Finding the Can in Cancer

Affirmation:  I find the can in cancer.

In 2007 Nancy Emerson, Susan Moonan, and Terri wrote, Finding the Can in Cancer.  They were a group of women who were influential in the early stages of what was then called, The Duke Cancer Patient Support Program.  Nancy Emerson was a woman with a mission.  Her mission was not to let cancer become her identity.  It was a part of her life’s quilt but not the primary thread.  She and her co-authors shared a vision of hope and presented a message of living life to the fullest, not sitting back and waiting to die.  They already knew what Jimmy Buffet sings about when he croons, “I want to die while I’m living than live while I’m dead.”

Recently cancer has been even more present in my life than usual.  My hubby was diagnosed with an aggressive-rare form of neck cancer (two words no one wants to hear when cancer is being described.) My dear traveling buddy also is presently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and my young, sweet neighbor is being treated for stage four lung cancer.  Along with them my friend, Dr. Carmen Wagner is also being treated for lung cancer.  

Carmen, is a brilliant business woman who has been involved with the health industry for most of her career.  She has decided to use her organizational skills to create a cancer support group here in Cary, North Carolina.  She too wants to focus on living life to the fullest  and gathering and sharing information that will help people be the healthiest they can possible be.  Her goal is to look at the whole person.  One cannot heal the body without addressing the issues of the mind and the spirit.  There’s a quote from the Mayo Clinic that says, “Three fourth of our patients are passing on the sickness of their minds and souls to their bodies.” How is that for a wake-up call? 

How many of us have the power to control our minds to overcome disease?  Even the holiest of holy die.  Life has a way of bringing us to our knees and maybe that’s one of the most important “tools” we can sharpen; our ability to connect to the Divine, our ability and desire to find The Holy and to fully understand that we are, “spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Perhaps, our greatest tool is to grow our faith in a power greater than ourselves, greater than anything we can even imagine.  A power that can create a galaxy and a flower, a human and a microcosm.  

After the initial diagnosis of cancer, what I found to be the second scariest event was the day I was released from treatment.  I know I am not alone.  I know too in many ways I was one of the lucky ones, to be released at all.  However, a few years back, Duke changed the name of the DCPSP to the Duke Supportive Care and Survivorship Clinic.  They finally recognized the need for cancer patients to receive care that addressed all the issues they had gone through during their treatment and perhaps with which they would continue to deal.  For example, people who had undergone the type of chemotherapy I had undergone, needed an Echocardiogram every five years.  I had been out of treatment (yes, luckily) for over 15 years and had never had an Echo!  There’s a thread of cancer that is always with you even after you’ve been told you are “cancer free.”  Ask any cancer survivor what come first to their minds when they have a headache, a backache or a shoulder pain?  These concerns and fears need to addressed and alleviated.  Education and support are essential to continued healing and that’s exactly what Carmen is focusing on, as is the Survivorship Clinic at Duke.  

The basic health care rules apply whether or not you’re in or out of cancer.  Exercise, eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep and stay connected to friends and family.  These are proven ways of maintaining optimal health.  The way you approach them really depends on the individual.  People go crazy trying to figure out the best approach to their diet.  In today’s world there are so many options and every one of them is touted as the “best” diet.”  You’ve seen them.  You’ve read about them.  I don’t have to list them.  The only way to know if they’re for you is to try one for a time and see how you feel and how your body responds.  It’s not an easy path.  What is good for one, really is not good for all. But is there any one thing that’s good to help cure the sickness of our minds and souls? 

It’s Lent, 2020 as I write this missive.  It’s one of my favorite times of the year.  It is a time to focus on prayer, fasting and alms giving according to the tradition of my Catholic faith.  It’s forty days to broaden our perspectives, to learn more about ourselves, to grow closer to our God and perhaps change our relationship to ourselves, the world and Our Lord. It’s really all up to us and our intentions and that, I believe is the cure.  Oh, you may not heal yourself of every ailment you have and yes, you will still die.  Let’s face it, no one gets out of this life alive.  We do, however, get to choose how we live.  We get to choose how we perceive what we are experiencing.  It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us, this gift of freedom of will and thought.  Dr. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen writes that sometimes in our pursuit of becoming whole, we still may not be cured but be assured, we will be healed.  

What choices can one make to assure they will be healed?  There are many just like a diet but two of the most important one can learn are to forgive and to love.  Don’t hold onto that hot coal of resentment expecting it to harm anyone other than yourself.  Do whatever it takes to heal your heart of hurt, anger and bitterness.  Write about it, paint about it, meditate on it, pray.  Don’t give up until you are whole once more, until that wound in your heart and soul has scared over.  It’s hard work but it’s so worth it and don’t expect it to happen like a one and done.  It may appear over and over.  You may need to make a conscious decision maybe many times before you find peace.  Forgiveness and love, the two cornerstones of a healthy, full, enriched life.  Truly, if your life is full of peace and love what else could you possibly want or need to live it to the fullest? 

 Dr. Wagner, The Duke Survivorship Clinic, and the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat that I have been leading for the last fifteen years all focus on finding the positive outlook in life.  We recognize the pain and challenge and then we choose to look for the, “can in cancer.”  It’s there.  It may take the help of others seen and unseen to discover it, but even in the most difficult of times, one can find a way to see the blessings. They are there in the faces of our loved ones, in the calls and cards from our friends and neighbors, in the prayers than encircle our whole being; mind, body and spirit.  May your cancer journey help you to see the “can”, the blessings and may they lift you up to a place of gratitude and possibility.   

Embracing Lent

Affirmation: Lent is a time dedicated to strengthening my faith. 

Today, February 14th, is not only Valentines Day it’s Ash Wednesday.  For Catholics it marks the beginning of one of the holiest seasons of the church year.  Practicing Catholics go to Mass or at least to a Lenten service and have a thumbprint of ashes smeared on their forehead.  The words accompanying the ritual are "Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return." (Genesis 3:19) The ashes normally come from the palms that were blessed for the previous Easter season.  At my church, St. Michael the Archangel, here in Cary, NC, the practice includes sprinkling holy water into the dishes holding the ashes.  That makes them pastier and then the priest or the minister can really smear them on.  I don't remember them being so black and pronounced when I was a child.  We are then encouraged not to rub or wash them off until we would normally cleanse our faces.  I found myself eating lunch today at a local cafe and was charmed by the number of Catholics who proudly proclaimed their faith that day.  Let's face it, it's hard to miss a big black smudge on someone's forehead and it's the perfect opportunity to share your faith without saying a word. 

I live in the Bible Belt which I understand to mean we have a lot of practicing Christians in this area, many of whom are evangelical.  They have a mission to convert the world, the whole world to Christianity.  This is not the place to live if you are wishy-washy about your faith, unless you're living in Chapel Hill.  (That's a little hint for anyone reading this who is thinking of moving to our beautiful state.) I've lived in the Bible Belt now since 1976.  First, I was in Cincinnati, Ohio for ten years and now, I'm here.  How is that different from other parts of the United States?  If you look at one of USA Today's graphs, you will see that the south-east and mid-west areas are shaded darker when the shading represents the number of people calling themselves Christians.  As the map expands to the west, California, Oregon etc., the shading becomes lighter and lighter.  My experience with this part of the world has been wonderful.  I have noticed that the people here who are working to be faith filled are kind, caring and compassionate.  I don't think one need be religious or perhaps even spiritual to have those qualities but when your faith is an integral part of your life, I believe you are enjoined to raise yourself up to a higher level of responsibility to lead a more exemplary life. 

I know all about the hypocrites, those who show up at services all holy and righteous only to lead small, mean lives.  My experience has not led me to be surrounded by that type of practitioner.  My experience, especially that of living here in NC, has been one of support and kindness and compassion from the people who are actively participating in their faith.  Perhaps, I've just been lucky because even some of my friends who don't belong to an established religion are loving and compassionate. Could it be, however, that the God energy of this area has permeated more souls than elsewhere?  It's a nice thought.  It brings me comfort and hope.  Maybe mindfulness in itself encourages people to live lives of caring and service.  Supposedly there was a study done many years ago that showed when a Transcendental Meditation seminar was being held, that section of the country had less crime.   

Lent is my favorite time of the year. My part of the world is gray and wet and soft right now but I know that in just a few weeks everything will be in full bloom, the Dogwoods, Azaleas, and Daffodils to name a few will come forth and brighten and color our entire area.  It goes from dreary to delightful.  It's slow and deliberate and if you pay close attention, you can see the metamorphosis taking place.  That's what I like to imagine is happening to my inner life too.  Lent offers me the opportunity to grow and blossom, to go from dreary to colorful.  It's up to me how I use the time.  For me, it's a more deliberate time, an opportunity to be even more mindful, than any other time of the year.  I always hope the changes I'm making stay with me, as I move into the rest of the year, and hopefully some of my Lenten practices do just that and that's exactly the reason we are called upon to set aside this time to develop more self-discipline and to be of greater service.  We are called to pray more, give alms and to practice acts of denial.  We are called to be more mindful, more intentional about our lives.  It's a practice we could use every day not just during Lent but with Lent comes the deliberate intention to grow our inner lives, to make us and our world kinder, gentler and more compassionate. 

The main question at Lent is, "What are you giving up for Lent?"  I know I could give up wine or chocolate or some such food item and have the added benefit of reducing my waistline. In 2014, however, I chose a more difficult practice. I decided to give up doubt and now, in 2018,  I confess I still have "work" to do.  I must say, I feel I am now stronger in my faith than in the past but for me, it seems to be the work of a lifetime. When Oprah interviewed the famed televangelist, Joel Osteen, she asked him if he had ever doubted his belief in Jesus Christ.  He emphatically answered, "No."  I am still not a Joel Osteen.  I am more of a Thomas.  After all these many years of practicing my faith I still have my doubts.  Let's face it, it's quite a story! That however, is not how I want to live my faith, the promises are too great.  I want to believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ is God incarnate and that I can have a personal relationship with Him that will enhance my life and lead me to a place where I reach out to others with pure love.  I want to believe that with Him, not only will I and my loved ones have eternal rest and peace, but that this life will be a more rewarding experience.  I haven't yet had any direct messages from the spirit world that would allay my doubts but I don't care.  This is how I want to live my life and for me it seems to require practice and Lent, my favorite time of the year, offers me that perfect opportunity.  "Loving Father, help me to better know and love Your Son.  Amen."

Lenten Hopes & Prayers

Affirmation:  I let go of resentment.

Wayne Dyer in his Ten Secrets of Happiness tells his readers that one of the secrets is to affirm, "There are no justified resentments."  That means we are called on to forgive every action that has bothered us, intentionally or unintentionally.  How are you at doing that?  Have you ever thought you were "over" something and then it reared its angry head when you least expected it?  For me, I can nurse an injury to death!  It can be years after the perceived hurt has occurred and the name of the offender will cause me to sit up straight and grimace and re-live, perhaps even re-tell, the horrible act committed.  Boy!  That will show that person.  I will be justified and they will suffer because of my anger and my indignation.  The truth, however, is there is only one person suffering, it is I and I have created it myself. 

I was discussing with a friend that several of her dear friends had not reached out to her and her husband after he had undergone surgery.  She was angry.  I understood.  When I was treated for breast cancer, some of the people with whom I was closest never sent a note or picked up the phone.  Hundreds (and I am not exaggerating) of people reached out with such caring and generosity.  It was healing and affirming but every now and then, I'd wonder about those few people who hadn't taken the time to even send me an email.  When I thought of them, I'd feel resentment.  I wondered why I would chose to focus on those that appeared to ignore me and not the amazing people who showed such love and care?  Why is that?

We are presently in the season of Lent.  I love Lent.  I've felt this way for many years.  It's a time of quiet.  It's a time for additional reflection, a time to really focus on what is important to me in my relationship with God and others.  It's a time for me to develop a new good habit or two.  It's a time of hope.  It is the dormant time before the rise of the flowers and blossoming of the trees.  It's that time when I wait with joyful anticipation Spring and the resurrection of Christ.  It's a time when my heart feels full with what is to come.    

Lent has taken on a very different meaning for me over the years.  As a child we would be encouraged to give up some favorite food and also to fill a small paper box with coins for the hungry children of a far off country.  I'm sure I tried to honor the requests.  I'm sure I didn't do too well at it either.  Then, as a young adult I rebelled.  I decided all those rules and regulations were silly.  What purpose did it serve to give up anything and how much of a difference did my small contribution make to the poor and destitute of the world?  The thing that helped me recognize the wisdom of my church's traditions was staying connected to my church. This is my home and one of the many gifts has been learning to honor our Lenten tradition. 

I've taken two intentions for this 2015 Lent.  The first is to dedicate each day to one person.  Their name goes on the top of my journal page and I write a small prayer for them.  If it seems appropriate, I send it to them.  I tell them that on this nth day of Lent I am lifting them up in prayer for the entire day.  I tell them how they have blessed my life and how much I treasure their friendship and I end with wishes for a day filled with love, peace and joy and many times, improved health.  I sit, first thing in the morning to see who comes to mind and I make that my person for the day.  Today, someone "appeared” with whom I've had quite a bit of struggle.  I didn't want to offer up my day for that person.  I don't really want to think about that person at all, no less keep her on my thoughts for an entire day.  I felt myself retreat from the idea and see for whom else I might pray. Certainly, many other people deserved prayer more than the person I resent. 

The February 24th reading in Spiritual Insights for Daily Living begins with a quote from the Mayo Clinic; "Three-fourths of our patients are passing on the sickness of their minds and their souls to their bodies."  It goes on to say, Be careful of the beliefs you hold and the thoughts you repeatedly think.  In Proverbs (6:27) the writer asks, "Can a man take fire unto his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" More specially, we can ask: can a man (or anyone) take fears, doubts, hated, resentments, worries into his mind, and his body be unaffected?    

The Buddhist saying is, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  The teacher appeared in my reading and Jesus told us, "Forgive."  How many times?  "Seventy times seven." Mathew (18:21)  At a recent Pink Ribbon Yoga Committee planning meeting, Nancy Hannah, one of our dedicated gifted yoga teachers had us take the pain and suffering of others, surround it with love and then breathe it transformed back out into the universe.  I've been struggling with the suffering of our world.  This year's news of twenty-one Coptic Christians being beheaded, people being put in cages and burned to death and the stories of the girls and women being kidnaped and abused has left me feeling weary and sad and powerless.  What can I do to help the world?

In the USA today on February 23rd of this year they had a marvelous story of a women, Nareen Shammo, who gave up her job as a reporter and has tirelessly worked towards the freedom, the salvation of any woman being held hostage.  She's succeeding one woman at a time.  I don't feel I have that kind of power but perhaps here on this page as I share my concerns, I can encourage and enlist those 30,000 plus people who have opened this site to join me in praying for them, praying for an end to war and hatred and religious intolerance.  Use a rote prayer, make up a prayer, breathe prayerful energy into this world but do something!

The second intention I've adopted for Lent is, "I let go of resentment."  It means I have to dig deep within and forgive those I have struggled with.  It means I must pray for not only those I comfortably hold in my heart but for those I don't want to embrace.  It means I have to pray for my enemies and even the terrorists.  Perhaps, through the power of prayer, a heart will soften; maybe many hearts and the torture and abuse of the innocents of our world will decease.  It all begins with me.  It all begins with you.  We must be the, "change I wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi.  

Rising with Christ

Affirmation: I know by meditating on Jesus throughout my day, I am in union with the Divine, miracles are created and without struggle my life is transformed in ways beyond my imagination.

Lent is upon us. As I write this Ash Wednesday has passed. Lent is one of my favorite times of the year.  In the Catholic tradition, ashes are smeared on one's forehead in the sign of a cross with the words, "Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return." Genesis 3:19.   It is a reminder of our mortality and of the promises of Christ of our life to come. Lent in the Catholic faith is the time to prepare for the death and most importantly, the miraculous resurrection of the Son of God, Jesus Christ. Wow! What a story! And, we are called to travel with Him on His journey. We are called to stay present to the time, the season, the death and the rebirth. It’s a time that takes many of us out of the depths of “winter” and into the fullness of “spring.”

One of the challenges offered to us during Lent is to make it a time of sacrifice. We are encouraged to deny ourselves and to do works of mercy. Oh, I don’t think it has to be any great effort but we are called to do something so that we are more aware of the 46 days; so we stay more present to the Lenten season. It’s a gift we give ourselves.

 

If you grew up with this concept of Lent, you know the first question most people are asked about their Lenten practice is, “What are you giving up for Lent?” While I understand it is a season of fasting and abstinence, it’s also a time to rest in the Lord, to take time to listen to God's voice, to the voices of our Angels and Guides. It’s a time to share those things that are truly precious to me; my time, talent and treasure. It’s a time to plant some seeds and to tend to them so they may produce the flowers and fruits of love and joy. Now, that is something that takes quite a bit of guidance. What needs to do be done to create such a bountiful harvest?

Several years ago, Father Emmanuel from Africa gave the Ash Wednesday homily. He had a very eastern approach to Lent. He said he had watched our American culture take on more, do more and struggle more during Lent and he wondered if maybe we shouldn’t consider “doing less.” Doing less!! Oh my, now that's a self-discipline I might find very difficult to embrace. I like to “do.” I like to be busy, busy, busy. I like to think I’m making a difference in the world. I’m contributing; I’m making the world a better place to live. And now, I am being challenged to do less.  At another time another visiting African priest also presented the concept of doing with less.  This time he suggested we fast not only from food but from the internet, the TV, radio and newspapers.  Instead of focusing on worldly events, he suggested we use all that free time to connect to God.

How can denial and service be a gift we give ourselves? Well, it takes 40 days to develop a habit and this type of exercise can be seen as an opportunity. I know many people who use the Lenten sacrifice as a time to diet. I can’t count the number of people who have shared with me that they give up chocolate or sugar. Maybe that’s worked well for them. Perhaps every time they have that craving, they find themselves more present to Christ and his sacrifice. But, besides a restrictive diet, we need to take up the badge of service, find something we can do for another. There are so many in such dire straits right now. How can I be of more service than I already am? Maybe I need to go through the house and give up a few coats and other items of clothing. One of my dear friends is always reminding me that someone else could be using the items I have left untouched for months and in some cases, years. Perhaps, it’s a time for me to be a prayer warrior. How can I add more prayer to my daily practice especially for those most in need? Maybe I can send a note or make a call once or twice a week to friends I haven’t touched base with in a while? I can pray for them, offer up a day for them, and send them a visible sign of my love, like a note or a card, even an email might work. I’m sure you can think of many other ways to give back.

 

And, what can I give up? What new habit can I develop over the Lenten season that won’t simply reduce my waistline but will add to the quality of my life, my life and hopefully the lives of all those I touch? I decided to give up ingratitude. Ingratitude is defined in the dictionary as “forgetfulness or poor return for kindness received.” A synonym is “thanklessness.”

I live a life full of abundant blessings. I am a very lucky woman. I am loved by my family and have many wonderful friends. I need and want nothing. I am beyond lucky and extremely grateful. I am safe, secure, and healthy. But, every so often envy slips into my psyche. I’m admitting it. I can still find myself listening to or watching others and wonder what I did wrong. Why didn’t I make that choice; why didn’t I travel that path; why do their lives appear so easy, so full? Sometimes it’s little things that I find myself dwelling on and other times, it’s some major issue. But, that doesn’t serve me or anyone else. Whether I give credit to God, to fate or to my own hard work for the life I now live, being ungrateful is plain wrong. By giving up ingratitude I found myself noticing when I undermine my own happiness and I stop and let it go. Perhaps by letting go of ingratitude for 46 days, I’ll develop a new habit. Maybe by the end of Lent, I will rise too, to a new awareness, a new way of thinking about my life; a way that brings me and those in my life, a sense of greater peace and joy.

I have accepted the challenges presented to me for this season and have decided that with my “free” time, I will pray more and I will listen harder. I believe that with these steps in practice, I  open myself to God’s grace and move forward in whatever direction I am led. I’ve decided not to be in charge but am hoping that by focusing on my faith, on my relationship with Christ, I will be led to that place where it’s not up to me how I use my time, treasure and talent, but up to God and that with the guidance of my Angels and Guides in those quiet moments, I will be used as their instrument.

This is my Lenten practice.

Ingratitude

Affirmation:  I let go of ingratitude.

Lent is almost upon us.  Ash Wednesday is next week.  Lent in the Catholic faith is the time to prepare for the death and most importantly, the miraculous resurrection of the Son of God, Jesus Christ.  Wow!  What a story!  And, we are called to travel with Him on His journey.  We are called to stay present to the time, the season, the death and the rebirth.  It’s a time that takes many of us out of the depths of “winter” and into the fullness of “spring.” 

One of the challenges offered to us during Lent is to make it a time of Sacrifice.  We are encouraged to deny ourselves and to do works of mercy.  Oh, I don’t think it has to be any great effort but we are called to do something so that we are more aware of the 40 days; so we stay more present to the Lenten season.  It’s a gift we give ourselves.

How can denial and service be a gift?  Well, it takes 40 days to develop a habit and this type of exercise can be seen as an opportunity.  I know many people who use the Lenten sacrifice as a time to diet.  I can’t count the number of people who have shared with me that they have given up chocolate or sugar.  Maybe that’s worked well for them.  Perhaps every time they have that craving, they find themselves more present to Christ and his sacrifice.  But, besides a restrictive diet, we need to take up the badge of service, find something we can do for another.  There are so many in such dire straits right now.  How can I be of more service than I already am?  Maybe I need to go through the house and give up a few coats and other items of clothing.  One of my dear friends is always reminding me that someone else could be using the items I have left untouched for months and in some cases, years.  Perhaps, it’s a time for me to be a prayer warrior.  How can I add more prayer to my daily practice especially for those most in need?  Maybe I can send a note or make a call once or twice a week to friends I haven’t touched base with in a while?  I can pray for them, offer up a day for them, send them a visible sign of my love, like a note or a care, even an email might work.  I’m sure you can think of many other ways you can give back.

And, what can I give up?  What new habit cans I develop over the Lenten season that won’t simply reduce my waistline but will add to the quality of my life, my life and hopefully the lives of all those I touch?  I have decided to give up ingratitude.  Ingratitude is defined in the dictionary as “forgetfulness or poor return for kindness received.”  A synonym is “thanklessness.” 

I live a life full of abundant blessings.  I am a very lucky woman.  I am loved by my family and have many wonderful friends.  I need and want nothing.  I am beyond lucky and extremely grateful.  I have hit the jackpot of life.  I am safe, secure, and healthy.  But, every so often envy slips into my psyche.  I’m admitting it.  I can still find myself listening to or watching others and wonder what I did wrong.  Why didn’t I make that choice; why didn’t I travel that path; why do their lives appear so easy, so full?  Sometimes it’s little things that I find myself dwelling on and other times, it’s some major issues.  But, that doesn’t serve me or anyone else.  Whether I credit to God, to fate or to my own hard work for the life I now live, being ungrateful is plain wrong.  With my newest affirmation; “I let go of ingratitude” I find myself noticing when I am undermining my own happiness and I stop and let it go.  Perhaps by practicing letting go of ingratitude for 40 days, I’ll develop a new habit.  Maybe by the end of Lent, I will rise too, to a new awareness, a new way of thinking about my life; a way that brings me and those in my life, a sense of greater peace and joy.