Embracing Adventure

Affirmation:  I am a bold adventuress.

This is a very clear example of creating an affirmation to change the way I want to think.   I want to believe with all my heart that I am not afraid of most things, especially an "adventure."  There are all types of adventures some we choose and some which are chosen for us.  I don't care; I want to embrace every one of them.  I want to embrace every aspect of life and I think most of life is that which happens between our plans and usually that requires a sense of adventure.  Perhaps being a daring adventurer requires all those skills I've worked on over the years and have in my "tool box?"

It seems to me an adventurer or adventuress needs to be flexible. My husband and I were on our way to a vacation and it required us to fly there.  We were meeting our daughter and future son-in-law in the Caribbean.  I've come to believe anytime flying is involved, some sort of adventure will present itself and all the survival skills I've been practicing over the years will be needed to finish the journey.  On this particular occasion I was right.  It seemed anything that could delay a flight, delayed our flight from a malfunctioning de-icer to a sick passenger, to mechanical difficulties.  There we sat going nowhere.  After a three hour delay, we took off.  If there were a miracle we would make our next flight.  There might have been one but we weren't aware of it.  We missed the next flight by 20 minutes. All of the flights the next day were full.  They could send us through Puerto Rico and then onto our final destination.  We'd arrive, hopefully, 12 hours after our original time.

The greatest loss I experienced with cancer was the loss of my intuition.  I always trusted I knew, without reason, what was going to happen.  I had had many life experiences when I knew ahead of time how things were going to work out even when no one else could see it.  When the word "cancer" was first mentioned to me, it didn't register.  I had no forewarning.  I couldn't imagine what they were talking about.  I didn't believe them.  The poor physician who first uttered "breast cancer" to me, I just about attacked him.  What did he know?  That was ridiculous!  I knew he was wrong.  They weren't wrong and there I was going on an adventure I hadn't chosen and of which I'd never even dreamed. 

I'd always worked hard to be healthy.  I exercised, I gave up smoking, I only drank alcohol periodically and I really did try to eat healthily.  After the cancer treatments were discontinued I began to look at more modalities I could enlist to stay healthy. I've spoken with many people who go searching for those things that will keep disease at bay.  It doesn't have to be cancer.  It can be heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, high blood pressure.  The list is long.  Sometimes I hear about ailments that only a tiny portion of the population ever experience and hope that I never have to deal with something so rare but rare or not, there's always that tiny, sometimes not so tiny, voice that is questioning what is going on inside my body that I have no knowledge of and of which I have no control over.  Oh, I'm trying to control it.  That's what all those extra measures for staying healthy are all about, vegan eating, no alcohol, exercise every day, take my vitamins and have my yearly screenings.  It's my attempt to keep illness at bay, to trick myself into believing I have control over what's going on but I don't really, do I?  Certainly, I can do all within my ability but after that, who really knows?

My husband handed me a short story about a young man who was so anxious about his health that he had stopped living.  It revolved around an older professor and his assistant.  After the professor listened to his young friend's concerns, he went to tell him about his great-grandfather.  His great grandfather had had all sorts of health ailments, including losing an arm in one of the wars but he wasn't as concerned with disease and death as he was with living.  He had a zest for life and it couldn't be dimmed.  He wasn't going to go quietly into the night and if he did, he was going to go with the vast, colorful memories of a life well lived. 

Balance is another skill I've worked on over the years.  In yoga you normally have one or two balance poses you practice in every session.  There is a balance between living recklessly and living so small that you might as well already be dead.  That's where being an adventurer or adventuress comes in.  It's deciding to embrace the experience whatever it is or whenever it presents itself.  

As we boarded the second plane to Puerto Rico a petite blonde women came and sat in the window seat next to me.  I don't remember how the conversant started, probably with just a nod and a hello, like so many casual meetings.  We exchanged a few niceties about where we were going and why.  I on vacation with my family, she returning to one of her two homes, one in Majorca and one in Antigua.   She lived on a ship.  It was being restored in English Harbor, Antigua.  It was a classic and she invited me to come see it.  The name?  The Adventuress. 

We took one day from the delights of the resort and headed out to see some of the island.  We finally reached English Harbor.  I guess I wasn't really thinking about how to find her ship, I thought I'd just ask.  There were hundreds of ships in the harbor.  After a while and a few questions a delightful young man offered us a ride in his Zodiac.  He thought the ship at the very end of the other side of the harbor might be the one we were looking for.  Off we went.  Yes, it was her ship, The Adventuress.  No, she was nowhere to be found but with the mention of her name, we were invited aboard for a short tour.  It was stunning and certainly something far removed from my realm of experience.  I've not been on a lot of sailing ships.  In fact the person who gave us the tour was the "sail master."  I didn't even know there was such a title. 

I kept thinking about my intention to be grateful for all things at all times.  If we hadn't missed our flight, I never would have met the owner of The Adventuress.  Once again I was faced with the belief that if I'd just relax, trust and rest in God's infinite care, I'd be so much happier, so much calmer.  Perhaps I'd even begin to trust my instinct again.  Perhaps I'd be able to see the adventure thrust on me with the onset of breast cancer.  Maybe if I could embrace that aspect of the diagnosis, the one that lets me see all of life as an adventure, maybe then I could finally fully claim the intention I've had for so very long, "I am a bold adventuress."  I'm not afraid to fully live life and with that, perhaps, like the old man in the story, I'll go to my death with the vast colorful memories of a well lived life.