Finding the Can in Cancer

Affirmation:  I find the can in cancer.

In 2007 Nancy Emerson, Susan Moonan, and Terri wrote, Finding the Can in Cancer.  They were a group of women who were influential in the early stages of what was then called, The Duke Cancer Patient Support Program.  Nancy Emerson was a woman with a mission.  Her mission was not to let cancer become her identity.  It was a part of her life’s quilt but not the primary thread.  She and her co-authors shared a vision of hope and presented a message of living life to the fullest, not sitting back and waiting to die.  They already knew what Jimmy Buffet sings about when he croons, “I want to die while I’m living than live while I’m dead.”

Recently cancer has been even more present in my life than usual.  My hubby was diagnosed with an aggressive-rare form of neck cancer (two words no one wants to hear when cancer is being described.) My dear traveling buddy also is presently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and my young, sweet neighbor is being treated for stage four lung cancer.  Along with them my friend, Dr. Carmen Wagner is also being treated for lung cancer.  

Carmen, is a brilliant business woman who has been involved with the health industry for most of her career.  She has decided to use her organizational skills to create a cancer support group here in Cary, North Carolina.  She too wants to focus on living life to the fullest  and gathering and sharing information that will help people be the healthiest they can possible be.  Her goal is to look at the whole person.  One cannot heal the body without addressing the issues of the mind and the spirit.  There’s a quote from the Mayo Clinic that says, “Three fourth of our patients are passing on the sickness of their minds and souls to their bodies.” How is that for a wake-up call? 

How many of us have the power to control our minds to overcome disease?  Even the holiest of holy die.  Life has a way of bringing us to our knees and maybe that’s one of the most important “tools” we can sharpen; our ability to connect to the Divine, our ability and desire to find The Holy and to fully understand that we are, “spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Perhaps, our greatest tool is to grow our faith in a power greater than ourselves, greater than anything we can even imagine.  A power that can create a galaxy and a flower, a human and a microcosm.  

After the initial diagnosis of cancer, what I found to be the second scariest event was the day I was released from treatment.  I know I am not alone.  I know too in many ways I was one of the lucky ones, to be released at all.  However, a few years back, Duke changed the name of the DCPSP to the Duke Supportive Care and Survivorship Clinic.  They finally recognized the need for cancer patients to receive care that addressed all the issues they had gone through during their treatment and perhaps with which they would continue to deal.  For example, people who had undergone the type of chemotherapy I had undergone, needed an Echocardiogram every five years.  I had been out of treatment (yes, luckily) for over 15 years and had never had an Echo!  There’s a thread of cancer that is always with you even after you’ve been told you are “cancer free.”  Ask any cancer survivor what come first to their minds when they have a headache, a backache or a shoulder pain?  These concerns and fears need to addressed and alleviated.  Education and support are essential to continued healing and that’s exactly what Carmen is focusing on, as is the Survivorship Clinic at Duke.  

The basic health care rules apply whether or not you’re in or out of cancer.  Exercise, eat healthy, get a good night’s sleep and stay connected to friends and family.  These are proven ways of maintaining optimal health.  The way you approach them really depends on the individual.  People go crazy trying to figure out the best approach to their diet.  In today’s world there are so many options and every one of them is touted as the “best” diet.”  You’ve seen them.  You’ve read about them.  I don’t have to list them.  The only way to know if they’re for you is to try one for a time and see how you feel and how your body responds.  It’s not an easy path.  What is good for one, really is not good for all. But is there any one thing that’s good to help cure the sickness of our minds and souls? 

It’s Lent, 2020 as I write this missive.  It’s one of my favorite times of the year.  It is a time to focus on prayer, fasting and alms giving according to the tradition of my Catholic faith.  It’s forty days to broaden our perspectives, to learn more about ourselves, to grow closer to our God and perhaps change our relationship to ourselves, the world and Our Lord. It’s really all up to us and our intentions and that, I believe is the cure.  Oh, you may not heal yourself of every ailment you have and yes, you will still die.  Let’s face it, no one gets out of this life alive.  We do, however, get to choose how we live.  We get to choose how we perceive what we are experiencing.  It’s one of God’s greatest gifts to us, this gift of freedom of will and thought.  Dr. Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen writes that sometimes in our pursuit of becoming whole, we still may not be cured but be assured, we will be healed.  

What choices can one make to assure they will be healed?  There are many just like a diet but two of the most important one can learn are to forgive and to love.  Don’t hold onto that hot coal of resentment expecting it to harm anyone other than yourself.  Do whatever it takes to heal your heart of hurt, anger and bitterness.  Write about it, paint about it, meditate on it, pray.  Don’t give up until you are whole once more, until that wound in your heart and soul has scared over.  It’s hard work but it’s so worth it and don’t expect it to happen like a one and done.  It may appear over and over.  You may need to make a conscious decision maybe many times before you find peace.  Forgiveness and love, the two cornerstones of a healthy, full, enriched life.  Truly, if your life is full of peace and love what else could you possibly want or need to live it to the fullest? 

 Dr. Wagner, The Duke Survivorship Clinic, and the Pink Ribbon Yoga Retreat that I have been leading for the last fifteen years all focus on finding the positive outlook in life.  We recognize the pain and challenge and then we choose to look for the, “can in cancer.”  It’s there.  It may take the help of others seen and unseen to discover it, but even in the most difficult of times, one can find a way to see the blessings. They are there in the faces of our loved ones, in the calls and cards from our friends and neighbors, in the prayers than encircle our whole being; mind, body and spirit.  May your cancer journey help you to see the “can”, the blessings and may they lift you up to a place of gratitude and possibility.   

What Do You Live For?

Affirmation: Every day I invite God into my life.

In Rediscover Catholicism, Matthew Kelly asks many interesting questions and he presents many topics for contemplation.  One of the questions is "What do you live for?" He tells the story of Abraham Lincoln calling in a soldier and asking the soldier to deliver an important message.  The soldier tells Lincoln, "Sir, I would die for our cause."  Lincoln says, "Son, I have thousands of men who will die for our cause.  What I need is one man who will live for it."  I love that story.  It made me question myself.  What do I live for?  Where do I spend my time, talent and treasure? 

Rediscover Catholicism is a three hundred page book which is distributed for free.  I received it at my church in Cary N.C., St Michael the Archangel.  I think we were encouraged to give it to someone who has "fallen away" from the church but I felt I could use something to reenergize my faith and so I brought it home and promptly put it on my shelf.  There it sat for several months along with a whole stack of other "mean to read" books.  Do you have any like that? 

One day a fairly new friend and I were discussing the Church and she began to tell me about Matthew Kelly and his book, The Dynamic Catholic.  She's seems more sure of our Church than I and I was interested in what she had to share and quite taken with her enthusiasm for this author and his passion.  I then realized his book was sitting right there with us.  It felt like I was being directed by Spirit, by God, to read this book.  I began using it as a prelude to my journaling in the morning, as I like to do with different reading material.  My intention is to read something inspirational at night, I have recently been focusing on the New Testament, and something motivational in the morning.  For the last few weeks, I've been reading Rediscover Catholicism.

It's very easy to focus on the faults of the Catholic Church.  It's no different than focusing on the faults of the world, the government, any organization, friends or family.  It's very easy to sink to the level of non constructive criticism.  It's easier to go to a negative place than to a positive one and the Church is a magnet for that criticism.  It has had many serious problems as an organization, devastating behavior that cannot be justified. When I refer to the Church, I am referring to the hierarchy.  The patriarchal leaders who determine the philosophy and tenor of Catholicism. Even with all its blemishes the Catholic faith has provided me with the tools to help me deepen my faith and to grow in my relationship with God.  Matthew Kelly's book has helped me, my Small Christian Community study group, another study group called the Women of Grace and recently a few new friends.

One of the concepts presented in the book The Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield is that there are no coincidences; everything that happens is "supposed" to happen.  We are always in exactly the place and time within which we are created to be.  The choice of what we do and how we choose to perceive the situation, however, at that moment is completely ours.  One  of my daily prayers is "Come Holy Spirit fill the heart of Your faithful.  Enkindle in me the fire of Your love." It warms my soul to say that prayer.  It truly is the desire of my heart.  I want to live a Christ centered life of love and forgiveness and service and when I say that prayer and invite God to fill me with Divine Presence, I feel hopeful.  "Ask and you shall receive, knock and it will be opened."  In my quest to unite my will to the will of God I have been drawn to activities and people who are guiding me, inspiring me.  I once had a friend who always seemed to be running into people, even strangers, who needed her help.  I asked her about her propensity towards this mission and she told me she asked God everyday to send her people she could help.  It seems so simple, doesn't it, if we can just remember to ask?  I'm a great believer in answered prayer.

My faith is growing.  My relationship with my God is becoming stronger.  Thank heavens because it makes my life richer and more peaceful.  I find more and more opportunities to learn about my faith and to sink deeper and deeper into its comfort.  Looking back on the last year alone, I can see several invitations I've said "yes" to which have led me to a more appreciative attitude towards Catholicism.  The strongest influence has been the newer friends who have entered my life and have chosen to reach out to me and include me in their lives.  It's been a tremendous joy, an honor and a privilege to become their friend.  Each presents their faith in a different but vibrant, loving way and I am inspired by it.  Recently, one of the women said, "I love my Church."  I love my Church!  It was wonderful to hear someone say that.  I too am guilty of focusing on the faults and not the beauty of my faith.  "I love my Church."  I'm not there yet but perhaps with my daily prayer the Holy Spirit will lead me to fall in love with it too.  I know I've fallen in love with the men and women of my church who are in my life and who with each encounter lead me into that rich, deep relationship with God I so desperately desire. 

   

The Fragile Ego

Affirmation:  I have a childlike ego.

The yoga teacher took us from Warrior II into Side Angle.  The pose requires you to bend your front leg and lean over it and rest your forearm on your thigh.  Normally, your palm is faced downward.  "Turn your palm up" she said, "pretend you are holding something fragile, perhaps your ego."  I laughed out loud.  This is why I practice yoga.  I look everywhere for those messages that will enrich my life.  I search every day for those insights that will enable me to know myself better so that I may live a fuller, more meaningful existence.  This day, it came to me from my teacher, Karin Johnson, at Rex Wellness here in Cary, NC.  How fragile is my ego?

One day while attending a class we were encouraged to go into an asana known as Crow.  In this pose you squat down with your feet and knees wide and your palms between your legs, flat on the ground.  You are then suppose to raise up onto your palms while balancing your thighs against your upper arms.  I've done this pose.  It's not easy and requires upper body strength as well as balance.  Another reason I practice yoga is to take me out of my comfort zone.  When I attempt a pose that I know does not come easily, it makes me feel brave.  It's brave with a small "b" but it empowers me when I'm out in the world to be brave, sometimes even "Brave."  I took the position and slowly raised up onto my palms and then fell straight over onto my nose.  I fell with a very loud "whack!"  This particular yoga class had about thirty people in it and I know everyone of them heard the sound of my flop.  I hoped they were so involved in trying their own pose that they didn't look up but I was sure everyone was looking at me, if just to make sure I was still alive.

 "Yoga is not a competitive sport."  I start most of my classes with that statement.  "Bring you attention to your mat, into your body."  The purpose of yoga is to unite the mind and the body.  I usually add, "and the spirit."  I believe when we only focus on the physical aspect of the practice, we deny ourselves the real essence of yoga.  When we practice we are called to be present, to stay in the moment.  That's the reason the ancient yogis initially came up with all these contortions.  It's almost impossible to stand on one leg with your hands high in the air, Tree pose, and to be thinking about anything other than what you are doing in that moment.  You are fully present.  It's a gift.  It's the main lesson of the practice, stay in the here and the now.  Once you learn to do that on your mat, it too is something you can take out into the world and practice in your everyday life.  

I was lucky and my fall didn't result in a broken or bloody nose but it did result in a dented ego.  Most of the class knows I am a Registered Yoga Teacher and I pride myself on my ability to do some of the more advanced positions and there was my lesson.  I was prideful.  I am always telling people, "Anyone can do yoga."  But, the response I usually get is that they are not flexible enough.  What they are really saying is unless I'm already good at something, I am not willing to try it.  Our egos have become the wall that keeps us imprisoned in our small comfortable space.  Whenever I think of that fall while attempting the Crow pose, I laugh.  It was a wonderful lesson.  It was humbling and it was exactly what I needed to learn from that day's practice.  

Recently I attended the NC Senior Follies.  One of my fiddle buddies, Constance Belton, is the teacher and choreographer of the line dancing team, The Cary Cure Alls.  She and six other women did a mock strip tease to the song Fever.  They came out in scrubs and white coats with caps on their heads, surgical gloves and wearing stethoscopes and began to remove one item at a time while they tap danced.  (Look them up on YouTube.) They won one of the Gold Medals and were the overall champions.  There were about a dozen different acts.  Some of the seniors sang, some played musical instruments and one group call themselves The Shakers.  They are the Senior Game cheerleaders.  The event was pure fun.  

After being told to "hold my fragile ego gently in my palm." I began to think of all those other times when my ego prevented me from fully experiencing life.  I wondered when did that begin?  Certainly, as a child I wasn't afraid to try new things.  If that were true, one would never learn to walk or to talk.  One would never learn anything!  Those amazing seniors had put away their egos in order to go onto the stage and share their skills.  That's another secret to a full, rich, fun filled life; hold your ego gently and don't let it prevent you from trying something new, something at which you might not be good, something at which you might be terrible but who cares!  Life is too short not to experience it all.  Gently place your ego down and live life like a child whose is first exploring their world.

I heard a story about an older successful executive who was with a group of people when the topic turned to, "What have you always wanted to do that you haven't yet done."  He told the group he always wanted to try tap dancing.  That evening he looked up dance studios in his area and the next day he began his lessons.  He loved it!  For all I know, he's out there somewhere competing in his local Senior Follies.  For me, well maybe I'll try standing on my head in my next yoga class, maybe!