Field of Dreams

Affirmation: “If I can imagine it, I can achieve it; if I can dream it, I can become it.”

“If you build it, they will come.”  Do you remember that phrase?  It was used in the movie Field of Dreams with Kevin Costner.  He was a farmer in Iowa who kept seeing the spirits of old baseball players in his corn field.  He decided to mow down his crop and build a baseball field for his spiritual visitors.  Most people thought he was crazy but he went ahead anyway and at the end of the movie, they show lines of cars coming to his farm to see, well, I guess they’re hoping to see what Kevin was seeing, the late, great baseball players.

Over the years, I’ve been fascinated by people who decide to build a field of dreams somewhere hoping, sometimes expecting, people to come.  One example of this is my fiddle teacher.  She's a marvelous teacher and a wonderful person. A few years back, she decided she’d sponsor a fiddle class at our local Senior Center.  Now, how many older adults do you think there are who want to learn to play the fiddle?  It didn’t seem to matter to Mara.  The center told her she needed to have at least 4 people for the class to happen.  Four people signed up.  Some weeks only one person was there and that didn’t matter to Mara.  She was always there.  It’s been about four years now that she’s been having her Thursday morning class.  Four years and every year there are more students attending.  This year, we are up to six fiddlers.  And, there’s little doubt that every year, there will be more and more of us.  

Another example of this is the water aerobics class at my mountain community.  We “lost” our instructor four years back.  So, one of our members offered to facilitate the class.  She’d never taught before but she’d taken a lot of water classes and it was her main form of exercise.  She has an issue or two with her back and she’s never injured herself in the water.  She’s been sponsoring this class every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning during the summer months for a few years now.  If no one comes, she exercises alone.  Initially, there were about six of us.  We couldn’t figure out why everyone wasn't there; it’s such a wonderful experience.  She's a marvelous teacher.  Now, three years later about fifteen people are attending.  She built the “field” in the water and people are definitely interested.

I know it’s true that people may not come to what you think is a good idea even if you’re willing to dedicate yourself to it.  At one point in our lives, my daughter and I opened a stationery store.  We had it for five years.  We were there every day except Sunday and we were knowledgeable and very responsive to our customer’s needs but during those five years, the popularity of the internet blossomed.  We found we were a great place in which people could actually see and touch the product that interested them but then they’d go home and buy it online from a large distributor.  Sometimes they actually brought it back to us if they weren’t satisfied or if they had made a mistake in ordering.  There was nothing we could do except to encourage them to order it from us.  We guaranteed all our work.  The internet sold our products for less retail than we could buy them wholesale.  By the time we closed the store, we had days when we wondered if we had forgotten to take down the “closed” sign.  But, if we hadn’t tried at all, we would have never known and we would have missed out on an experience that for the most part we really enjoyed.

When I decided to have a beach retreat for women breast cancer survivors (PinkRibbonYogaRetreat.org) I wasn’t sure anyone would come.  I had no idea if anyone else would be interested or if I could find people that would want to help.  At our first meeting a dozen people showed up and volunteered to help.  Our first year we had brochures and flyers that we distributed anywhere we could.  We had about 23 women attend.  In our eighth year we merely opened registration up online and we had 35 women register almost immediately.  That’s our maximum number, 35.  I wish we could take anyone who wants to come and so far that’s what we’ve been doing but this year, we had to close registration.  It made me sad but just like the fiddle class and the water aerobics, we had built our “field of dreams” and people are coming.  

Do you think that most successes are determined by sheer dedication and determination?  I often think of Thomas Alva Edison and the fact that it took him 12 years and 1000 tries to develop the light bulb.  How about Pistol Pete Maravich, one of the greatest basketball players of all time.  He never put the basketball down.  He slept with it.  He could spin it on his hand for over an hour without stopping.  Sister Mary Margaret of A Place for Women to Gather had a dream.  She was the first in her community to create a place for women to share their insight and knowledge.  As of 2012 A Place has been opened for ten years, serving hundreds of women in their quest for personal and spiritual growth.

My husband is one of my heroes.  His dedication and determination has led him to professional and personal success beyond that of most people.  We often find ourselves looking around at our life and being awed by the blessings we’ve reaped.  Blessings that came from hard work and integrity and a close connection with our God.  Sandy is now on his 3rd or 4th career.  I’ve lost count.  He’s become a motivational speaker.  He wrote a book called Humanity at Work; encouraging spirit, achievement and truth to flourish in the workplace.  And then he began building his “field.”  I was fascinated to watch him go about creating and pursuing his dream.  There is little doubt in my mind that the day will come when people will be lining up to hire him for their inspiration and education.  (You can find him at: www. SantoCosta.com.)  In fact, many people have already discovered him.

I am sure you too can think of many examples of “true dreams.”  Some may be of famous people, some may be those of friends and family. “If you build it, they will come.”  What about you?  What have you thought about creating?  What have you already created?  Do you have a dream you’re willing to commit to?   “If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” (William Arthur Ward)

Opening to Miracles

Affirmation:  I know by meditating on Jesus throughout my day, I am in union with the Divine; miracles are created and without struggle my life is transformed in ways beyond my imagination. 

My mom has always been a very self-sufficient, independent woman.  Truly, her spirit was the reason I went to college.  I was the first generation in my family to attend and graduate from a university.  No one encouraged me to go on after high school.  It was 1960 and I was a girl from the blue collar working class.  My future according to societal norms and my dad was to develop good clerical skills, marry and raise children.  But, my mom, a very smart lady, had tasted the life of financial independence and knew there were larger opportunities and would nudge me every so often to check them out.  I guess it didn't take more than a little nudge, especially since I was at St. Agnes Academic High School for girls and was with all these brilliant young women who were planning their futures and their first step was college.

My mom, Margaret (never Maggie, Peg or Peggy) moved to North Carolina when she was 75.  She made the move with little help from the family and started to create a new life almost immediately. She volunteered at The Food Bank, took a part-time clerical position with a non-profit, became an officer in the Cary Senior Association and became a Raleigh Ambassador, touring the city and assisting at dozens of special events, including the Special Olympics.  She was one of the first people to join the Cary Senior Center and instrumental in bringing line dancing to the facility.  (She always loved to dance.)

She went from living in a condo, to a senior apartment complex and then to an independent senior complex with some services.  Then at 89 1/2 her body seemed to start to shut down.  We did everything in our power, everything, to make her comfortable, to make sure she maintained her dignity.

The calls for help came more and more frequently and they were filled with more and more panic.  My heart ached.  Part of me wished she would be spared the dying process and just go to sleep and not wake up. We've had several friends and relatives who died in their sleep.  Ann Landers once said her life goal was "to die healthy." I want that too.  I want that for my mom, for all of us but, that's not the usual, is it?  When we took mom to the cardiologist to make sure her heart was ok, he said "I only hope I have a heart like hers at age 89." So, I wasn't holding much hope for her for a quick, easy death.

The decision I was faced with after the last panic filled phone call was, “How can mom be best cared for and who can help me decide this?" Certainly, I was so emotionally involved I wasn't very clear-sighted.  I called both her doctors, compassionate, kind women and they did what good doctors do best, they listened and guided me.  Then, I called my family.  But, I must say I had been calling my Lord, the Blessed Mother, all our Angels and Guides for many years and especially for these last few weeks, asking for them to pave the way, to smooth the path and to light the dark road of my mother's care.  And, on that day of the most recent panic phone call all the forces of nature and God came together.  For any of you that have dealt with this kind of situation, you will recognize the hand of God.

Within the next six hours mom was living in an assisted living facility.  Her new apartment was completely decorated and fully operational, even cable TV.  My husband had immediately come home from work.  By the time we arrived at mom's home, my daughter had spoken with the administrators of her facility and had secured mom a place in the assisted living facility.  Her doctors came within the hour and signed all the forms.  My son brought in lunch and my daughter-in-law took mom to another room in the building and shared lunch with her and kept her entertained while we dismantled her apartment and moved everything to her new space.  My brother who lives in another state  "just happened" to have a meeting close by and was already on his way towards us when I called him.  His wife and daughter were also on their way.

When my daughter-in-law wheeled mom into her new home, the look on her face said it all,  even mom's drapes were installed.  She said "This is amazing!" It was amazing.  It was a miracle!  And, I fully realize I can only see the tip of the miracle.  All the forces that had come to support us may never be revealed.  My prayers, the prayers of our family and friends had all been answered.

What if I lived my whole life believing God, the Universe, had only miracles in store for me?  Think of the power I could rely on.  Think of the calm that would permeate my mind, body and spirit.  Think of the joy that would fill my heart!  To truly believe that God wants only my best and it's up to me to be completely open and trusting in order to receive the blessings.  Yes, my job is to stay fully connected to God, to allow Her to do the work She wants to do.  For me, that means praying incessantly; a deep breath, sighing the name of Jesus and opening my heart to the miracles of life.

Healthy Mind, Healthy Body

Affirmation: I invite God’s divine healing light into my mind, body and spirit creating a state of total well-being.

One day someone asked me if I liked my body.  I said "no."  Afterwards, I was so disappointed.  I've been affirming for years how much I value my body but my gut reaction to the question in no way reflected my intention. Not only am I an integral part of American society with all the hang-ups presented to us through the media about the female image, I have also had quite a bit of pain, not to mention, cancer.  I haven’t always felt safe in my body, especially after breast cancer.  I mean I was feeling great.  I wasn’t sick and then “boom” and I was now being operated on, chemoed and radiated!

During one of my visits to my Chiropractor our discussion turned to healing one's self. She spoke to me about how the beliefs we have concerning our health have a direct impact on our state of well being, or ill being.  She and her assistant have a practice they use to make life changes.  She explained that not only did she find a phrase or sentence to affirm the desired change, but they also took time to visualize it.  I left with a new found sense of power.  I had been struggling for years with this sense of anxiety about my health and especially with a sore hip and here I was being told, I could change that by thinking differently about it.  I've been practicing affirmations for years but truth to tell, I never thought about re-framing the ache in my hip. 

Then, I was led to re-read John Sarno's book: Healing Back Pain.  There it was again, the same message.  How you think about your body, your health, has a direct effect on its state.  At one point in the book, Dr. Sarno says that you either believe the theory or you embrace it simply because you're so desperate for relief.  I happen to fall into the first category. I know one must be careful believing we are fully responsible for everything that happens to us. It can lead to a blame the victim mentality. But, I choose to think I am responsible for almost everything that happens to me.  However, sometimes forces beyond our control overcome our best intentions. Believing that can be scary but it also takes away the blame.  I read where people who think of themselves as resilient have fewer health problems.  I wonder if they have fewer problems all together.  After talking to my chiropractor and re-evaluating how I visualized my body, I decided it was time to change my thinking and so, I came up with the above affirmation.  Oh, there's much more to it.  I tell myself I am strong, resilient, flexible, and powerful, any words that affirm this body in a positive light.  When I took the time to closely examine how I could feel about my body, I realized I was only focusing on the negative and had totally neglected the positive aspects; like the fact that most of my body does not hurt, or that I have produced the miracle of three healthy children.  My body is a miracle unto itself.  I understand so little of how it operates but it does; most of it is in good working order, miraculously. So, I am making a very conscious effort to value my body, to believe in its ability to heal itself, to be strong and healthy.  I believe it begins by loving it.

An article in USA Today talked about a study done to help women increase their sexual desire.  Apparently there are many many women who are interested in this because this study involved several hundred of them.  As in most studies there was a control group.  This group was told they were taking a "magic" elixir which would do all they would hope it would do.  It was however a placebo.  Can you guess what happened?  Most of these women had a definite increase in their level of desire.  This study took place over several months and their levels did not decrease.  I don't know if they were ever told it was a placebo and for all I know they are all still out there enjoying themselves without knowing it’s all in their minds.  And, that’s just the point. What else is just in our minds?  What else can we change to our benefit by simply believing it is true?  That's the purpose and secret of positive affirmations; say it as if it already is; believe it as if it's already true.  Fake it until you make it!  It's without a doubt a great way to live your life.  Sexy?  Well, if that's one of your intentions, go for it.  If hundreds of women can feel that way by simply taking a sugar pill, certainly it's available to those of us who decide to choose to believe it to be true.

The message is clear.  How you think has a direct impact on how you feel.  So, the next time someone asks me if I love my body I know I will say, “yes.”  I affirm:  "I have an awesome body.  I invite God's divine healing light into my mind, body and spirit; creating a state of total well being." 

Love and Grief

Affirmation: We are spiritual beings having a human experience.

What do you think happens after someone dies?  

It’s interesting that we here in America seem to act like death isn’t a reality.  I often get the impression that most American’s simply avoid the topic.  I wonder if most people believe that as long as they don’t think about it or talk about it, it won’t happen.  

My dad, Frank Grolimund, died when I was 34.  He was 62.  He died from a glioblastoma brain tumor.  At the time, I didn’t recognize how young we both were.  Now that my age has passed his by several years, I am fully aware of how young he was.  The diagnosis was a mystery to us and to him.  They did the surgery and then we had one meeting with his doctor who explained to us that my dad would be alright for a short while and then the tumor would return.  He didn’t explain what that meant but we knew it wasn’t a good thing.  He never told us, “He’s going to die.”  I’m not sure we would have heard him or believed him.  My dad was not in the room for this conference and no one came to offer us guidance about how to deal with all this.  He died about 18 months after the surgery.  His death had a profound effect on my life.  I don’t think I ever stopped thinking about death after he died.  He had such a zest for life.  It was remarkable!  He was my hero and I loved him dearly.  It’s been over 30 years and it still makes my heart ache that he’s no longer on this earth.  

My father-in-law also died of a glioblastoma brain tumor.  It was 20 years later but not much had changed except now we knew what it was and we knew what the doctor meant when he told us after the surgery that it would return.  I, for one, had no doubt about what the doctor was telling us.  My father-in-law, Joe Costa, fought a valiant battle with his wife, Yolanda next to him every step of the way.  He too died about 18 months after his diagnosis.  He too was a remarkable man very much loved by his family and many friends.

Yes, I have many other friends and relatives who have died but these two men were dearest to me.  My father’s death left me with a sense of urgency.  I fully recognized that I didn’t want to miss a thing.  I also don’t put many dreams on hold.  One of the questions in my monthly review is, “What did you want to do that you didn’t get to do?”  I must admit most months I don’t have an answer to the question.  Most months if I had something I wanted to do, I went and did it.  I know there may not be a next month.  That was the gift I was left with after my father’s death.  I was left with an awareness of how important life is today.  I’ve been gifted with the appreciation of the people I love and how fragile their existences are.  

Sometimes there are concentrated periods of time when death is more present than others.  There was one two week period in my life when I received notice of two friends dying, the mother of another friend & the sister-in-law of another.  During that time, I was also invited to sing for our church’s Resurrection Choir.  The funeral was for a 75 year old woman.  I kept it together until the dead woman’s daughter hugged her father and the deceased’s husband of 57 years.  57 years!  That’s a lifetime.  How does one go on?  How do widows and widowers do it?  How do parents who lose a child continue to live?  

I did my Masters in Social Work training at Hospice of Wake County.  I was one of the bereavement counselors.  I had been a patient care volunteer for years and was very excited to be accepted into their organization.  What I observed during my time with Hospice and have continued to see is that people heal from grief.  Some people heal more quickly than others but at some point people get back to living their lives. It’s actually one of the Five Stages of Grief, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying.  It’s the last stage, “acceptance.”  

In the Irish movie, A Shine of Rainbows a widower is left with the care of a young boy that his wife was in the process of adopting.  The young woman who dies loved color.  She herself had red hair and bright green eyes and she wore bright rainbow colored clothing and decorated her home with lots of bright colors.  One day the young boy comes home from school to a house denuded of all the woman’s things.  The husband has gathered them all together and is burning them.  The young boy runs to the fire and saves his “mom’s” favorite scarf.  They grieved in two very different ways.  One was trying to erase all his memories (which, of course, one cannot do) and the other was trying to hold onto all of them (which, of course, one cannot do).  Eventually, they find healing.  They find it by sharing the love they both have for their dead loved one.  They come full circle and you can see them entering the final stage of grief, healing is taking place.

That was the wonderful part of being a bereavement counselor,  I could see people heal.  It left me with such a sense of hope.  There are so many strong, brave, loving people who have suffered such loss and grief but who manage to continue to live full, rich lives.  It’s inspirational.  

For me, the greatest gift my faith has given me is a belief in the afterlife or perhaps a better phrase is the eternal-life.  I believe we are pure spirit and while our bodies die, our spirits live on.  In The Power of Positive Thinking, Norman Vincent Peale writes, “Another profoundly curative element in the prescription for heartache is to gain a sound and satisfying philosophy of life and death and deathlessness.  When I gained the unshakable belief that there is no death, that all life is indivisible, that the here and the hereafter are one, that time and eternity are inseparable, that this is one unobstructed universe, then I found the most satisfying and convincing philosophy of my entire life.”  I too believe as he does.  While the heartache of losing a loved one can be unbearable, the belief that they are not gone, but in a place I cannot yet be, brings me comfort and with that comfort, acceptance.  

Who Would You Die For?

Affirmation: I recognize and fully appreciate who and what are important to me in my life.

The story was about Greg Gadson, a lieutenant colonel with the Second Battalion and 32nd Field Artillery.   He was stationed in Bagdad when his vehicle hit a roadside bomb.  He remembers being placed on a stretcher with his severed feet in his lap.  The next time he was conscious both his legs had been amputated above the knees.  The picture in the paper showed a broad shouldered strong looking man with shorts on and two artificial legs.  The story went on to say that he had recently been given a role in the movie Battleship.  His inspirational journey to healing had brought him fame.  But, his journey wasn't just focused on himself; he had a message, a mission statement that he had developed through his challenge back to wholeness and he was sharing it with other service members.  His message is, "Whenever you have a formidable task, instead of looking up, look down.  Literally take it one step at a time.  You'll be overwhelmed by the broader view." I was inspired but I was also surprised by this statement.  It seemed to me that he would be very hesitant to look down.  The article went on to say that this amazing man didn't show one ounce of self pity.  Wow!

I've often wondered how I would respond, who I would be in times of great challenge.  I've always wanted to believe I'd be a heroine, that I would act honorably and bravely.  Certainly, I've had challenges in my life and mostly I've responded with courage and integrity but when I read stories about people like Greg Gadson, I do find myself wondering "what if that happened to me?" There are so many tales of amazing people who have made extraordinary efforts to help others at great cost to themselves, for some it has cost them their lives.  These people are not all past heroes, there are many with us today.  There is so much to be learned from them.

In my Small Christian Community we often discuss the great sacrifice made by Jesus Christ to lead us to a different, broader, more loving perception of God the Father.  Often, the question arises "Who would you die for?" And, I find myself thinking about all our soldiers who have given their lives for us, in most cases for total strangers.

My oldest daughter is an amazing mother.  She's exceptionally young looking.  She's always looked much younger than her years. (I like to think she got that quality from me!)  She was engaged when she was in her early 20's.  One day we went to the local department store to shop for a few wedding accessories.  The saleswoman was shocked when we told her we were there for my daughter's wedding.  She said to my daughter in an indignant tone, "How old are you?" I smiled because I knew she was going to be amazed by the answer, in fact I'm not sure she believed us.  The reason I'm sharing this story is because when my grand-daughter started school, the teacher took a very superior attitude towards my daughter.  She really thought she was a child raising a child but my daughter was older than she realized and much much wiser than she ever imagined.  When it comes to her children, my daughter is like a mother bear.  You do not want to mess with her and I'm really proud of her for that.  Not that she dismisses the concerns of the teachers but she carefully examines their reactions to her children and demands a nonpartisan, professional attitude from them, as she should.  I mention this because most mothers will do whatever it takes to protect their children.

I took a one night self defense class many years ago and was instructed to "bite the nose off" of my attacker.  All the women in the class moaned in disgust.  Then the instructor said "Make believe he's attacking your daughter." The entire atmosphere then changed.  There was not one woman there who wasn't ready to do whatever it took to make sure their child was safe.  I've never watched Sophie's Choice.  I know the premise of the story was she had to choose which of her children would live and who would die.  I can't even imagine such a situation and I don't want to watch someone have to make such a decision but many people are faced with impossible decisions many of which I hope I'm never faced with.

The question not only revolves around "who?" but "what?". "What would you die for?" "What do you hold so precious that you would give up your life?"  The young men and women who serve in our armed forces hold our way of life here in America so precious that they are willing to die for it.  I don't fully agree with all of the wars America has chosen to participate in.  I'm not sure how I would have responded to being drafted to fight in Vietnam.  It was one more decision I wasn't faced with.  But, we have lost so many young, very young, men and women to so many conflicts.  It's heartbreaking.

I was sitting in a waiting room at UNC hospital one day when a young man in uniform walked in.  I watched in awe and with a sense of shame as one of the other women who was also waiting, got up and went over to the soldier and simply said "thank you." Thank  you!  I found it to be such a powerful gesture.  I haven't let a soldier pass me by since then without stopping them and saying "thank you."

What is the message here?  All of us have something or someone we are willing to die for.  And, all of us have something or someone we are willing to lived for.  It's important to know, to take the time to recognize what's important to you.  It's nice to have the luxury of not being in a horrible situation before you find out what or who they are.  Think about it and maybe you'll be able to fully recognize and appreciate who and what are of the greatest importance in your life and be grateful while you still have the time to say "thank you."

Living An Unexpected Life

Affirmation: I let go of regret.

What did you dream your life would be like?  Do you still have dreams and expectations about how your life will be in the future?  It seems there's been so much written about "bucket lists," things people always wanted to do but never got around to and so they are making an extra effort to do it now before it's too late.  There's been a movie by that title and there's a country-western song about it too.  I certainly have a list.  Mostly it involves places I'd like to see before I die.  My husband bought me a book called, A Thousand Places to See Before You Die. I immediately started going through it to see where I had not been.  He was looking at it too but he was noting all the places we'd already been, two very different perspectives.

According to my Ennegram type, type 7, I am always looking for the next experience, the next adventure.  My "type" is not easily content.  I am always on the lookout for what I might have missed.  In some ways it makes life exciting but in other ways it can prevent me from relishing the present, always looking forward.  For me, dreaming and planning for the future lead me to feeling optimistic.  I like believing there will be a future to plan for.  But, I believe it's also important to let go of things we imagined might have been.

I once mentioned to a woman that as a young woman, I had dreamed of living and working in Manhattan.  She told me it was never too late to pursue a dream.  I believe that but I think sometimes it's better to let go of some dreams.  I expected to graduate from college and head off to NYC.  I never dreamed of being on Broadway, I wanted to be on Wall Street.  But, my life took me in another direction.  No, I made decisions which led me to suburbia and even further out into rural America.  I've lived in several states but I've never lived in "the city." Sometimes, I found myself fantasizing about the life I had dreamed about.  It was very different from the life I had.  Boy, was I good at imagining all the wonderful experiences and adventures I would have had.

I attended a retreat once with a woman who had six children.  She also had a sister who had become a cloistered nun.  She told us she was much younger than her sister and was very confused and saddened by her sister's choice.  She said she could only go visit her once a year and it was so quiet and seemed so lonely.  Then, she shared that after being married for twenty years and raising six children, she'd had many moments when she wished she'd joined the convent.  I know she was teasing us but there was also an element of truth in her statement.

The story in the cartoon UP, revolves around a married couple who had a dream about moving to an exotic country and living above the waterfalls.  Every year they saved for their travel and every year something came along that derailed their adventure.  When the wife dies, the man who is now quite elderly and very depressed decides it's finally time to give it a go.  He attaches hundreds of balloons to the top of his house and he floats away to find the waterfalls.  Once again, he's derailed but this time he has a new friend, a young boy who has hidden away in his house, who helps him see the world differently.  In looking over his wife's "dream journal" he realizes she had added pictures to the album that had nothing to do with their ultimate goal of moving to the exotic location, she's added pictures of their life together.  She's added pictures of the adventure they'd had, pictures of their life's journey.

There's a study that shows people age better when they can let go of regret.  Carol Klein addressed this issue in her book "Overcoming Regret." What happens when we hang onto regret is that we idealize a situation that may have turned out completely different from our imagination.  Once we realize that we don't have a clue how something would have turned out, perhaps if we could even imagine how horrible it might have been rather than some fantasy we've been clinging to, maybe then we can let go of that regret and fully appreciate the life we have.

The title of Queen Noor's book is, A Leap of Faith, Memories of an Unexpected Life. I wondered when I saw that title how many people have lived an expected life.  I took a small survey and asked several friends if they'd lived an "expected life." I only had one person say "yes." What is your answer? I can tell you right now, I never dreamed of the life I've lived and am now living.  Never, never did I imagine myself living in North Carolina surrounded by my family.  I never thought I'd travel to China or Ecuador or some of the other amazing places I've been.  My life has been a series of adventures and mysteries and it's been great!  Once I was able to let go of the "what might have been", like the man in UP, I was able to appreciate what has been.

Perhaps the secret is not let go of our dreams, even our "bucket lists" but to let go of expecting life to be exactly as we imagined and to embrace it as it is, to relish all we have experienced, all we have learned.  Perhaps the secret is to treasure whatever life has afforded us, the expected and the unexpected. 

Love is Your Only Job

There are many asanas (poses) in yoga that are designed to help one open their heart.  For example, any sort of back bend will put you in a position where your chest is raised towards the sky.  Even a slight back bend opens the heart as in Fish pose.  In the book Eat Pray Love, Liz Gilbert tells a story about a man she meets in the ashram in India who shares he's been seeking an open heart.  She asks him what motivated him to come to the ashram and he tells her he kept asking God to "open his heart." One day he had a heart attack and his heart was literally opened.  One need not have surgery to create a more open heart.  There are many more gentle ways to accomplish this worthwhile trait.

Many years ago when my children were younger I found myself struggling with one particular incident.  I felt very hurt by this episode and was sharing it with a good friend.  It really wasn't such a big deal looking back on it but at the time I was upset and I felt I was justified in my complaining.  So, there I was moaning about the situation.  She listened and then gave me some of the best advice I have ever had in my whole life.  She said, "Remember, Jean, your only job is to love."

As a journaler who has written three pages every morning for the last 20 years, I have many many journals boxed up.  Every time I begin a new journal I transfer a few things to the front paper pockets and the beginning pages.  I transfer my intentions for the year, my daily prayers, my list of people I am presently praying for and my positive affirmations.  I also write on the inside of the front cover, "Remember, Jean, your only job is to love." 

I believe that with all my heart.  It's the main message Jesus Christ came to give us.  When he was asked; Mt 22:36 “[Jesus], which is the great commandment in the law?” He said to them, '’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.” 

Why do some people seem to have a greater capacity to love than others?  Do you think it's because of their DNA or is it because of their upbringing?  Is it "nature" or "nurture"?  It's probably like most of our traits, it's a combination of both.  But, can we learn to love more, love greater?  Can we be people who can love no matter what?  You've heard the stories about people who forgive their worst enemies.  Can you learn to love an enemy?  Can one learn to separate the sinner from the sin?

I've been very lucky in my life.  I married a man who has a huge heart.  I believe he was genetically predisposed to being a loving, kind man and then, he had the additional advantage of having amazing parents who showed him by example exactly what unconditional love is, especially his mother. I have never heard my mother-in-law say anything, ever, that was derogatory about another human being, and especially about someone in her family.  My husband teases that if we had a bank robber in the family his mom would say, "He's the best bank robbed ever!"

On my travels through Ecuador, I was kissed in three weeks more times than I have been kissed in three years.  Almost everyone I met gave me a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.  One day we went to the soccer practice of my consuegra's (my daughter-in-law's mother) granddaughter.  Six of us sat in the bleachers watching her practice, her three grandparents, her aunt, my son and myself.  When the girls were finished practicing the entire team came up to the stands to greet us.  I watched these teenage girls start down the row kissing and greeting all the grandparents, then they kissed the aunt.  I thought they'd stop at that point and was amazed when they continued on to kiss my son and then me, two people they "didn't know from Adam."

I know it was a cultural response to greet us all in that manner but at thispoint in my travels I'd been greeted like this for several weeks.  Greeted and welcomed into people's homes, lives and in some cases into their hopes and dreams.  As far as I could see these people in this culture responded with more affection and respect than I normally experienced.  I had the honor of being hosted by my consuegra and I can share with you that the hugs and warm daily greetings and goodnights were freely shared with anyone who happens to be in her home.

When I first received the directive to love no matter what, I remember thinking, "I can do that." But, I must admit it is easier said than done.  There are many in my life that I find very easy to love and there are some I struggle to love.  Some days I feel like my heart is closed and hard.  When I am aware of that state, I engage my breath to help me open up.  I take several deep breaths and visualize my heart expanding in my chest, like a red balloon.  I've also done many other "open heart" mediations.  These mediations usually involve inviting loving thoughts and feelings into one's heart.  First, you invite those who you find easy to love, then you invite someone you may be struggling with and finally, you invite yourself.  You take the time to allow each person to rest within the warmth of your bosom and then you release them and yourself out into the universe, full of light and warmth and wonderful energy, a release that blesses you, them and the world.

I believe we can learn to love more fully, more deeply, unconditionally.  But, I think there's a secret.  I don't think we need to be born into a family of warm blooded Latinos or Italians.  It's nice if we're born into a loving, affectionate family.  It probably makes it easier but the secret is to learn to accept love, to believe you are worthy of love, to believe that you are truly loved, loved for who you are because you are and not for any other reason.  We need to believe we are loved, loved first and foremost by God.  We need to know without a doubt that we are amazing wonderful beings who deserve to be loved.  Once we can fully embrace that concept, we can open our heart to receive and then to give that which we have received.  If we don't accept it, we can't, it is impossible, to give it out.  It's like filling up the car with gas.  If you don't open the gas cap and let the gas flow in, you won't be able to go anywhere.  You'll be stuck in one place, empty and dried out.

What if you approached everyone in life with the thought, "Remember, (your name), your only job is to love."? What kind of an effect would that have on your relationships, on you, on your life?  What kind of an effect would that have on our world?