Just Breathe

Affirmation:  When I focus on my breath, I feel calmer and when I am very attentive to it, I recognize I am connecting to the Divine. 

Jill Sockman led the class.  It was at the third annual Yoga Fest in Raleigh, NC.  This was Howie Shareff's inspiration.  He heads an organization called "You Call This Yoga" and his organization was sponsoring this event. There were over 500 people attending the day long workshop and I had been "called" to be one of them.  I hadn't felt any inclination to attend either of the first two but the message had come through to me loud and clear that I was supposed to be at his year's Yoga Fest.  I didn't know anyone else who was attending and I had a trip the next day for which I needed to pack but that interior voice was screaming at me, "Go, you need to go" and so, I did.

I would be taking four classes over the course of the day and I didn't know one teacher from the other.  They all looked interesting and I know I can always learn something new from any experience so it didn't really matter to me which class I took.  I decided to trust that whichever class in which I found myself it would be exactly the class I was supposed to take.  

The first class was good, very good.  The room was packed and I learned a breathing technique I had not consistently applied to my practice.  Nice!  The next class was titled "Finding Your Edge."  I wasn't really sure I wanted to participate in a dynamic flow class, which is what I assumed this class would be but I was signed up for it and following my own advice, I decided to stay for it.  It was not very good, it was inspirational.  Jill was a master teacher.  She was young and wispy and confident and all that is nice but those are not the qualities not that make a teacher a master.  She was wise and she clearly imparted her wisdom in a concise, universal language.  This, I knew was why I had been led to come to Yoga Fest.  Where was my recorder? 

Jill began by reminding us to take a full deep breath and to fill our lungs and chest and a deliberate exhale with a reminder to draw in our belly buttons to our spine and engage our Mula Bandha (the pelvic floor).  We then went on with some Kapalahbati breathing, she incorporated several series of Ohms and she then ended with another round of Kapalahbati.  I felt an internal shift take place.  I "returned" to Kripalu, the home of my training and a place where I had absorbed the positive, calming energy of the yoga practice. 

The breath is the foundation of life.  We begin life with our first inhale and we end life with our last exhale and yet, how many times during our day do we even notice our breathing?  A dear friend gave me a plaque one day that said, "Things I need to do today, Breathe."  One of the most important yogic tools is the breath.  There are dozens of different types of breathing, some are slow and deep, others are more like panting and some require one to hold one nostril closed and alternate between the two.  Yoga is not just a series of poses or asanas.  The ancient writings of Patanjali, the father of yoga, describes eight limbs or disciplines involved in the practice of yoga.  The breathing or Pranayama is one of them.  They all interweave with each other.  When you unite your breath with your movements, you unite your mind with your body and with your spirit.  It's a very powerful tool.  I like to start my yoga classes by inviting the practitioners to watch their breath.  "Watch the rise and the fall, the in and the out, the up and the down. Do not judge. There's no right or wrong, no good or bad.  Just notice."  Calm penetrates the atmosphere of the room.  It's palpable.  I decided I was at Jill's class to be reminded of how powerful life can be when I choose to focus on my breath. 

In the ten week course on Mindful Meditation at Duke's Integrative Medicine, the main teaching is how to calm the mind and therefore the body by simply sitting quietly and watching the breath.  The basic teaching is to "watch" the breath and when thoughts come along, which they always do, notice them, release them and go back to watching your breath.  Most meditation practices focus on the breath.  Many practices also invite you to create a mantra, a word that you can repeat over and over.  I'd like to claim to be a devoted meditating but I am not.  I pray, I journal but I have only meditated sporadically, not religiously, even though I truly believe it's one of the best paths to optimal mental and physical health.  When I have meditated and searched for a mantra, I found myself focusing on the word, "Jesus."  My inhale led me to "Jees" and my exhale to "us."  Then I realized that even if I'm not in a meditative state, I'm always breathing and I could use my mantra any time I stopped and took a deep breath.  "Jesus"  It was a short prayer, a short prayer that brought me home to my God.  Now, all I needed to do was to put the exercise into practice, to make a conscious choice to take that deep breath whenever I possibly could, whenever I would think to do so.

The focus of my daily reading during the month of February in Spiritual Insights is on meditation.  Actually, any of the self-help books I've ever picked up have at least one section devoted to meditation.  I am presently reading Richard Rohr's, The Naked Now.  He too speaks about the breath.  He explains that the Hebrew term for God, Yahweh, is believed to be derived from four sounds, Yod Hay Vov Hay.  The sound of breathing.  It was such a sacred sound, the name of God, that the Hebrews rarely spoke it.  They didn't need to speak it, they honored God, brought God to them, into them with every breath.  The breath is the life giving force which sustains us and which, if we choose, can keep us connected to the Divine. 

I think I've figured out that I was "called" to Yoga Fest for several reasons, some of which I may not even know just yet but one of the reasons I believe was to help me refocus on the importance of paying attention to my breathing.  I've had a really rough start in 2014 and I'd lost touch with my breathing practice.  It was a wonderful gift to receive from Jill and the other yoga instructors.  It's interesting to me how often my yoga practice helps me to strengthen my faith and helps me to reconnect with my God.  It's amazing that something so simple, breathing, can be so complex and so very powerful.  Join me, "Take a deep breath, and exhale fully. Again. One more time." When I focus on my breath, I feel calmer and when I am very attentive to it, I recognize I am connecting to the Divine.

A Secret Ingredient

Affirmation: Even when I am doing little things of service, I include a large amount of love.

What's your favorite food?  Everyone has a favorite.  It's a great question to start a conversation or to open a group discussion because it seems as if most people have an immediate answer.  My favorite food has always been my mother's chocolate chip cookies.  Her cookies were probably the reason I could never lose those extra five pounds I've always wanted to lose.  She's told me it's simply the recipe on the back of the Toll House Chocolate Chip package but I don't believe her.  I think there's a secret ingredient, perhaps one of which she's not even aware.  It's a mystery!  I'm not the only one who loved her chocolate chip cookies.  They were a favorite for the whole family, especially my son Joey.  For years she baked him a special batch.  "Those are only for Joey."  I think he was one of her favorite grandsons.  Recently, I've had other people tell me she baked special batches of cookies for them too.  "She told me, these were only for me."

I have many friends who like to bake.  It's a gift to be a baker.  It runs in our family.  My mother passed on her love and skill to both my youngest daughter, Ellen, my sister's daughter, Samantha and to my brother's daughter, Stacy.  The food doesn't just taste good but it looks yummy. I was stunned when during one of my visits to Ellen; she asked me if I'd like to see her journal.  I couldn't even imagine where this offer was leading.  Was she going to confess some deep dark secret or worse yet have one of those mother-daughter "come to Jesus" conversations?  Then she pulled out her baking journal.  It was beautiful. She had all the recipes she'd been trying and the adjustments recorded to make them more to her liking and photos of the cookies and cakes.  I was honored to have her share her passion with me. 

It seems to me the thing about baking is that most bakers want to share their treats with their friends, family and whomever they think would enjoy them.  I watched my mom and I've watched other bakers go about giving away their cookies to whomever they wanted to grace. It didn't need to be a special occasion.  It might just be because someone needed a pick-me-up or perhaps it was a way to say "thank you."  My mom would give her yummy cookies to the hair dresser, the auto mechanic, the nurse and doctors she frequented, to an ailing friend or perhaps to her friend's caregiver.  They were always warmly and graciously received.  Many times our Christmas presents to her were fancy "cookie" boxes with her initials on them or several cookie tins with varying designs.  She even began saving some of the small used plastic containers from the grocery so she could package up just two or three cookies and present them.  I envy people who like to bake.  I too would like to be seen as a warm, generous person who says "thank you" with a tangible yummy treat but, I don't like to bake, especially cookies.  So, I wondered what I could share in a similar manner.

I've decided there is no substitute.  There is nothing as heartwarming as a homemade treat.  Let's face it even if you're not eating sugar or can't eat sugar, the gift still warms your heart.  You know someone really cares and they've taken the time and the energy necessary to let you know.  Perhaps sharing food in any way brings those same warm feelings.  I've been to many events where people showed up with food as a form of love and support.  My experience of living in the Midwest and now here in the South affirms that belief.  If someone has a tragedy or is going through a difficult time, people bring meals.  During my many months of cancer treatment we were supported with some of the best meals I've ever eaten and on the flip side, I've dropped off meals whenever the opportunity presented itself.  I usually make dinner and include some sort of chocolate candy.  I don't bake.  I do, however, make every effort to be affable and caring on a daily basis. 

As I go through my day, I readily share a smile.  I have found it uplifts not only my spirits but usually the recipient too.  I'm an avid hugger.  I learned that skill from my husband, Sandy and my mother-in-law, Yolanda.  I know not everyone wants to be hugged.  If I'm not sure I open my arms and hesitate.  It's usually fairly obvious if it's not welcomed.  That doesn't happen very often.  I love to send snail-mail birthday cards with a blessing over them and a few loving words inside.  I know these small gestures do not hold a candle to a good chocolate chip cookie but it's my way of letting people know they are loved; they are an important part of my life.  I value them and their relationship. 

My mom, Margaret Grolimund, passed away this week.  We included in her obituary the fact that she was famous for her chocolate chip cookies.  When I spoke to the presided of her Requiem Mass, Father Doug Reed, I shared her notoriety and he wanted to know her recipe.  I told him what she said that it was simply the recipe on the back of the Toll House Chocolate Chip package.  I, however, knew she was not sharing the secret ingredient.  Now, I know why.  I don't think she was aware of it.  It was magical!  Her secret ingredient was her love.  She made those cookies, cakes and pies with a heart filled with love.  We all show love in different ways.  This was my Mom's way and she did it marvelously. Love is the secret ingredient in every special gift we share with another.  It's that one thing that tells someone, "These are only for you." I love you.

God's Garmin

Affirmation: I am in awe of the guidance God sends me, through people as I travel down a new and difficult path.

What is needed in order to navigate through new territory?  Lewis and Clark, Columbus and Magellan and Dr. Livingston are a few examples of pioneers who headed out into the world without any foreknowledge of what lied ahead and created trails for others to follow.  There are now maps for most anywhere one wants to go.  There is even Google Earth, where we can examine almost every square foot of our planet without leaving our home. 

When my daughter, Ellen, moved to London I desperately wanted to see where she would be living but flying over there was not in our plans.  She sent me a video from Google Earth with her apartment circled in red.  I could then move the cursor around on the page and see everything she could see from her front window.  It was miraculous.  Since then I have occasionally gone to the site to see the areas where I resided when I was younger.  It was fascinating to see how the areas had changed and to share the photos of the neighborhood with my children or with my friends.

Yes, it seems as if the whole world is mapped out and we aren't in need of pioneers any longer.  Even the moon and Mars have "rovers" with cameras on them.  Of course there is the rest of the Universe "where no man has ever gone before."  I don't believe many of us will be faced with an adventure into outer space.  In addition to outer space, however, there are also the Olympics.  Right now, the 2014 Winter Olympics are taking place in Sochi Russia.  No one needed a map to get to Sochi and no one is following a geographical path that hasn't been carefully laid out but these gifted, dedicated and determined young people are definitely blazing new trails.  The new gold medal winner for the Men's Snow Boarding Half Pipe, Iouri Podladtchikov, not only performed an almost flawless run, he created and executed a new maneuver called the YOLO.  The men and women skiers and skaters broke all time speed records, and the Russian figure skating pairs gold medalists Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov, the 2013 world champions, broke at least four world records with their performances.  There were also many other records set.  All the athletes needed guidance to reach the peak of their skill.  They went higher and further along the path of their craft than anyone had gone before.  Their coaches and families helped them lay out the map for their successes.

I've always loved a map.  Maybe it's because it's a little like a puzzle, a maze which can help get you to your set destination.  I've usually been the navigator when my husband and I traveled.  My expertise wasn't always in evidence.  For example, from my reading of the map, I once insisted we were are on the right road to reach the main highway when it dead-ended in someone's driveway.  At one time, I used to contact AAA for little map booklets that had a different section of the road on each page to lay out our path.  I'm sure they don't have them anymore. Now, my husband and I don't use maps at all.  First we graduated to Map-quest and would have sheets of paper listing the twists and turns and the distances and the estimated arrival time.   We even used Map-quest for one of our European trips.  It was a lot easier than trying to read maps in a foreign language.  Then we went to a Nuvi or a Garmin and we had audible turn by turn instructions.  I must say in the beginning it would seem to me the device would sometimes take me to my final destination by way of another continent.  Now, we have the smart phone. The technology now seems to be much more accurate and I can rely on it anywhere I travel.  I've also become so used to having a computer map on my dashboard that I feel "lost" when I'm in a car without one even if I'm going around my neighborhood. Recently, however, I have had to chart a new path. 

There wasn't a map or a Garmin for this journey.  My 91 year old mother left the hospital after her first two surgeries ever, a hip replacement and a pacemaker and was admitted to a rehab unit.  I needed a map or an audio guide.  I needed any direction and guidance that was available and there was very little "out there."  I did do some research on the web to determine the best facility in the area and I did make the necessary phone calls to make sure that's where she was admitted but after that I felt like I had just landed on an alien planet, not country, but a planet beyond our solar system.  I have never been so intimately involved in the care of a seriously ill individual, and to be honest my mom has led a very independent lifestyle up until her fall.  I wish someone wise and experienced had taken my hand and led me step by step down this road. 

I wish I knew in the beginning of this journey what I know now.  I've prayed for years for dignity for my mom and mother in law in their old age.  Now, I'm seeing what dignity can look like and may not look like.  After entering the rehab, mom contracted C.diff.  One more thing I knew nothing about, another huge detour on the road.  I've reached out to God and to everyone I know.  I actually sent an email to several of my communities that was titled "Help!"  Help has come and hopefully will keep coming.  Help not just for my mom but for me, the main caregiver.  Yes, I am seeing the blessings.  Some of the best help has been what I now consider to be "God's Garmin’s."  They are all those people in the know who have taken the time and effort to share with me what I need to be doing and in what direction I should be going. 

When Sandy and I traveled to Ireland several years ago, we found the most joyful part of the trip was getting lost because we would stop and ask an always delightful, friendly Irish man or woman for directions.  We stopped once on a back road and were invited in for tea!  That's been my experience here with my mom and her illness, the people who have reached out to me explaining the path best chosen have brought clarity and joy to a very frightening and strange road.  I've decided there is very seldom an easy way through chronic illness or the dying process but like all our adversities there are blessings to be found and usually, they come in the form of loving, caring people who take our hands and our hearts and lead us along the path of what we call life.  I like to think of them as God's Garmin, audibly directing us down the road to our final destination, Peace.

Love is Your Only Job

Affirmation: My Only Job is to Love

There are many asanas (poses) in yoga that are designed to help one open their heart.  For example, any sort of back bend will put you in a position where your chest is raised towards the sky.  Even a slight back bend opens the heart as in Fish pose.  In the book Eat Pray Love, Liz Gilbert tells a story about a man she meets in the ashram in India who shares he's been seeking an open heart.  She asks him what motivated him to come to the ashram and he tells her he kept asking God to "open his heart." One day he had a heart attack and his heart was literally opened.  One need not have surgery to create a more open heart.  There are many more gentle ways to accomplish this worthwhile trait.

Many years ago when my children were younger I found myself struggling with one particular incident.  I felt very hurt by this episode and was sharing it with a good friend.  It really wasn't such a big deal looking back on it but at the time I was upset and I felt I was justified in my complaining.  So, there I was moaning about the situation.  She listened and then gave me some of the best advice I have ever had in my whole life.  She said, "Remember, Jean, your only job is to love."

As a journaler who has written three pages every morning for the last 20 years, I have many many journals boxed up.  Every time I begin a new journal I transfer a few things to the front paper pockets and the beginning pages.  I transfer my intentions for the year, my daily prayers, my list of people I am presently praying for and my positive affirmations.  I also write on the inside of the front cover, "Remember, Jean, your only job is to love."

I believe that with all my heart.  It's the main message Jesus Christ came to give us.  When he was asked; Mt 22:36 “[Jesus], which is the great commandment in the law?” He said to them, '’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

Why do some people seem to have a greater capacity to love than others?  Do you think it's because of their DNA or is it because of their upbringing?  Is it "nature" or "nurture"?  It's probably like most of our traits; it's a combination of both.  But, can we learn to love more, love greater?  Can we be people who can love no matter what?  You've heard the stories about people who forgive their worst enemies.  Can you learn to love an enemy?  Can one learn to separate the sinner from the sin?

I've been very lucky in my life.  I married a man who has a huge heart.  I believe he was genetically predisposed to being a loving, kind man and then, he had the additional advantage of having amazing parents who showed him by example exactly what unconditional love is, especially his mother. I have never heard my mother-in-law say anything, ever, that was derogatory about another human being, and especially about someone in her family.  My husband teases that if we had a bank robber in the family his mom would say, "He's the best bank robbed ever!"

On my travels through Ecuador, I was kissed in three weeks more times than I have been kissed in three years.  Almost everyone I met gave me a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.  One day we went to the soccer practice of my consuegra's (my daughter-in-law's mother) granddaughter.  Six of us sat in the bleachers watching her practice, her three grandparents, her aunt, my son and myself.  When the girls were finished practicing the entire team came up to the stands to greet us.  I watched these teenage girls start down the row kissing and greeting all the grandparents, then they kissed the aunt.  I thought they'd stop at that point and was amazed when they continued on to kiss my son and then me, two people they "didn't know from Adam."

I know it was a cultural response to greet us all in that manner but at this point in my travels I'd been greeted like this for several weeks.  Greeted and welcomed into people's homes, lives and in some cases into their hopes and dreams.  As far as I could see these people in this culture responded with more affection and respect than I normally experienced.  I had the honor of being hosted by my consuegra and I can share with you that the hugs and warm daily greetings and good nights were freely shared with anyone who happen to be in her home. 

When I first received the directive to love no matter what, I remember thinking, "I can do that." But, I must admit it is easier said than done.  There are many in my life that I find very easy to love and there are some I struggle to love.  Some days I feel like my heart is closed and hard.  When I am aware of that state, I engage my breath to help me open up.  I take several deep breaths and visualize my heart expanding in my chest, like a red balloon.  I've also done many other "open heart" mediations.  These mediations usually involve inviting loving thoughts and feelings into one's heart.  First, you invite those who you find easy to love, then you invite someone you may be struggling with and finally, you invite yourself.  You take the time to allow each person to rest within the warmth of your bosom and then you release them and yourself out into the universe, full of light and warmth and wonderful energy, a release that blesses you, them and the world.

I believe we can learn to love more fully, more deeply, unconditionally.  But, I think there's a secret.  I don't think we need to be born into a family of warm blooded Latinos or Italians.  It's nice if we're born into a loving, affectionate family.  It probably makes it easier but the secret is to learn to accept love, to believe you are worthy of love, to believe that you are truly loved, loved for who you are because you are and not for any other reason.  We need to believe we are loved, loved first and foremost by God.  We need to know without a doubt that we are amazing wonderful beings who deserve to be loved.  Once we can fully embrace that concept, we can open our heart to receive and then to give that which we have received.  If we don't accept it, we can't, it is impossible, to give it out.  It's like filling up the car with gas.  If you don't open the gas cap and let the gas flow in, you won't be able to go anywhere.  You'll be stuck in one place, empty and dried out.  

What if you approached everyone in life with the thought, "Remember, (your name), your only job is to love."? What kind of an effect would that have on your relationships, on you, on your life?  What kind of an effect would that have on our world?