Affirmation: Being a
mother is my greatest joy.
As we walked around the lake the geese couple were crossing the
path and next to them was a gaggle of goslings.
The female goose raised her head and stared right at us daring us to
come closer. Behind us was another
walker and her dog. The mother goose didn't
hesitate. She took off charging,
squawking loudly at the dog. It had come too close to her babies.
I've been a mother for over 40 years now. Now, I'm also the grandmother of four great
people. I'm also very non-biased. My adult gym now offers toddler swim lessons
on Saturday mornings. I feel a deep ache
as I watch the parents interact with the children. I have an even stronger reaction when I see
the fathers caring for the little ones, holding out their arms for them to jump
into and holding their little hands as they lead them to and from the pool. I'm
nostalgic for that time but I remember those lessons when I did them and I am
just fine that now I'm simply an appreciative observer.
One day a young mother shared with a group of us that her 15 year
old teenage daughter and husband had had their first terrible blow out. She was worried they would never have a
trusting, loving relationship. The other
mothers present assured her it was all normal growing pains and if it had taken
this long for them to have this type of interaction, they were probably going
to be just fine, probably even better than fine.
Many years ago the New York Times ran an article about the
happiness level of parents. The
researcher reported that in general the parents of teenagers were unhappier
than parents at any other stage. I don't
remember being unhappy when my children were teenagers but I do know that now
that they are adults, I thoroughly enjoy their company and that of their
spouses. It's pure joy when I have the
opportunity to spend time with them. I think what we spend our money on
reflects on that which we consider to be important and I'd rather spend my
money on events that bring us all together than on anything else.
Today when I see a young family together I want to run up to them
and tell them it's a "short long journey." I want to embrace them and shake them and
make sure they know it and tell them to savor every moment of it. Motherhood is work. It's painful and it's challenging. It's demanding and it's tiring. It's frustrating and it's confusing. As a young mother I was never around extended
family. Our first move was when my oldest
was 6 weeks old. Our second move five
years later was when my middle child was 18 months old and then ten years after
that, we moved when Ellen was just three.
I never had a support system.
Every time we moved, I was completely on my own. I didn't have a clue how very hard it was but
looking back I can see how hard it was.
Each time we moved, I had to create a new support system. It was easier sometimes than others. It was exciting to go to a new place but it
was also lonely. Our last move brought
us here to North Carolina over 25 years go.
We began again. Now, I live close
to most of my family.
My oldest girl, Melissa and her kind, loving husband, Larry and
my four grandchildren live about 2 miles away.
My son, Joey and his beautiful (inside and out) wife Belen also live
close and I'm blessed to still have my husband of 45 years. My youngest and her sweet husband, Adam are
in London but I'm optimistic about the future.
My years of motherhood are not over. Once a mother, always a mother but this stage
of being the mother of adult children is for me a rich blessing. While the children were growing, I was too
busy with the cares of life and daily activities to savor all the precious
moments they offered me but now, I can relish each moment. I can relax in their company. When I was doing my Master of Social Work I decided I would ask
each of them, all adults at that time, how I did as a mother. Truly, this has been my life's work. I wondered how they felt I did. When I look back I remember each of their
births. I remember all the times they
were sick and needed care. I remember
all those miles in the car to different sporting events or classes. I remembered making dinner almost every
night. I remember reading stories and
grabbing hugs and kisses as often as possible.
I remember helping with homework and visiting schools. I remember helping find colleges and going to
ceremonies. I remember a home that I
always hoped felt safe and secure. I welcomed their friends and eventually
their spouses. I encouraged them to
follow their dreams and listened when life went a different way. I hadn't had any training and other than my
wonderful husband, I hadn't had any family around to guide me but it appeared
I'd done alright. What did they
think? I was curious and I was brave.
Yes, it's been a "long short journey." If I could do it again what would I
change? If I were as wise at 20, 30 or
40 as I am now, what would I do differently?
I'd not clean the house so often.
Occasionally I'd have cereal for dinner instead of taking time to cook
each evening. I'd read even more
stories, hold hands even more often. I'd
sit and just listen whenever they wanted to tell me something. I'd know this moment will soon be gone and
I'd treasure it for the gift it was.
They were kind to me when they answered my question. That response alone was an answer in
itself. I'd done ok. I must have done ok. Sandy, my hubby, and I must have done
well. They're still hanging out with
us. In fact as I write this it's almost
Mother's Day and the family and Sandy have gifted me with flowers, cards, a
rice cooker and most importantly, time together. Yes, I might change the way I did some
things, go slower, be more mindful but I wouldn't change choosing to be a
mother, especially to these three remarkable people. I've been blessed and at least now I can go
slower and relish each and every moment I get to spend with them.
Happy Mothers Day!
