look my way as they pass by, perplexed but I do not judge them.  Perhaps this is their "silent retreat" time. 

My husband, Sandy, believes the Italians invented hugging but my daughter-in-law is from Ecuador and they too are great huggers.  She has taught even us how to greet every family member.  You get up from wherever you are and you go to the person who has just arrived and you give them a warm hug and maybe even a kiss.  Her greetings say, "I love you and you are important in my life."  It's been another gift she has brought to our family.

There are many different types of hugs.  There is the one arm hug, the wrap your arms around someone and hold them tenderly hug, there is the bear hug, there is the spoon while lying down hug and there is the heart to heart hug.  If you rest your left cheek on the other's left cheek and shift your weight to the right, your heart will rest on top of theirs and you'll feel the heart's rhythm.

How do you greet people?  What comes naturally?  Do you think you can learn to hug if it doesn't come naturally?  Once I was with a friend in a department store and I went and asked a sales person a question.  The sales associate had on a name tag and I called her by her name.  My friend was shocked that I would use someone's name to whom I had never been introduced.  I love a name tag.  I make every effort I can to read a service person's tag and to call them by name.  For me, it's another type of a hug, a verbal hug.  It's the same message we each send when we greet someone warmly, "I care about you. You are important." 

Ten hugs a day keeps the doctor away.  Yesterday I walked into the choir room at St.  Michael the Archangel to sing for a funeral.  I am a member of the Resurrection choir.  The room was packed with people because our former pastor was being buried and the regular choir from two churches were singing.  I was immediately embraced by several people.  I found myself counting, "one, two, three, four, five."  Five hugs plus Sandy's early morning hug, "six."  "Only four more to go," I thought, "this will be an easy goal today."  Ten hugs a day keeps us healthy and keeps those healthy with whom we share them.  A simple heart felt hug can brighten your life and the lives of all those you care about.  Can you gather ten hugs today?  Be careful, it's a random act of sharing joy and affection.  Once you begin you might have to hold back with that stranger walking past you.