Don’t Make a Resolution, Create an Affirmation

How many New Year’s have you tried to enact some form of change for yourself?  New Year’s resolutions present themselves every January, and once in a while, although very seldom, a resolution will work.  One of the problems with a resolution is the wording.  Most of them are phrased using the future tense.  “This year I will begin exercising.”  “As of January 2nd, I will begin my diet.”  “I will stop smoking.”  It’s like making a wish and then waiting to see if it comes true or not.

A more effective way to initiate change in your life is to create an affirmation.

What exactly is an affirmation?  What does it look like?  How should it sound?  What phrases work, which ones don't?  An affirmation is a statement that affirms, make firm, that which you believe.  It is a statement about that which you perceive to be true.  You can have positive or negative affirmations.  Most of us have lived our lives telling ourselves about our faults.  We also rarely hesitate to tell others about our faults.  When was the last time you graciously accepted a compliment?  When was the last time you complimented yourself?  When I began writing out my affirmations, I discovered the power of controlling my thoughts and taking charge of my life.  For me the joy was also about creating the affirmations; testing the words that resonated and deciding what was so important to me that I would focus on it day after day. 

Not sure it will work for you?  Think about this.  All those negative statements you’ve been telling yourself for as long as you can remember how have they been working?  They’ve probably worked quite well but not to your benefit.  Changing them to positive statements will work too and think how much better you’ll feel. What does your self-talk sound like?  Sometimes, you're having the conversation when you're alone.  Sometimes, you're having the conversation when you're with others and you're not feeling comfortable, maybe you're feeling very uncomfortable.  What are the phrases you've adopted over the years?  "Boy, am I stupid." or "I never get it right!" How about, “I can’t do that. It frightens me.”  This is about changing the things you tell yourself.  You can do it.  Why would you want to start saying positive things to yourself?  Because, it’s a powerful, free tool that makes a positive difference in the quality of your life.  Begin by noticing when your self-talk weakens you, makes you feel powerless, or useless.  Pay attention! 

Join me as we go on this journey.  We'll take it one step at a time. 

When creating an affirmation avoid the word "not."  Why?  It won't work to your benefit; it may even work to your detriment. I heard a story many years ago about a mother teaching her daughter to drive.  There was a huge bolder in the road ahead.  The mother kept reminding her daughter about it.  “Watch out for the bolder.”  “Don’t’ hit the bolder.” “Make sure you miss the bolder.”  What do you think happened?  They were both so focused on missing the rock in the road, they drove right into it.   It’s the same with negatives in your affirmation.  You won’t hear the “not” and you’ll move right into the place you’re trying to avoid. What are some things in your life you'd like to let go of, or release?  Make a list, choose one or two that seem the most relevant. 

There are some phrases you can use instead of enlisting the negative.  For example:  "I release" or "I let go of."  Two of my affirmations using those phrases are:  "I let go of fear and anxiety." and "I release myself from my childhood limitations."  I'm sure you can come up with some others.  Give it a try.  It's simply more effective than saying: "I will not let fear and anxiety influence my life."  Can you hear the difference?  Can you feel the difference? 

 When creating an affirmation, it is helpful to use words that resonate deeply with you.  Try out some of the words; see if they cause a visceral reaction.  The following list is one I have used for several yoga retreats I’ve facilitated and many of which you will find in my daily affirmations.  Some are adjectives and some are nouns.  It doesn’t matter, use them anyway that works for you.

Accomplished, Faithful, Hopeful, Humble, Empowering, Grateful, Connected, Integrated, Joyful, Direct, Discerning, Loving, Capable, Sense of Humor, Enlightened, Compassionate, Influential, Dedicated, Delightful, Dependable, Devoted, Learner, Energized, Imaginative, Attentive, Daring, Facilitator, Family Oriented, Accepting, Free, Fun, Inventive, Laughs Easily, Aware, Sensitive, Tender, Honest, Articulate, Artistic, Courageous, Inquisitive, Instructor, Passionate, Sexy, Sensual, Present, Grace-Filled, Careful, Beautiful, Healthy, Patient, Unique, Preserving, Vulnerable, Radiant, Refined, Adventurer, Satisfied, Educated, Calm, Content, Peaceful, Open-Minded, Transformative, Serene, Truthful, Spontaneous, Thoughtful, Creative, Experienced, Leader, Teacher, Guide, Encouraging, Seeker, Trustworthy, Happy, Abundant, Planner, Visionary, Gentle, Soft, Triumphant, Understanding, Uplifting, Supportive, Prosperous, Contributor, Discoverer, Nurturing, Graceful, Glowing, Hearty, Hardy, Hottie, Playful, Fulfilled, Forgiving, Non-Judgemental, Non-Grasping, Dreamer, Questioning, Optimistic.

I sometimes write out the affirmation without too much thought and then take time to fine tune it. Begin by taking a few minutes and re-reading the words.  You are looking for words that stir an emotion in you.  Don’t over analyze it.  Circle the ones that jump out at you.  Pick three or four from the circled ones and write them down.  Let the sentence be a statement of how you want to perceive your life.  Write it in the present tense.  See how it sounds; see if it truly resonates with you. 

One example of an affirmation I use in my daily practice is:  When I stay focused on the present, I am calmer and more peaceful.  I created this one because I believe what is truly important is today.  Worry magnifies my difficulties and diminishes my ability to live fully in the present moment. Anxieties almost always arise because I fail to put all my effort into the here and now.  I am calmer and more peaceful when I focus more on the gifts of each day, instead of worrying about tomorrow or reliving something unpleasant from the past.

The quality of my life is all about how I perceive every event and person, including myself.  If I can change myself for the better, won't that help others? If you did the same thing, how would that help you, the world, or at least your world? It’s an amazing process.  Do it!  Take full advantage of it.  Write them down, write them every day, post them on your bathroom mirror, by your doorway, on your computer and wait! Instead of another set of New Year’s resolutions you didn’t keep, you’ll have created a set of affirmations that will change your life in ways you never before dreamed possible.

Perfecting Christmas

Affirmation:  I let go of perfection.

Christmas is almost upon us.  At this writing there are only 2 days left.  My entire family will be here, all our children, all our grandchildren, all the in-laws and both of our mothers.  There might even be a few coming of whom I’m not aware.  I feel blessed to be surrounded by so many loving people and the really good news is everyone usually likes everyone else.  I am also blessed because I have the good health and the energy to do everything I like to do for Christmas. 

I love to decorate the house.  I would like to leave my Christmas tree up all year long.  I love having red sparkly and gold glitzy things all around.  It makes me feel warm and enlivened.  I love to put together the Christmas cards and I love to snail mail them out to all the people on my list.  I like recalling the memories associated with each one as I write their names and try to take enough time to say a small blessing over each envelope.  I usually send a photo card and I love to go through the year’s photos, re-live the memories and choose the best picture of each person.  I also like to do a photo family calendar.  I was so excited the first time I saw such a thing.  I knew it would be something I would try.  The first year, it took me days to get it done.  The good news is now it only takes hours.  I’m sure someday I’ll be even more efficient but it’s OK either way.  I love going over the year’s photos and putting different memories on each monthly page and then putting my loved one’s photos in the date box of their birthday. 

In the South Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.  Yes, it starts much earlier in the stores; earlier and earlier each year and some of my neighbors have their houses decorated before Thanksgiving.  But, for many of us here in North Carolina, at least in the area I live in, the decorations go up Thanksgiving weekend.  I love that too.  I get to enjoy the festive sprit in my home for about a month. 

But, even though I am crazy about all the activies involved in our celebration, I can stress out.  Yes, there is good stress and there is bad stress but stress is stress and it can be exhausting.  Most of our traditions seem to be activities that I have taken on as my responsibility.  I purchase most of the gifts.  I plan the menu.  I buy most of the food.  I wrap most of the presents.  You can probably add to the list.  Most women reading this probably have many other items for which they feel responsible.  I usually handle most of our activities fairly well unless life happens.  You know about life.  Life is what happens in between all our plans.  

I like order.  I like things neat and clean.  There are times when I’m sure my desire for order borders on obsessive-compulsive.  But, the truth is there is only so much time and energy and money and at some point, I have to let some things slide.  It’s a requirement to maintain my mental and physical health.  I have several artist friends and they occasionally speak about what happens to their art work when they strive for perfection.  They add one more dab of paint, one more stroke of the brush, one more line to the drawing or one more turn to the potter’s wheel and they have ruined their work.  From them, I have taken the lesson that while I strive to do my best, I cannot always expect perfection from myself.  When I do that, I will consistently ruin my work and ruin the enjoyment I take from the process.  I must tell myself, “I let go of perfection.”  The more I practice releasing myself from unrealistic expectations, the more joyful I am.  The more I practice letting go of going for the gold, the more relaxed I am.  And, when I can be centered and calm, my Christmas, my life and the life of many of those around me is filled with the things that are truly important to me and to the world; peace, love, joy, compassion and gratitude. 

May you and your loved ones have a Blessed Christmas, a Happy Holiday season and a Happy New Year.

Perception

Affirmation:  I am the product of my genes and my thoughts and my thoughts influence my cellular structure.
Stephen Covey the author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People tells a story about a man on a subway train with his children.  The children are out of control and most of the people on the train are looking very annoyed.  Have you ever ridden the subway?  Usually the only noise one hears is the train itself.  It can be a very meditative space.  Finally the man looks up and explains to the people in his immediate area that his wife has just died and he’s not sure what to do next.  No one was annoyed any longer. They shifted their perception.  But, couldn’t they have held a more compassionate response to the family without that information?  If they were going to judge couldn’t they have given him, the father, the benefit of the doubt in the beginning?

I play the fiddle.  I seldom claim to be a fiddler.  It’s the same with golf.  I usually say “I play golf.”  I have never said “I am a golfer.”  Can you hear the difference?  There are titles I claim for myself but fiddler and golfer are neither of them. 

This last week the message that has appeared has been about perception.  It’s appeared in many conversations and in several of my readings.  It’s been about how we perceive (judge) what others “do” or “don’t do” and how we relate their behavior to ourselves;  how we perceive ourselves through their behavior. 

I like people to be happy.  I like them to feel good.  I can sometimes try to orchestrate another’s feel good mood even if I don’t really know them very well.  And, I will normally remove myself from someone who is grouchy and complaining.  That’s not to say I am not compassionate and I have learned not to always comfort those in pain but to simply sit with them and allow them to experience their feelings.  But, on a daily basis I encourage smiles and warm hearts.  I find it quite easy to raise people’s spirits, a smile, a hug, a genuine warm welcome and usually people respond in a very positive manner.

But, what about those who do not respond?  Am I the reason?  Did I “do” or “not do” something?  Is everyone’s happiness my responsibility?  Sister Mary Margaret from a Place for Women to Gather in Raleigh, NC says “Happiness is an inside job.”  There is only one person’s happiness and sense of well being I am responsible for, me.  Sure, I’d like to believe I am all powerful and can influence the emotional state of all those in my life but I can’t and truth to tell whether they are happy or unhappy usually has very little, if anything to do with me.  It’s all about them.  And, then there’s all that stuff we make up in our minds about what people are thinking and there’s the rub.

My plan for playing my fiddle at my group’s very first performance was to occasionally fake fiddle.  I mean there were twelve of us.  Who other than my teacher could possibly tell if I missed a few notes or dropped out if I were totally lost?  Well, the two people who sat down only four feet from me were concert musicians.  I had recently been introduced to them and I was told the gentleman was a concert violinist and composer.  And, there they were directly in front of me!  I knew without a doubt that they could hear every wrong note I hit and I hit many many wrong notes. I knew what they were thinking.  I made up a whole store in my head and it wasn’t very affirming.  In fact, it was quite demoralizing.

No, I couldn’t stop and turn my thinking around.  There was just too much going on for me to calm myself.  But the day after the recital, I realized what I had done.  I had robbed myself of the joy of the moment by imagining the thoughts of two people I didn’t even know and even if they thought my fiddling to be substandard, why should I care?  I was with my friends, making music and playing for free for the benefit of others.  Oh, it’s not the first time I’ve compared my inside with someone else’s outside and every time it’s a devaluing experience.  But, each time I do it, I become more aware of the exercise and hopefully, recognize my behavior and let go of what I think they’re thinking and I let go of caring what the other person or persons are thinking.  “Happiness is an inside job” and I can choose for myself not to be reactive to my imagination.  Or, I can choose to imagine with compassion and kindness whether I’m imagining for myself or about others. 

Our life is our perception.  Choose carefully.  Be kind to yourself and to those around you.

 

Attachment

Affirmation:   I love unconditionally, non-judgmentally and without attachment.   

When my husband and I went to the Grand Canyon we took a walk along the south ridge and there in the middle of the walk was a logged bench.  It must have weighed a couple of tons.  It was a lovely spot to look out over the Canyon.  When we rose, we noticed that the bench had been chained down.  What we couldn’t figure out is why.  It seemed virtually impossible for someone to move the bench no less pick it up and take it away.  I can only guess they had their reasons.  Maybe they needed to give someone a job and they made that one up.  Maybe they caught a few people trying to move the bench and decided not to take any chances.  Maybe you can think up a couple of reasons why they felt they needed to chain down a bench of that size and weight. 

Over 2,000 years ago Patanjali, the grandfather of Yoga, recorded Yoga sutras (threads of wisdom) that can help us cope with limitations of the human condition.  In writings that reflected the knowledge of all the yogis before him, Patanjali claimed that these practices would help conquer the five human afflictions that cause suffering (kleshas): ignorance, ego-ism, aversion, possessiveness and attachment.

I have read that in India loggers use elephants to help them do their work.  They begin training the elephants from the time they are very young.  One of the training tools is a steak and a chain.  They chain a baby elephant to a stake so it will stay put.  When the elephant is an adult, they use the same procedure.  The adult elephant still stays where it is put because it believes it cannot free itself. 

In both cases the chains are superfluous.  They serve no purpose whatsoever.  They are simply used to give the illusion that the item needs to be attached to something.  It is the season of Advent as I write this.  We have been inundated with advertisements about all the stuff we should want, want for ourselves and want for others.  And, along with all the material possessions we are seduced by there is also the expectations we have about what the holidays will be like, who we will be with, what events will take place, how much attention we will receive or are expected to give.  We are attached to so many things, material and emotional. These can be the chains we have created that keep us connected to things that we don’t really need to be connected to; chains that we’ve created that are useless, superfluous.   Can you see why Patanjali thought attachment was a human affliction?

One of my affirmations is:  I love unconditionally, non-judgmentally and without attachment.   It means I must leave my ego and my expectations aside.  Of course being human means we do become attached to people and things but not feeling like you own them and they are fully yours takes effort.

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching the Tibetan monks create a sand mandala?  When they were here in Raleigh, N.C. I went to watch them create it.  They had these little tiny tubes of colored sand and they placed the sand grain by grain where they wanted it in order to make the picture.  I’d say it was about six feet square.  It took about a week.  I also attended the final ceremony.  They scooped up all the sand and walked it to the lake and poured it in.  They completely let it go; they released it.

I’m sure it’s the same as the artists who do the sand sculptures or the ones who do the chalk drawings.  I find it fascinating that someone can spend so much time creating something so remarkable and beautiful and yet know that it will not last, it will wash away.  All mothers and fathers create this precious one of a kind piece of art, our children.  Perhaps, that’s the final lesson.  All the things of this earth, of this world, of our world will not last; they will one day be gone.  If we can find a way to embrace that concept, life will be less painful, more serene. 

I have a vision that not only has the elephant finally found its freedom but so has that bench.  Just like in the cartoons, it looks down, sees that silly chain and snaps it off as it goes to find its perfect location; as it goes to find its freedom and its bliss.  What do your chains look like?  What attachments are causing you angst or sadness?  How long have they been holding you there?  What would it take for you to break the chain or to at least pull it out so you can run free? 

The Big Picture

Affirmation:  Because of my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ, I let go of fear and anxiety and fully trust in His loving care for me

Have you heard the story about the farmer who lived in ancient times?  He had a lovely farm and one son and one horse.  One day they found the gate to the corral open and the horse was missing.  All his friends and neighbors gathered around and said “Oh no, you poor man.  You’ve lost your only horse, how terrible!”  He answered, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”  His son then borrowed a horse and went to look for their missing animal.  In a while, his father looked up and saw his son coming towards him riding the missing horse and behind him was a whole heard of horses.  He opened the gate and all the horses ran into the corral.  All his friends and neighbors gathered around and said “Oh, you lucky man.  You’ve not only found your horse. You now have a whole heard of horses, how wonderful!”  He answered, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”  His son began taming the wild horses and one day he fell off and broke his leg.  All his friends and neighbors gathered around and said “Oh no, you poor man.  Your only son has broken his leg and now he cannot help you with all the work on your farm, how terrible!”  He answered, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”  While his son was recuperating, the local war lord and his men showed up.  They were conscripting all the eligible young men to fight in their war.  Of course, they could not take the farmer’s son because of his broken leg.  Once again, all his friends and neighbors gathered around and said “Oh, you lucky man.  Your only son has been saved from fighting for the local war lord, how wonderful!”  I’m not going to tell you his answer.  I think you already know it.  

How many times have you had something happen to you and you judged the quality of the experience as good or bad and then, later, sometimes much later, you saw it in a different light and realized you didn’t have a clue at the time it occurred about how it was going to affect your life?  It’s so easy to fall into the pit of despair, anxiety and depression.  According to quantum physics negative energy resonates at a lower level than positive energy.  That makes it easier for us to connect with it and more difficult to tap into the positive.  We have to work harder to find the positive.  I’m sure you have many examples of events that created openings into opportunities of which you never dreamed.  In our family alone, we have experienced job loss that led to a new and better opportunity.  We’ve witnessed the sad disillusionment of a marriage that later led to a new, healthier, happier family unit.  We’ve seen so much suffering and struggle that in time brought reward and accomplishment.   Of course, that’s not always true.  But, doesn’t it bring comfort that it can work out for the better?

That’s not to say we shouldn’t allow ourselves our feelings.  Not only should we allow them, we need to experience them.  There is no short cut through grief; there is only the direct path through it.  If you try to skirt around it, it will catch up with you when you least expect it.  And, grief comes from many different types of loses, not just from death.  One can experience grief over the loss of a dream; perhaps the dream of a perfect marriage, a perfect job, what one thought a perfect career should look like.  One can experience grief over the loss of health, money, youth and even less recognized events like that of thinning hair or a thickening middle.  It’s all part of our lives.  It’s important to acknowledge how we feel about loss and then move towards recovery.  But, it’s also important to realize nothing is stagnant.  Life is always changing and whatever is causing you distress will change too and it might just be the one thing to open a door to something marvelous.  Why not simply watch and see how it works itself out?

We are only capable of seeing a small part of the picture.  Only God can see the big picture.  The question is can you trust enough to believe He/She has your best interest at heart; that that which was meant for your harm, God will use for your good?   Garth Brooks has a country song entitled “Thank God for Unanswered Prayer.”  In it he tells the story of a man who meets an old flame, the one woman he prayed to God to make his wife.  It didn’t work out and now as he walks away from her, he realizes how lucky he was.  He’s married to the real love of his life and so he remembers to “thank God for unanswered prayer.”  It’s another example of loss and grief and an experience that led to something better.  I’m sure he couldn’t see it when it happened.  He had to wait to recognize the blessing that came from the breakup with his first love. 

For me, this is why I practice my faith.  I don’t want it to be all about life after death.  I want to live this life with the trust that God really does want only my best and that if I practice that, if I trust, all will be well.  It may not be the way I expected.  It may not be anything like what I had asked for but if I believe that whatever is happening is exactly what should be happening, think of the peace I experience.  I must confess it’s not an easy process, simple maybe, but not easy.  It takes work.  It takes staying connected to the Divine at every possible moment.  I have a wonderful meditation tape by Belleruth Naparstak.  At one point in the tape she speaks about all the angels and guides who are surrounding the listener and then as they begin to fade away they say, “Remember, we are always with you.  It is you who comes and goes.”  What comfort that brings me.  If I can stay focused, if I choose to stay in the presence of God, God will always be with me.  That’s my choice; that’s my meditation; to remain in the presence of God and with all my angels and helpers as often as possible and to trust in their divine protection.  Then, when faced with a challenging situation instead of labeling it ‘good or bad, lucky or unlucky” I can simply watch it and think “maybe yes, maybe no.”

Gratitude and Forgiveness II

Affirmation:  I live a Christ centered life of love, peace, joy, gratitude and compassion.

Thank You!  Thank You!  Thank You! (TYTYTY for short)  Two weeks after I received the “gratitude and forgiveness” message it is still coming in strong.  It doesn’t matter where I turn, the message is there.  I opened two emails I regularly receive and there it was.  I read my daily readings and again, there it was and then, I watched a homily on TV and once again, the message was “praise God in ALL things.”  I took this to mean that I still have a lot of work to do and since I am determined to release all resentment from within and to live a Christ centered life of peace, love, joy, gratitude and compassion, I am fully open to any and all the messages the Universe is sending me.  I am surprised it has taken me this long to absorb this message.  

I’ve been saying the Lord’s Prayer since I learned to talk.  I’ll bet I’ve said it a million times; “…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”  It’s a simple message, isn’t it?  But, it’s not an easy message.  Obviously, it’s a very important one.  Of all the things Christ taught us, this was a priority.  Was I just saying the words and never listening to the message?  Am I ready now to fully embrace this concept?  I am.  This, however, is not something I can do on my own.  I think this requires a healing of the spirit and for me that demands I turn it completely over to God, to Jesus Christ.  Once again, a simple concept but for me, a life skill I am still developing.  Mind you, I am not being asked to forget, but to forgive. The world can be a dangerous place.  There are a lot of terrible things going on.  Many people suffer great injustices.  How do we let go of those experiences and find the blessings in them?  It is possible?  I believe it’s only possible with supernatural assistance.

I once heard the author of Salvation on Sand Mountain Dennis Covington speak.  He was a reporter at the time and his assignment was to visit the churches that had the practice of handling snakes.  It says in Mark 16:17-18 (NIV) “¹⁸ they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all …” He got caught up in the whole practice and eventually wrote the book.  What I remember most about his story is the question he asked, “What if you truly believed?”  What would you be willing to do?  What would you feel you could do if you truly believed?  What kind of faith is that?  After much thought I came to the conclusion that we all have “snakes” that we handle.  What if our faith was strong enough that we believed those poisonous “snakes” could do us no harm:  cancer, heart disease, abuse, violence, depression & anxiety, betrayal and abandonment?  What if my faith was so strong I could not only trust that God had a plan for my life and this was simply a part of it but also that I could handle it and be grateful for it, without my being bitten or poisoned? 

I know this is an aberration of what the religious snake handlers believe but this is what I decided.  The message is about the strength God gives us should we choose to believe.  It’s not about the snakes; it’s not about what’s happening outside of us.  It’s all about what’s happening inside of us.  It’s how we perceive the dangers and troubles of this life.  It’s not about what happens to us.  Stuff happens.  It’s about how we perceive what happens to us and we are called, for our own sake and the sake of others, to be grateful for all things and to forgive at all cost. 

When a new friend visited me in my home and brought with her the gift of TYTYTY and the message about letting go of all resentment and embracing total forgiveness, she shared a mediation she uses throughout her day.  She graciously agreed to let me share it with all those reading this.

Deep Breath, close your eyes & imagine your crown chakra opening up.  Send white light (perhaps the healing light of the Holy Spirit) through your crown chakra down thru your brain, then filling your sinus cavity, mouth, throat, down down to filling your shoulders, chest cavity, stomach, take time in filling your hip area with the white light, then down down thru your legs & feet down down to the center of the earth.  So now you're connected by the light from heaven to the center of the earth.  Gently open your heart chakra & let the light fill your heart, now the love & energy from your heart mixes with the white light.  Now feel the emotion of gratitude.  Say "tytyty" over & over, turn up the volume, make the pictures brighter, take that emotion of gratitude times 10.  Make n bubble of that mixed energy (white light, heart energy, gratitude) the size of your heart.  Now expand the bubble around you, marinate in the energy for a bit.  Now expand the bubble to the size of the room you are in.  Then expand to how ever big you want.  Marinate.  Then gently open your eyes, notice how much brighter the colors are, shapes are 3-D, smells are stronger.  Take this vibration of 1,000 with you the rest of the day.  Repeat meditation as often as needed throughout the day.  

May you find the tools that enable you to fill all your days with peace, love, joy, gratitude and compassion.

November 11, 2011

Affirmation:  This is the day the Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 119:24

Where were you on 11:11 (AM), 11/11/11?  What were you doing?  Who were you with?  What is your memory of this time and day which will never again occur in your lifetime or mine? 

I was lucky enough to be taking a walk.  I was caring for my grandchildren.  Isabelle was fourteen at the time and she chose not to come with me and Owen was eleven and at a friend’s.  So, I claimed some time to exercise and to savor the beautiful fall day.  I headed to the lake near my home.  As I rounded the back-end, I happened to look at my watch.  It was 11:09 am.  My daughter-in-law had spoken about all the predictions swirling around concerning the 11/11/11 date, none of them very uplifting and so I was even more aware of the date.  When I realized how close it was to 11:11 (AM), 11/11/11, I stopped.  I stood still breathed in the cool air and watched the water shimmer and the colors of the leaves glow in the sun.  I was fully alive in that moment.  I felt only a sense of peace and gratitude.  As I stood there two neighbors added to the moment with smiling greetings and I wondered if a moment could be any more perfect and then it was gone, never again to repeat itself in my lifetime or in yours.

As I started walking again, I realized every moment of my life is exactly like that one.  It’s the only one I will ever experience in this lifetime.  Certainly, it would be beyond anyone’s consciousness to be totally present to every moment they live but is it possible to be present to more of our moments?  What practices, disciplines have you developed that bring your mind, body and spirit into unity?  When have you ever felt complete?

That’s the focus of yoga.  It’s the meaning of the word: unity:  a practice that brings together the mind and the body.  Some people find that unity in prayer, others mediation.  I have a friend who tells me it’s when she’s doing plenair painting, another when she’s writing her gratitude list.  I can experience that fully alive moment as I journal in the mornings.  I think once you’ve felt it and choose to practice returning to that state with whatever discipline you have found effective, you will be able to live more fully in more and more of your life’s precious moments; like now, right now.  Take a deep breath, look up, take it all in and know this is the only moment of this time you will ever experience; relish it, glory in it!

Gratitude and Forgiveness

11/13/11

Affirmation:  I Embrace the gratitude and wisdom of ALL my life experiences and let go of any emotional baggage. 

Have you ever experienced a barrage of psychic messages coming at you day after day?  Perhaps you have but you didn’t label it like that.  It’s the kind of experience when one concept presents itself and then day after day, the same concept comes up.  It can appear in the form of a person sharing their knowledge or experience.  It can appear in written word.  It can appear in the media in something you just happen to see.  Perhaps your minister or whoever is your spiritual guide speaks of it.  You get the picture.

I have had the blessing of being bombarded with the topic of gratitude and forgiveness.  It first arrived in the form of a new friend.  She met me at a dinner and reached out to get to know me better.  That in itself was delightful and affirming.  But, much to my surprise, she brought all sorts of gifts with her.  Her main focus for her new found joy was “gratitude.”  She spoke about the impact it had on her life.  She then took just a few minutes to share her “gratitude mediation” with me.  How wonderful to have someone visiting who would willingly share her new found passion in such a powerful way.

Of course, I began searching myself and my life for a sense of gratitude.  I consider myself a very positive person, so I didn’t think it would be very challenging.  I had even found reasons to be grateful for breast cancer.  And, I am sure if you speak with many other cancer survivors they will tell you they have accomplished that also.  And then, the message morphed.

I was not only to be grateful, I was also to be forgiving, forgiving of all those events and people who I perceived as injuring me and of course, the most difficult of all to forgive, myself.

The message came at me full speed.  There was nowhere to hide.  It came from everyone I spoke to, it came from the readings at church, it came from any event I attended.  It was in my daily mediation readings; forgive and be grateful.  “Be grateful for every single thing and person that has been in your life no matter how difficult it or they may have been.  Find a way to see the blessings.”  The message was that the only way to be fully alive, to fully embrace my life was to let go of all resentments. 

Oh, this wasn’t the first time I had heard that but perhaps now I was ready.  Wayne Dyer in his Ten Steps to Happiness says “There are no justified resentments.”  And, I actually have printed his ten steps up and have them in a frame on my bathroom counter but this is even more powerful.  Not only am I now being told not to justify the resentment, I am being told to completely release the resentment.

Well, I thought, I don’t really have a lot of resentment towards many people.  I like most people.  Then, I went to a Heart’s Journey retreat.  It was part II on forgiveness.  As far as I was concerned I only had one or two people I needed to forgive.  Well, I didn’t really need to forgive them.  I wasn’t really angry.   I recognized my part in whatever unpleasantness had happened. 

And then, Joan Junginger led us in a forgiveness mediation and people I loved and people I hadn’t thought about in years appeared.  I was shocked.  Was I really holding all this resentment within me?  I guess I was.  What was that about?  Ego!  Who was that serving?  No one!  How was that blessing my life?  It wasn’t!  Actually, it was the opposite.  It was detracting from my sense of peace and joy.  I fully understood what I had been doing to myself.  I had victimized myself.  These people were going along just fine.  They didn’t have a clue I was even thinking about them and they really didn’t care.  And, I let it go.  I released it. 

I woke the next day feeling lighter, feeling healed, feeling wiser.  I decided it was the gift of a lifetime.  I wish I could have absorbed it earlier in life but at least I finally got it.  It makes me smile to realize I will now have the power to go through the rest of my life with my energy focused on love and gratitude and not on resentment and bitterness.  I know this is not a one step process.  It will be mediation, a constant reason for prayer.  It’s something I will need to keep in my consciousness on a moment to moment basis.  But, I want to live a fuller, richer, more Christ centered life.  And, I know, as with all things, it begins with how I perceive my life, how I perceive myself.  And, that is my greatest power; to determine how I want to perceive and so, from this day forward:  I Embrace the gratitude and wisdom of ALL my life experiences and let go of any emotional baggage.  How would you phrase this?  Do you believe it will improve the quality of your life and all those whose lives you touch?  What would be your first step towards healing?  Truly, the first step is to recognize any resentment, especially those towards yourself. Release them, release yourself. 

Perception

10/27/11

Affirmation:  I am valued.  I am worthy.  I do well.

Steve Jobs founder of Apple, died in October of 2011.  Two weeks later, a biography written by Walter Isaacson was released.  He was also interviewed on 60 Minutes.  Certainly, this was a unique man.  He changed the face of IT and the way the world saw and used all sorts of technological equipment.  From reading about and listening to stories about Mr. Jobs, it becomes very obvious that he thought very differently than most of the world.  A phase that has appeared quite often is “skewed reality.”  He saw things a certain way and his perception was his reality. 

I know that’s true for most of us but there are several lessons to take away from the story of his life.  Because he created his own reality, when he was told something could not be done, he didn’t believe it and so he found a way to get it done anyway.   That’s why we now have I Phones and I Pads and several other ingenious creations.  So, his “skewed reality” served him quite well in the business world but it didn’t serve him well in his personal life.  He refused to believe his girlfriend’s baby girl was his child.  It took 16 years and a paternity test before he’d acknowledge his child.  He also refused to believe he needed to be treated for pancreatic cancer in a timely fashion.  He was so sure he knew his body better than the physicians who specialized in this horrible disease that he chose to treat himself.  He was wrong.  Oh, I understand looking for alternative treatments for cancer but sometimes, we need expert advice.  We need it and we need to adhere to it if we are to truly take care of ourselves. 

One of the stories about Steve Jobs is that as a child when confronted by another child about his adoption, he became very upset.  The other child asked him how it felt to know he was abandoned by his birth parents.  His adopted parents gave the perfect answer to his question of abandonment.  They explained to him that they had chosen him from all the other children in the world.  For most of us, that would be enough to help us feel better and to value ourselves.  Steve Jobs took it to a whole new level.  He said from that moment on he knew he was not abandoned, he was CHOSEN.  Wow! 

What do you think you might have accomplished with your life if you believed from the moment you could reason, that you were chosen.  What do you think you’d feel like today, if you believed you are chosen?  It’s amazing to me that some people no matter how they’re told they are of value, they are loved, they are worthy, choose not to believe it.  It’s amazing to me that simply by changing the perception of a concept, we can change the way we respond to it.  Of course, we are chosen, each and every one of us.  We have been chosen by the greatest Father of all time. 

I watched on TV a young woman speak about her disastrous financial status because of an adjustable rate mortgage.  She was losing her “home.”  She was devastated.  Suzie Ormond spoke with her for a while and then explained to her that she had not lost her home.  She still had her three children with her and she still had her job.  She had lost her “house.”  Her home was wherever she and her children were.  It was like a light went on in this woman’s body.  Her whole demeanor changed within just a few minutes.  I know she was still facing a very sad and difficult situation, but it was so clear, that by seeing it in a different light, she was already feeling stronger, valuable and worthy.

What we choose to say to ourselves affects every aspect of our lives.  Certainly we need to do a reality check.  We can’t claim to be 6” taller when we know we aren’t growing anymore.  But, if our self talk is rational we can claim just about anything we want to.  We can claim to be joyful, peaceful, healthy, generous, kind, loving, prosperous, talented, accomplished, charismatic.  Find the words you want to claim for your life.  Find them, write them out and let them permeated every cell of your being.  Once day, you will look around and realize those words are you.  Choose carefully, dream large. 

The Daily Treasure

Affirmation:  This is the day the Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 119:24

When my husband, Sandy, speaks he reminds his audience that this day is a “once in a lifetime opportunity.”  Certainly I am aware of that but truth to tell, for me, it is a meditation.  I need to remind myself continually that all there is, is this present moment and that this is the only time I will have this day.  And then I heard it phrased another way. 

A woman I know was telling a story about trying to get ready for her bible study.  She was running late and her husband kept reminding her that she was going to be late.  He was concerned.  She said she finally said: “Honey, this is the only October 20^th, 20(  ) I will ever have in my life, ever!  You’re right, I am going to be late.”

When I woke the next day, I started my day with prayer and journaling, as I normally do.  At the top of my journal I always put the date.  That was the first day I fully wrote out the date.  Up until this time, I simply put the numbers but I didn’t do that.  I wrote it out and I repeated to myself: “This is the only October 21^st, 20(  ) I will ever have in my life.”  And then, I thought about my day, this “once in a lifetime opportunity.”  What did I want it to be like?  What did I want it to include, exclude?  How did I want to respond to it?  What was so important to me that I didn’t want to miss it?  I felt that by naming the day I was responding to it differently than I normally would.  It became more valuable.  I also found that every time I saw or wrote the date, I was reminded of its value.

We do value things that are rare, don’t we?  We place a greater value on rare works of art, antiquities and other treasures.  Well, this is a treasure rarer than anything we can put a price on.  It’s our life, our existence, our opportunity.  I’m sure that was what the psalmist was saying when he wrote “This is the day the Lord has made, let me rejoice and be glad in it.”  I just needed it phrased a little different to fully appreciate what I’d already been affirming for many years.

Childhood Limitations

Affirmation:  I let go of my childhood limitations.

How can one be over the age of 50, 60, 70 and still be restricted or controlled by emotions and concepts that influenced them as they were growing up?  How can one not?  I’m speaking about those emotions and concepts that deter us from true joy, that interfere with our ability to completely savor and embrace life.  And, is it even possible to release oneself, to become an adult in one’s own right?  Is it possible to grasp the positive qualities that serve us and our loved ones and let go of those, perhaps at least acknowledge and appreciate the experience but then let go of those concepts that are damaging us?

I am my mother’s main caregiver.  I am very blessed because at 90 she is still extremely healthy and independent.  There are three siblings.  My brother has been remarkable in his efforts to care for our mom even though he lives five hours away.  My sister is even further away and needs her energy to care for herself.  But, we know she is always there for us. 

I’m the oldest and mom chose to move near me over 15 years ago.  She made the move all by herself.  She likes to be independent and self sufficient.  It empowers her as it probably does most of us.  It also isolates her and makes my efforts to reach out confusing and extremely frustrating.

I feel like I am expected to support her in many ways but I’m simply suppose to figure it out myself, perform the act or acts, and then not let her know I did it.  I’m sure you can see the dilemma  My prayer for Mom is that she will continue to have joy and maintain dignity as she finishes out her life.  I only want to love her and enjoy her presence. I want to be the "good little girl" and make her happy.  I want to “fix” it.  I want to be her savior.  I want to take whatever steps needed to help her feel better, to make her happy.  I’m 65 years old and the child in my still wants to please my mother but I know, this is a fact, that no matter what or how much I do, I cannot please her long term.  I cannot make her happy.  Sister Mary Margaret from A Place for Women to Gather says, “Happiness is an inside job.”  There is only one person who can make us happy, us. 

That’s why I create affirmations.  It’s all up to me what I think, how I perceive life, how I feel.  I cannot remain the good little girl and live frustrated and sad because of anyone. I must let go of ALL my childhood limitations and embrace my own adult determination to create my own happiness.  Have you looked at your childhood limitations?  Are they interfering with the quality of your life?  Can you too release them?  Do you want to?

Kindness

Affirmation:  I am always manifesting.  I manifest to my highest and best.

Do you find it easier to like or to dislike people?  Which do you think more people lean towards, acceptance or rejection?  I happen to be someone who likes almost everyone from the first moment, unless something happens to reverse my opinion but there are peole who dislike almost everyone, unless something happens to reverse their opinion.

The latter must be a safer way to exist in this world.  Think of all the disappointment and hurt you’d av0id.  It’s like expecting to fail a test.  You know how that works.  You expect a failing grade and so you aren’t surprised you didn’t do well and pleased if you get even a “D”.  You are pleased with whatever comes along because your expectations were so low.  Do you want to get a “D” in life or worse yet, an “F”?  Does that add to your happiness or detract from it, always expecting so little from people, from life?

My husband says “Pessimists are right 100% of the time.”  I think they’re usually right and once in a while are shocked to discover they are not.  My affirmation is:  I am always manifesting.  I manifest to my highest and best.  Of course, the opposite is true too but how would that serve me; how does it serve the world or God to believe, to fall into the pits of despair and rejection?  I’m not speaking about clinical mental illness like depression or anxiety.  Those are maladies beyond the solo help of positive thinking.  I am speaking about the healthy individual who chooses to see the world and the people in it as less than creatures of extra ordinary beauty and grace.  Imagine if we embraced each other with love, dignity and grace.  Imagine if we gifted each other, those we easily love and those that are more challenging, as the glorious God created creatures they are?  Yes, we need to have healthy boundaries.  Most of us cannot take home, allow in, every person we encounter either physically or spiritually but we can grace everyone we see and meet today with a smile and a prayer for their well-being; a blessing that will bring kindness and ease to all those we encounter.  A blessing which will reflect off them and back onto us and create an energy in the world that just may bring some peace and harmony not only in our little piece of this earth but into the entire universe. 

It is easier to hate than to love.  Choose love, choose kindness, choose gentleness.  Manifest the light of God.  Make your world and the whole world a better place at least for today, and hopefully for every day afterwards.   

Comfort Zone

Affirmation:  I am either green and growing or ripe and rotten.
 

The conversation revolved around the question, “What did you learn today?”  I like to learn.  I am always looking for opportunities to gain more information, more knowledge.  Maybe that’s the reason I went back to school and did a Masters in Social Work as an “older” adult.  There is a lot of information out there, however, and I know I can only absorb so much.  So, I am fairly selective about what I choose to let in.  But, I do love to learn and my intention is to never stop. 

When I spoke to this very sharp elderly woman who had just moved to an adult facility, she told me that she was determining who she would choose as her dinner partners based on the question, “What did you learn today?”  She said the number of people who tell her they not only didn’t learn anything today but also didn’t do anything today, was staggering.  She didn’t intend to have dinner with any of them.
 

I think when we are always looking to learn, it means we have to step outside our comfort zones.  If we stay in that box where we feel safe, we seldom will see or hear anything new.  We have to be brave.  We have to step out there.
 

I like to go to an aerobics class at my gym.  There’s quite a large group that shows up regularly.  There’s also a regular teacher and we always do about the same type of moves.  It’s not very exciting, but it does get my heart rate up and burn up a few calories.  Today, we had a new teacher.  She was enthusiastic and very knowledgeable, but her approach to the class was different than the other teacher.  She announced that she would be adding two dance routines to the program.  I love to dance.  I dance whenever the opportunity presents itself.  I have been accused of being drunk quite a few times because of my total abandonment when I dance.  (I was not drinking.)  So, I thought it was a great idea.  Besides, it was new and different and maybe I’d learn something.  I must say when she turned that music on and the class began to shimmy and shake, the energy level in that room soared.  We did both dances and I thought it was great fun.  (I would wouldn’t I?)  But, when the 2 dances were over, I looked around and realized several people had left the class.  They’d never left the class when the usual teacher was there.  And, besides the leavers, people were grumbling about this type of exercise being inappropriate for their age.  Oh, yuck!  I was amazed.  I judged.  I thought this would be for me, just like the lady I met who was filtering people based on their daily experiences; I probably wouldn’t want to spend time with those people who weren’t open enough to experience something a little different than their normal.
 

What do you think?  I know life is short and sometimes we just shouldn’t be bothered doing things that we don’t like.  But, if you don’t at least give it a try, how will you know?  How will you grow?  Step outside of your comfort zone.  Do something every day that challenges you.  If you don’t your world will become small and smaller until you shrivel up and fall off the vine, like a rotten piece of fruit.  Choose growth, choose adventure, choose learning, choose life.