Being Your Better Self

Affirmation: Every day I strive to be a “better” version of myself

“God loves me just as I am but He /She loves me too much to leave me there.” 

Quote from a fellow Spiritual Director

Covid 19 has taken its toll on 2020.  It’s like God has sent us to our knees.  I know He/She has sent me to mine.  My prayer list at the end of this year is longer than it has ever been before and several of those prayers revolve around people I know and love who are dealing with this scourge that has infected our whole earth.  I am, probably like many of you, trying to listen closely to the messages from the Divine that seem to be coming in even more clearly than previously.  This month’s message has been about being the best, or at least the better me possible.

Richard Rohr in his book, The Divine Dance, tells the story of sharing with his spiritual director that he would like to be more like Thomas Merton, the great spiritual guru of the 70’s. His wise director told him he should simply be Richard Rohr. He is an American author with over 50 books to this date, spiritual writer, and Franciscan friar based in Albuquerque, New Mexico. PBS has called him "one of the most popular spirituality authors and speakers in the world." (Wikipedia) It seems like the advice was well received.

Then in a conversation with my dear friends, we found ourselves looking at our past and  comparing our accomplishments to people we admire. Matthew Kelly, the founder of the Dynamic Catholic Institute shares in his book, Perfectly Yourself, that his favorite painter is Pablo Picasso.  He shares that when Pablo was younger his mother told him, “Pablo if you become a soldier, you will be a general.  If you become a priest, you will be the Pope.” Pablo then shares, “I became a painter and I became Pablo Picasso.”   Matthew also reminds us that no matter what society tells us about becoming whatever we desire, each of us has been called by God for a very specific reason.  We are here for a purpose.  We aren’t here to be all things to all people.  We are here to be the best version of ourselves we can possibly be or at least the better version of ourselves.
 

I must confess to believing that if I persevere in some endeavor I will eventually accomplish whatever it is I’m trying to master and that I now know that is not true.  I am not someone who regrets not trying to learn or do something of interest and over these many years, I have watched myself become the master of mediocrity at many many different skills.  I won’t bother to list them all here but trust me, there are many.  It’s not like I don’t try and it’s not like I have not invested a lot of time and energy truly believing that if I just hang in there, someday something magical will happen and I will be proficient at my desired talent.  That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed the learning process or the amazing people and perhaps places I have met and visited along the way.  I have had many wonderful adventures in the pursuit of my different interests but I must confess, I simply did not have the God given talent to become a “good” fiddler, golfer, foreign linguistic, etc.  I think Matthew is right.  Some of us are simply suited to some things, designed for specific gifts, than for other.  The challenge is discovering those gifts, those gifts that God has bestowed on us to benefit this world.  Have you discovered yours?  What a wonder to be young and find that “something” and hone that talent.  I envy those people but “better late than never.”

The book I am presently reading is Julia Cameron’s, It’s Never Too Late to Begin Again.  Her first book, The Artist’s Way, changed my life as I know it did many others.  I discovered with the help of some of my dearest friends the gift of creating positive affirmations and of looking for and recognizing synchronicities or as she sometimes calls them, “ah ha moments.”  When I began writing morning pages 30 years ago, I discovered something that fed my soul.That quiet time of sitting and writing has helped me develop the discipline to begin every day with prayer, meditation, Bible study and journaling.  Within the journaling, I have left my petty concerns and discovered my passions and the joy of this blessed life.  

There are times when I wonder if I’m being selfish by taking that sacred time in the morning but then, Elizabeth Fenske presented in her December writings her concept of Unity and Oneness in her daily meditation book, Spiritual Insights for Daily Living and everything fell into place, at least for 2020.  She writes, “We forget that what we do about the inner self we also do about the world.  No thing is separate from any other thing in the universe.  The auric fields, often invisible to our eyes, are all woven together. With everything which happens, we can “feel” ourselves moving toward a deeper sense of the awareness.  Often in the stillness we intuitively feel and know the interconnectedness and oneness we share related back to a common ancestry.  We are the essence of life, cousin to the star and tigress.”  This for me was an “ah ha moment.”  My dear departed guide, Valerie Kelly, often reminded me that everything we do, everything we say and think, affects every other person in the world.  What a responsibly!!!  If I can maintain an attitude of kindness, compassion and generosity within me and for me, I can send those qualities out into this weary exhausted world and to everyone within it.  My prayer time is not simply time for me, it’s time for you.  The waves of grace and ease, gratitude and compassion, joy and dignity, hope and trust flow out of me and my connection to my Divine family, to my Lord and Savior and blanket all those who have tuned into the same frequency as I and perhaps to those who are simply turning the dial looking for the best station to the guidance about becoming the best version they can be.    

Covid 19 - My Day 40

There are new words now in our language and we have all learned them, regardless of whether or not we even speak English.  They arrived suddenly one day and like company that stays too long or is purely obnoxious, they are still with us even after several months.  For some the arrival has brought fear, anxiety, chaos and even death.  We are all facing a strange, unknown threat and most of us are doing our best to “follow the rules” as to not become ill or even worse, to make someone else ill and perhaps be the reason for their demise.  No matter who you are or where in the world you live, you are probably experiencing at the least some sort of stress.  I’ve spoken to many people who seem to have some sort of new physical ailment or one from the past that has reappeared.  It is not uncommon.  Besides many of us find ourselfes wondering whether or not that sore throat or queasy tummy or ingrown toenail might be a sign that the enemy has found a weak spot in our defense.  It’s simply an extremely daunting, challenging time and we, as American are at our best in times like these but I don’t know if any of us understood how long this time might last. 

The Easter Holiday brought the following message to my inbox:

Haven’t seen you lately so here’s an update. I have been working out 2-3 times a day, lost 25 pounds, almost all muscle now. Took up learning Mandarin and have become quite proficient. Have finally got to finish War and Peace as well as all of the works of Tolstoy, Hemingway and Kurt Vonnegut which I have always wanted to get to. I’ve taken up the guitar and have Smoke on the Water down pat. Have tried to write a few songs, sent them to a music house and they tell me some guy I never heard of, Post Malone, wants to record them. I have also become a concert pianist and expert at ice sculpture. It’s been very boring but we all do the best we can. Happy Easter, stay safe and may the force be with you. 

  

I so appreciated the humor and I am sure anyone reading this has also found some relief in the humor that has come along.  I, on the other hand had to reply that the skills my husband and I have honed have been a little more mundane.  He has taken charge of the cleaning, including the vacuuming.  I am his “new” supervisor. 

About forty years ago, we had a friend who won the “sexiest man alive” contest in upstate New York.  It was I recall, a lunchtime event and several men were called up on a makeshift stage and questioned about why they should win the title.  As you can imagine, there were many creative and somewhat risqué answers but our friend won with not only his good looks (which he had) but with the simple statement that he loved to cook and he did the cleaning.  He was unanimously given the title.  I’ve tried to convince my hubby of fifty-two years that there is nothing sexier than a man who likes to cook and clean.  It just took a pandemic to push him into the role I always thought should be his.  

Again, humor has come in many many forms and for the most part, I have let it feed and nurture me.  We had one email that said a couple had decided to not have children and they were going to tell them after dinner.  But, the winner for me so far has been:

https://www.google.com/search?q=woman+in+a+closet+youtube&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

It was LOL for at least two days and it still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.  I don’t know who this lady is but I would love to meet her and I would love to have her as a friend.  

Also don't miss John Krasinski's YouTube segments called Some Good News.  It's the kind of news I wish were published by our mass medial. It's kind, funny and uplifting. 
https://youtu.be/F5pgG1M_h_U

In one of my favorite books, Spiritual Insights for Daily Living by Elizabeth Fenske, the March 25th reading tells of an old Arab folk tale where Pestilence once met a caravan in the desert on the road to Baghdad.  “Why must you hasten to Baghdad?” Asked the caravan chief.  “To take 5,000 lives,” was Pestilence’s answer.  Later, they met again and the caravan chief said, “You deceived me, Pestilence, instead of 5,000 life’s you took 50,000.” “Nay,” replied Pestilence, “5,000 and not one more-it was fear who killed the rest.”  

I know, we all feel like we are living in a Twilight Zone episode.  I know I do.  I keep thinking any day now, I will wake up from this dream, this bazaar state of the world.  Fear! Anxiety! Stress! Grief! Loss!  Most of us are facing all of these emotions.  Most of us are fairly familiar with them but not on such a continual constant level.  Being who I am, I look for ways to see the silver lining in all the events of my life; sometimes to the annoyance of those around me.  In my first book Creating Positive Affirmations, Living an Intentional Life, I write that, “We cannot control the wind but we can decide how to set the sail.  The wind may blow you all over the world and take you to places you do or do not choose but it is your attitude during the journey and when you arrive that will determine every aspect of the adventure and you can determine that mindset by carefully choosing your self-talk.”    

I am not proposing that you ignore any of your emotions.  As Rumi says, “Welcome and entertain them all.  Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”  Then, take steps to move through those negative feelings.  Most of us know what is required to lift ourselves out of the pit but sometimes we need a reminder and many times we need a friend.  

Here are some of the tools that help me.  I share them with a hope they may also lift you to a “better place.”

1. Believe in a Divine Power that loves you and wants only your best.  It may look nothing like you think it should, but work hard on trusting your God.
2. Reach out either to help another or get help.  Don’t hesitate to ask.  Be humble.  Pick up the phone, write an email or even more unique, send some snail mail.  
3. Exercise.  Find a way.  Take a walk, go up and down the steps, turn on a video, dance to a favorite song or two.  It is a panacea for the blues.
4. Laugh.  Read those silly jokes or find a movie that tickles you funny.  How about anything by Steve Martin but especially my favorite, My Blue Heaven?
5. Eat some chocolate or a little ice cream.  Be kind to yourself.  Be compassionate with yourself. 
6. Take a bath, put some bubble bath in it and light a few candles.   

The list can be endless.  You know what you love.  You know what nourishes your soul and feeds your heart.  Have hope.  Have faith.  If it’s simply too windy for you at any point, lower the sail and take shelter in a safe place and wait.  The time will come again when we can all raise our sails and embrace the adventure of this life.  

Lenten Hopes & Prayers

Affirmation:  I let go of resentment.

Wayne Dyer in his Ten Secrets of Happiness tells his readers that one of the secrets is to affirm, "There are no justified resentments."  That means we are called on to forgive every action that has bothered us, intentionally or unintentionally.  How are you at doing that?  Have you ever thought you were "over" something and then it reared its angry head when you least expected it?  For me, I can nurse an injury to death!  It can be years after the perceived hurt has occurred and the name of the offender will cause me to sit up straight and grimace and re-live, perhaps even re-tell, the horrible act committed.  Boy!  That will show that person.  I will be justified and they will suffer because of my anger and my indignation.  The truth, however, is there is only one person suffering, it is I and I have created it myself. 

I was discussing with a friend that several of her dear friends had not reached out to her and her husband after he had undergone surgery.  She was angry.  I understood.  When I was treated for breast cancer, some of the people with whom I was closest never sent a note or picked up the phone.  Hundreds (and I am not exaggerating) of people reached out with such caring and generosity.  It was healing and affirming but every now and then, I'd wonder about those few people who hadn't taken the time to even send me an email.  When I thought of them, I'd feel resentment.  I wondered why I would chose to focus on those that appeared to ignore me and not the amazing people who showed such love and care?  Why is that?

We are presently in the season of Lent.  I love Lent.  I've felt this way for many years.  It's a time of quiet.  It's a time for additional reflection, a time to really focus on what is important to me in my relationship with God and others.  It's a time for me to develop a new good habit or two.  It's a time of hope.  It is the dormant time before the rise of the flowers and blossoming of the trees.  It's that time when I wait with joyful anticipation Spring and the resurrection of Christ.  It's a time when my heart feels full with what is to come.    

Lent has taken on a very different meaning for me over the years.  As a child we would be encouraged to give up some favorite food and also to fill a small paper box with coins for the hungry children of a far off country.  I'm sure I tried to honor the requests.  I'm sure I didn't do too well at it either.  Then, as a young adult I rebelled.  I decided all those rules and regulations were silly.  What purpose did it serve to give up anything and how much of a difference did my small contribution make to the poor and destitute of the world?  The thing that helped me recognize the wisdom of my church's traditions was staying connected to my church. This is my home and one of the many gifts has been learning to honor our Lenten tradition. 

I've taken two intentions for this 2015 Lent.  The first is to dedicate each day to one person.  Their name goes on the top of my journal page and I write a small prayer for them.  If it seems appropriate, I send it to them.  I tell them that on this nth day of Lent I am lifting them up in prayer for the entire day.  I tell them how they have blessed my life and how much I treasure their friendship and I end with wishes for a day filled with love, peace and joy and many times, improved health.  I sit, first thing in the morning to see who comes to mind and I make that my person for the day.  Today, someone "appeared” with whom I've had quite a bit of struggle.  I didn't want to offer up my day for that person.  I don't really want to think about that person at all, no less keep her on my thoughts for an entire day.  I felt myself retreat from the idea and see for whom else I might pray. Certainly, many other people deserved prayer more than the person I resent. 

The February 24th reading in Spiritual Insights for Daily Living begins with a quote from the Mayo Clinic; "Three-fourths of our patients are passing on the sickness of their minds and their souls to their bodies."  It goes on to say, Be careful of the beliefs you hold and the thoughts you repeatedly think.  In Proverbs (6:27) the writer asks, "Can a man take fire unto his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" More specially, we can ask: can a man (or anyone) take fears, doubts, hated, resentments, worries into his mind, and his body be unaffected?    

The Buddhist saying is, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  The teacher appeared in my reading and Jesus told us, "Forgive."  How many times?  "Seventy times seven." Mathew (18:21)  At a recent Pink Ribbon Yoga Committee planning meeting, Nancy Hannah, one of our dedicated gifted yoga teachers had us take the pain and suffering of others, surround it with love and then breathe it transformed back out into the universe.  I've been struggling with the suffering of our world.  This year's news of twenty-one Coptic Christians being beheaded, people being put in cages and burned to death and the stories of the girls and women being kidnaped and abused has left me feeling weary and sad and powerless.  What can I do to help the world?

In the USA today on February 23rd of this year they had a marvelous story of a women, Nareen Shammo, who gave up her job as a reporter and has tirelessly worked towards the freedom, the salvation of any woman being held hostage.  She's succeeding one woman at a time.  I don't feel I have that kind of power but perhaps here on this page as I share my concerns, I can encourage and enlist those 30,000 plus people who have opened this site to join me in praying for them, praying for an end to war and hatred and religious intolerance.  Use a rote prayer, make up a prayer, breathe prayerful energy into this world but do something!

The second intention I've adopted for Lent is, "I let go of resentment."  It means I have to dig deep within and forgive those I have struggled with.  It means I must pray for not only those I comfortably hold in my heart but for those I don't want to embrace.  It means I have to pray for my enemies and even the terrorists.  Perhaps, through the power of prayer, a heart will soften; maybe many hearts and the torture and abuse of the innocents of our world will decease.  It all begins with me.  It all begins with you.  We must be the, "change I wish to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi.