Throwing Away the Trash

Affirmation: I freely forgive myself and others.

The topic of the NPR story was about the abolition of the death penalty. What type of response do you have to the phrase "death penalty?" You must have given it some thought. The Old Testament promotes, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot." (Exodus 21:24) Then, Jesus came along and promoted a whole new concept, forgiveness. Even at the end when He had been unjustly toured and crucified He prayed for His executioners, for all of us, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:24)

I think of this quote often. Someone once commented to me that He did not say, "Father, I forgive them for they know not what they do" or even "Father, I forgive them even if they know what they are doing." I'm sure there are many biblical scholars who have dissected these last words of Christ that are much more qualified to fully explain all the implications of His petition; I am not one of them. I am simply trying to absorb the lesson that even after Our Lord was put to death because some people did not approve of Him healing the sick, raising the dead, and protecting and promoting the care of those who most needed love and care; He refused to hold onto the burning coal of hatred. In His final moments He was teaching us His greatest lesson.

As I drove along that day the story being discussed on the radio was about the death penalty in China and the tradition that allows a family member of the victim to actively participate in the execution of the offender by removing the support from under the person who is to be hung. The narrator told of a young man who had been stabbed to death by another young man and the mother of the victim had chosen to perform the execution. She approached the condemned, reached up and slapped him and then reached out and helped him down from his perch. She then went over and took the hand of the mother of the condemned man. The story resonated throughout China and now it was being shared with the rest of the world. Because of her action, the Chinese authorities were reconsidering their tradition. Because of her act of forgiveness, some of the world's conscience was being awakened.

Why do most of us find it so difficult to forgive, me included? I am not normally angry. I'll get hurt before I respond with anger. Perhaps that's just another form of anger. Sometimes, however, I'm angry at institutions, authorities or systems. Sometimes I'm angry with individuals. I can be angry with strangers, friends and worst of all, with people I love. Some small injurious word or behavior and I can feel the resentment building. Most of the time just when I think I'm "over" something that has happened, I don't even realize I haven't let go of the perceived injury or intentional slight or harm but then some reminder comes along and I'm back with my sad response. I can recall events from decades ago that still cause my body to tighten up but most times I don't even recognize the emotion. Sometimes when the anger arrives the feeling puzzles me because it is so rare for me to respond in an angry manner. The point is, however, whether or not anger or hurt feelings come quickly or slowly, responding appropriately and then releasing it is not only to your benefit, but to the world's.

The question that sometimes comes to my mind is, "What do I know to be true; what do I believe absolutely with all of my mind and my heart?" "The only important thing in life is to love and to forgive." This is a quote from a wise older woman who was from my Small Christian Community. I believe with all my mind, body and soul that the above statement is absolutely true. Richard Rohr, one of my favorite spiritual teachers explains the Beatitudes in this way, "Jesus seems to be saying, our inner attitudes and states are the real sources of our problems. How we live in our hearts is our real truth." When I can carry only love in my heart and my body and when I can release myself from any resentment, my life is rich and rewarding and peaceful. My life is then filled with hope and joy and I am able to take those emotions, those qualities with me out into the world.

One of my morning meditations took me into a subway station. What am I doing here, I pondered? On the station were 6 briefcases evenly spaced along the edge. The train came and five people picked up a case and boarded. I went over to the sixth case and looked down. It had my name on it and so I opened it. It was filled with trash. It was filled with the resentments of yesterday, perhaps of my whole life? I carried it up out of the subway, found a trash can and threw it away. Perhaps like most of the garbage in my life, I need to gather those resentments up periodically and toss them out. Perhaps with practice, I can throw away all those resentments and other junk that interfere with the love and joy with which I want my life to be surrounded.

The Chinese woman in the story was changing the world because of her ability to forgive. I believe we are called upon to do the same and that with the softening of our hearts; we too will change the world.

You Can Change the World

Affirmation:  All things are possible through God.

Forty women were present at the weekend retreat. 

The command was "Women of God, you are called to change the world."  I panicked.  Maybe now would be a good time for me to run out of the room.

I'm working hard enough trying to be the best me possible or somedays I'm working on simply accepting myself just as I am.  I really couldn't imagine being responsible for the entire world.  I've felt responsible for my entire world for years, my family, friends and community.  It's a daunting exercise and now here I am being told, not asked, but told I am being called to take on the entire world. 

Yes, I believe the world needs help.  I believes it needs to change.  It doesn't take much awareness to know our world is very troubled and sad.  I pray daily for wisdom for our world leaders, a prayer introduced to me by a friend of long ago and I pray daily for world peace.  Can you imagine how different life would be were we all at peace with one another?  At the least maybe they'd take away the security lines at the airport and we could leave on our shoes, belts and watches. 

"Let there be peace and earth and let it begin with me.  Let there be peace on earth a peace that was meant to be." We sing this song often in church, The Prayer of Saint Francis.  My dear friend and guide, Valerie Kelly, use to emphasize the need for more feminine energy in the world and how much better off the world would be with a stronger female presence.  I would hope that if we have not moved too far away from our feminine selves, women running the world would lead to a kinder, more nurturing place and people.  I believe most women are very protective of the greatest product of their lives and would do all in their power to prevent sending their children off to suffer war and perhaps to die. 

At the Not So Big Life Workshop, Sarah Susanka encouraged us to "run towards those things" of which we are afraid.  She suggested some of our greatest learning experiences would come from not retreating from that which repels us.  I took a deep breath and decided to continue with the church program for which I had registered.  After eight weeks of study, a weekend retreat was being presented and I decided to go all the way and see what other life lessons might come my way. 

The number of women who had taken the time and made the effort to attend this event, made me realize how much need there is for women to spiritually feed ourselves and to join forces.  I had decided not to worry about the command to "save the world" but instead to allow the richness of the rest of the program's material and the power of the women's spirit to empower and nurture me.  Our first speaker was Theresa Davis. 

There she stood a tiny woman perhaps in her late 70's or early 80's ready to share with us the secret of leading a rich, powerful life.  She had been with the lay ministry Madonna House for fifty seven years and as she spoke, I felt the walls around my heart fall.  Her manner of sharing did not cause me to erect any protective barriers. I had no resistance to her.  I just wanted to absorb all she had to share.  It was a very unusual response for me.  I must confess to being quite a skeptic, always questioning but not this morning.  This morning when Theresa's time was up, the whole group moaned, "no, let her continue."  She too was calling us, the women of God, to change the world but not by ourselves, together and by allowing God to work in and through each of us.  "Yes" I thought, "all things are possible with God." 

Theresa went on to say that we are all being called to become saints.  Oh, no!  I was just getting my head around "saving the world" and now, I need to also become a saint!  Being a cradle Catholic I'm somewhat familiar with many of the saints and I am here to tell you, they did not have an easy time of it.  The saints of old were tortured and killed.  Many appeared just plain crazy, hearing the voice of God and going off to do really weird stuff.  Our most recent saint, Mother Teresa had a very difficult life.  The women and men of her order only posses a few worldly items: a sari, a bucket and a thin mattress.  Certainly, she made the world a better place and I am in awe of her and her works but I like the comforts of home.  I like bathing in a tub or shower and not using a bucket and I really like my bed, and my clothes.  No, sainthood is not something I'd ever had on my radar.  But, Theresa Davis was not going to let me off so easily.  Her words and her tone had already drawn me to her and now she was going to give me a few tools to help lead me down a holier path.  The first tool was being present to "the duty of the moment."  So simple, so very difficult. 

The call of every spiritual discipline I have ever studied or read about is, "be present to the moment."  Live consciously!  Theresa shared that "God is only present in the moment."  Then came the second step towards sainthood. She echoed Mother Teresa's famous saying, "Do little things with great love."  Again, so simple and yet so very difficult.  Finally, she extolled us to live more simply.  The question was, "What's holding you back? What is the baggage you are lugging around?"  I immediately thought this was going in the direction of the sari, bucket and thin mattress but no, it was way harder than that. Our "baggage" Theresa said, was our: anger, resentments, pride, self-deceit, envy and greed.  I immediately wanted to grab that bucket and just go with that.  This was way more difficult.  Yes, difficult but certainly well worth working towards.  Certainly a project which I'm sure God would like to be involved. 

My faith teaches that once we die and enter into heaven, we all become saints.  I think this is a good thing because while I want to do my part to "save the world" and I'm willing to accept that I'm being called to be a "saint," the probability of my achieving these feats even with God's help seems to me quite slim.  So, on days when I'm simply trying to accept myself as I am, I'll know there's great hope for me, for all of us, in the future, in the afterlife.