In
Ecuador,in the home of my nuera, my daughter-in-law, there is not a TV in the
living area. In fact, I've visited
several of their relative's homes and none of them have a TV in the main living
area. I know that there are homes in
many parts of the world that cannot afford a TV so that's the least of their
issues and I know there are some homes in the United States who also keep their
living areas TV free. A couple of my
friends actually have this practice but when I visit Ecuador I have the
privilege of staying with my consuegra, my daughter-in-law's mother sometimes
for extended periods. Perhaps the simple fact that they have a word for the
mother or father of their son or daughter's in-law is an example of how
different their culture is than ours.
Our
home is not TV free. We have managed to
keep the TV out of the bedroom but it has a strong presence in our
kitchen. When the families that I have
met in Ecuador gather their main activity is conversation. I was lucky enough to be invited to the home
of one of the aunts for Fanesca. We were
away from the city and her family was gathering for a traditional Ecuadorean
feast. It's celebrated after Easter
(Semana Santa.) In the past, all the
farmers would come together after they harvested their grains, which normally
occurred after Easter. It was explained to me that different farmers grew
different types of grains and so each family would contribute to the fanesca, the
potato type soup. It also contained many
different types of beans. The
celebration I attended had a fruit salad as its first course. In Ecuador the variety of fruit is
amazing. I was told there are 40
different types of bananas. After the
fruit came the soup. When the fanesca was served I was amazed that they had
enough dishes and glasses to serve everyone, no paper or plastic. The
accoutrements for the soup included empanadas, pickled vegetables, hard boiled
eggs and some sort of fish that looked like flaked tuna but tasted much
saltier. You decided if you wanted all
or some of the sides to put into your soup.
I tried them all but I had been forewarned about eating too much of the
grain-bean entree because visitors didn't necessarily digest the soup
easily. After the soup came birthday
cake and ice cream. I knew I could
digest that just fine.
At
the aunt's home there were three buildings.
The first was the home of her son and his family. Then, there was her home. It was a simple stone building with 1
bedroom. There is no heat or air
conditioning. If it's cold, you close
the windows; if it's hot, you open them.
The third building was the family gathering space. The day I visited, there were around 30
people, all ages. When we arrived I, a
complete stranger, was kissed by everyone there who could walk. If someone was
chatting with another or sitting down or running around playing, their activity
came to a halt and they came over to greet us.
We
were there about 4 hours. We talked and
then we talked some more. Most of the
adults made an effort to come over and sit with me and let me share some of my
visit in my halting, stumbling Spanish.
The really good news was how many of them are fluent in English. I also watched. The children even the teenagers either ran
around playing outside or just gathered and talked. There wasn't any type of electronic gadgets
being used by anyone. Although many of
the adults had cell phones, few of them paid any attention to them. I wondered if the existence of the cell phone
was the beginning of the demise of this delightful "unhooked"
tradition.
Everywhere
we went during my visit it was the same.
Warm greetings from all and people who seemed to value time and
connecting to each other more than what was going on somewhere else or what was
coming next. Most evenings at home with
my host family, we sat and talked or my daughter-in-law spent hours helping me
with my Spanish. One evening we sat and
played cards, four of us including one of the teenage granddaughters. It was delightful.
I
had been thinking of redoing my living room to include one of those big screen
TVs that they show in all the commercials.
We have a TV but it's behind a cabinet and it's seldom used. After my Ecuadorian experience I'm wondering
if I shouldn't remove it and the kitchen TV and try life "unhooked."
I wonder if our family gatherings would include more talking or if everyone
would simply go off to find their personal way of connecting somewhere else. My eldest daughter and her husband and his
boys are good at being present to family and friends. I wonder if it's a personality trait, a
cultural trait or if it's something that can be learned? I wonder if our American culture will allow
us to "unhook?" I actually
find myself worrying about us loosing the art of visiting and
communicating.
The
cartoon Wally was a satire about what will happen to us in the future if we
don't make an effort to change. The
people of earth were now living on a space ship because they had wrecked the
earth. Their arms and legs no longer
functioned because they had floating recliners and in front of them they had
floating monitors and that's how they communicated. They weren't even aware of the people next to
them until this rogue robot appeared and kept upsetting everything.
I
know our monitors and chairs are not floating yet but have you watched people
on the streets or in the airports or at parties? How many times have you been talking with
someone when their cell phone rang and they answered it, like you're not even
there or like this person calling is
more important than you or like the caller will never call back or not leave a
message? Once again I am being called to
stay present to the moment and to the people I am with. My daughter-in-law describes my son, a
computer programmer, as someone who is "easy to unhook." He doesn't
even take his phone with him when he plays golf. I think that's great!
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