Affirmation:  I let go of struggle.

The immaculate Conception parish in Durham, North Carolina held it's annual woman's retreat this last weekend.  It was at the Baptist retreat center on Oak Island, North Carolina.  Approximately fifty women attended.  They were of all ages and ethnic backgrounds.  There was one man, Father Jude Siciliano but as one of the women tried to explain to me, he was such a remarkable man that the women attending would be very comfortable with his presence.  She was right, very right.  

As you probably know if you regularly read this blog, I am very familiar with creating and presenting retreats.  This year will be our eleventh Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat.  At the time of this blog, our first planning session is about to take place.  It takes a solid six months to get an event like ours together. 

The committee for the Immaculate Conception retreat also works on their event for many months beforehand.  It was very obvious.  They didn't miss a thing.  It was everything I'd want a spiritual retreat to be.  The design was very gentle with lots of free time.  The rooms were comfortable and well appointed.  The setting was originally Fort Caswell with remnants of the cement bunkers and walls in the midst of lovely houses and stunningly beautiful ocean vistas.  We were able to watch the sunrise and the sunset.  The theme was, Reclaiming the Gifts of Sabbath Living and we were encouraged to come with something written out that we wanted to eliminate from our lives.  We were then encouraged to "take an intention" to help us accomplish our desire.  I was right at home.  I must admit I also felt a little smug; I mean I'd already looked at the year and I had set an intention.  I was ready!  I really was but just like all adventures there was so much to experience than I could even imagine.

We were a carpool of four. We were the only four from our part of the Triangle.  It was a delightful ride to the beach.  One of the other women took on all the driving and another coordinated our pickups.  I was honored to be with these three spiritual sages.  They had all worked hard at getting in touch with God, each in their own way.  I couldn't wait to see what I would learn from each of them.  The simple fact that I was not in charge of any aspect of this trip, other than packing my own suitcase, was a gift in itself.  What a way to start a new year, in the company of three very loving, wise women and then to share in the journey of several dozen other women all with the same desire to know God better, to find a way to be better connected to the Divine. 

Father Jude led us in several ceremonies but for me the most meaningful were the two Centering Prayer sessions, twenty minutes of eyes closed and emptying the mind.  How easy that sounds but how difficult to put into practice.  I've meditated now on and off, mostly off, for over thirty years.  I'm great at praying and of course, I always journal but being called upon to just sit silently, without going to sleep, for twenty minutes, twice a day, is simply something I haven't made happen in my life, probably because I really don't want to.  I am a busy person.  There is so much to do and to think about and of which to be in charge!  I do fully realize, however, the multiple benefits of meditation, of resting the brain and in this case in finally being silent so that I can listen to God, not always be dominating the conversation.  That's what we were given, two twenty minute sessions to simply listen.  Did God speak to me?  Yes, She did!  

During both sessions I received images that I cannot explain.  I went into the first session with a question to which I could not find an answer and somewhere in that twenty minutes, an answer came and one I feel I never never would have arrived at using any other modality.  I was actually stunned and felt a great sense of peace.  During the second session I was prepared to simply sit quietly and repeat my word or "mantra" but once again I was visited with an image.  It was a warm, comforting person and I was so grateful for her care.  I might have stayed longer but the bell rang and she left.  She left and yet I still feel her with me.  I'm not sure if or when she will ever leave again.  

I'm curious now, will each time in Centering Prayer bring a new insight, a warm feeling, a sense of peace and calm or was it the power of almost fifty other people sitting with me that presented me with these gifts?  A few years back I took a ten week course in Mindful Meditation at Duke Integrative Medicine.  I sat quietly in lotus position, crossed legs, on the floor twice a day for twenty minutes for ten weeks and then the course ended and so did my practice.  I know all the benefits meditation presents.  I've read about lowering blood pressure, increasing self discipline, improving concentration and about how the brain actually changes its state with ongoing meditation.  This January there was a Sixty Minute episode that showed a computer scan of the beneficial effects on the brain during meditation.  I haven't read a self-help book yet that doesn't at some point tell the reader to meditate.  Presently, I am listening to Richard Rohr’s, The Art of Letting Go.  I just began session four this week.  Guess what the topic was?  Contemplation or meditation and why it’s so beneficial not only to our bodies but to our spirits.  

Am I ready?  Can I do it?  Even as I sit here and write I can feel the resistance.  "Be careful what you pray for," I've been told.  So, I'm not going to ask God to help me with this intention. Instead I'm simply going to allow the time to unfold and present itself to me.  My intention for the year had already been set before I ever got to the retreat, this is, The Year of Trusting in Christ.  The quality I left behind at the retreat to honor Sabbath living was struggle.  My affirmation is, I let go of struggle, even the struggle to meditate daily.  I'm simply going to see how the days evolve and maybe this time, with God in the picture, my desire to sit quietly and discover His/Her message will come as a welcome gift.

Stay tuned.  I'll report back in a few months.  Maybe you want to join me in this journey?  I'd love to know what you might discover.  

 

Trusting in Christ

Affirmation:  I dedicate this year of 2015 to trusting in Christ.

It’s January 1st, 2015 and that can be a time for reflection and retrospection.  I know many people make some sort of New Year’s resolution.  It can be a very common topic during the first few days of January; “Have you set any New Year’s resolutions?”  We all know how they usually go.  Most people are lucky if they hold onto those resolutions for more than a day.  You know the usuals: lose weight, stop smoking, begin exercising, eat healthy, spend more time in prayer and or mediation, etc. and then life takes over.  The holidays are finished and most of us head back to work or to our normal routine and that routine doesn’t include those good intentions.  There is however, ways to make permanent changes in our life.  Some changes we choose, those can be a gift we give ourselves.  Other changes are thrust upon us, and depending upon how we approach those, they can also be a gift we give ourselves.  

I’m very excited about this New Year.  I must admit coming out of Christmas and looking towards the New Year, I didn’t feel excited.  I felt anxious but I’ve been consistently journaling and reading as much inspirational and motivational writings as are available to me and I’ve decided that this is my year to simply go with the flow, to let go of the struggle and the challenges that I’ve always created for myself.  My study group, The Seekers, is presently reading Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star.  I really had a difficult time relating to the beginning of the book but midway through it took on new meaning.  The section we are presently studying is about The Change Cycle.  Change, one of those elements that every human being experiences and experiences all the time.  Sometimes we are aware of the changes, they are dramatic and potent but most change is subtle and insidious.  We go through life not paying much attention to it.  It hasn’t really commanded our attention but it’s always there and how we deal with small changes is a precursor to how we deal with large changes. 

My Enneagram type, Type 7, is prone to anticipation.  It’s part two of Martha Beck’s Change Cycle.  That may sound exciting but the truth is it can be exhausting and it takes me “out of the moment,” out of the experience of the present.  I miss too much by not paying attention to the Now.  Between Martha and the information about my personality type in the Enneagram, I decided not to live like that this year.  This year my intention is to allow life to unfold.  I want to live in the movement of the spirit.  I can’t tell you what that will look like and I will tell you I have prayed that I am not called to be a martyr but I’m still going to go with it. 

I owe this year’s intention to one of my dear friends and study group traveler.  She gifted me with the book, One Word That Will Change Your Life by Jon Gordon and she has shared with me over the year the impact of focusing on one word, like taking a mantra.  I know my intention is more than one word but the word I’ve chosen to focus on is Trust.  It’s been here now for a few years, floating in and out of my consciousness and my affirmations.  A while back I developed the RTR principle: I fully Rest in God’s care, I Trust in God’s love and I Release myself from any struggle.  It was helpful but it was a little like a resolution; I didn’t hold onto it for very long.  I have discovered that when I take an intention for the year, miraculous things, subtle and not so subtle take place and without a lot of effort my life takes on new meaning and color. 

This is the third year of taking an intention, declaring the year a “year of.”  This last year you might recall was “The year of connecting to the Divine.”  It’s been a wild roller coaster ride with the publishing of my book in February, the death of my mother, Margaret Grolimund in March and the marriage of my daughter, Ellen, to Adam O’Sullivan in May but through it all there’s been a peace and a sense of being in the presence of a greater power.  Each morning my journal had the year’s intention written at the top of the page and even though I mostly left the thought as I went throughout my day, I still carried it with me in my inner being.  As with all affirmations I believe they first enter your consciousness, then our subconsciousness and then they permeate our cellular being and we are different, different in ways we might never even imagined but different in ways that enhance our lives. 

I’m ready!  I’m excited about this year’s intention.  I am expecting amazing, miraculous things.  I know life will still hold all the challenges life normally holds and maybe a few I can’t even imagine and for which I would never ask but I’ll be good.  I’ll let this new intention seep deep within me and whatever the world throws at me, I’ll be breathing deeply and knowing that since I’ve made a conscious choice, every day to trust in Christ, I’ll look back on this year, just as I did on 2014 and see the miracles and the blessings in all the hills and the valleys that is the ride of my life. 

Christmas Miracles

Affirmation: I possess the Christmas spirit all year long.  

Miracle on 34th Street was released in May of 1947.  It originally had the word Christmas in the title but because of the release date it was removed.  How do I know this?  My husband, Sandy and I went to visit his mom, Yolanda, this last weekend.  She lives in Savannah, GA and they were having a fund raiser at the local original Savannah theatre showing Miracle on 34th Street.  We had all seen it many times and we knew it was delightful but we went simply to share the afternoon together and to support the Humans Society.  Once again, I was wrong!  Watching this classic, corny movie in the midst of a crowded theatre was a remarkably different experience than watching it at home alone or in a small group.  We laughed, sighed, applauded and shared all the clever and tender moments that has kept this film so meaningful.  

It's definitely a secular film.  There is no mention of a God or Christ, other than in the frequently used word "Christmas" but what I consider to be the spirit of Christmas permeates every scene.  Kris Kringle, The real Santa Claus only cares about making others feel valued, loved and important.  It's not about the physical gifts he's been told to promote, it's what they represent to the child or adult that is asking for them.  He brings people together for their betterment and the betterment of all.  He spreads his charm and good will like a net over everyone with whom he comes into contact.  He converts the unbelieving, skeptical Maureen O'Hara and her disenchanted child, Natalie Wood into people with imagination and faith.  He even converts the USPS.  

I saw a cartoon this second week of December, 2014 in the USA Today where two children were standing in front of Santa and asking for world peace and good will towards men.  He asked them if they'd consider an Xbox instead.  The news this week was so sad and tragic that I couldn't listen.  It only took a glance at the headlines to see the horror that we are perpetuating on our fellow human being.  Has the devil won?  Has "Satan" truly become the ruler of this world?  It would be so easy to believe we are at the end of times but it is Christmas.  It's a time to promote hope, peace and love for everyone whether one is or is not labeled "Christian."  We know what He came to do.  He came to show the world that we were put here to love and to serve and that I believe, is the one true truth.  He was here to raise our level of awareness to a higher purpose.  He wasn't concerned with the rules and regulations.  He was only concerned with the person and their well-being.  He was here to bring comfort to those who most needed it and to make uncomfortable those who are able to be of comfort.

I know there are many believers who believe theirs is the only way.  There's the joke about the Catholic, Baptists, Mormon, you choose, who arrive in heaven and ask St. Peter why he whispers every time he gets close to this huge wall that is there.  Why is there a wall at all?  He tells them that the Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, you choose, are on the other side of the wall and "they believe they are the only ones up here."  Oh, to be so sure.  To know that because you are right, you are saved and the rest of the world is damned and how truly sad.  I read a wonderful quote recently, "You can be right or you can love."   

One of my greatest strengths is my gift of perseverance.  I believe it's the reason I have accomplished most things in my life.  I truly believe if I simply "hang in there" I will learn or finish whatever it is I'm working upon.  The other side of perseverance is stubbornness and I am as guilty of that as I am proud of my determination.  Just ask my hubby.  This summer, for example, I wanted to walk a new path around Bass Lake in the NC mountains.  We headed out and after an hour we hadn't reached the lake yet.  Sandy reasonably wanted to turn around.  Turn around!  I couldn't even imagine it.  We hadn't even seen the lake yet.  Finally, a few minutes later we arrived.  I knew we were close.  I was right!  Now he reasonably wanted to go back the way we had come.  Go back the same way!  No no no!  We needed to follow the path and head up the other way.  I had been told it was the same distance.  I knew I was right!  He agreed and we got lost and four hours later, we finally found our way to our starting point.  

Sandy not only didn't leave me, he barely scolded me.  He lives a life of love, not right.  It wasn't the first time he's had to put up with my set thinking and I am here to confess he is not the only person in my life with whom I've exhibited this trait.  It's one of those personality shadows that interferes with the quality of my relationships and which I have only recently begun to understand.  Perhaps, this is why I've been granted these sixty eight years of life so I can continue to recognize how flawed I truly am.  What was Pope Francis' first message?  "I am a sinner, pray for me."  Oh, yes, we are all flawed but as long as we don't believe we are above or beyond anyone else, we can embrace our humanness and know that God created us just as we are.  She/He created the the miracles of this universe and we are, each one of us, one of those miracles.

Christmas is not an easy holiday for many many people but perhaps it's because the true meaning has been lost.  Christ is coming, God.  He comes again and again every year and I believe he remains with all those who choose to love, care and be of service to the world.  The Christ, the Savior is here in the hearts of all who know the importance of spreading the net of compassion and love over everyone whose lives they touch.  That miracle on 34th street is the miracle that can be ours should we choose to open our minds and our hearts to The Christ.

May you have a Blessed Holiday Season and a life filled with the awareness of God's love.

  

Loving Mother Earth

Affirmation: I treasure Mother Earth.

The Light shines within each of us for we are the dwelling places of the Holy Spirit....it is not enough to know the Light is within.  We have come to earth as servers.  Our calling is to stand aside, let Spirit shine through our lives, and thereby to reach out and trigger the illuminating of the light in the lives of others.  And so we join together with kindred souls to let the light of peace, joy, love and truth flood over and transform the quality of life that is manifest on Planet Earth.


Paul Brecht Fenske from Spiritual Insights for Daily Living

The retreat day topic presented by Sisters Mary Margaret and Judy from A Place for Women to Gather was "Oh Earth I Cannot Hold You Close Enough."  It revolved around a lovely painted image taken from The Cosmic Dance by Joyce Rupp.  The morning was devoted to quiet time and reflection time for us to attune to the beauty and bounty that the earth offers us with the final intention of finding ways we as individuals will support and care for our planet.

The Sixty Minute segment presented on Sunday November, 16th of this year, 2014 was about our water consumption throughout the world.  I live in Cary, North Carolina and we have had water restrictions for years, way before there was much of a visible issue and way before we even had any major problems with our water supply.  Right now I believe we are at a healthy water level for our area but we haven't always been "safe" and our community does an excellent job of encouraging people to be conservative with their water usage.  They offer rebates for low flow toilettes, inexpensive rain barrels are for sale and watering for lawns and shrubs are on restricted days.  The Sixty Minute segment showed that small steps like ours are more important than I ever imagined but they are not enough to keep our planet green and healthy.  We are drilling for water like we do for oil and we are sucking the earth dry.

The folks who monitor our water levels have for years used the primitive method of simply measuring the water table with a long tape measurer lowered into holes throughout the world and they have seen a huge decrease in the water table, more so over the last decade than ever before.  Now, there is a satellite that takes photos of the whole world and whose sensitivity to moisture allows it to color the computer image based on how much water is present in the area.  Green is healthy, red is sick, black is death.  Over the last several years, the computer images show that many of our world's major water tables have died.  I know this is a simplistic explanation of a very complex and serious issue.  It did however, cause me to be even more aware of a very serious issue of which our beautiful planet is suffering.

Once again I am faced with the question, "What can I do to affect a change in this world, me one tiny woman living in Cary, North Carolina?"  My first thought is to pray.  I'm praying for many world wide issues, especially for those who are suffering the most.  I know God knows who they are.  I am trusting She will hear my prayer and along with those of others, someone or even many will be comforted.  On NPR this week the head of the UN's humanitarian services stated that there are now 59,000,000 displaced people in the Middle East.  Our world is in dire shape and I must say the media brings that news right into our homes and I am sure, into many of our hearts.  What more can I do to help the world?

As I write this, we are approaching Thanksgiving.  I am sitting comfortably in a warm home with all the comforts one can need, even enough water to bathe and to have a cup of tea.  I am grateful.  I do count my blessings.  My daughter, Ellen, has just arrived from England and my granddaughter, Isabelle, is spending the night.  My whole family will be here this week and especially on Thursday.  The turkey is in the fridge and I can't wait to begin cooking.  I love to make the pies.  My husband loves to grill the turkey.  It fills my heart and soul to sit here and recognize my bounty.  I do not take for granted all I am blessed with and from that bounty I have taken measures to help others, besides my prayers, although I do fervently believe that my prayers are the first and most important step.  It's been shown that when many pray together for the same outcome, things do change for the better, including the prayer.  

My church, St. Michael the Archangel is in the throws of putting together boxes and boxes of food to give away this week, thousands of them. We are but one of thousands of organizations who are doing the same thing.  We have a "Jesse Tree" in the foyer with paper ornaments with children's names who need a present, usually clothing.  There are adopt-a-family notices in our bulletin.  We are a country with an abundance of resources and from what I can see here in my community, we want to share those with whomever needs help.  As a family, we aren't ever generous enough.  It seems no matter how much we donate, or step up to assist others, we could always do more, more and more.  We aren't called to be missionaries working in the really needy part of the world.  We are called, however, to be compassionate and that means not just thinking sad thoughts but actually stepping up and making a difference.  It means donating to the Thanksgiving Basket drive, taking at least one ornament off the Jesse tree, spending time in service.  It means recognizing our bounty and our blessings and making a difference.  We want to donate our time, treasure and talent to improve the condition of our world, even if it's just our small part of the world.  

After my day retreat, I also realized I need to be more caring of our planet.  My first step was to realize I wasn't taking enough time to "smell the roses."  So much of my day is spent running around doing, that I've forgotten to embrace the beauty and appreciate the bounty of my planet.  Growing up amid the highways, sidewalks and brick buildings of a city was not the place to get in touch with nature.  I did spend my summers on Jones Beach and fell I love with the ocean.  I love the salt water and the waves and the sound but it took a move to North Carolina before I was stopped in my tracks by nature.  Perhaps too, it's more about being older and getting closer to being reunited with the earth that has me paying more attention to its grandeur and miracles.  My first step, therefore, is to slow down and to daily savor the miracles that surround me.  Ah, another opportunity to meditate!  My second step is to find more ways to sustain our resources, even if it's just me taking one small step: walk when I can, use less water less often, recycle even more fervently, don't print something I can save on the computer, plan my errands all at once rather than heading out randomly.  

I am always looking for ways to be of more service to the world.  In this case, our day retreat has given me a greater awareness of the responsibility to literally give back to Mother Earth, that planet which so tenderly holds us here. I use to have the affirmation, "I treat Mother Earth gently" but now, with awareness I claim with more fervor, "I treasure Mother Earth."  Therefore, on this Thanksgiving, 2014, I give thanks for ALL things but especially for the treasures of our miraculous world.  

The Holy Plan

Affirmation: I trust and rest in God's Holy Plan.

What if we believed, truly believed with every fiber of our being, that we were here for a purpose, that we had a role to play in the creation of life? What if we knew that we were here on earth, living this life because a greater power needs us to serve His or Her mission for the betterment of mankind? How would that change what we do, what we think and what we say?

I would imagine that sounds like a sci-fi story. If not, it might sound crazy or irrational. If not that, perhaps it simply sounds like too much work and responsibility. I, however, have reached a stage in my life when I am ready to believe I am here for a purpose and I am ready to release myself to that purpose and let God take me where She wants me to go or perhaps, to stay.

My intention this year, as you may recall, has been to be "connected to the Divine." Once again, I didn't know what that meant but I loved the sound of it; I loved the feeling of it. It's been at the top of my journal page everyday now since January 1st. I know it's a mediation. I might feel connected or simply be aware of my intention for a short time or even just a moment, and then I leave. I head out into the "world" or even more often, simply into my world.

Recently, I read the phrase "Holy Plan." As soon as I saw the words, I knew that was my next intention. For some reason those two worlds brought me great peace. I felt my whole body relax, I was breathing deeper and easier. I began to carry the phrase with me all day long. It's there as I sit quietly wondering what and whom the day will invite and it's been there as I roam around participating in the many activities of my life. I fully recognize this does not mean nothing difficult will enter into my life or the lives of my loved ones but I still feel peaceful. I have this sense that all will work to my good, even the "bad." It's so comforting to me. Joel Osteen says, "With faith, what man has meant for our bad, God will make good." Maybe yes, maybe no but I sure feel better when I trust that Joel is right.

Other than a sense of calm and peace and even excitement, what results have I discovered from this new affirmation? I have been watching life more closely for opportunities to rest in the Lord and also to be His tool. I know that sounds a little weird and perhaps even obnoxious, believing that I can connect to The Divine and She will use me, me little Jean Anne Costa, to do some sort of life giving work for the world. Yes, there have been others who believed this and they were crazy! I don't think, however, that I've "lost it." Somehow, I feel I've found that for which I've been searching. I don't have visions of grandeur. I simply want to walk though the day and my life, bringing hope, peace, love, joy, and compassion wherever I can and not add to the fear and pain that is so prevalent in our world today. Does that sound unreasonable? When I carry that hope with me into every day, won't that make a positive difference?

I've been reading Mathew Kelly's, Rediscovering Catholicism and finding it to be very supportive of my faith and my general spirituality. I had two copies at my home and as I left the house the other morning I decided to take the extra copy with me. I had the thought that maybe someone would like to have it. I couldn't imagine who but I grabbed it and threw it in the back of the car. I had an appointment for a pedicure (Yea!) and before I headed into the shop I went to the trunk of the car to put on my flip-flops and there was the book. I already had the newspaper in my hand but I grabbed the book too. I didn't get to it. I fell asleep but I had laid it on the table next to me. Another patron looked at it and began to ask me about it. She too was a Catholic and really struggling with her faith and asked me about it. I told her I knew this sounded weird but I had it with me because I felt I was supposed to give it away. Would she like it? Yes, she would love to read it. I was awed. I felt like I had closely listened. I felt well "used." I felt Divinely used. I felt quite right. I knew that this was how I always wanted to feel and believed my 2014 intention had definitely clicked in. Wow, I thought, "I might actually be in the midst of the Holy Plan. How cool!"

No, the book episode has not been the only serendipitous event this year. There have been many and each one has left me feeling the same way, peaceful and awed. In an effort to increase my faith and strengthen my understanding and relationship with Jesus Christ, I developed an affirmation many years ago that is close to the top of my affirmation list. I know by meditating on Jesus throughout my day, I am in union with the Divine, miracles are created and without struggle my life is transformed in ways beyond my imagination. That's how I feel about life today. I'm 68 years old and there's a peace and a sense of excitement I can never before recall experiencing.

I share these affirmations and this revelation I'm in the midst of with you with the hope that a few of these sentences or words will resonate with you and you too, if you're searching, will find this same sense of peace and exhilaration, at least for right now and perhaps

Being Catholic

Affirmation:  I love being a Catholic

During this month, October 2014, the Catholic Church has been front-page news.  It's not unusual for the Church to be in the headlines.  It seems to me it's an easy target for criticism, especially in this day and time.  This time the initial news being reported was more positive.  Pope Francis called a synod, a group of bishops from around the world, and the discussion that came from that meeting was highly publicized.  It’s unclear if everything that was written about the meeting was true but that’s nothing new for the media.  The initial bent of the stories would lead most people to believe that the Catholic Church has decided to become more liberal. 

At St. Benedict’s Church in Linville, NC Father Christopher Gober’s homily revolved around the procedures that are required before the Church, or what I would prefer to refer to as the hierarchy, makes any changes in Church doctrine.  “It will take years.”  Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.  The two thousand year old church has never been quick to make any changes.  It took them several hundred years to forgive Galileo who they excommunicated because he claimed the earth revolved around the sun.  With a history like that those of us, which includes me, who are ever hopeful that our church will become more open and accepting are not holding our breath.  But, there are some signs that our Church, the people who make up the foundation of our parishes may see a greater shift towards compassion and inclusion that hasn’t appeared to be the main focus until lately.

Before the synod ever began I was listening to a Tapestry podcast with Mary Hines called, Liars, Cheats and Sinners and the writer she was interviewing, described as a Roman Catholic thinker, Mary Gordon, said she didn't expect anything would be discussed that would make a difference for the laity.  She, however, I am pleased to say, was wrong.  Even if the doctrines are the same and it takes years, if ever, to make changes, Pope Francis seems to bring a whole different flavor to the meaning of our faith.  When the leader of an institution calls for compassion and inclusion, when a leader in an institution is humble and deferential and when a leader of an institution leads by example and not simply with words, the institution will reflect those qualities and that, it seems to me is Pope Francis.

I may be grasping at straws here, hoping that he will bring our church to a place where many times people feel as if they simply can’t ever get it right, where many people just find it too difficult to be part of such a restrictive environment.  I know in many ways the Catholic Church is a liberal institution if you compare it to many other fundamental faiths of the world but in my opinion some of the stands it takes on issues which affect so many of it’s faithful are just wrong.  My hope is Pope Francis will lead these men to a place of compassion and openness so that the fastest growing religion in the United States today is not “former Catholics.”

Our Church has so much to offer and because of all the bad publicity some of which is very justified, we aren't recognized for all our Church has done and continues to do to make this world a better place.  For example, the Catholic Church feeds, educates and tends to the health of tens of thousands of people a day.  The people they serve aren’t asked about their belief system or about their religion, they are simply helped.  Why isn’t that ever written about in the news? 

I once had someone tell me she was an Protestant because unlike Catholics she didn't have to leave her brain at the church door.  I can’t even imagine why someone would think it was all right to say that to anyone but trust me that's not true. I have carefully considered whether or not I want to continue to be a Catholic.  I’ve headed out many times; I’ve studied many faiths; I’ve read many different theologies.  I finally had to recognize that I was always called back to Catholicism. That's my home.  Maybe, just by being who I am I can make a difference in the way the church responds to some of these controversial issuers.  Certainly, I have a better chance than if I walked away, if I simply quit. 

I had one very powerful experience of asking God in prayer what path I should follow.  I didn't’ know how the answer would come but I believe in answered prayer and I did expect an answer.  The answer came in a dream.  Jesus floated down, He wasn’t very clear but I was pretty sure a white floating being was divine and He said, “Jean, I am the answer for you.”  I believed it then and I still believe it now.  I have a dear friend who has told me for years, “I don’t let the Church interfere with my relationship with God.”  That’s not good enough for me.  My Church needs practices and rituals that enhance and strengthen my relationship with God and with that, my relationships with my family, friends and even my enemies and it does provide those practices.  Unfortunately, the emphasis on Jesus' message of love and compassion gets clouded and our beautiful faith gets tied up in the rules and regulations.  

I love the Catholic Church.  I love being a Catholic.  Yes, I know it has zits and dysfunction.  What family doesn't?  I have chosen to stay in this family, this place where the people I interact with are more often than not, kind, generous, compassionate and loving. I'm still a Catholic because of my belief in the sanctity of the Eucharist and the rituals of the Mass and our seven sacraments and because it has led me to this relationship with Christ that sustains me in all things.

The last headline I saw about the synod before I wrote this said, "Pope Francis: 'God is not afraid of new things.'"  Yes, I believe we are presently in the hands and heart of a loving, compassionate person who will bring our church to a place of more acceptance and kindness; who will help our parishes become places of refuge and hope; who will guide the hierarchy towards being less rule oriented and more people oriented.  I'm not too hopeful about changes with the perception of women's roles but that's a whole other blog.  I do believe, however, that our Pope Francis hasn't left his brain or his heart at the door and I don't believe he expects us to live our faith and our lives without deep thought and commitment.