Blessings Recognized

Affirmation:  I recognize the blessings I receive when I share my time, treasure and talent with those in need.

On two occasions during this October, 2013, my husband, Sandy Costa was invited to be the Master of Ceremonies for the Ronald McDonald House of Durham, NC.  The events began at 7:45 AM and lasted an hour.  A full breakfast was served along with some of the most heartwarming and heart rendering stories I have ever heard.  For me, the stories that revolve around the struggle to live are always both inspirational and in many cases achingly sad.  This event revolves around the challenges being faced by children, little tiny ones and their families and the service, the hope and the comfort that this organization provides for them regardless of who they are or how much they have.  The Ronald McDonald House had set up these two breakfasts, among other events, to give others the opportunity to be of service to their residents and future residents.  They are giving people the opportunity to reach out and to make a difference in the lives of someone who is suffering, someone they probably do not even know.

The first event of the month was at The Tobacco Warehouse in Durham and about 400 people attended.  Sandy didn't really say much to me about his role and he's often invited to speak to groups, both large and small so I didn't pay a lot of attention to his project.  Sometimes he speaks for a fee but many times he speaks to simply be of service.  This, of course was an example of the later.  I was pleased for him that he was asked and to be given the opportunity but I didn't attend.  Actually, he didn't invite me and I wrote it off as simply another of his speaking engagements.  Wow, did I get that one wrong!

He invited me to the second event held in Raleigh at the NC State McKimmon Center.  A friend and pet therapy volunteer, Ann Henderson, asked me to sit with her group of invitees.  I was delighted to be included.  Ann brought Bailey, her wonderful warm friendly doggie.  The two of them also visit my mom once a week at my mom's assisted living apartment.  It is the highlight of my mom's week.  So I can imagine how much joy Ann and Bailey bring to the residents of The Ronald McDonald House.  They raised an amazing $260,000 during the one hour breakfast.  Why?

Sandy wasn't the only host.  He had a co-host, Sosa.  Sosa is thirteen.  She had on a black dress with silver sequins across the top.  She walked to that podium like she did it every day.  I was once told the second greatest fear after death is speaking into a microphone.  It was obvious Sosa had already conquered her 1st fear.  You can watch her at: Watch Sosa  She then started by apologizing for not wearing the red sneakers with the orange laces that she had been given, her Ronald McDonald sneakers.  "They really don't go with my outfit" she said.  Then she shared what it meant to her and her family to have a place, The Ronald McDonald House, to stay at while she was receiving her second bone marrow transplant.  Her mother had slept in their car for two months until space became available at "The House."

During the breakfast there were four other speakers, three sets of parents and Oie Osterkamp, the director of the Durham Ronald McDonald House.  There was also a video which showed the journey of another teenage girl.  I cried on and off throughout the entire program.  Who wouldn't?  Who can be among families who have undergone so much in an effort to make sure their child survives and not be emotionally moved?  Obviously, not many of us.  When Sandy finally made the plea for money the audience responded with generosity and caring.  The pledge card was not just for money.  It also included a section for visits and volunteers.  They accept any help they can get.  I have friends who shop for, purchase and cook one meal a month for the entire RMH in Greensboro, NC.  Time, treasure and talent were all greatly appreciated.

My experience has taught me that whenever I think I'm being magnanimous and generous to someone or to some cause, I discover that I am the receiver more than the giver.  It's a gift to me when someone invites me into their lives and permits me to be of service.  The book I'm now reading, Catching Fire, Becoming Flame says our first responsibility is to be of service to those who are less fortunate than we.  Discovering what our gifts are and how we can best help another is actually a responsibility.  We are called to service.  We are called to help and support one another.

If you watch the news we are led to believe we are not a caring species.  The media almost never reports on something uplifting and positive.  But, Sandy and I are involved in many different charities and we know people both of our church and of no church, who lead lives which epitomize the phrase "giving back."  It seems to me if we watch our fellow man and woman carefully we will see we are a caring, generous, even loving species.  We like to help others.  We like to make a positive difference in the lives of those around us, both those we know and in the case of these two breakfasts, in the lives of complete strangers.  We must be an amazing group of beings.  These two events, two one hour events raised over $400,000 and I am sure generated a lot of interest for volunteer opportunities.  Most people want to help others.  Sometimes it simply takes being presented with an opportunity.  These two events were a perfect example of creating an opportunity for people to feel good about themselves by sharing their bounty with others.  For me, the blessing was to be included in my husband's caring spirit.  Actually, one of my greatest blessings is that I am an integral part of Sandy's generous loving heart.

Winds Of Change

Affirmation:  I may not be right all the time but sometimes I have some really good ideas. 

Several years ago I took a work shop at Duke Integrative Medicine with Sarah Susanka.  It revolved around her book, The Not So Big Life.  Sarah is an architect who was one of the first people to present the concept of living in smaller, more efficient homes.  She encouraged people to use all their space and not to have a bigger footprint than necessary but not to give up those things that add to the quality of a home.  In fact, in her first book, The Not So Big House, she recommends adding special features to make small space even more inviting, like round windows and rich warm woods and moving walls.  I loved her first book and when our study group, The Seekers, were ready for a new study we chose her book about The Not So Big Life.  It took us a long time to go through it.  It is chocked full of self-discovery questions.  When the workshop presented itself, it seemed like a natural fit.  Two of us went for the weekend.  It was the worst run workshops and yet it was one of the most insightful workshops I ever attended.

 

Sarah had what appeared to be a very general outline.  There were about 50 people there and it was obvious from the start that her approach was to simply let the presentation evolve.  We never saw the book.  She never mentioned the book. 

There are guidelines for group events.  You can ask any therapist.  The first thing you do is assure everyone that they are safe in this group.  You do that by asking everyone to hold in confidence whatever is shared during the time together.  That wasn't done.  In fact, there wasn't one guideline mentioned.  It was never suggested that those who like to talk give some thought and space to those who are quieter.  It wasn't mentioned that a participant should only talk about their own experience and not lecture the group about their expertise. There were no guidelines whatsoever.  Well, there was sort of one.  Don't run away.  Go towards that which you want to go away from.  I was ready to leave after the first hour.  I also almost didn't return for the last day but I kept that one suggestion from her in my mind and hung in there.  It was good advice. 

At one point in the session a list was distributed.  You were to read the list and circle the comments you have ever said to yourself.  Comments like, "Boy, am I stupid" or "I am such a loser" or "I am so unattractive."  I'm sure you get the picture.  It was all the negatives things we sometimes say to ourselves.  It was very sad.  The list took up two columns on a full page.  I was doing pretty well with the self-talk list.  I hadn't circled anything when I came to, "I know how to do it" and "I'm right."  Well, yes!  I find myself saying that a lot.  What's wrong with that?  I mean I had just been thinking how maybe Sarah needed someone to help her run her workshops, someone like me who knew how to structure such an event. "I know how to do it."  Was that a problem?  How did that interfere with my life and my relationships?  Then the light went on. 

Who wants to be around someone who always thinks they know the best way?  Who wants to be around someone who is always right?  No one, that's who.  What I perceived as strength was also one of my greatest weaknesses.  It was an epiphany!  It was a personality shadow on which a light had just been shone. 

Now, I try harder to let people do it their way, not mine and not to judge it as right or wrong.  It's just different.  I try harder to listen to other people's concepts and ideas and once again accept that they aren't seeing things the way I do but that's ok too. But, sometimes I still look around and think I could help an organization or two run better than they are running, like the government.  So, when I received this hoax email recently I found myself agreeing with most of the suggestions presented.  If I ran the government, this is what I would want to see happen.  This seems right.  Well, it's my government so in a way I am responsible for its operation.  I am sad to admit that considering the terrible state it's presently in.  But, even though Warren Buffet never said what is written below, I support these ideas.  I'm sure they are right.  Our government needs to change and since I like to tell people how to improve their organizational skills, I am sharing this latest group of suggestions with my readers with the hope that maybe together we can help congress to finally get it right.

Warren Buffet is asking each addressee to forward this email to a minimum of twenty people on their address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise. At least 20 if you can. It has to stop somewhere!

*Congressional Reform Act of 2013

1. No Tenure / No Pension. 

 

A  Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they're out of office.

 

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security

system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

 

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

 

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

 

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

 

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 12/31/13.

 

The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen/women.

Congressmen/women made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

 

If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take

three days for most people (in the U.S. ) to receive the message.

Don't you think it's time?

THIS IS HOW

YOU FIX CONGRESS!

What do you think?  I agree.  Do you think I'm right and I know how to do it?  Maybe it's OK once in a while to share what I think are some really good ideas.

 

 

 

 

And Then the Wind Chime Rang

Affirmation:  When I practice an attitude of gratitude, I let go of regret and disappointment.

My energy was really low.  The house was in the middle of a renovation.  We were leaving for a trip that morning and I had received three calls from family members the day before, each regarding a different issue and each presenting a fairly serious, if not life threatening problem.  I'd had a terrible night's sleep.  It had taken a long time to fall asleep and by 4 AM I was wide awake.  I'd lain there and said the Rosary and all the memorized prayers I knew and I think I dozed on and off but by 6 AM I was wide awake.  I silently slipped out of bed because my husband was still resting peacefully, grabbed my daily meditation book and my journal.  I put on my slippers and a cover-up and made a cup of tea and headed downstairs to the sun room but it looked like a beautiful warm morning and so I chose instead to sit on the patio. 

At the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat the month before this particular day, we were led in a guided mediation by TJ Martin, one of our dedicated founding yoga teachers. Our intention for our yoga-off-the-mat was to help the participants find their heart space, that place where they felt safe and calm.  Once they were able to visualize it they were then encouraged to draw it and finally to paint it.  Irene Talton, our yoga-off-the-mat facilitator and TJ Martin showed us how to use the water colors to achieve our goals, or at least to come close to them for those of us who didn't have a clue how to paint.  The guided meditation led me to my back yard patio.  It wasn't the first time I was stunned by the place mediation had taken me.

One time many years ago I had been invited by a doctor friend to come to his home and to do some "imaging."  Once I was in a relaxed state he too had me imagine a safe place.  Whoosh!  There I was sitting on a bench in front of the Eseeola Lodge in Linville, NC.  We had visited there many times with very dear friends but I had never considered it a safe or sacred place.  I was so surprised to "be" there that I gave a small gasp.  I can still remember that session with Dr. Telfer.  It was in 1999 but every time I recall it, it's as clear to me now as it was then.

 

Now I was "on" my patio.  We had lived in this particular house for a little over six years.  It isn't my dream house but it's a good house.  It's spacious and I've had it painted lots of bright colors, yellow being the primary one.  We've spent a lot of time and treasure spiffing it up and making it the way we'd like it to be but I still missed the house I had left, my former dream home.  It was not an attitude of gratitude and I knew it but I was still lacking in thankfulness.  Now here I was at the retreat visualizing my sacred space; it could be anywhere in the world or anywhere in my imagination and where was I, I was on my patio!

As I sat down this morning with my tea and my journal I felt blessed to actually be in my sacred space.  It was coolish but I had my hot tea and my cover-up so I was comfortable.  I opened the journal and began to write.  I noted I wasn't well rested and then a stiff breeze blew and the wind chime in the tree rang out.  The sound went right into my chest, my heart and reverberated up and out all of my limbs.  I was stunned by the feeling.  I stopped writing and listened.  There's a small waterfall off to the side of the patio and it was rippling joyfully.  The birds were waking up and their chirping was lyrical.  Then I heard the young children who live behind me talking with their parents.  They were giggling.  Tears sprang to my eyes.  Thank you I wrote.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

The day before this epiphany I had walked the local lake with a neighbor friend.  I always wondered why she didn't always understand what I said to her.  I had decided it was my NY accent and her foreign ears but this morning she shared with me that she had been very ill as a young woman and had lost half of her hearing.  It hadn't slowed her down and she went onto a very blessed life but as I sat there on my patio this morning, I was even more aware of the gift of my hearing. I have continued the practice of listing each morning three joys from the day before.  On this morning I listed the joys I had discovered at sunrise.  The joy of waking to a new day.  The joy of having a sacred space I could actually walk onto.  The joy of being married to a man who supports me and my dreams, no matter how daunting they may seem.  The joy of taking time in the morning to pray and write.  The joy of being the person her family turns to when they need support.  I know that's more than three joys.  Most mornings there are way more than three.  This morning I also listed the joy of the gift of my hearing.   My attitude of gratitude had finally overtaken my thanklessness and that sound of the wind chime had pierced not just my chest and my heart but it had pierced and healed my soul.

The Movie of My Life

Affirmation:  I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, joy, gratitude and compassion.

 

 

Jason Becker, Not Dead Yet, is the name of the movie we were invited to view.  It was the premier and it was being held to benefit Jason Becker and the ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, aka Lou Gehrig's Disease) Foundation.  We were guests of Cytokinetics which is a drug development group doing research to aid in the treatment and cure of these types of diseases. We didn't know Jason. We knew nothing about his story but the invitation was for a group of us to travel to a club, Bimbo's, in San Francisco and have dinner and watch the film.  We were already in California at the time so it was an appealing invitation.  We entered the club, got a beverage and then went to meet Jason.  He was in a motorized wheel chair and there was a line to meet him.  He could no longer move any part of his body other than his eyes and some facial muscles.  He was surrounded by what I assumed to be family members and caregivers. 

 

 

My first impression of him was how handsome he was.  We had been told a little about Jason's story before we arrived.  He was a guitar virtuoso from the time he was five years old until he was eighteen when he was diagnosed with ALS.  The disease progressed very quickly and while he was able to record a lot of his work before his upper body deserted him, he had to drop out of the David Roth world tour. He had been recruited as Van Halen's replacement. He was now 41. His father had developed a system of communication that allowed Jason to "talk" with his eyes.  It was a matrix system and it depended on how many times he blinked and what direction he rolled his eyes.  His parents and caregivers could spell out the words Jason was indicting and then they would share his comments with the visitor.  We were next in line to meet him.

I'd never met anyone with ALS and I've never really tried to have a conversation with a paraplegic.  But, he had his interpreters with him so I wasn't too concerned.  We approached and I confessed to him that I was new to his story but I was looking forward to becoming one of his newest fans.  He made a few eye movements and his father told us he had just responded, "awesome."  Awesome was exactly what I was thinking and after we watched the film, awesome was exactly the word I would use to describe this young man's talent, the dedication of his amazing family and friends and his undaunted courage.

 

A diagnosis of ALS is considered a terminal diagnosis.  There is no cure.  There is no treatment.  There is no hope.  Normally, one would die within a few years of the diagnosis.  As of this date, Jason has been alive for 23 years after the diagnosis; he's "not dead yet."  Not only is he still alive but he's still composing music.  His father has come up with another way to help Jason compose the music he can still hear, the music he's still creating in his mind.  My husband, Sandy and I were inspired by Jason story.  We are inspired by Jason himself and by the love and support he has gathered around him.

 

 

The next morning I sat with another event attendee and we began to discuss all we had learned from the night before.  We shared our newfound appreciation for Jason and his family.  I then shared that after last night's experience I found myself asking the question, if someone was to make a movie of my life, what would be in it?  Jason is only 41.  Most of the movie revolved around his first eighteen years and the accomplishments he had already made.  It appeared he was on his way to becoming one of the all-time great guitarists.  He was on his way to becoming a legend.  I'm not a guitar aficionado but even I recognized several of the names of the people in the movie who spoke about him.  He had already commanded such respect as an artist and as a human being by the age of eighteen that twenty-three years later, these famous musicians were still giving testimony to him and his talent.

 

I don't know about you but I must admit that if my life's reputation had to depend on what I'd accomplished up until my eighteenth year, it would be very lacking in accomplishments.  I'm sixty-seven as of this writing and I would hope that I have finally achieved some measure of respect for a lifetime of loving effort.  What would a movie of my life include?  What would a movie of your life look like?  When discussing this with my friend, we found ourselves focusing on the virtues of kindness and love.  As long as our movie focused on promoting those two qualities, we decided it would be a good film.

 

I once saw a really scary movie with Robin Williams about an internal camera device that was implanted in everyone at their birth and was extracted when they died.  His profession was to put together their obituary in film form from their camera.  He was supposed to be one of the best because he could edit the film of even the most cruel, horrendous behavior and make the obituary a glowing commendation of the deceased.  It was so disturbing that I shut it off almost at the beginning but the concept left me with a lot to think about.

 

The day will come when someone will be piecing my life together to help others remember me.  It's inevitable.  What will my "movie" say about me?  Will I need a professional editor?  Will it be a comedy or a drama and what will it be rated? Have you heard the advice about writing out your own obituary so you can decide before you die how you want to be remembered and then take the steps necessary to paint that picture?  I know no matter how we craft our lives not everyone will appreciate what we've attempted to do no matter how kind and caring we have acted.  If it happens so be it but I shouldn't expect to be recognized for my good works.  Really, the most important part of all this is if I did my best, my utmost to live a life worthy of my own respect and that of my God.  Kindness, forgiveness and love are the three qualities I'd like the movie of my life to revolve around.  Hopefully, I have a few more years left to make sure the ending of my movie is as close to my ideal as it possibly can be.

 

Just Pick Up the Phone

Affirmation:  When I quickly and directly resolve an issue, I feel less stressed and more peaceful.

This is the age of electronic communications.  On Longmire, one of my favorite TV shows, Longmire's deputy checked the victim's phone for text messages rather than for phone calls.  And, that was the correct method for finding out about the victim's activity.  It's so very easy to send a text, an email or a tweet but it isn't necessarily the quickest way to communicate with someone.  One day my grandson texted me from another room in our home to ask me a question.  I thought he'd left without telling me and I panicked but he hadn't.  He's 13 at this writing.  If he continues along this path, he may not make it to 14.

Recently, I've had several situations that were making me a little anxious.  In all cases I had emailed the person or the company and had either not received an answer or I didn't get the answer I wanted.  The first issue was with amazon.com. I had bought a faucet for our kitchen.  The kitchen was being remodeled and by the time the plumbers were ready to install the faucet, my return date had passed.  The faucet didn't fit.  When I went online to return it, I got the pop-up that it was too late to send it back.  I was quite annoyed and then I thought, "Just pick up the phone."  I had a quick conversation with a very nice person and he waved the return date so I could send it back.  It was easy but if I hadn't made the phone call, I'd still own that faucet.

I was on a roll now.  I've become my Mom's financial caretaker.  She's always done an amazing job with her resources but it had become too much for her.  Her credit card bill came and I put it on the shelf.  For the first time in her life, her next credit card bill came with a service charge on it.  Oh my!  I was in trouble!  It was quite a penalty for a very small overdue balance.  I picked up the phone and spoke with a very nice young woman.  I guessed she could immediately see the bill had never been late before and she immediately took off the penalty fee.  Whew!

It seems this is the lesson I needed to learn at this time.  Once I began looking at different situations with an eye towards finding easier, quicker resolutions, more and more opportunities kept presenting themselves.  I found with each episode that came up if I acted immediately and directly rather than just mulling over what to do, I was less stressed and more peaceful.

The faucet wasn't the only remodeling snafu.  We had hired a very nice young man to be our contractor and he seemed quite efficient.  At the beginning of the project he put together some sort of computer notification system than showed us the exact time of each part of the job and the exact cost of every single step.  Over the next few weeks that program would pop up almost daily with some sort of time change or even worse, some sort of price increase.  Needless to say I was becoming more and more anxious every time I'd see an email with his company's name on it.  At first I found my stomach would knot up and my head would begin to ache but then I changed my approach and when something was changed, I'd call him and many times he'd relieve my anxiety with a detailed explanation or he'd remove the extra fee because he'd made a mistake.  (I chose to believe it was an error.) With that phone call came the ability for me to take deeper breaths and relax about whatever was being presented.

Even with my family I've noticed how often we now text or email one another rather than calling, although not as readily as my grandson.  All too often I wasn't getting an answer to my questions or they were wondering why I hadn't replied to their queries.  Usually it was because the emails got lost in the ether somewhere.  But, with a simple phone call, whatever question we had would be resolved, immediately.

 

Since this was my lesson for now, I began to wonder if I shouldn't apply it to my prayer life too.  How often did I obsess over some life issue that needed to be let go of and turned over to God?  What if I took my new lesson and rather than letting the issue weigh me down, I immediately "picked up the phone" and shared it with The Lord?  What would that look like?  What number would I dial?  I closed my eyes and sat quietly and envisioned the phone.  It wasn't a cell phone.  Interestingly, it was an old fashioned phone like the one in Dr. Strangelove with Peter Sellers and it was red.  Of course it was because in the movie the red phone was a direct line to the President.  I didn't need a phone number at all.  I just needed to pick up that old fashioned red phone and God would be on the other end.  God is always on the other end, waiting for me to call.  Once I've taken the time and made the effort to connect, I am connected.  No, the situation may not be resolved as quickly as it was at amazon.com or LL Bean although it might be, but I quickly realized I felt better about my concerns.  By taking the time to "call" God, I felt less stressed and I felt more peaceful.

What Was I Thinking?

Affirmation:  I carefully choose my thoughts. 

 

This year's 2013 Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat has just ended.  It was our 9th retreat.  You can gather more information about it from the web site, www.PinkRibbonYoga.org or you can find us on Facebook.  The retreat provides women breast cancer survivors with support, coping skills, and relaxation.  It is designed to be both nurturing and empowering.   What happens over four days and three nights?  Miracles happen. 

 

 

This year 29 people attended the retreat. We always take an intention to guide our planning and this year our intention for this year's retreat was "On Wings of Joy."  We borrowed a thousand paper cranes from the Duke Cancer Patient Support Program and hung them from the rafts and Nancy Soho, one of our committee members, created mobiles for everyone.  She hand folded 5 paper cranes for each one and then added a hand cut card from which they hung.  Along with Irene Talton, our gifted yoga-off-the-mat instructor, they crafted inspirational words on the top of each mobile.

 

We have a very specific format that the retreat follows.  It's proven to be extremely beneficial for creating a healing environment for each individual and for the group as a whole.  Over the years we've discovered that if we provide a single meaningful word for each person they are more comfortable speaking in our opening circle.  This year we used the words on the mobiles to initiate sharing.  We then left the mobiles hanging on the back of the chairs and reused them for our closing circle.  I think only one person got the same word for both circles and that was me.  It was "healing."

 

Healing is one of the miracles that take place during these four days.  I know because I always come away feeling healed.  I like to hope that it's a complete healing from all my ailments: mind, body and spirit but I don't know that for sure.  There certainly could be some rebellious cells floating around inside, although I hope not.  I do know, however, that I come away feeling rested, valued, calmer, centered, nurtured and empowered.  I know too that all those positive emotions can lead me, my body to a place of better physical health and even if I am not cured of all my ailments, I know I am healed.  There is a difference and I know I am not alone.  I know it because over the last nine years the women, who have participated in the retreat, have told me so.  It is true.

 

 

 

The very first thing we do when the retreat starts is to provide an atmosphere of safety.  We encourage everyone to respect the confidentiality of any sharing that takes place.  We ask that only one person speak at a time and that everyone else simply listen.  We ask that each person use the word "I", not the third person "you" or "we."  We let everyone know that sharing is optional and that silence is not only accepted but valued.  Before the next person begins speaking, the last person must declare that they are "complete." 

We tell everyone that this is their time, all four days and three nights.  We have all sorts of wonderful offerings but their first responsibly is to take care of themselves and so if they need to take a walk or a nap or to just have some quiet time, then that's what they should do.  Of course, if they want to do yoga on the beach, try creating a water color of spirit, participate in yoga dance, eat ice cream with the group, try the meditation sessions or experience laughing yoga, they are welcome to join in.  One other thing that quickly becomes apparent is the lack of judgment that permeates the event.  For at least a short while no one has to hide whatever might cause one to be embarrassed in the outside world.  With that, the women can simply be.  There is no striving, no pretending.  It's liberating.  It's another modality that promotes healing.

 

One of our traditions is to jump into the ocean after the early morning yoga.  There's something very magical about floating on the warm waves early in the day with a group of friends.  One morning I was quite tired and I thought maybe I'd skip the swim and just head back to breakfast but I wore my swimsuit just in case.  The yoga ended and several ladies headed towards the water.  I joined them.  As I floated over and through the gentle waves, I couldn't imagine what I had been thinking that would have kept me from this amazing experience and then I realized, I often find myself in really neat situations that I was initially hesitant to join.  Sometimes they involve big steps, like when I joined my daughter-in-law and traveled with her to Ecuador and other times, they're small steps, like jumping into the ocean.  Each time, however, I find myself wondering, "What was I thinking?"

 

Perhaps, if we paid close attention we'd discover that most of the time we're not very clear about what we really want or what will make us really happy or perhaps what our best choice is.  An example would be when we choose to have that second helping of something that tasted really good but which is not good for us.  How often have any of us done that and then shortly afterwards wondered, "What was I thinking?"  It would be wonderful to always be clear about our decisions, to always be mindful but it's a practice, a life-long practice.  We can only stay alert and be aware.

 

 

After the retreat is over I find myself asking that same question about having this idea of a yoga-beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors, "What was I thinking?"  What made me think it would become a reality?  Did I believe that it would turn into such a powerful, healing experience for so many people?  Where would the money come from so everyone could afford to attend?  Where would we find a place to stay?  Who would volunteer to be our teachers?  How would we advertise?  There were dozens of questions and challenges to making this a reality.  "What was I thinking?"  I was thinking this was a good idea and if I moved forward and it didn't happen, well at least I tried.  It's better to try and fail than to never try at all but it didn't fail.  It happened.  It happened and it has provided comfort and healing, support and respite to more people than I had ever imagined.  "What was I thinking?"  I don't really know what I was thinking but I do know I'm really glad and actually very proud that I was thinking at all. I'm thrilled that the retreat exists and that because of the work of so many wonderful people, we achieved the creation of such an amazing, awesome experience.  As of today it's been over a week since the retreat began and I am pleased to say I am still floating on the "wings of joy."

What Do You Live For?

Affirmation: Every day I invite God into my life.

In Rediscover Catholicism, Matthew Kelly asks many interesting questions and he presents many topics for contemplation.  One of the questions is "What do you live for?" He tells the story of Abraham Lincoln calling in a soldier and asking the soldier to deliver an important message.  The soldier tells Lincoln, "Sir, I would die for our cause."  Lincoln says, "Son, I have thousands of men who will die for our cause.  What I need is one man who will live for it."  I love that story.  It made me question myself.  What do I live for?  Where do I spend my time, talent and treasure? 

Rediscover Catholicism is a three hundred page book which is distributed for free.  I received it at my church in Cary N.C., St Michael the Archangel.  I think we were encouraged to give it to someone who has "fallen away" from the church but I felt I could use something to reenergize my faith and so I brought it home and promptly put it on my shelf.  There it sat for several months along with a whole stack of other "mean to read" books.  Do you have any like that? 

One day a fairly new friend and I were discussing the Church and she began to tell me about Matthew Kelly and his book, The Dynamic Catholic.  She's seems more sure of our Church than I and I was interested in what she had to share and quite taken with her enthusiasm for this author and his passion.  I then realized his book was sitting right there with us.  It felt like I was being directed by Spirit, by God, to read this book.  I began using it as a prelude to my journaling in the morning, as I like to do with different reading material.  My intention is to read something inspirational at night, I have recently been focusing on the New Testament, and something motivational in the morning.  For the last few weeks, I've been reading Rediscover Catholicism.

It's very easy to focus on the faults of the Catholic Church.  It's no different than focusing on the faults of the world, the government, any organization, friends or family.  It's very easy to sink to the level of non constructive criticism.  It's easier to go to a negative place than to a positive one and the Church is a magnet for that criticism.  It has had many serious problems as an organization, devastating behavior that cannot be justified. When I refer to the Church, I am referring to the hierarchy.  The patriarchal leaders who determine the philosophy and tenor of Catholicism. Even with all its blemishes the Catholic faith has provided me with the tools to help me deepen my faith and to grow in my relationship with God.  Matthew Kelly's book has helped me, my Small Christian Community study group, another study group called the Women of Grace and recently a few new friends.

One of the concepts presented in the book The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield is that there are no coincidences; everything that happens is "supposed" to happen.  We are always in exactly the place and time within which we are created to be.  The choice of what we do and how we choose to perceive the situation, however, at that moment is completely ours.  One  of my daily prayers is "Come Holy Spirit fill the heart of Your faithful.  Enkindle in me the fire of Your love." It warms my soul to say that prayer.  It truly is the desire of my heart.  I want to live a Christ centered life of love and forgiveness and service and when I say that prayer and invite God to fill me with Divine Presence, I feel hopeful.  "Ask and you shall receive, knock and it will be opened."  In my quest to unite my will to the will of God I have been drawn to activities and people who are guiding me, inspiring me.  I once had a friend who always seemed to be running into people, even strangers, who needed her help.  I asked her about her propensity towards this mission and she told me she asked God everyday to send her people she could help.  It seems so simple, doesn't it, if we can just remember to ask?  I'm a great believer in answered prayer.

My faith is growing.  My relationship with my God is becoming stronger.  Thank heavens because it makes my life richer and more peaceful.  I find more and more opportunities to learn about my faith and to sink deeper and deeper into its comfort.  Looking back on the last year alone, I can see several invitations I've said "yes" to which have led me to a more appreciative attitude towards Catholicism.  The strongest influence has been the newer friends who have entered my life and have chosen to reach out to me and include me in their lives.  It's been a tremendous joy, an honor and a privilege to become their friend.  Each presents their faith in a different but vibrant, loving way and I am inspired by it.  Recently, one of the women said, "I love my Church."  I love my Church!  It was wonderful to hear someone say that.  I too am guilty of focusing on the faults and not the beauty of my faith.  "I love my Church."  I'm not there yet but perhaps with my daily prayer the Holy Spirit will lead me to fall in love with it too.  I know I've fallen in love with the men and women of my church who are in my life and who with each encounter lead me into that rich, deep relationship with God I so desperately desire.