This affirmation was created during a visit to our mountain
retreat place. It’s a small two bedroom
condo in the North Carolina mountains, in a community called Hound Ears. It’s called that because the two mountains it
lies between look like doggie ears, or so I am told. The condo looks out over the hills, a few
ponds and a pristine golf course. I
journal in the morning sitting on the porch.
Many mornings I watch the mist rising from the hills as the sun begins
its ascent. One morning there was a
heron flying through the mist. I put up
a couple of potted plants containing Petunias so that there is food for the
humming bird who visits. We have one
dear friend who calls it Shangri-La.
Shangri-La being a fictional place described in the 1933 novel Lost
Horizon by British author James Hilton. Hilton
describes Shangri-La as a mystical, harmonious valley. Shangri-La has become
synonymous with any earthly paradise but particularly a mythical Himalayan utopia — a permanently happy land,
isolated from the outside world. In the novel Lost Horizon, the people
who live at Shangri-La are almost immortal, living years beyond the normal
lifespan and only very slowly aging in appearance. (www.wikipedia.org) Hound Ears is our Shangri-La and if you saw
the number of healthy, hearty octogenarians and nonagenarians who reside here,
you might think so too.
When I am in Hound Ears, I never want to leave but unlike many of
the residents who are retired and can come for six months, we are lucky if we
get to stay for a few weeks. Most years
we have a lot of family and friends come visit and we enjoy many moments of
sharing time and making memories. Then,
towards the end of our vacation we have some quiet time. It’s a nice balance and gives me time to
reflect, write and pray. As the time to leave gets closer and closer, I have to
use all my tools to help me to not go home “early.” I have to do all in my power to stay in the
moment and to relish the present so that I don’t leave this healing place
before the actual time. Truly, it is a
mediation, a moment to moment meditation.
As soon as I let go, my thoughts jump to home. Home, some years, can mean I am returning to
what are for me, some challenging situations.
I’ve been guilty of having many imaginary conversations with many
people. Why do I say guilty? Well, I am usually thinking about what I can
say, or what I would say or what I should have said or how about, what I could
have said! What words would have been
more effective. Will I have the right
words? Are there any words? Do I have the power to help someone else “see
the light” or the power to make someone else go from being sad and anxious to
happy and calm? Can I say anything to
improve and lighten another person’s load?
Have you ever been here? Have you
ever had a continuous, one way conversation over and over? The essence of suffering is wanting things to
be different than they are and that’s what I’m doing. I am creating my own suffering because I want to change the way another is
perceiving something. Certainly, there are
communication tools that can sometimes achieve this desired result but it can’t
happen if I only have the conversation in my mind. Writing, journaling helps me but this kind of
self-talk usually leads me to a very unsettled feeling. How can it not? There is no resolution. It never really ends. It’s like a recording
on repeat. But, it serves no purpose,
does it? It takes one away from the
moment. It takes me into my imagination
and unless I choose to paint it, sculpt it or as now, write about it, it has no
closure.
According to the Myers-Briggs personality test all of us fall
either into the “introvert” or “extrovert” category. There is a range in each section so one’s
score can be high or low on the scale.
What the authors of this test are referring to when they use the words
introvert and extrovert are not how you relate to people but more, how you get
your energy. An extreme introvert might
need to be alone most of the time while an extreme extrovert might need to be
out with people all the time. The
category also refers to how one may communicate. One type of personality says exactly what
they’re thinking when they’re thinking it.
The other personality type ruminates on what they want to say, sometimes
over and over depending on the degree of introversion before they say
anything. Just ask yourself if you have
to “practice” what you want to say before you make a phone call, especially a
call involving something that requires a resolution. Your answer will give you some indication of
whether you’re an “E” or an “I.” I am a weak
“I.” I practice and depending on the
situation, I can find myself practicing way too much.
Mind you, I’m not practicing for the best. I am usually practicing for what I think will
be an uncomfortable conversation. One of
my other affirmations is “The best is yet to come.” but when I’m facing some
potential confrontation, it’s really hard for me to call that one into
existence.
When I began creating the affirmation about “imaginary
conversations”, I found myself using the phrase “obsessive thoughts.” I release myself from “obsessive
thoughts.” But, the longer I worked on
it, the more I realized it was more than that, it was the whole motion picture
I was developing or perhaps even a mini-series.
Wow, I was really good at writing this story. I found that what I really wanted to
accomplish was to stop writing fiction, at least with regard to the issues I
was facing when I would return home. I
began writing, “I release myself from imaginary conversations and fully trust
in God’s loving care.” I know I am much
better off letting God write the story.
After several days of writing the affirmation in my morning
pages, I began to feel my body relax.
All the tension would seep away.
What else did my new thought call to me?
Mornings of journaling as I watch the mist rise from the hills, joy from
the presence of the hummingbird as it flit around my planters and an invitation
to share my yoga practice with a friend who’s looking for some calming
tools. As I prepared for the session, I
renewed several of my own peace giving practices; daily breathing rituals,
guided mediations, gratitude and release sun salutations and regular deep
breaths.
My new affirmation brought peace, contentment and a sated
feeling. This is a perfect moment. I am blessed and resting in God’s loving
care. As the pastor at St. Bernadette’s
in Linville, NC said in his homily, “People, we have it all. We want for nothing.” That’s it.
I want for nothing, that is my meditation, at least for this moment and
truly, isn’t that all we have?
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