Finding the Can in Cancer

Affirmation:  I find the can in cancer.

In 2007 Nancy Emerson, Susan Moonan, and Terri wrote, Finding the Can in Cancer.  They were a group of women who were influential in the early stages of what was then called, The Duke Cancer Patient Support Program.  Nancy Emerson was a woman with a mission.  Her mission was not to let cancer become her identity.  It was a part of her life’s quilt but not the primary thread.  She and her co-authors shared a vision of hope and presented a message of living life to the fullest, not sitting back and waiting to die.  They already knew what Jimmy Buffet sings about when he croons, “I want to die while I’m living than live while I’m dead.”

Recently cancer has been even more present in my life than usual.  My hubby was diagnosed with an aggressive-rare form of neck cancer (two words no one wants to hear when cancer is being described.) My dear traveling buddy also is presently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and my young, sweet neighbor is being treated for stage four lung cancer.  Along with them my friend, Dr. Carmen Wagner is also being treated for lung cancer.  

Carmen, is a brilliant business woman who has been involved with the health industry for most of her career.  She has decided to use her organizational skills to create a cancer support group here in Cary, North Carolina.  She too wants to focus on living life to the fullest  and gathering and sharing information that will help people be the healthiest they can possible be.  Her goal is to look at the whole person.  One cannot heal the body without addressing the issues of the mind and the spirit.  There’s a quote from the Mayo Clinic that says, “Three fourth of our patients are passing on the sickness of their minds and souls to their bodies.” How is that for a wake-up call? 

How many of us have the power to control our minds to overcome disease?  Even the holiest of holy die.  Life has a way of bringing us to our knees and maybe that’s one of the most important “tools” we can sharpen; our ability to connect to the Divine, our ability and desire to find The Holy and to fully understand that we are, “spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Perhaps, our greatest tool is to grow our faith in a power greater than ourselves, greater than anything we can even imagine.  A power that can create a galaxy and a flower, a human and a microcosm.  

After the initial diagnosis of cancer, what I found to be the second scariest event was the day I was released from treatment.  I know I am not alone.  I know too in many ways I was one of the lucky ones, to be released at all.  However, a few years back, Duke changed the name of the DCPSP to the Duke Supportive Care and Survivorship Clinic.  They finally recognized the need for cancer patients to receive care that addressed all the issues they had gone through during their treatment and perhaps with which they would continue to deal.  For example, people who had undergone the type of chemotherapy I had undergone, needed an Echocardiogram every five years.  I had been out of treatment (yes, luckily) for over 15 years and had never had an Echo!  There’s a thread of cancer that is always with you even after you’ve been told you are “cancer free.”  Ask any cancer survivor what come first to their minds when they have a headache, a backache or a shoulder pain?  These concerns and fears need to addressed and alleviated.  Education and support are essential to continued healing and that’s exactly what Carmen is focusing on, as is the Survivorship Clinic at Duke.  

The basic health care rules apply whether or not you’re in or out of cancer.  Exercise, eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep and stay connected to friends and family.  These are proven ways of maintaining optimal health.  The way you approach them really depends on the individual.  People go crazy trying to figure out the best approach to their diet.  In today’s world there are so many options and every one of them is touted as the “best” diet.”  You’ve seen them.  You’ve read about them.  I don’t have to list them.  The only way to know if they’re for you is to try one for a time and see how you feel and how your body responds.  It’s not an easy path.  What is good for one, really is not good for all. But is there any one thing that’s good to help cure the sickness of our minds and souls? 

It’s Lent, 2020 as I write this missive.  It’s one of my favorite times of the year.  It is a time to focus on prayer, fasting and alms giving according to the tradition of my Catholic faith.  It’s forty days to broaden our perspectives, to learn more about ourselves, to grow closer to our God and perhaps change our relationship to ourselves, the world and Our Lord. It’s really all up to us and our intentions and that, I believe is the cure.  Oh, you may not heal yourself of every ailment you have and yes, you will still die.  Let’s face it, no one gets out of this life alive.  We do, however, get to choose how we live.  We get to choose how we perceive what we are experiencing.  It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us, this gift of freedom of will and thought.  Dr. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen writes that sometimes in our pursuit of becoming whole, we still may not be cured but be assured, we will be healed.  

What choices can one make to assure they will be healed?  There are many just like a diet but two of the most important one can learn are to forgive and to love.  Don’t hold onto that hot coal of resentment expecting it to harm anyone other than yourself.  Do whatever it takes to heal your heart of hurt, anger and bitterness.  Write about it, paint about it, meditate on it, pray.  Don’t give up until you are whole once more, until that wound in your heart and soul has scared over.  It’s hard work but it’s so worth it and don’t expect it to happen like a one and done.  It may appear over and over.  You may need to make a conscious decision maybe many times before you find peace.  Forgiveness and love, the two cornerstones of a healthy, full, enriched life.  Truly, if your life is full of peace and love what else could you possibly want or need to live it to the fullest? 

 Dr. Wagner, The Duke Survivorship Clinic, and the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat that I have been leading for the last fifteen years all focus on finding the positive outlook in life.  We recognize the pain and challenge and then we choose to look for the, “can in cancer.”  It’s there.  It may take the help of others seen and unseen to discover it, but even in the most difficult of times, one can find a way to see the blessings. They are there in the faces of our loved ones, in the calls and cards from our friends and neighbors, in the prayers than encircle our whole being; mind, body and spirit.  May your cancer journey help you to see the “can”, the blessings and may they lift you up to a place of gratitude and possibility.   

Prayer Magic

Affirmation:  I pray unceasingly.  

Do you pray?  How do you pray?  Are your prayers silent or out loud?  Do you only pray when you go to church?  How about before meals?  Maybe you only pray before meals in your home, never out in public?  Maybe your prayers are only in the evening before bedtime, like some of us were trained to do as a child.  Maybe you make up your own words, or maybe you only use the rote prayers of your faith.  As you can see there are many forms of prayers, some might even say their best prayer is when they are on the golf course or watching a football game.  “God, help me get over this water!"  "Lord, please be with our team today."  Some wouldn’t even use the name of God.  Perhaps, their faith won’t allow that or perhaps their faith leads them to only a universal concept like, the Divine or the Holy.  Of course, we also have those people who don’t believe in prayer at all and think it a waste of their time.  This may not be the blog they will want to read.  That’s ok.  I believe they are praying every time they send their energy out into the world with their thoughts, or into their bodies with their intentions.  

As part of my Spiritual Direction training I read, "Ron DelBene’s Breath of Life Series: A Simple Way to Pray (The Jesus Prayer). I don't know why but I didn't expect much of this reading but  I had a list of monthly assignments and this was one of the choices.  It seems I am quite good at mis-judging what may or may not resonate with me and once again I was wrong; wrong, wrong, and wrong!  

If you’ve been following this blog, you already know that I am a great believer in the power of prayer.  I actually pray all day and I have lots of tools to help me with that.  I have all those memorized prayers most Catholics learn as children and several I’ve memorized as an adult.  I have the one I wrote myself that I occasionally use before I journal.  I have the Rosary which I always say as I walk the lake and if not then, during some quiet time in the afternoon or before Mass.  I have Sunday Mass and if I were really disciplined, I’d have daily Mass. Sometimes it’s as simply as doing an Ujayi yoga breath and adding the name of Jesus.  So you see, I’m pretty immersed in a prayer.  

At one point at the Haden SD training, we were handed a picture of a tree and the title was "Contemplative Practices."  There are several branches: stillness, generative, creative, activist, relational, movement and ritual/cyclical.  It would appear according to this diagram that almost any form of activity can fall into a contemplative category as long as one is wholly present to their actions.  I’m sure that’s true but I still feel most of us will benefit from finding a way to silence and stillness rather than trying to focus while on the move.  It’s a busy noisy world out there and "in here" and to take some time and just be, can be life changing.  In fact, it has now been scientifically proven that the part of brain that deals with stress, changes with meditation and we experience less tension and anxiety. 

Ron DelBene’s book was for me like discovering a magic lamp, with a genie inside.  The genie popped out and I was asked to make a wish, only one.  Oh, what was so important to me that I would want to focus on it all the time?  He suggests you find a short phrase that you use as an all-day prayer.  He recommends it be around six words or so.  You then repeat it throughout your entire day.  You can say it at a red light, standing in line, waiting in a doctor’s office, walking to your employment, in the shower.  Anywhere, anytime is the perfect time.  You rub the magic lamp and you actually ask, "God, what prayer would best serve our relationship?"  You take some of that quiet time I just mentioned and you listen.  What phrase comes to mind?  For now, that’s the prayer.  Sure, you can change it.  You can tweak it but for now, own the words that you have been gifted.  Breathe in, deep breath and let them settle into your heart and your spirit.  Give the prayer a few days to take root and the be prepared for when it begins to blossom.  That’s when you’ll know the "genie" has heard your one wish and it is being manifested.  The prayer isn’t for anyone or anything other than yourself.  Selfish, you think?  Remember the Prayer of Saint Francis?  "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."  Until we change ourselves to be centered in the gifts of the Holy; love, joy, peace, hope, compassion and generosity, nothing outside of us will ever change.  Let God take up full time residence within, you only need ask, and then throw away that lamp because now the miracle of finding God within will bring about the miracle of revealing God without and I believe life will never again be the same.  

Give it a try.  If you like, write me and share your prayer and anything else that manifests from your newest practice.

"Holy Spirit, fill me with Your pure love."

Please Pray - by Jean Costa

Please pray for me

Please pray for her

Please pray for him

Please pray for them

Of course, I answer

I will, I say

I’ll add you to my list, I write

It’s my honor, I respond

Why, I think?

Will it help, I query? 

For what, I question?

How, I ponder?

Our Father, I begin

Hail Mary, I plead

Holy Spirit, I invite

Angles and guides, I request

I wake with a prayer

I walk in prayer

I sit for prayer 

I fall asleep with prayer 

Am I praying for them?

Am I praying for her?

Am I praying for him?

Am I praying for me?

How do I feel?

Does it make a difference?

Does it soothe the world?

Does it create healing?

But I believe

Yes, I believe

Truly, I believe

Surely. I believe

I pray for her 

I pray for him

I pray for them

I pray for you

I pray for hope

I pray for healing 

I pray for strength 

I pray for love 

Those I know

Those who have asked

Those who have been asked for

Those I have never met

I pray for me

I pray for family & friends

I pray for all the support people in my life

I pray for all my communities

I pray for my church

I pray for my country

I pray for our world leaders

I pray for those who have no one to pray for 

And, I send out those prayers 

I send them with hope and faith

I send them out and let them rest within

Away they go....blessing the earth

And, I trust, that I am that powerful

I trust, I can change the world

I trust, my efforts to love and not to judge

I trust, I am making a difference

No, not on my own but with 

God, the Divine, my Lord, Mother Mary 

With all our angles and guides

I pray my heart will be known 

And I trust my prayers are answered

.

Embracing Lent

Affirmation: Lent is a time dedicated to strengthening my faith. 

Today, February 14th, is not only Valentines Day it’s Ash Wednesday.  For Catholics it marks the beginning of one of the holiest seasons of the church year.  Practicing Catholics go to Mass or at least to a Lenten service and have a thumbprint of ashes smeared on their forehead.  The words accompanying the ritual are "Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return." (Genesis 3:19) The ashes normally come from the palms that were blessed for the previous Easter season.  At my church, St. Michael the Archangel, here in Cary, NC, the practice includes sprinkling holy water into the dishes holding the ashes.  That makes them pastier and then the priest or the minister can really smear them on.  I don't remember them being so black and pronounced when I was a child.  We are then encouraged not to rub or wash them off until we would normally cleanse our faces.  I found myself eating lunch today at a local cafe and was charmed by the number of Catholics who proudly proclaimed their faith that day.  Let's face it, it's hard to miss a big black smudge on someone's forehead and it's the perfect opportunity to share your faith without saying a word. 

I live in the Bible Belt which I understand to mean we have a lot of practicing Christians in this area, many of whom are evangelical.  They have a mission to convert the world, the whole world to Christianity.  This is not the place to live if you are wishy-washy about your faith, unless you're living in Chapel Hill.  (That's a little hint for anyone reading this who is thinking of moving to our beautiful state.) I've lived in the Bible Belt now since 1976.  First, I was in Cincinnati, Ohio for ten years and now, I'm here.  How is that different from other parts of the United States?  If you look at one of USA Today's graphs, you will see that the south-east and mid-west areas are shaded darker when the shading represents the number of people calling themselves Christians.  As the map expands to the west, California, Oregon etc., the shading becomes lighter and lighter.  My experience with this part of the world has been wonderful.  I have noticed that the people here who are working to be faith filled are kind, caring and compassionate.  I don't think one need be religious or perhaps even spiritual to have those qualities but when your faith is an integral part of your life, I believe you are enjoined to raise yourself up to a higher level of responsibility to lead a more exemplary life. 

I know all about the hypocrites, those who show up at services all holy and righteous only to lead small, mean lives.  My experience has not led me to be surrounded by that type of practitioner.  My experience, especially that of living here in NC, has been one of support and kindness and compassion from the people who are actively participating in their faith.  Perhaps, I've just been lucky because even some of my friends who don't belong to an established religion are loving and compassionate. Could it be, however, that the God energy of this area has permeated more souls than elsewhere?  It's a nice thought.  It brings me comfort and hope.  Maybe mindfulness in itself encourages people to live lives of caring and service.  Supposedly there was a study done many years ago that showed when a Transcendental Meditation seminar was being held, that section of the country had less crime.   

Lent is my favorite time of the year. My part of the world is gray and wet and soft right now but I know that in just a few weeks everything will be in full bloom, the Dogwoods, Azaleas, and Daffodils to name a few will come forth and brighten and color our entire area.  It goes from dreary to delightful.  It's slow and deliberate and if you pay close attention, you can see the metamorphosis taking place.  That's what I like to imagine is happening to my inner life too.  Lent offers me the opportunity to grow and blossom, to go from dreary to colorful.  It's up to me how I use the time.  For me, it's a more deliberate time, an opportunity to be even more mindful, than any other time of the year.  I always hope the changes I'm making stay with me, as I move into the rest of the year, and hopefully some of my Lenten practices do just that and that's exactly the reason we are called upon to set aside this time to develop more self-discipline and to be of greater service.  We are called to pray more, give alms and to practice acts of denial.  We are called to be more mindful, more intentional about our lives.  It's a practice we could use every day not just during Lent but with Lent comes the deliberate intention to grow our inner lives, to make us and our world kinder, gentler and more compassionate. 

The main question at Lent is, "What are you giving up for Lent?"  I know I could give up wine or chocolate or some such food item and have the added benefit of reducing my waistline. In 2014, however, I chose a more difficult practice. I decided to give up doubt and now, in 2018,  I confess I still have "work" to do.  I must say, I feel I am now stronger in my faith than in the past but for me, it seems to be the work of a lifetime. When Oprah interviewed the famed televangelist, Joel Osteen, she asked him if he had ever doubted his belief in Jesus Christ.  He emphatically answered, "No."  I am still not a Joel Osteen.  I am more of a Thomas.  After all these many years of practicing my faith I still have my doubts.  Let's face it, it's quite a story! That however, is not how I want to live my faith, the promises are too great.  I want to believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is God incarnate and that I can have a personal relationship with Him that will enhance my life and lead me to a place where I reach out to others with pure love.  I want to believe that with Him, not only will I and my loved ones have eternal rest and peace, but that this life will be a more rewarding experience.  I haven't yet had any direct messages from the spirit world that would allay my doubts but I don't care.  This is how I want to live my life and for me it seems to require practice and Lent, my favorite time of the year, offers me that perfect opportunity.  "Loving Father, help me to better know and love Your Son.  Amen."

Expanding Your Gaze

Affirmation:  I choose peace and love.

Have you heard of Yogaville?  It is a yoga ashram located on 750 acres in Virginia.  It was founded by Swami Satchidananda.  The shrine, called the LOTUS was opened in 1986.  It's an acronym that stands for Light Of Truth Universal Shrine.  I was looking for something to do with my granddaughter, Isabelle (age 17), for my birthday because my husband, Sandy, had told me he would be traveling at that time.  Isabelle and I had been practicing yoga together for a while before this and I thought it would be a great adventure for us to share.  It turned out to be only a three-hour drive from our home.  I signed us up for a course called "Healthy Relationships in Yoga & The Path of Heart." 

God bless my granddaughter.  What a light she is and what a good sport!  The diet was strictly vegan and we were quite challenged to find something on which to focus other than kale and tofu.  Also, she was the youngest by about ten years.  Her youthful spirit and presence alone brought joy and smiles to everyone we encountered.  We laughed, we ate weird food, we met new interesting people and most importantly we created some wonderful memories.

One of the first things we were told when we arrived was not to miss seeing the shrine.  We were in the middle of nowhere and I envisioned a small concrete or wooden structure with maybe a Hindu deity in the middle.  The next morning we headed out to walk about a mile through the woods to take photos and see what there was to see.  We reached a road and followed it up a hill and then from out of the valley below rose a giant pink and blue lotus shaped building.  It was, I guessed, as large as the White House in DC but it wasn't white.  We were stunned.  It's one of a huge complex consisting of three buildings that started at the top of the mountain and ended down in the valley.  What would we find inside?

On Tuesday, February 2nd, 2015 Kate Cook was the yoga teacher at Fire Fly Hot Yoga here in Cary, NC. She leads an hour and a half Intensive Slow Flow class.  She's one of the best Yoginis with whom I have ever studied.  She is so precise in her language and she always brings a lesson with her to deepen our practice.   This last week she instructed us to gaze on the ball of energy we created when we cupped our hands and placed them in front of us.  As we breathed in our hands moved together, as we breathed out, they expanded. Then as we were doing our balance poses, she encouraged us to "change our gaze."

Normally, when one is balancing the instruction is to focus on one point.  In Yoga it's called a "drishti."  Kate reminded us that our mat practice is a metaphor for our life practice.  What we learn on our mats, we have the opportunity to take with us out into the world.  As far as I'm concerned developing balance is one of the most important qualities we can cultivate for ourselves.  I do like to remind myself, however, that as one yoga teacher said, "There is no balance, there is only balancing."  We are either coming into balance or falling out.  I know this is true for me.  As I stood there on one leg with my fingers wrapped around my big toe and my lifted leg straight out to one side, my drishti was on some unmovable object in front of me. Trying to stay upright and trying to remember to breathe, Kate then suggested we "change our gaze" and look in one direction and then the other.  I fell over and I tried again and I fell over and again.  I lost my balance.  Without a focus I couldn't stay steady with a focus I couldn't see the rest of the space.  Which is better?  I decided neither.  Sometimes one is needed and other times, a grater perspective is essential. 

It's good to be focused.  It helps me accomplish the tasks I set before myself but when it's limits my perspective on life, it shrinks my world into a smaller box and I need to get smaller to fit into it.  I don't want to be small.  At five feet tall, I'm small enough.  I want to take a big giant breath and expand my world to include all sorts of people, places and ideas.   Then I have to decide what to allow to stay with me and of what I want to let go.  What is "of God" and what is not.  What will enhance my life and what will diminish it?  It's a mediation, don't you think?  We are faced with this choice day in and day out.  Sometimes it's about food.  Sometimes it's about activities.  It can be about people and most certainly it's about our ideas, our beliefs, our concepts. 

The shrine in Yogaville is dedicated to all religions in the world, those that are well known and those that are yet to come.  There are twelve altars in the lower level with reminders of Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, the Moslem faith and eight others. It was respectful and well presented.  It was a home for all, even the atheist.  My initial reaction was small minded but I prefer to be an inclusive person and Kate's recently taken yoga class helped me respond in a more open, accepting, non-judgmental mode. 

I'm reading Pope Francis' encyclical, "The Joy of the Gospel."  He too talks about accepting all faiths, not judging, even accepting the non-believers.  Peace.  I believe this is Peace.  I know we are instructed to "spread the good news."  We are actually commanded to do so.  The best way I know to do that is to try to always be a kind and compassionate person but when someone tells you they are right and you are "so very wrong," what is your reaction?  It's not normally a peaceful one, is it?  The course Isabelle and I took was led by two of the founders of Yogaville, Jeevakan & Priya Abbate.  They were kind, gentle, compassionate people.  I could see why so many are attracted to this place.  It radiated peace and acceptance.  One of the lessons was around the concept that, "We can be right or we can have peace."  I’ve also heard it phrased, "We can be right or we can love."  This is the difference between having a focus and seeing the broader picture.  

I'm a Christian.  I'm a Catholic.  Here I sit with a focus on Christ but for me, God is everywhere.  God is everything.  I am not here to limit God's unfathomable power.  Yogaville was a good place for me to share an adventure with Isabelle.  It was a great birthday weekend.  I was outside of my comfort zone.  I had to broaden my horizons and see God in all things, even within a giant pink and blue concrete flower rising out of the Virginia valley.